(no subject)
Gloria, thank you for introducing me to the Overheard in NY site. These are hilarious!
Black guy: It is the last day of Black History Month and nobody sent me a card?
White guy: Well then, happy Black History Month.
Black guy: Yeah sure, whatever!
White guy: No, seriously, thank you! Thank you for Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Richard Pryor...
Black guy: Well I guess tomorrow I have to back to sitting in the back of the bus!
White guy: No! What are you talking about? We don't pick on blacks anymore! That's what gays are for!
Black guy: Ohhh!
Crazy crackhead to himself: Bitch! They stole my fucking money! You know they did this one! You just fucking fall asleep and they just jacked me. Fucking cunts. [Undressing] I mean, fucking seriously! I just paid them and I just pass out and they just fucking steal my money. Those fucking asshole cunts. Where the fuck is my stash?!
McDonald's manager: Sir, please put your pants on. There are children around.
Son: Is rain alien acid or regular acid?
Mom: Regular acid.
Black woman: Oh, look at this, 'The Collected Stories of Truman Capote.' Wow, he really looks like who played him!
Black man: Let me see that. What? You think that looks like me?
Black woman: No, no, he looks like what's-his-name, you know, the guy who played him in the movie.
Black man: Oh! Shit, I thought you said 'he looks like you, playa.'
Black woman: Are you crazy?
Black man: He does dress like a nigga, though.
Yuppie chick holding hands with yuppie boyfriend: Penis, penis, penis, penis.
Crazy: So I had to get fillings in all of my teeth.
Passenger: Uh huh.
Crazy: But I figured, why let them do that to me after they drilled holes in my brain, ya know?
Passenger: Sure.
Crazy: But I figured, might as well! Although if they were going to fill my teeth, I'd want them to use jelly.
Passenger: Yep.
Crazy: But the guy at the counter said they were out of jelly. So I got a blueberry muffin.
(This one was my favorite. I love crazy people.)
Tourist guy #1: What's going on?
Tourist guy #2: Apparently someone is a motherfucker.
Guy: But I should get extra consideration since you named [Melanie] and [Alexandra].
Preggers: I did not name them. What the hell are you talking about? We named them together.
Guy: No we didn't. You came up with names and I agreed with you. You named them. It's my turn.
Preggers: Leave it to the white man to rewrite history.
Father: What is your favorite color?
Son, sitting in cart: Um...Pink!
Father: No! It's black or maybe blue.
Kid #1: Yo, I'm going to hit that raw.
Kid #2: Do you have sperm yet?
Kid #1: Nah, but I'll still hit it raw.
Suit on cell: If he doesn't get me the fucking money, I'll kill that bitch!
Hobo: How about you give me some money, and I'll kill that bitch?
Old woman: Ann-Margret is a tramp.
Old man: How can you say that? Ann-Margret is a dish!
Old woman: A petri dish, maybe.
Black teen #1, after horror movie preview: Oh, snap, yo!
Black teen #2: Stop being black at the movies!
Black teen #1, in a high voice: Oh, that was totally cool!
Small child, trying a Sprite: I don't like it.
Dad: If you don't like the taste, just spit it out.
Mom: I've heard that one before.
Mother: Don't you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]
Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?
Black guy: It is the last day of Black History Month and nobody sent me a card?
White guy: Well then, happy Black History Month.
Black guy: Yeah sure, whatever!
White guy: No, seriously, thank you! Thank you for Charlie Parker, Miles Davis, Richard Pryor...
Black guy: Well I guess tomorrow I have to back to sitting in the back of the bus!
White guy: No! What are you talking about? We don't pick on blacks anymore! That's what gays are for!
Black guy: Ohhh!
Crazy crackhead to himself: Bitch! They stole my fucking money! You know they did this one! You just fucking fall asleep and they just jacked me. Fucking cunts. [Undressing] I mean, fucking seriously! I just paid them and I just pass out and they just fucking steal my money. Those fucking asshole cunts. Where the fuck is my stash?!
McDonald's manager: Sir, please put your pants on. There are children around.
Son: Is rain alien acid or regular acid?
Mom: Regular acid.
Black woman: Oh, look at this, 'The Collected Stories of Truman Capote.' Wow, he really looks like who played him!
Black man: Let me see that. What? You think that looks like me?
Black woman: No, no, he looks like what's-his-name, you know, the guy who played him in the movie.
Black man: Oh! Shit, I thought you said 'he looks like you, playa.'
Black woman: Are you crazy?
Black man: He does dress like a nigga, though.
Yuppie chick holding hands with yuppie boyfriend: Penis, penis, penis, penis.
Crazy: So I had to get fillings in all of my teeth.
Passenger: Uh huh.
Crazy: But I figured, why let them do that to me after they drilled holes in my brain, ya know?
Passenger: Sure.
Crazy: But I figured, might as well! Although if they were going to fill my teeth, I'd want them to use jelly.
Passenger: Yep.
Crazy: But the guy at the counter said they were out of jelly. So I got a blueberry muffin.
(This one was my favorite. I love crazy people.)
Tourist guy #1: What's going on?
Tourist guy #2: Apparently someone is a motherfucker.
Guy: But I should get extra consideration since you named [Melanie] and [Alexandra].
Preggers: I did not name them. What the hell are you talking about? We named them together.
Guy: No we didn't. You came up with names and I agreed with you. You named them. It's my turn.
Preggers: Leave it to the white man to rewrite history.
Father: What is your favorite color?
Son, sitting in cart: Um...Pink!
Father: No! It's black or maybe blue.
Kid #1: Yo, I'm going to hit that raw.
Kid #2: Do you have sperm yet?
Kid #1: Nah, but I'll still hit it raw.
Suit on cell: If he doesn't get me the fucking money, I'll kill that bitch!
Hobo: How about you give me some money, and I'll kill that bitch?
Old woman: Ann-Margret is a tramp.
Old man: How can you say that? Ann-Margret is a dish!
Old woman: A petri dish, maybe.
Black teen #1, after horror movie preview: Oh, snap, yo!
Black teen #2: Stop being black at the movies!
Black teen #1, in a high voice: Oh, that was totally cool!
Small child, trying a Sprite: I don't like it.
Dad: If you don't like the taste, just spit it out.
Mom: I've heard that one before.
Mother: Don't you ever do that again! [slaps child hard]
Child, calmly: Well, are you happy with yourself?