Denial II, Chapter 19: A Dream Lost Forever
Title: Denial II, Chapter 19: A Dream Lost Forever
Author: jagnikjen
Characters/Pairings: Robin, Much, Robin/Marian
Rating: NC-17, barely
Genre: Drama
Words: 1258
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: BBC & TA own; we just want to play in their universe
Notes: Beta'd by robinfanatic
To catch up: go here.
Summary: Robin's dreams of Marian are interrupted and cold hard reality returns.
>>-------------------->
Chapter 19: A Dream Lost Forever
Robin cupped Marian's cheek and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. They were finally together, beginning their life as man and wife.
"Perhaps, we ought to make an appearance?" Marian suggested, snuggling into Robin's side.
They'd been on the ship for a week now and had remained in their cabin except for brief forays onto the deck under the cover of darkness to enjoy the night sky and the stars. And to sneak into the kitchens for a bite to eat. The cook, on orders of the captain, always left them a tray. Other than that, they spent the days abed. Robin shrugged. "Why? I am perfectly happy here with you."
"But what will everyone think?" She blushed prettily.
He rolled them both over so that she was beneath him. He pressed kisses to her eyes, nose and mouth and said, "They'll think that we're...well, that we're doing what we're doing. What's wrong with that? We're newlyweds after all. And we've waited so long to be together. No one will blame us."
"I know, but--"
"But nothing. Now where were we...?" He kissed her again, passionately this time, and she responded with eagerness.
Robin trailed kisses down her neck and across her shoulder.
Her hands tangled in his hair and sighs of pleasure filled the small space between them as he lavished attention to each breast in turn and quickly had her writhing with desire beneath him.
"Robin, please..." she said raggedly.
"I am coming, my love..." Robin said and situated himself between her legs.
"Robin...Robin..."
"Marian...."
"Robin. Robin--wake up."
Robin's eyes snapped open. He struggled to focus on the face looking down at him. The voice...it was not Marian's. He blinked to clear his gaze.
Much? What was Much doing in his dream?
Much leaned over him. "Robin, you were having a nightmare--you were calling out Marian's name over and over."
Images flashed through Robin's mind. Dammit. He shot to his elbows and yelled, "I was makin' love to my wife, Much. Now get the hell out of here and leave me alone." All he had left were his dreams and he couldn't even enjoy those.
Much's eyes and mouth rounded. Hurt and embarrassment painted his face. "I-I-I don't know what to say..."
"Don't say anything. Just go away."
Much snapped his mouth shut and practically leapt through the door, closing it sharply behind him.
Robin dropped back to his bunk and sighed. Closing his eyes, he pinched his nose between his eyes to stay the tears that threatened. His head pounded and he felt as if someone held his heart in their hand and was squeezing. He jumped from his bunk. He had to get out of here. He suddenly felt as if the walls were closing in on him...as if he were suffocating.
The ship rose and fell a bit more than usual and he headed for the deck. Robin drew in deep draughts of the briny air. As the minutes passed, his chest loosened and he was finally able to breathe more easily. Clouds scudded across the sky, a crisp wind blowing his hair more than usual. The waves looked a bit choppy. There must be a storm brewing out there somewhere.
Much like the storm brewing in his heart. His desire for revenge was just as strong as ever. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Marian again. In a heap on the sand, blood staining her gown. Limp and lifeless across Gisborne's horse. Still and pale in the chapel. He'd startle awake, his heart pounding and sweat pouring from him. His stomach churned just thinking about it, his heart felt like it was being held, crushed, crumpled. And only if he killed Vaizey could he finally be free of the pain that held him captive.
The moon was a sliver and played hide and seek with the multiplying clouds, leaving the ship's deck mostly in darkness. Robin heard footsteps and backed into a small alcove. He didn't want to talk to anyone. Especially Much.
A moment later, Carter appeared. He wandered to the rail and leaned against it looking out over the rough water, his shoulders slumped.
Apparently Carter had not been happy about what had transpired between Much and Robin. Robin wasn't particularly happy about it either, if truth be told. Much had caught him with his defenses down. Robin had been helpless against the overwhelming physical sensations and Much's familiar feel and smell. Robin had felt nothing but pain and numbness and anger for weeks, he'd just wanted a respite. Now he had a roommate and care giver, neither of which he wanted or needed.
Robin loved Much. He did. Like a brother. But like any siblings, you grew up and moved on and found new relationships. Like Much had found Carter. It rankled, but not as it had even just a day or two ago. And not because he wanted to use Much or because he couldn't bear to give Much up or give him his freedom.
Robin sighed.
It was because he knew Much deserved everything he'd gotten and more. And Robin was not the one who'd given it, although he should have been. That's what ate him the most. That he hadn't been the one to give Much the world and he should have. And not so that Much would be beholden to him. But because Robin owed it to Much. For every meal, every mended tunic, every tended-to wound, every step to the Holy Land and back, every...everything. Every day of his friendship and love.
As distressing as it was to see in contrast to what he'd lost, Much and Carter deserved each other and the happiness they'd found together. Everything Carter had ever accused Robin of had been correct and he hated himself for it. He thought of the night, just a couple of weeks ago, that he'd seen and heard Much and Carter in the crow's nest. It had been painful to say the least, when his own heart ached so much for Marian.
It had been a week since the night he and Much had...had...since they'd found something in each others arms. Robin hadn't quite determined what Much might have gotten out of it beside the physical release and a broken relationship. But it had been wrong. Robin knew that and he wasn't going to let it happen again. He wasn't quite sure how to tell Much, especially since Carter had thrown him out. So he'd ignored him as best he could, although Much just didn't quite get it.
As for Much...Much hovered and prattled and was generally a pain in the ass. More so since Carter kicked him out. Robin was going stark raving mad with all of Much's attention. He could barely stand it any longer. Much just assumed Robin was still wrapped up in his grief for Marian, and so he was but not so much that he didn't know what was going on around him. He just didn't want to kick his friend while he was down. And each night as he prowled around the ship, Robin would glimpse Carter looking so morose and beaten down. If Robin hadn't been feeling exactly the same way, he might have made fun. As it was, he felt the other man's pain all too keenly.
But he didn't have time to dwell on it. He had his own business to worry about. His plan of revenge to plot. Nothing and no one was going to stop him.
To be continued...
Author: jagnikjen
Characters/Pairings: Robin, Much, Robin/Marian
Rating: NC-17, barely
Genre: Drama
Words: 1258
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: BBC & TA own; we just want to play in their universe
Notes: Beta'd by robinfanatic
To catch up: go here.
Summary: Robin's dreams of Marian are interrupted and cold hard reality returns.
>>-------------------->
Chapter 19: A Dream Lost Forever
Robin cupped Marian's cheek and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. They were finally together, beginning their life as man and wife.
"Perhaps, we ought to make an appearance?" Marian suggested, snuggling into Robin's side.
They'd been on the ship for a week now and had remained in their cabin except for brief forays onto the deck under the cover of darkness to enjoy the night sky and the stars. And to sneak into the kitchens for a bite to eat. The cook, on orders of the captain, always left them a tray. Other than that, they spent the days abed. Robin shrugged. "Why? I am perfectly happy here with you."
"But what will everyone think?" She blushed prettily.
He rolled them both over so that she was beneath him. He pressed kisses to her eyes, nose and mouth and said, "They'll think that we're...well, that we're doing what we're doing. What's wrong with that? We're newlyweds after all. And we've waited so long to be together. No one will blame us."
"I know, but--"
"But nothing. Now where were we...?" He kissed her again, passionately this time, and she responded with eagerness.
Robin trailed kisses down her neck and across her shoulder.
Her hands tangled in his hair and sighs of pleasure filled the small space between them as he lavished attention to each breast in turn and quickly had her writhing with desire beneath him.
"Robin, please..." she said raggedly.
"I am coming, my love..." Robin said and situated himself between her legs.
"Robin...Robin..."
"Marian...."
"Robin. Robin--wake up."
Robin's eyes snapped open. He struggled to focus on the face looking down at him. The voice...it was not Marian's. He blinked to clear his gaze.
Much? What was Much doing in his dream?
Much leaned over him. "Robin, you were having a nightmare--you were calling out Marian's name over and over."
Images flashed through Robin's mind. Dammit. He shot to his elbows and yelled, "I was makin' love to my wife, Much. Now get the hell out of here and leave me alone." All he had left were his dreams and he couldn't even enjoy those.
Much's eyes and mouth rounded. Hurt and embarrassment painted his face. "I-I-I don't know what to say..."
"Don't say anything. Just go away."
Much snapped his mouth shut and practically leapt through the door, closing it sharply behind him.
Robin dropped back to his bunk and sighed. Closing his eyes, he pinched his nose between his eyes to stay the tears that threatened. His head pounded and he felt as if someone held his heart in their hand and was squeezing. He jumped from his bunk. He had to get out of here. He suddenly felt as if the walls were closing in on him...as if he were suffocating.
The ship rose and fell a bit more than usual and he headed for the deck. Robin drew in deep draughts of the briny air. As the minutes passed, his chest loosened and he was finally able to breathe more easily. Clouds scudded across the sky, a crisp wind blowing his hair more than usual. The waves looked a bit choppy. There must be a storm brewing out there somewhere.
Much like the storm brewing in his heart. His desire for revenge was just as strong as ever. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Marian again. In a heap on the sand, blood staining her gown. Limp and lifeless across Gisborne's horse. Still and pale in the chapel. He'd startle awake, his heart pounding and sweat pouring from him. His stomach churned just thinking about it, his heart felt like it was being held, crushed, crumpled. And only if he killed Vaizey could he finally be free of the pain that held him captive.
The moon was a sliver and played hide and seek with the multiplying clouds, leaving the ship's deck mostly in darkness. Robin heard footsteps and backed into a small alcove. He didn't want to talk to anyone. Especially Much.
A moment later, Carter appeared. He wandered to the rail and leaned against it looking out over the rough water, his shoulders slumped.
Apparently Carter had not been happy about what had transpired between Much and Robin. Robin wasn't particularly happy about it either, if truth be told. Much had caught him with his defenses down. Robin had been helpless against the overwhelming physical sensations and Much's familiar feel and smell. Robin had felt nothing but pain and numbness and anger for weeks, he'd just wanted a respite. Now he had a roommate and care giver, neither of which he wanted or needed.
Robin loved Much. He did. Like a brother. But like any siblings, you grew up and moved on and found new relationships. Like Much had found Carter. It rankled, but not as it had even just a day or two ago. And not because he wanted to use Much or because he couldn't bear to give Much up or give him his freedom.
Robin sighed.
It was because he knew Much deserved everything he'd gotten and more. And Robin was not the one who'd given it, although he should have been. That's what ate him the most. That he hadn't been the one to give Much the world and he should have. And not so that Much would be beholden to him. But because Robin owed it to Much. For every meal, every mended tunic, every tended-to wound, every step to the Holy Land and back, every...everything. Every day of his friendship and love.
As distressing as it was to see in contrast to what he'd lost, Much and Carter deserved each other and the happiness they'd found together. Everything Carter had ever accused Robin of had been correct and he hated himself for it. He thought of the night, just a couple of weeks ago, that he'd seen and heard Much and Carter in the crow's nest. It had been painful to say the least, when his own heart ached so much for Marian.
It had been a week since the night he and Much had...had...since they'd found something in each others arms. Robin hadn't quite determined what Much might have gotten out of it beside the physical release and a broken relationship. But it had been wrong. Robin knew that and he wasn't going to let it happen again. He wasn't quite sure how to tell Much, especially since Carter had thrown him out. So he'd ignored him as best he could, although Much just didn't quite get it.
As for Much...Much hovered and prattled and was generally a pain in the ass. More so since Carter kicked him out. Robin was going stark raving mad with all of Much's attention. He could barely stand it any longer. Much just assumed Robin was still wrapped up in his grief for Marian, and so he was but not so much that he didn't know what was going on around him. He just didn't want to kick his friend while he was down. And each night as he prowled around the ship, Robin would glimpse Carter looking so morose and beaten down. If Robin hadn't been feeling exactly the same way, he might have made fun. As it was, he felt the other man's pain all too keenly.
But he didn't have time to dwell on it. He had his own business to worry about. His plan of revenge to plot. Nothing and no one was going to stop him.
To be continued...