So Pretty, I'm In Love
So Pretty, I'm In Love
Pairing: Seokjin/Jeongguk
Rating: R
Length: 3600 words
Warnings: mirror sex, narcissism, sad sex, [Spoiler (click to open)]unhealthy relationship
Summary: Kim Seokjin is probably the most handsome man that Jeongguk has ever slept with, week after week. And the problem is that Seokjin knows it too.
They meet at a nightclub near one in the morning.
Jeongguk had dragged himself over to Octagon that night because Yoongi-hyung was performing and it was probably the biggest break he has ever had. He looks small up on the stage, standing next to Jessi who is all confidence and tall, man-stomping heels, but then the beat drops and Jeongguk grins because it is Suga who lifts his head up to look over the crowd with dark, excited eyes, and it is Suga who opens his mouth and yells for the crowd that is screaming back at him.
The strobe lights are flashing bright overhead, the smoke machines choking up the hot, sweaty air, and Jeongguk is screaming too until he notices him. The man is tall, his head and shoulders easily viewable over the two tiny girls pressed up and rocking against him in the crowd. He’s gorgeous, dressed impeccably in a fitted dress shirt and blazer over tight slacks (anything less and he probably wouldn’t have been let in, but who knows with a face as sweet as his) and he is looking straight at Jeongguk.
A smirk grows on the man’s face, sly and wicked as the Cheshire Cat’s, when he sees that Jeongguk is looking back. He rolls his head onto his neck slightly, presses a hand against each of the girls next to him and rocks just a little more sensually to the underlying track that Jessi is now rapping too. It’s a little ridiculous because how the hell do you grind to rap, but he is slowly bending one of the girls over in half while keeping his eyes locked onto Jeongguk, his gaze sliding over him from head to toe and Jeongguk feels a heavy swoop of arousal in his belly.
This was not Homo Hill. This was Club Octagon in Gangnam at one in the morning and there is a sea of people around them on the tightly packed dance floor. Jeongguk has only ever tried to do this out in the open once or twice, too nervous and too aware of everyone around him to try his luck outside of Itaewon, but there was no mistaking that kind of look.
They are careful, the pair of them. Jeongguk loops an arm around a nearby girl’s waist, smiling down at her with an easy, practiced grin and a lifted eyebrow in question. The girl looks him up and down, from his tight dark red button-down and loose black tie to his long, jean-clad legs and nods approvingly. They sway together, Jeongguk maneuvering them ever so closer to one of the corners under the stairs where it’s harder for people to see. The man is already there. He has the girl that he’d been bending over pressed up against the wall and mouthing against his jawline. Jeongguk backs himself up against the same wall, pulling his partner onto him so that he can fit a thigh between her legs as she rocks into him.
The man is even more beautiful up close, with wide eyes offset by strong brows and plush lips that he is using to pry his partner’s mouth open. He is watching Jeongguk again, watching the way Jeongguk licks his own lips, the way he threads a hand into his partner’s hair and rubs his thigh even more insistently as she start to rock harder, faster. They do it like this, carefully. With expectant, challenging eyes, and quick, questing hands to see who can make their partner lose it first, to see which one of them would lose it first.
Jeongguk is flushed by the time his partner comes, red all the way to the tips of his ears and so hard that he barely stops himself from rubbing against her thigh. The girl stays on top of him for a few seconds, hands on either side of his body as she catches her breath, and then she lifts herself up and away, smooths a hand primly down her dress and pats his cheek.
“Need a hand?” she asks, eyes dipping down to linger on the sizeable tent in his jeans.
Jeongguk shakes his head, folds his torso a little over his legs so that it’s not as noticeable, and grins: “No, I’m not done yet for the night.”
The girl snorts before giving a “suit yourself” kind of shrug and walking back into the pulsing crowd. A moment later, the other girl walks past him awkwardly adjusting her hemline, and Jeongguk steels himself.
The man is licking his fingers when Jeongguk turns back around to look. There is come smeared onto his lips, shiny and obscene under the flashing lights. He’s standing tall, his erection clearly visible in his pants, and he chuckles, “I knew you were a good choice to pick for tonight.”
“You couldn’t have known that I’d be up for this,” Jeongguk replies, leaning back against the wall.
The man, in turn, leans into him, amusement written clear across his face, “No, but you were too good of a catch to let go,” he licks his lips, eyes searching Jeongguk’s, “Are you ready to get out of here?”
In answer, Jeongguk pushes himself off of the wall with enough force that he bumps shoulders with him as he moves past. He strides straight for the exit without looking back and from behind him, over the thumping music, he hears delighted laughter.
♕♕♕
The man, Kim Seokjin, Jeongguk learns, doesn’t mind taking one-night stands back home.
They had walked out of the club into a raining, summer downpour. The streets had been flooded with water and the line outside of Octagon had long disappeared. Jeongguk had tried to hail a passing taxi but Seokjin had shaken his head before pulling him along towards where a car was parked.
He had started driving immediately, waving off Jeongguk’s suggestions of various love hotels, and zooming down the empty, waterlogged streets towards the residential areas of Gangnam. The apartment building that he had parked in front of was tall and ritzy and he had said nothing as he had opened Jeongguk’s door for him and flicked his keys over at a waiting valet.
Jeongguk hadn’t particularly minded, used to the brusque, efficient manner that one-night stands could sometimes take, mostly because it was he who was usually so clean-cut and cold
They spend a long time at foreplay once they stumble into Seokjin’s bedroom. Long minutes devoted to making out and exploring each other’s bodies until Jeongguk is left entirely on edge.
He pushes Seokjin off of him, reaches over for the condom that he’d slipped into the pocket of his jeans, and Seokjin grabs a bottle of lube from under the pillows. He slides into Seokjin, slow and deliberate and teasing, watching his face for those tiny little facial twitches that would tell Jeongguk how much harder to go, how much faster to move. Surprisingly, Seokjin is hard to read, his eyes warm but shuttered, his mouth slack but panting open with measured breaths.
There’s a certain thrill that Jeongguk gets from watching people fall apart at his hands, but Seokjin is looking at him, at his face, at the way he moves, and he is lifting a single eyebrow in challenge, completely unfazed and Jeongguk, annoyed, fucks into him until he gets Seokjin to come with a single, harsh exhale.
It feels like a victory.
That is until Seokjin pulls off of him and traps Jeongguk against the bed with his larger frame. He starts prepping him and Jeongguk finds himself reacting embarrassingly fast, his body jerking when Seokjin finds that extra sensitive spot behind his balls, and he cries out when Seokjin’s other hand comes up to trail fingers against the space beneath his ribs. It’s the one other erogenous area that makes Jeongguk lose absolute control and in a matter of minutes, of careful prodding and slight touches on Seokjin’s part, Jeongguk finds himself coming with only three fingers up his ass and one hand tweaking at his nipples.
“That...that doesn’t usually happen…” Jeongguk stutters out at the self-satisfied look on Seokjin’s face.
“No, I’m sure it doesn’t, not at least with other people,” Seokjin replies, reaching out a hand to brush a sweaty bang off of Jeongguk’s forehead. It’s a gentle movement, fond almost.
“Let’s do this again?” Seokjin asks. And despite his embarrassment, Jeongguk finds himself agreeing.
♕♕♕
So it goes on like this for awhile: Jeongguk going over to Seokjin’s place on the weekends, their backs hitting the bed or the wall or the dining room table as they find any and every place possible they can to fuck on. Seokjin always makes sure that they are facing each other, using his hands to gently cup the sides of Jeongguk’s face when he is fucking into him or using his legs to wrap firmly around the front of Jeongguk’s torso when it is Seokjin’s turn to be fucked.
Jeongguk never manages to undo Seokjin in the same way that Seokjin unravels him, but Jeongguk finds over time, that he doesn’t really mind. Instead, he feels a strange sort of possessiveness about the situation, about the way Seokjin looks at him, intense and focused and almost reverent at times. It’s weird because this had started out as a one-night stand-one that Yoongi had rolled his eyes at when Jeongguk had answered back to his missed text messages-and there should be no place for looks like that, looks of worship, of something seemingly close to care when all they were doing was fucking.
Sure, there were the home cooked dinners that Seokjin occasionally prepares for two when Jeongguk comes by early after a long day at work, and there were the bottles of wine, ones that Jeongguk knew he hadn’t seen in Seokjin’s collection, that he occasionally buys and brings back to the apartment. Sure, there were was that extra toothbrush set out now in Seokjin’s bathroom and there were the random articles of clothing or two that Jeongguk can’t seem to find at home anymore. But all of that didn’t have to mean anything, not if Jeongguk didn’t want them to.
Do you? Do you really not want them to mean anything? Jeongguk asks himself as Seokjin crawls on top of him on the couch and links his fingers with his and smiles that beautiful, confident smile.
He stares up at that face, at that smile, at the blossoming realization that his heart was fluttering, and that this was probably the seventh consecutive weekend that they have hooked up together and that Jeongguk hasn’t been with another person since. He stares and he arches his neck up for a deep, open-mouthed kiss and he thinks:
No. No, I don’t think I do.
♕♕♕
“Let’s date,” Jeongguk says later that night after they have finished round two, this time with a dildo up Seokjin’s ass and a cock ring fitted tight around Jeongguk.
Seokjin had laughed lightly, rubbed a hand almost affectionately against Jeongguk’s cheek, and asked, “What do you think this is?”
♕♕♕
Things seem to go great at first. Seokjin had given a spare key to Jeongguk so that he could come by anytime and they start to text more, their messages delving deeper into personal territory instead of the simple rehash of when they wanted to hook up again.
It all goes well until Jeongguk suggests that they turning out the lights before they have sex one night.
“The lights?” Seokjin repeats with eyebrows furrowed. He is seated on the edge of the bed with his legs spread wide open, a blanket laid out across his thighs. “Why would you want to turn them off?”
“Well, I mean, why wouldn’t you want to?” Jeongguk asks.
“I like looking at you.”
“Seokjin-hyung,” he says with a chuckle, “It’s not like the room will be pitch black.”
“I don’t care. Leave them on, I’ve always had them like that.”
There is a certain hardness to Seokjin’s jaw now, a stubbornness that Jeongguk can recognize from personal experience locking him into place. They have never fought before and surely not over something as ridiculous as the lights and Jeongguk reacts in nervousness, pulling what he thinks is a funny joke.
“What? So we’re not going to fuck if the lights are out?”
“Yes.”
The answer is immediate, spoken with a breezy cool that has Jeongguk blinking dumbly at Seokjin in surprise.
“Are you serious?” he asks.
Seokjin has gotten up now, throwing the blanket back onto the bed and grabbing at his boxers on the floor. “Does it look like I’m joking?”
“Come on, Seokjin-hyung, babe, stop. We can leave the lights on if it’s that important to you. I don’t care. It’s not like you need them because you only like me for my face, right?”
There is a long drawn out silence as Seokjin doesn’t move, doesn’t turn around, doesn’t speak. Jeongguk waits, fingers tapping on his thigh, for a witty comeback, for Seokjin to turn back toward him. Another second passes and Seokjin still doesn’t say anything as he looks down onto the floor and Jeongguk stills in cold realization.
“...I think,” Seokjin says, “That it would be best if you left for tonight.”
Jeongguk doesn’t argue, a sort of freezing offense numbing him from the inside out and causing him to move on autopilot. It lasts him through the walk back onto the streets, through the drive home in his car, and almost through his preparations for bed. It is only as Jeongguk is brushing his teeth and looking at himself in the mirror that he feels his disappointment and anger crashing down onto him.
He scowls at his own face before he defiantly reaches over to the light switch and turns it off.
♕♕♕
If Jeongguk had been waiting for an apology he would have been sorely disappointed.
Seokjin makes no mention of the fight in his text messages or his brief, five minute phone calls over the next several days. He’s pleasant and patient and irritatingly unflappable and Jeongguk kind of wants to punch his perfect, pretty face in when he sees him again the next weekend.
It's a Sunday night, and Seokjin has prepared a low candle-lit dinner and wine this time. Jeongguk fidgets in his seat, pushing the last remnants of his steak on his plate and trying not to feel too impressed at the setup, when Seokjin comes out of the bedroom with a strange device in his hand.
"What's that?" he asks. The thing is metal plated with finger-like imprints on the surface and laid loose on top.
Seokjin places it into Jeongguk’s hands. "It's a lie-detector,” he says, “It zaps you when you lie.”
He settles down onto his own seat and nods at Jeongguk expectantly, "I figured, after last week, that maybe we could play a little trust game, something to get us comfortable with each other again? I notice you’ve been a little cold today.”
“Okay,” Jeongguk says, wary, “How about you show me how it works first, hyung?"
Seokjin shrugs and tugs on the lie detector, his large hands spanning the device easily.
"Give me your best shot.”
Jeongguk thinks back to the past week, to the angry roiling cold that had rushed through him, at the strange fond way that Seokjin would sometimes look at him, at the way they always, always fucked facing each other. He thinks back to all of that and to the frustrating jumble of affection and annoyance that he feels towards Seokjin even now, and he asks:
“Do you really just like me for my face?”
Seokjin frowns. This was the second time that Jeongguk has asked this now.
“Let’s try a different question?” he suggests gently, “Maybe not one that got us into a fight?”
Jeongguk grits his teeth and works his jaw before agreeing, “Okay, fine. Let’s try this question then.”
“Me or you?” Jeongguk asks this time, “If you had to choose between me or you, who would you choose?”
Seokjin stares because what kind of question...
"Of course, the answer is you-" Seokjin doesn't even get to finish the sentence before the buzzer goes off and he jerks his hand back with a yelp. He stares at the lie detector aghast, and for once it looks like there is something like remorse on his face as he look up Jeongguk with wide eyes.
Jeongguk takes in a shaky breath and nods, "I thought that was how it was...but I guess there is a difference between guessing and knowing, huh?”
“Jeongguk-ah…”
“Hyung, what could you possibly say now?”
“I’m sorry, really, I am, I...I’m just bad with questions. Bad with words. You know how it is, don’t you?”
Jeongguk worries at his lip and doesn’t anything.
“Let me show you that machine is wrong. Let me show. Please?”
One more chance. Don’t most people deserve at least one more chance?
“Okay," Jeongguk says, “Just this once.”
♕♕♕
Seokjin pulls him deeper into the apartment, to the bedroom. He strips Jeongguk down, slow and careful, and it makes Jeongguk antsy, like Seokjin was taking far more down than just his physical layers, so he pulls Seokjin back up into a biting kissing. Because like Seokjin said, moving was so, so much easier and if Seokjin kept going slow, kept being soft and almost loving, Jeongguk may just open himself up for heartbreak.
Jeongguk may just let himself get hurt, he may just make a mistake. One, just like this:
“I love you,” Jeongguk finds himself breathing into the silence of the apartment later that night, his mind, his heart just a little bit gone..
It is past midnight and he is being fucked into the full length mirror that spans an entire wall of Seokjin’s giant, walk-in closet.
For once, he is faced away from Seokjin, his back pressed securely against Seokjin’s front, his body nearly blanketed by the other man’s much larger torso. He feels like he’s on fire, his skin burning up with want, want to come, want for Seokjin, and it is made even worse with every deep, long thrusts that pushes Jeongguk firmly against the cold, unforgiving mirror.
“I want you, I love you, keep going,” Jeongguk whines, turning his head back as Seokjin stutters to an almost halt mid-thrust.
Seokjin laughs throatily as he picks up his pace once again, his hand coming up now to jerk at Jeongguk’s heavy cock, “If you want me to keep going you shouldn’t say things like that.”
“Like...what…?” Jeongguk pants.
“Like love,” Seokjin says. And before Jeongguk can reply Seokjin is turning him around again to face the mirror, “Not when you should be paying attention to this. To what I’m trying to show you.”
Jeongguk stares at his reflection in the mirror, at his own wide eyes and sweaty face, at Seokjin looming over him with an equally similar appearance. Naked and on top of each other like this, they look eerily alike and Jeongguk watches the way Seokjin watches them.
“Aren’t we beautiful together?” Seokjin asks.
And Jeongguk feels something nauseous roll in his stomach because of course. What else had he expected Seokjin to say? Had he honestly thought that Seokjin would say that he would love him too? He had known what this was for a while now, this sham of a relationship, this strange, narcissistic form of self-worship. He had known and he had let himself continue to go with it; this was his consequence.
In a way, it feels like a punishment, like karma for all those broken hearts that Jeongguk had left behind when he was younger.
Seokjin is pressing deeper into Jeongguk now and it becomes harder to think. Jeongguk lets his weight fall completely onto the mirror, lets Seokjin hold him and position him like a marionette on a set of strings. His breath fogs up the mirror, obscuring their reflection so much that all Jeongguk can make out are two indistinct blobs of flesh and all he can feel is relief. Jeongguk comes soon after, half-heartedly and tired, the come splattering all over their reflection and that too is a relief.
Do you really still want this to mean something? Jeongguk thinks to himself as Seokjin pulls him away from the mirror, cradles him in his arms, and smiles at their reflections. Jeongguk looks up at Seokjin. Seokjin doesn’t look back.
No. No, I don’t think I do.
♕♕♕
“Let’s stop dating,” Jeongguk says in the chilly brightness of the next morning. Seokjin is standing in front of his wardrobe mirror adjusting his work apron and fixing his hair. Jeongguk is standing in the doorway with one foot in the hallway and another still in the room.
Seokjin pauses momentarily, hesitates, but then he says, “Okay.” And Jeongguk steps his other foot out into the hallway. “Do you still want to hook up though?”
Jeongguk scowls, feeling his anger burn through him. This time it is hot and fierce and violent, and Jeongguk finds himself striding over to the Seokjin and slamming the wardrobe, slamming that damnable mirror closed.
“No,” he says, “No, I don’t. Let me ask you one more thing before I leave, Seokjin-hyung. Did any of those things you did when we dated, the hugs, the kisses, the homecooked meals, did any of that mean anything to you? At all?”
Seokjin looks taken aback. He looks once over towards the closed wardrobe door, then back at Jeongguk. He picks the wrong thing to say:
“Jeongguk, I’m a food and wine critic, of course those meals meant something to me.”
And this time, Jeongguk does punch Seokjin’s perfect, pretty face in.
- i can't actually write porn so please accept this mess of sad sex and mild ooc characterization, i am sorry.
- the line "Do you only like me for my face?" rightfully belongs to nini who said it first and made me sad.
- please cry with me.
Pairing: Seokjin/Jeongguk
Rating: R
Length: 3600 words
Warnings: mirror sex, narcissism, sad sex, [Spoiler (click to open)]unhealthy relationship
Summary: Kim Seokjin is probably the most handsome man that Jeongguk has ever slept with, week after week. And the problem is that Seokjin knows it too.
They meet at a nightclub near one in the morning.
Jeongguk had dragged himself over to Octagon that night because Yoongi-hyung was performing and it was probably the biggest break he has ever had. He looks small up on the stage, standing next to Jessi who is all confidence and tall, man-stomping heels, but then the beat drops and Jeongguk grins because it is Suga who lifts his head up to look over the crowd with dark, excited eyes, and it is Suga who opens his mouth and yells for the crowd that is screaming back at him.
The strobe lights are flashing bright overhead, the smoke machines choking up the hot, sweaty air, and Jeongguk is screaming too until he notices him. The man is tall, his head and shoulders easily viewable over the two tiny girls pressed up and rocking against him in the crowd. He’s gorgeous, dressed impeccably in a fitted dress shirt and blazer over tight slacks (anything less and he probably wouldn’t have been let in, but who knows with a face as sweet as his) and he is looking straight at Jeongguk.
A smirk grows on the man’s face, sly and wicked as the Cheshire Cat’s, when he sees that Jeongguk is looking back. He rolls his head onto his neck slightly, presses a hand against each of the girls next to him and rocks just a little more sensually to the underlying track that Jessi is now rapping too. It’s a little ridiculous because how the hell do you grind to rap, but he is slowly bending one of the girls over in half while keeping his eyes locked onto Jeongguk, his gaze sliding over him from head to toe and Jeongguk feels a heavy swoop of arousal in his belly.
This was not Homo Hill. This was Club Octagon in Gangnam at one in the morning and there is a sea of people around them on the tightly packed dance floor. Jeongguk has only ever tried to do this out in the open once or twice, too nervous and too aware of everyone around him to try his luck outside of Itaewon, but there was no mistaking that kind of look.
They are careful, the pair of them. Jeongguk loops an arm around a nearby girl’s waist, smiling down at her with an easy, practiced grin and a lifted eyebrow in question. The girl looks him up and down, from his tight dark red button-down and loose black tie to his long, jean-clad legs and nods approvingly. They sway together, Jeongguk maneuvering them ever so closer to one of the corners under the stairs where it’s harder for people to see. The man is already there. He has the girl that he’d been bending over pressed up against the wall and mouthing against his jawline. Jeongguk backs himself up against the same wall, pulling his partner onto him so that he can fit a thigh between her legs as she rocks into him.
The man is even more beautiful up close, with wide eyes offset by strong brows and plush lips that he is using to pry his partner’s mouth open. He is watching Jeongguk again, watching the way Jeongguk licks his own lips, the way he threads a hand into his partner’s hair and rubs his thigh even more insistently as she start to rock harder, faster. They do it like this, carefully. With expectant, challenging eyes, and quick, questing hands to see who can make their partner lose it first, to see which one of them would lose it first.
Jeongguk is flushed by the time his partner comes, red all the way to the tips of his ears and so hard that he barely stops himself from rubbing against her thigh. The girl stays on top of him for a few seconds, hands on either side of his body as she catches her breath, and then she lifts herself up and away, smooths a hand primly down her dress and pats his cheek.
“Need a hand?” she asks, eyes dipping down to linger on the sizeable tent in his jeans.
Jeongguk shakes his head, folds his torso a little over his legs so that it’s not as noticeable, and grins: “No, I’m not done yet for the night.”
The girl snorts before giving a “suit yourself” kind of shrug and walking back into the pulsing crowd. A moment later, the other girl walks past him awkwardly adjusting her hemline, and Jeongguk steels himself.
The man is licking his fingers when Jeongguk turns back around to look. There is come smeared onto his lips, shiny and obscene under the flashing lights. He’s standing tall, his erection clearly visible in his pants, and he chuckles, “I knew you were a good choice to pick for tonight.”
“You couldn’t have known that I’d be up for this,” Jeongguk replies, leaning back against the wall.
The man, in turn, leans into him, amusement written clear across his face, “No, but you were too good of a catch to let go,” he licks his lips, eyes searching Jeongguk’s, “Are you ready to get out of here?”
In answer, Jeongguk pushes himself off of the wall with enough force that he bumps shoulders with him as he moves past. He strides straight for the exit without looking back and from behind him, over the thumping music, he hears delighted laughter.
♕♕♕
The man, Kim Seokjin, Jeongguk learns, doesn’t mind taking one-night stands back home.
They had walked out of the club into a raining, summer downpour. The streets had been flooded with water and the line outside of Octagon had long disappeared. Jeongguk had tried to hail a passing taxi but Seokjin had shaken his head before pulling him along towards where a car was parked.
He had started driving immediately, waving off Jeongguk’s suggestions of various love hotels, and zooming down the empty, waterlogged streets towards the residential areas of Gangnam. The apartment building that he had parked in front of was tall and ritzy and he had said nothing as he had opened Jeongguk’s door for him and flicked his keys over at a waiting valet.
Jeongguk hadn’t particularly minded, used to the brusque, efficient manner that one-night stands could sometimes take, mostly because it was he who was usually so clean-cut and cold
They spend a long time at foreplay once they stumble into Seokjin’s bedroom. Long minutes devoted to making out and exploring each other’s bodies until Jeongguk is left entirely on edge.
He pushes Seokjin off of him, reaches over for the condom that he’d slipped into the pocket of his jeans, and Seokjin grabs a bottle of lube from under the pillows. He slides into Seokjin, slow and deliberate and teasing, watching his face for those tiny little facial twitches that would tell Jeongguk how much harder to go, how much faster to move. Surprisingly, Seokjin is hard to read, his eyes warm but shuttered, his mouth slack but panting open with measured breaths.
There’s a certain thrill that Jeongguk gets from watching people fall apart at his hands, but Seokjin is looking at him, at his face, at the way he moves, and he is lifting a single eyebrow in challenge, completely unfazed and Jeongguk, annoyed, fucks into him until he gets Seokjin to come with a single, harsh exhale.
It feels like a victory.
That is until Seokjin pulls off of him and traps Jeongguk against the bed with his larger frame. He starts prepping him and Jeongguk finds himself reacting embarrassingly fast, his body jerking when Seokjin finds that extra sensitive spot behind his balls, and he cries out when Seokjin’s other hand comes up to trail fingers against the space beneath his ribs. It’s the one other erogenous area that makes Jeongguk lose absolute control and in a matter of minutes, of careful prodding and slight touches on Seokjin’s part, Jeongguk finds himself coming with only three fingers up his ass and one hand tweaking at his nipples.
“That...that doesn’t usually happen…” Jeongguk stutters out at the self-satisfied look on Seokjin’s face.
“No, I’m sure it doesn’t, not at least with other people,” Seokjin replies, reaching out a hand to brush a sweaty bang off of Jeongguk’s forehead. It’s a gentle movement, fond almost.
“Let’s do this again?” Seokjin asks. And despite his embarrassment, Jeongguk finds himself agreeing.
♕♕♕
So it goes on like this for awhile: Jeongguk going over to Seokjin’s place on the weekends, their backs hitting the bed or the wall or the dining room table as they find any and every place possible they can to fuck on. Seokjin always makes sure that they are facing each other, using his hands to gently cup the sides of Jeongguk’s face when he is fucking into him or using his legs to wrap firmly around the front of Jeongguk’s torso when it is Seokjin’s turn to be fucked.
Jeongguk never manages to undo Seokjin in the same way that Seokjin unravels him, but Jeongguk finds over time, that he doesn’t really mind. Instead, he feels a strange sort of possessiveness about the situation, about the way Seokjin looks at him, intense and focused and almost reverent at times. It’s weird because this had started out as a one-night stand-one that Yoongi had rolled his eyes at when Jeongguk had answered back to his missed text messages-and there should be no place for looks like that, looks of worship, of something seemingly close to care when all they were doing was fucking.
Sure, there were the home cooked dinners that Seokjin occasionally prepares for two when Jeongguk comes by early after a long day at work, and there were the bottles of wine, ones that Jeongguk knew he hadn’t seen in Seokjin’s collection, that he occasionally buys and brings back to the apartment. Sure, there were was that extra toothbrush set out now in Seokjin’s bathroom and there were the random articles of clothing or two that Jeongguk can’t seem to find at home anymore. But all of that didn’t have to mean anything, not if Jeongguk didn’t want them to.
Do you? Do you really not want them to mean anything? Jeongguk asks himself as Seokjin crawls on top of him on the couch and links his fingers with his and smiles that beautiful, confident smile.
He stares up at that face, at that smile, at the blossoming realization that his heart was fluttering, and that this was probably the seventh consecutive weekend that they have hooked up together and that Jeongguk hasn’t been with another person since. He stares and he arches his neck up for a deep, open-mouthed kiss and he thinks:
No. No, I don’t think I do.
♕♕♕
“Let’s date,” Jeongguk says later that night after they have finished round two, this time with a dildo up Seokjin’s ass and a cock ring fitted tight around Jeongguk.
Seokjin had laughed lightly, rubbed a hand almost affectionately against Jeongguk’s cheek, and asked, “What do you think this is?”
♕♕♕
Things seem to go great at first. Seokjin had given a spare key to Jeongguk so that he could come by anytime and they start to text more, their messages delving deeper into personal territory instead of the simple rehash of when they wanted to hook up again.
It all goes well until Jeongguk suggests that they turning out the lights before they have sex one night.
“The lights?” Seokjin repeats with eyebrows furrowed. He is seated on the edge of the bed with his legs spread wide open, a blanket laid out across his thighs. “Why would you want to turn them off?”
“Well, I mean, why wouldn’t you want to?” Jeongguk asks.
“I like looking at you.”
“Seokjin-hyung,” he says with a chuckle, “It’s not like the room will be pitch black.”
“I don’t care. Leave them on, I’ve always had them like that.”
There is a certain hardness to Seokjin’s jaw now, a stubbornness that Jeongguk can recognize from personal experience locking him into place. They have never fought before and surely not over something as ridiculous as the lights and Jeongguk reacts in nervousness, pulling what he thinks is a funny joke.
“What? So we’re not going to fuck if the lights are out?”
“Yes.”
The answer is immediate, spoken with a breezy cool that has Jeongguk blinking dumbly at Seokjin in surprise.
“Are you serious?” he asks.
Seokjin has gotten up now, throwing the blanket back onto the bed and grabbing at his boxers on the floor. “Does it look like I’m joking?”
“Come on, Seokjin-hyung, babe, stop. We can leave the lights on if it’s that important to you. I don’t care. It’s not like you need them because you only like me for my face, right?”
There is a long drawn out silence as Seokjin doesn’t move, doesn’t turn around, doesn’t speak. Jeongguk waits, fingers tapping on his thigh, for a witty comeback, for Seokjin to turn back toward him. Another second passes and Seokjin still doesn’t say anything as he looks down onto the floor and Jeongguk stills in cold realization.
“...I think,” Seokjin says, “That it would be best if you left for tonight.”
Jeongguk doesn’t argue, a sort of freezing offense numbing him from the inside out and causing him to move on autopilot. It lasts him through the walk back onto the streets, through the drive home in his car, and almost through his preparations for bed. It is only as Jeongguk is brushing his teeth and looking at himself in the mirror that he feels his disappointment and anger crashing down onto him.
He scowls at his own face before he defiantly reaches over to the light switch and turns it off.
♕♕♕
If Jeongguk had been waiting for an apology he would have been sorely disappointed.
Seokjin makes no mention of the fight in his text messages or his brief, five minute phone calls over the next several days. He’s pleasant and patient and irritatingly unflappable and Jeongguk kind of wants to punch his perfect, pretty face in when he sees him again the next weekend.
It's a Sunday night, and Seokjin has prepared a low candle-lit dinner and wine this time. Jeongguk fidgets in his seat, pushing the last remnants of his steak on his plate and trying not to feel too impressed at the setup, when Seokjin comes out of the bedroom with a strange device in his hand.
"What's that?" he asks. The thing is metal plated with finger-like imprints on the surface and laid loose on top.
Seokjin places it into Jeongguk’s hands. "It's a lie-detector,” he says, “It zaps you when you lie.”
He settles down onto his own seat and nods at Jeongguk expectantly, "I figured, after last week, that maybe we could play a little trust game, something to get us comfortable with each other again? I notice you’ve been a little cold today.”
“Okay,” Jeongguk says, wary, “How about you show me how it works first, hyung?"
Seokjin shrugs and tugs on the lie detector, his large hands spanning the device easily.
"Give me your best shot.”
Jeongguk thinks back to the past week, to the angry roiling cold that had rushed through him, at the strange fond way that Seokjin would sometimes look at him, at the way they always, always fucked facing each other. He thinks back to all of that and to the frustrating jumble of affection and annoyance that he feels towards Seokjin even now, and he asks:
“Do you really just like me for my face?”
Seokjin frowns. This was the second time that Jeongguk has asked this now.
“Let’s try a different question?” he suggests gently, “Maybe not one that got us into a fight?”
Jeongguk grits his teeth and works his jaw before agreeing, “Okay, fine. Let’s try this question then.”
“Me or you?” Jeongguk asks this time, “If you had to choose between me or you, who would you choose?”
Seokjin stares because what kind of question...
"Of course, the answer is you-" Seokjin doesn't even get to finish the sentence before the buzzer goes off and he jerks his hand back with a yelp. He stares at the lie detector aghast, and for once it looks like there is something like remorse on his face as he look up Jeongguk with wide eyes.
Jeongguk takes in a shaky breath and nods, "I thought that was how it was...but I guess there is a difference between guessing and knowing, huh?”
“Jeongguk-ah…”
“Hyung, what could you possibly say now?”
“I’m sorry, really, I am, I...I’m just bad with questions. Bad with words. You know how it is, don’t you?”
Jeongguk worries at his lip and doesn’t anything.
“Let me show you that machine is wrong. Let me show. Please?”
One more chance. Don’t most people deserve at least one more chance?
“Okay," Jeongguk says, “Just this once.”
♕♕♕
Seokjin pulls him deeper into the apartment, to the bedroom. He strips Jeongguk down, slow and careful, and it makes Jeongguk antsy, like Seokjin was taking far more down than just his physical layers, so he pulls Seokjin back up into a biting kissing. Because like Seokjin said, moving was so, so much easier and if Seokjin kept going slow, kept being soft and almost loving, Jeongguk may just open himself up for heartbreak.
Jeongguk may just let himself get hurt, he may just make a mistake. One, just like this:
“I love you,” Jeongguk finds himself breathing into the silence of the apartment later that night, his mind, his heart just a little bit gone..
It is past midnight and he is being fucked into the full length mirror that spans an entire wall of Seokjin’s giant, walk-in closet.
For once, he is faced away from Seokjin, his back pressed securely against Seokjin’s front, his body nearly blanketed by the other man’s much larger torso. He feels like he’s on fire, his skin burning up with want, want to come, want for Seokjin, and it is made even worse with every deep, long thrusts that pushes Jeongguk firmly against the cold, unforgiving mirror.
“I want you, I love you, keep going,” Jeongguk whines, turning his head back as Seokjin stutters to an almost halt mid-thrust.
Seokjin laughs throatily as he picks up his pace once again, his hand coming up now to jerk at Jeongguk’s heavy cock, “If you want me to keep going you shouldn’t say things like that.”
“Like...what…?” Jeongguk pants.
“Like love,” Seokjin says. And before Jeongguk can reply Seokjin is turning him around again to face the mirror, “Not when you should be paying attention to this. To what I’m trying to show you.”
Jeongguk stares at his reflection in the mirror, at his own wide eyes and sweaty face, at Seokjin looming over him with an equally similar appearance. Naked and on top of each other like this, they look eerily alike and Jeongguk watches the way Seokjin watches them.
“Aren’t we beautiful together?” Seokjin asks.
And Jeongguk feels something nauseous roll in his stomach because of course. What else had he expected Seokjin to say? Had he honestly thought that Seokjin would say that he would love him too? He had known what this was for a while now, this sham of a relationship, this strange, narcissistic form of self-worship. He had known and he had let himself continue to go with it; this was his consequence.
In a way, it feels like a punishment, like karma for all those broken hearts that Jeongguk had left behind when he was younger.
Seokjin is pressing deeper into Jeongguk now and it becomes harder to think. Jeongguk lets his weight fall completely onto the mirror, lets Seokjin hold him and position him like a marionette on a set of strings. His breath fogs up the mirror, obscuring their reflection so much that all Jeongguk can make out are two indistinct blobs of flesh and all he can feel is relief. Jeongguk comes soon after, half-heartedly and tired, the come splattering all over their reflection and that too is a relief.
Do you really still want this to mean something? Jeongguk thinks to himself as Seokjin pulls him away from the mirror, cradles him in his arms, and smiles at their reflections. Jeongguk looks up at Seokjin. Seokjin doesn’t look back.
No. No, I don’t think I do.
♕♕♕
“Let’s stop dating,” Jeongguk says in the chilly brightness of the next morning. Seokjin is standing in front of his wardrobe mirror adjusting his work apron and fixing his hair. Jeongguk is standing in the doorway with one foot in the hallway and another still in the room.
Seokjin pauses momentarily, hesitates, but then he says, “Okay.” And Jeongguk steps his other foot out into the hallway. “Do you still want to hook up though?”
Jeongguk scowls, feeling his anger burn through him. This time it is hot and fierce and violent, and Jeongguk finds himself striding over to the Seokjin and slamming the wardrobe, slamming that damnable mirror closed.
“No,” he says, “No, I don’t. Let me ask you one more thing before I leave, Seokjin-hyung. Did any of those things you did when we dated, the hugs, the kisses, the homecooked meals, did any of that mean anything to you? At all?”
Seokjin looks taken aback. He looks once over towards the closed wardrobe door, then back at Jeongguk. He picks the wrong thing to say:
“Jeongguk, I’m a food and wine critic, of course those meals meant something to me.”
And this time, Jeongguk does punch Seokjin’s perfect, pretty face in.
- i can't actually write porn so please accept this mess of sad sex and mild ooc characterization, i am sorry.
- the line "Do you only like me for my face?" rightfully belongs to nini who said it first and made me sad.
- please cry with me.
