Denial II, Chapter 16: With Only the Stars to Keep Me Company
Title: Denial II, Ch. 16: With Only the Stars to Keep Me Company
Author: robinfanatic
Characters/Pairings: Much, Brooks
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama, Angst
Words: 1205
Disclaimer: BBC & TA own; we just want to play in their universe
Notes: Beta'd by teamlavender. Takes place after AU 2x13 but prior to 3x01
Introduction and chapter links for Denial II are here...
Summary: Much, the crow's nest, and a million stars in the sky... There's something missing from this picture, which Brooks attempts to get across to his friend.
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Chapter 16: With Only the Stars to Keep Me Company
Back to England. Home. No longer a squire. Much had been knighted by the king. He should have been on top of the world. But the only thing he was on top of was the crow’s nest. And he was alone.
That wasn’t going to last. He could hear a familiar voice humming but didn’t bother to look over the side. His eyes stayed rooted on the trail of moonlight that lit a path across the sea.
"Ahoy there, mate."
"Charles," Much said as the yeoman's face appeared. "I don't remember asking for company."
"Funny," he chuckled. "That's the same thing Carter said the other night. But I heard there was a really sad, confused knight standing duty. C'mon, gorgeous. You gonna invite me in?"
"I am not confused but I would like to be alone." Much folded his arms across his chest and looked past his friend.
"No chance, blondie." Brooks climbed over the side and into the crow's nest. He brushed his hands together, then turned to lean on the railing, following Much's gaze out over the water. "Let's see. Two days and I see you still haven't come to your senses."
"Me?"
"So you slept with Robin." Charles shrugged, pushing back a bit from the rail so he could see Much's face. "Where does it say you can't admit that was a mistake? Even I've made a few in my time. Not many, mind you...though there was that one time in Messina--"
"Why don't you go cheer someone else up?" Much grumbled.
"I already worked Carter over."
Much's eyes grew wide. "You did what?"
"We talked, Much. Well, I talked," Brooks said. "Carter isn't talking. He's like you. Pouting, all melancholy. Why don't you tell me--"
"Robin needs me," Much insisted.
"Let's think about this. It's one thing being Robin's friend. You and Carter just need to talk through this. He knows you feel bad for Robin and you want to be there for him. I think he under--"
"Carter kicked me out, Charles. You heard what he said," Much snapped, anger tinging the sadness in his voice. He grew quiet for a moment. If there was a way to count heartache, Much’s would equal the stars in the nighttime sky. "He won't even look at me," he whispered painfully. "He doesn't understand, doesn't care. He even admitted that I should be with Robin."
"I heard it. Don't believe a word of it, if you want my opinion."
"You'd give it to me whether I wanted it or not," Much said.
"As for Carter avoiding you, well, that's pretty damn hard to do on a vessel this size. We've got weeks more travel before we hit Marseilles. And believe me, he's watching you all right. Caught him down on the deck just a bit ago staring up here at the crow's nest. Every time he's anywhere near you, he can't take his eyes off you. No one else may see it, but I do and I know you. Don't tell me you don't see those subtle looks, too. I know he hasn't stopped thinking about you. Much, I have never seen two men more devoted to each other than you and Carter. Why don't you talk to him?"
Much glanced sidelong at his friend. He wanted to walk away but that was a bit difficult in the confines of the crow's nest even if he wasn't on watch. "He won't talk to me. And I'm not sure there's anything to talk about."
"Damn, you're as stubborn as he is. You slept with Robin out of some old sense of loyalty, my friend. He doesn't love you, not the way Carter does. And can you tell me that you love Robin?"
"Of course I love Robin."
"Is it the same kind of love you feel for Carter?"
Much bristled. "I don't feel anything for him. And he made it clear that he's done with me."
"That's a lie. And you're lying to yourself, too."
"Just go away."
Charles stared at Much for a few moments. "Are you happy?" he finally asked. "'Cos you sure don't seem happy. Happy was the brilliance in your blue eyes when Carter walked into a room. Happy was when his fingers twined through yours, when his arms slid around you and he nuzzled your neck. Happy was when he fell asleep cradled against your chest--"
"Just jigger off!" A sob caught in Much's throat. "I'm...I'm...fine."
"Is Robin happy?"
"I made Robin feel better. He's lost everything, Charles. His land, his title...Marian...the woman he loved."
"Exactly. The woman he loved." Charles slipped his arm around Much's shoulder. "He doesn't love you, Much. You're letting him use you. And you can't make him happy. He has to work that out on his own."
"Robin needs me, Charles," Much repeated, his voice shaking slightly.
"Needs is different from loves. And he won't ever love you the way Carter does. You know that. You can feel it in your heart." Charles pressed a palm to Much's chest. "And if ever there were two people truly in love, that was you and Carter."
"That's over."
"Waittaminute now." Charles grabbed Much's hand and pointed to the ring on his finger. "Don't you think I didn't notice that Carter is wearing one of these, too? So how does that go? For now and for always...sickness and health...in good times and bad. Remember those words? Guess they don't mean anything to you. Like this band you're still wearing. What's the engraving say?"
Much wrenched his hand from Charles'. He could not admit that as long as he wore the ring he would remember what it felt like to be loved. He stared at the inscription etched in fancy Arabic script, then spoke the words from memory. "روح واحدة واثنين من قلوب ، وبصرف النظر أحيانا ولكن لم تنقطع أبدا."
"Two hearts, one soul, sometimes apart but never broken," Charles translated. "Just words I guess. So why aren't you with Robin now?" he asked.
"I'm on duty."
"What's the real reason?"
Much squirmed, closing his eyes to fend off tears. "Robin... I... Robin wanted to be alone."
"So he takes you to his bed, then kicks you out when he's done. That's great, Much. You are too good a person to let him treat you like that."
"That's not how it is."
"And where did you end up?"
"What do you mean? I'm right here."
"Right. In the crow's nest." Charles waved his hand toward the heavens. "Under all these diamonds with memories of being in Carter's arms."
"Please..." Much implored, desperately wishing that Charles would stop dredging up things that made his heart ache. Damn him for being right.
A tear slid down Much's cheek as the salty sea air carried words echoed from a lifetime ago.
"I love you, Much, a million times over."
"A million? That sounds like a lot."
"More than all the stars in the sky."
Charles pressed his lips against Much's temple and whispered emphatically, "You belong with Carter."
"That cannot be... Not anymore," Much said quietly. "I'll have to be content with only the stars to keep me company."
Charles turned Much in his arms and found himself in a familiar embrace, his shoulder damp with tears again. "Well, I'm here now and not going anywhere, blue eyes, as long as you share those stars with me."
Guy & Vaizey have their own versions of stormy seas...chapter 17 this way...