Russian House meeting minutes

[yelya]

From: Alex Shterenberg
Message-Id: <199802060544.AAA12646@SHIZA.MIT.EDU>
To: izba@MIT.EDU
Subject: Minutes and Seconds...No, on second thought, just minutes--no one wants
seconds.
Date: Fri, 06 Feb 1998 00:44:43 EST

Ludi, Hai,
9:37 (+-37min) Meeting called to order by Sergusha.
9:37 (+-38 min) Meeting loses all semblance of order.
10:00 Sergusha is still calling the meeting. He realizes that if this
meeting does not get underway he might have to remain President for another
semester. Not being the selfish type, Sergusha does not wish to deprive anyone
of this wonderful experience.
10:01 Sergusha: Landi left.
10:01-10:20 Silence, a couple of stifled yawns
10:21 Sergusha (waking up): How are we ever going to fill the
emotional void?
10:21 More stifled yawns drowned out by the arrival of Ager and Irog
(note from the VPs: Lisdexics untie!!)
10:22 Igor: Am I the president already?
10:23 Sveta (about the emotional void): Talk to them and maybe they
won't replace Landi for six months.
10:23 Mark: Who's Landi?
10:24 Johann: She's the resident who never lived here.
10:24 Racha: Hey wait, that's me!!
10:24-10:34: Random converrsation about the various options we have
to replace Landi.
E.g.)
while (!buuuuueeuueuueuu) {
Sergusha: Do you guys know anyone who would like to move in?
People: --Silence--
Katya: If they have any kind of brain they wouldn't move in.
Sergusha: Do you guys know anyone who would like to move in?
People: --Silence--
...
} /*for 10 minutes*/

10:35 Sergusha gets up and slams the TV shut.
10:35:30 Everyone misses Nanci Kerrigan falling on her ass.
10:35:35 Everyone: Whaaaa!!! (whisper) Sasha open the TV, please.
10:35:36 Meeting moves into it's second phase, catatonic
boredo...um...tutor selection.
10:36 Sergusha: Broya, 'Fess up about the tutor selection process!
10:37 Boris: Ia vam nichego ne skazhu (literal trans. 'Your mother
looks good felching squirrels.')
10:37.5 Boris: I ain't telling you nuttin' about the six candidates.
10:37.6 Sergusha: Tell us, or I'll make Areg sing!!
10:37:37 Boris: No, not THAT, anything but that!! All right, I'll
talk, I'll talk!!
10:38 Boris (regaining his composure): The six candidates are: Mat'
[Julia Khodor], Vadim [PSman], a grad student at Sloan [Natalia Levina], some
chemist[Boris Itin], this American couple (the Rohrers), and some other shmuck
whose name I can't remember [Georgi Levashov].
10:38 Yelya: Levinye Tsarstvo!!! (literal trans. 'Your mother looks
good felching squirrels.')
10:38 Marinaz: The couple has a baby.
10:38 Areg: The place will be full of shit!!
10:38.5 All: HA HA HA HA!!!... I think I just coughed u
p
a lung.
Tutor selection is completed
(Note from the only Sober VP: Disregard the last line)
(Note from the only VP: Disregards the laasast llinee(

10:39 Sergusha: Who still doesn't know about their schedule.
10:39 Sveta, Ricky, Igor, and Areg raise their hand.
10:30 Sergusha: Who does not know their full address.
10:31 (After much head scratching) Areg still holding his hand up.
10:31 Sergusha: D-O Y-O-U K-N-O-W W-H-A-T Y-O-U-R N-A-M-E I-S???
10:32 Areg (Nods his head affirmative, whispers): It's a secret.
10:33 Sergusha: Screw this, I'll let my replacement handle this next
week.
10:34-10:34 Much argument about what day it should be held.
10:34.5 Shura: I'm not going to be the Zak.
10:34.6 Shura folds his arms.
10:34.7 Shura: I'll need at least 5 days to compile a shopping list.
10:35 Sveta: OK, OK. Tuesday.
======> 10:35 Meeting scheduled for Tuesday 9pm.

10:36 Sergusha: We need to clean the kitchen.
10:36.5 People: Why???
10:37 Voice from kitchen: FEED ME!!

10:38 Racha: We need to have a party!!!
10:38 Shura: We're having a party right now!!!
10:39 Racha: How about next Friday??
10:30 Sergusha: Let's have a vote.
10:31 vote is 7 for; 12 against. 12 people don't bother to raise their
hands.
10:31 vote is over. Party is decided to be had on Friday, the 13th.
10:33 Johann raises his hand.

-Intermission-
-Intermission over-

10:34 Katya: We have a lot of cash!
10:35 Sergusha: Let's spend it.
10:36 House votes to spend money on cheap booze and women. Reminder:
Party is next Friday.

Now for the biggie. We're gonna be serious about this (NOT!!)

Election time 10:37.
Sergusha: Who wants to replace me?
Dani: Just think how this is gonna look on your resume!!
Mark: Yah, for when I go looking for work at McDonalds?
Racha: Let's have a Czar position.
Sergusha: Nobody gives a damn.
Yelya: Borisochka does!
Borya: AHHHHH!!
Dani: Let's get him a nice intern.
Mark: Landi for President.
Dani: When I was a freshman we had to fight to see who would be
President.
Mark: Dani, you were President?
Dani: No, I was too weak.
Alsh: Now we fight too, except it's too see who won't be President.
Sergusha: Ricky do you want to be the President.
Yelya: Borisochka wants to be...
Ricky: Uhh...
Borya: AHHHHHH!!!
======> Everybody: Ricky's President.
Other elected officials:
VP: Mark
Social Chair: Racha

Areg: I wanna be the Social Chair. ME!!! ME!!!
Racha: No, you don't deserve to be the social chair.
Everybody: Mark do you want be social chair?
Mark: But I'm not very social...
Igor: Are you a good chair?
Mark gets on all fours
======> Everybody: Mark is the other social chair.
Other elected official (after much pain and suffering)
RUSH chairs: Yelya and Marina
Mark: Shit, we need to attract more girls, not guys.
Sasha: You were the chair last year and we got three guys!?!
Mark: I had a lot of help from Sergusha!
Housing Chair: Sveta
Somebody I: What does the housing chair do?
Somebody II: He does the tutors.
Somebody III: No, Borya does the tutors.
Yelya: I would like to see that.
Mark: You'd have to pay.
Racha: We can sell it!
Everybody: Yay!! Rusporn!! Rusporn!!

10:37 El Ex-Presidente: Meeting Adjourned.
10:38 Landi shows up carrying her bags
10:38 Landi: Guys I love you, I decided to move back...

-The Ghosts of VP, Past and Future (Mark and Sasha)

P.S. The characters and events portrayed in these minutes are purely fictional.
Any resemblance to real people and events is purely coincidental. Except for
Areg.