please please don't go
give me some hope

there is an African proverb that says the two loneliest times are pregnancy and death -- the bookends for human experience.
i think: i have felt death, oh, i know i have felt death. i have walked with her, i have held her. i have sung in death's ear.

and now: Life.
it's a little desperate feeling. i'm learning ( Read more... )

for some reason, it's much easier to waste time at home than it is at the office. we have a clock outside of the apartment that chimes every fifteen minutes. i've come to cringe at the sound, knowing just how much time i spend doing nothing particularly productive.

you have strong arms,
you take good care of us.

they say you have ears now,
for hearing the rumble of my diaphragm when i laugh,
but you could feel it long before i knew.

you are a little seed that grew and grew,
something smooth and fragile,
something alive in my skin.

i feel like i just can't.

Whatever you need, whatever I can do, don't hestitate.  Choose to involve or not involve me however you wish, I'll support and pray silently or help actively, whatever you need or want.

My home and heart are always open to you both and come hell or high water I'll stand by you.

she lights an incense that makes my eyes feel like dropping from my head.

sometimes, she advises, i get so nyyeeeh in my head that my head hurts and i scratch it, she demonstrates, digging a pallid finger into her wiry red hair like this. Then my head actually hurts too.

i am stretched on the sofa in our small apartment, peering over the top of my ( Read more... )

nearly every resource on eating disorders--even the ones aimed at supporting individuals struggling with the condition--uses scare tactics to try and "fix" the problem.

An example:

Two stories which could be set in any community across the nation:
Anne

She started with a diet. But she almost died.

At age 16, Anne weighed 110 pounds. But a ( Read more... )

androphobia i mused, tasting the word in my mouth, a latte tucked between my pleated fingers.
across from me, the man nodded, waited for elaboration. i continued to study the foam ring around my drink. andro-phobia. the fear of men. he shook his head, chuckled. you do make for good conversation. are you androphobic?

we are stomping down the stairs. ( Read more... )

i really wanted to meet you.
i'm not sure i will ever be able to get over it.