My thoughts on X-Files: I Want To Believe
Obviously I'm going to put everything under a cut, because I'd like to talk at length about the film. When you see the film, come back here to read my thoughts.
First impression: Wow, not so good. Disappointing! Many of you may disagree, but if this is all they came up with in the eight years since the series ended, Spotnitz and Carter need to move on. *sigh*
After I watched the film, my girlfriend and I spoke at length about plot points and what to make of moments in the film, because honestly, I could only figure out certain things after we had talked about it. That's an indication the script needed work.
I'll summarize the film to the best of my snarky ability. Feel free to comment to tell me if I'm completely confused, which is probably the case. I know I'm not remembering the sequence of events here, but bear with me.
A female FBI agent living in a small, snowy West Virginia town with lots and lots of snow when she goes missing. A pedophile priest (more on that later) played by crazy-haired Billy Connolly claims he's psychic and can help find the agent. He leads them to a severed arm buried in the snow. Interesting, but it's not the FBI agent's arm, so the FBI is like, "Dude, it's only an arm. We need the whole agent." Plus, it's not even her arm!
The FBI can't get what they need out of the priest, and go to Scully, who has been working in a Catholic hospital, Our Lady of Sorrows, and wearing her iconic cross necklace. Her hair is longer and they didn't put makeup over Gillian Anderson's mole, but other than that everything is the same.
The FBI convinces Scully to talk to Mulder, in order to get him to come back to the FBI to help them with this psychic because he of course has experience in this stuff. If he does come back, all those trumped up charges levied on him in the episode "The Truth" disappear.
Mulder, all recluse and beardy and thisclose to wearing Kleenex boxes on his feet, has in fact been living with Scully all this time in their cozy little West Virginia house. It doesn't seem like he's been working though, so I guess Scully and her doctor salary are supporting him while he sits in his newspaper-clipping-covered room. Or something. It's not completely clear.
Mulder doesn't want to go at first because he thinks it's a conspiracy to lure him out there and get him arrested, like, good ol' Mulder, but he changes his mind because Scully talked him into it. He goes out there, he believes the priest, no one else does, of which they remind us over and over. The other FBI agents are played by XZibit and Amanda Peet. XZibit is annoying and completely pointless to have had in this film. Anyone could have played that part. Same goes for Amanda Peet. Her eyeliner could have been shared between three people and there still would have been enough for a fourth.
So everyone else thinks the priest is a fraud. But the priest is experiencing weird things, like crying blood from his eyes when he's getting a vision. Mulder decides that something is happening here! and even though Scully convinced him to do it, she changes her mind and wants him to leave because she doesn't want to go back to all the darkness and Mulder!Crazy because she's happy in her little house with beardo Mulder and her lovely black comforter set on her bed and her silky pajamas.
But while they're searching for the FBI agent, they discover another young lady in this small WV town has gone missing too. Meanwhile, they test the arm the priest led them to and Scully's like, "This arm was severed, and there was animal tranquilizer found in the arm."
Hmm, interesting, says Dr. Scully. It sounds like organ stealing! Okay, well, better go check out all the organ courier workers and talk to them.
So now the race is on to find what Mulder thinks is a serial killer! Except, not.
Long story short, organ courier worker (the organ harvesting thing is a total red herring) Callum Keith Rennie is a Russian in love with a guy (I'll call him Ivan). CKR does a marvelous Russian accent, I must say. Kudos for him. Ivan, however, is dying of cancer. So CKR enlists the aid of a bunch of weirdo Russian doctors to...and here's the kicker...take Ivan's head from his body and transplant it onto another body. Except it seems the new bodies only last a few weeks, so CKR has been working overtime in this tiny little West Virginia town to find bodies. He goes swimming in this pool where he finds two women (the FBi agent and the other one) who are wearing medical ID bracelets.
Perhaps I need to see it again, because I don't think they ever explained what exactly was wrong with these women that they were wearing these bracelets and why exactly CKR singled them out. Women are easy prey of course, but still. Anyway, CKR tranqs these women and brings them back to Little Horror House on the Prairie, where they obviously remove their heads and stick the bodies onto Ivan. Ivan must enjoy the feel of boobs and a hoo-ha, because shit, Mulder finds a huge block of ice filled with lots and lots of body parts!
I know, right? Ahem. Yes, that's the plot. The problem with that? You don't figure this out until the end.
We also find out that Ivan and the priest have some sort of "nexus", which is how the priest is getting these visions. Okay, that's a lot like Mulder and Roache in the fantastic, super awesome episode "Paper Hearts," which would have made a much better film.
While all this is going on, Scully is battling with the hospital staff in a completely unnecessary subplot about her trying to help this young boy with some brain disorder She decides to look on Google to research stem cell therapy, like, LOLOLOLOL WHUT? Google? And a Catholic hospital would never in a million years allow stem cell therapy. In the midst of her research she discovers that Russian doctors have been experimenting on poor dogs, moving heads onto different bodies. It's always the Russians!
More long story and convoluted plot points later, XZibit and Amanda Peet find out what organ courier CKR is working for, and want to go talk to him. But he runs away, LOL. Heh, he runs into a building under construction and stupid Amanda Peet falls to her death in a completely lame CGI death fall. Mulder doesn't even blink an eye at her death! Neither did I!
Then, later later on Mulder goes to the feed store to find out who's buying all the animal tranqs. It's CKR! Mulder tries to follow him but I guess he's way out of practice because CKR pushes his (actually Scully's car he's borrowing) car off an embankment (with him in it) with his snowplow. But Mulder climbs out of the ravine, tracks down CKR and the Little Horror House on the Prairie, and promptly gets himself tranqed and punched in the face.
I literally laughed hysterically at that development. Oy.
But, Scully (and Skinner!) to the rescue! Scully bashes CKR in the face with a piece of wood, Skinner cradles Mulder in his arms (really!), Scully saves the other woman about to have her head cut off, and the entire film I'm asking, WTF is going on????
The priest dies at the same time Ivan does, CKR is arrested, Skinner gets about 4 minutes of screen time tops, Scully is resolved to save her patient, and after the credits IS THE LAMEST MOMENT I'VE SEEN IN A MOVIE IN A HUNDRED YEARS. A rowboat in the middle of the ocean, a bikini, and Mulder and Scully waving. Huh? Well, it goes back to a line in which Mulder tells her that if ever she's had enough of everything and just wants to get away, that the two of them will go away together. Okay, but still corny.
My problem was that they really should have established what exactly it was CKR and the crazy Russians were doing in the middle of the film, because most of it was just creepy operation stuff and crying-captive-woman in a box stuff.
There were awkward moments between Mulder and Scully, where he wanted to continue with the investigation, and she wanted him to stop because she didn't want him getting obsessed again. So she tells him she doesn't want to put up with it, and he says, and I swear, "Good luck." Wha? They at least mentioned William.
Lots of in-jokes. "Nutter's Feed Store" after director David Nutter. "Dr. Ostoff-Koltoff" from the episode where Krycek was in the freighter and the WMM had him handcuffed because he had kidnapped the Russian boy. Ostoff-Koltoff was the sea where the freighter was docked. And there was a title screen that mentioned Manners, a town maybe, which is for Kim Manners. Actor Alex Diakun played one of the creepy Russian doctors. He also played the deformed museum curator in "Humbug," and one of the psychics in "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose."
Okay, my questions:
1) Ivan was already "wearing" a replacement body in the beginning. Why was he walking around with no problems but suffering and sickly with the woman's body? Why would CKR bring him a diseased body?
2) There was something having to do with AB blood. I'm guessing that was Ivan's blood. But they don't put blood types on medical bracelets, right?
3) They never brought up why the women were wearing the bracelets, unless I missed it.
4) I understand they needed to be in the middle of nowhere to do this surgery, but missing people in a tiny town is so completely translucent. You'd start to notice when one woman disappeared. How did they find all the other bodies? Or did I miss that too?
I shouldn't have to wonder about plot points after the film.
I'm sure I'll think up more later.
I wasn't expecting too much going in, despite being excited. Also, since I hadn't read any spoilers, I had no idea what the film was going to be about. Maybe I should have read some of the spoilers, if only to get a "read the description on the back of the novel" type of idea about the film. It might have helped.
Overall, I was disappointed. The plot had holes (granted, this is after first viewing, so perhaps when I see it again I can pay attention to some of the more glaring questions I have) and I felt the editing left certain points of the film convoluted.
Billy Connolly was good, but like Scully, you simply can't get past the "buggering 37 boys" thing. It's horrible, and I don't quite see how you can think his psychic connection could redeem him. The best part of the movie was when Scully confronted him about what he said to her, "Don't give up," and she got to be all screechy at him.
And I disliked the "married in the state of Massachusetts" thing. I realize it was a way to make CKR's desperation apparent, but, I dunno. It bothered me. I'm not eloquent enough to describe why.
Anywho -- disappointing, convoluted, needed better editing, needed more Mulder/Scully time and less scenes in the damn hospital, and I wish it would have been a nice Monster of the Week like they originally promised.
First impression: Wow, not so good. Disappointing! Many of you may disagree, but if this is all they came up with in the eight years since the series ended, Spotnitz and Carter need to move on. *sigh*
After I watched the film, my girlfriend and I spoke at length about plot points and what to make of moments in the film, because honestly, I could only figure out certain things after we had talked about it. That's an indication the script needed work.
I'll summarize the film to the best of my snarky ability. Feel free to comment to tell me if I'm completely confused, which is probably the case. I know I'm not remembering the sequence of events here, but bear with me.
A female FBI agent living in a small, snowy West Virginia town with lots and lots of snow when she goes missing. A pedophile priest (more on that later) played by crazy-haired Billy Connolly claims he's psychic and can help find the agent. He leads them to a severed arm buried in the snow. Interesting, but it's not the FBI agent's arm, so the FBI is like, "Dude, it's only an arm. We need the whole agent." Plus, it's not even her arm!
The FBI can't get what they need out of the priest, and go to Scully, who has been working in a Catholic hospital, Our Lady of Sorrows, and wearing her iconic cross necklace. Her hair is longer and they didn't put makeup over Gillian Anderson's mole, but other than that everything is the same.
The FBI convinces Scully to talk to Mulder, in order to get him to come back to the FBI to help them with this psychic because he of course has experience in this stuff. If he does come back, all those trumped up charges levied on him in the episode "The Truth" disappear.
Mulder, all recluse and beardy and thisclose to wearing Kleenex boxes on his feet, has in fact been living with Scully all this time in their cozy little West Virginia house. It doesn't seem like he's been working though, so I guess Scully and her doctor salary are supporting him while he sits in his newspaper-clipping-covered room. Or something. It's not completely clear.
Mulder doesn't want to go at first because he thinks it's a conspiracy to lure him out there and get him arrested, like, good ol' Mulder, but he changes his mind because Scully talked him into it. He goes out there, he believes the priest, no one else does, of which they remind us over and over. The other FBI agents are played by XZibit and Amanda Peet. XZibit is annoying and completely pointless to have had in this film. Anyone could have played that part. Same goes for Amanda Peet. Her eyeliner could have been shared between three people and there still would have been enough for a fourth.
So everyone else thinks the priest is a fraud. But the priest is experiencing weird things, like crying blood from his eyes when he's getting a vision. Mulder decides that something is happening here! and even though Scully convinced him to do it, she changes her mind and wants him to leave because she doesn't want to go back to all the darkness and Mulder!Crazy because she's happy in her little house with beardo Mulder and her lovely black comforter set on her bed and her silky pajamas.
But while they're searching for the FBI agent, they discover another young lady in this small WV town has gone missing too. Meanwhile, they test the arm the priest led them to and Scully's like, "This arm was severed, and there was animal tranquilizer found in the arm."
Hmm, interesting, says Dr. Scully. It sounds like organ stealing! Okay, well, better go check out all the organ courier workers and talk to them.
So now the race is on to find what Mulder thinks is a serial killer! Except, not.
Long story short, organ courier worker (the organ harvesting thing is a total red herring) Callum Keith Rennie is a Russian in love with a guy (I'll call him Ivan). CKR does a marvelous Russian accent, I must say. Kudos for him. Ivan, however, is dying of cancer. So CKR enlists the aid of a bunch of weirdo Russian doctors to...and here's the kicker...take Ivan's head from his body and transplant it onto another body. Except it seems the new bodies only last a few weeks, so CKR has been working overtime in this tiny little West Virginia town to find bodies. He goes swimming in this pool where he finds two women (the FBi agent and the other one) who are wearing medical ID bracelets.
Perhaps I need to see it again, because I don't think they ever explained what exactly was wrong with these women that they were wearing these bracelets and why exactly CKR singled them out. Women are easy prey of course, but still. Anyway, CKR tranqs these women and brings them back to Little Horror House on the Prairie, where they obviously remove their heads and stick the bodies onto Ivan. Ivan must enjoy the feel of boobs and a hoo-ha, because shit, Mulder finds a huge block of ice filled with lots and lots of body parts!
I know, right? Ahem. Yes, that's the plot. The problem with that? You don't figure this out until the end.
We also find out that Ivan and the priest have some sort of "nexus", which is how the priest is getting these visions. Okay, that's a lot like Mulder and Roache in the fantastic, super awesome episode "Paper Hearts," which would have made a much better film.
While all this is going on, Scully is battling with the hospital staff in a completely unnecessary subplot about her trying to help this young boy with some brain disorder She decides to look on Google to research stem cell therapy, like, LOLOLOLOL WHUT? Google? And a Catholic hospital would never in a million years allow stem cell therapy. In the midst of her research she discovers that Russian doctors have been experimenting on poor dogs, moving heads onto different bodies. It's always the Russians!
More long story and convoluted plot points later, XZibit and Amanda Peet find out what organ courier CKR is working for, and want to go talk to him. But he runs away, LOL. Heh, he runs into a building under construction and stupid Amanda Peet falls to her death in a completely lame CGI death fall. Mulder doesn't even blink an eye at her death! Neither did I!
Then, later later on Mulder goes to the feed store to find out who's buying all the animal tranqs. It's CKR! Mulder tries to follow him but I guess he's way out of practice because CKR pushes his (actually Scully's car he's borrowing) car off an embankment (with him in it) with his snowplow. But Mulder climbs out of the ravine, tracks down CKR and the Little Horror House on the Prairie, and promptly gets himself tranqed and punched in the face.
I literally laughed hysterically at that development. Oy.
But, Scully (and Skinner!) to the rescue! Scully bashes CKR in the face with a piece of wood, Skinner cradles Mulder in his arms (really!), Scully saves the other woman about to have her head cut off, and the entire film I'm asking, WTF is going on????
The priest dies at the same time Ivan does, CKR is arrested, Skinner gets about 4 minutes of screen time tops, Scully is resolved to save her patient, and after the credits IS THE LAMEST MOMENT I'VE SEEN IN A MOVIE IN A HUNDRED YEARS. A rowboat in the middle of the ocean, a bikini, and Mulder and Scully waving. Huh? Well, it goes back to a line in which Mulder tells her that if ever she's had enough of everything and just wants to get away, that the two of them will go away together. Okay, but still corny.
My problem was that they really should have established what exactly it was CKR and the crazy Russians were doing in the middle of the film, because most of it was just creepy operation stuff and crying-captive-woman in a box stuff.
There were awkward moments between Mulder and Scully, where he wanted to continue with the investigation, and she wanted him to stop because she didn't want him getting obsessed again. So she tells him she doesn't want to put up with it, and he says, and I swear, "Good luck." Wha? They at least mentioned William.
Lots of in-jokes. "Nutter's Feed Store" after director David Nutter. "Dr. Ostoff-Koltoff" from the episode where Krycek was in the freighter and the WMM had him handcuffed because he had kidnapped the Russian boy. Ostoff-Koltoff was the sea where the freighter was docked. And there was a title screen that mentioned Manners, a town maybe, which is for Kim Manners. Actor Alex Diakun played one of the creepy Russian doctors. He also played the deformed museum curator in "Humbug," and one of the psychics in "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose."
Okay, my questions:
1) Ivan was already "wearing" a replacement body in the beginning. Why was he walking around with no problems but suffering and sickly with the woman's body? Why would CKR bring him a diseased body?
2) There was something having to do with AB blood. I'm guessing that was Ivan's blood. But they don't put blood types on medical bracelets, right?
3) They never brought up why the women were wearing the bracelets, unless I missed it.
4) I understand they needed to be in the middle of nowhere to do this surgery, but missing people in a tiny town is so completely translucent. You'd start to notice when one woman disappeared. How did they find all the other bodies? Or did I miss that too?
I shouldn't have to wonder about plot points after the film.
I'm sure I'll think up more later.
I wasn't expecting too much going in, despite being excited. Also, since I hadn't read any spoilers, I had no idea what the film was going to be about. Maybe I should have read some of the spoilers, if only to get a "read the description on the back of the novel" type of idea about the film. It might have helped.
Overall, I was disappointed. The plot had holes (granted, this is after first viewing, so perhaps when I see it again I can pay attention to some of the more glaring questions I have) and I felt the editing left certain points of the film convoluted.
Billy Connolly was good, but like Scully, you simply can't get past the "buggering 37 boys" thing. It's horrible, and I don't quite see how you can think his psychic connection could redeem him. The best part of the movie was when Scully confronted him about what he said to her, "Don't give up," and she got to be all screechy at him.
And I disliked the "married in the state of Massachusetts" thing. I realize it was a way to make CKR's desperation apparent, but, I dunno. It bothered me. I'm not eloquent enough to describe why.
Anywho -- disappointing, convoluted, needed better editing, needed more Mulder/Scully time and less scenes in the damn hospital, and I wish it would have been a nice Monster of the Week like they originally promised.