A Failed Idea (AKA Rice can't write it seems)
AN: This is me trying my hand at some Loki/Thor brotherly/lovey angst...I do not think I succeed, in fact I know I didn't.
Emotions were not something Thor was good with, or at least not deep running profound emotions. The flight of fancy feelings of rage or sorrow were fairly easy to grasp and react on but the deep ache that made his heart clench whenever he laid eyes on his now villainous brother was something new all together. And the ache wasn't only present when he saw Loki, oh no, the ache was there when he laughed at the rest of the Avenger's antics and thought out of reflex how his brother would also be amused. It wretched at his heart when Tony began on his long tirades about science that perhaps Loki would have liked to hear or maybe even understood, Odin knows Thor didn't.
He imagined some days that the ache was a good feeling, one of freedom now that his brother who was barely able to keep up was no longer in his shadow stealing away attention at crucial moments. Of course though Thor was not a very good liar and even after almost five years without Loki tucked away in his shadow he still turned his head to ask the more clever prince a question or double check the he was safely within arm's reach. It was wretched to crave the contact of someone so obviously mad, so blindly dedicated to destruction of an entire people and it was made all the worse by the false hope that someday his brother Loki would come back to rule at his side like they had been meant to.
And oh was that a thought that stirred a whole flurry of emotions in the golden prince. Once it had been his dream to rule with his brother at his side, tucked away in shadow so no one would see or harm him but always close enough to be pulled close for a hug or sloppy kiss on the cheek that Thor knew he despised. Sometimes late at night or early in the morning he'd let his mind go back to that dream and dwell on how wonderful things would be if they all went back to how they were supposed to be, Thor and Loki, brothers of the realm, kings together!
But it can never be. Loki is mad, his anger and hurt having broken his mind and Thor knows that even if his brother Loki came back he could never stand next to the throne without being struck down by someone he'd wronged. It was a horrible truth, but a truth Thor had come to accept.
_ _ _
Loki watched the stars above glitter and glint in the night sky, his mind filling with images of snuffing out the small lights and destroying the lives they surely held. He thought about how Thor would weep if their home was no more to him the same way it was no more to Loki himself. He had no home, not enough of any one things to fit in anywhere, not even at the side of the brother he had once loved so dearly. But those times were long past, he was a monster and who could ever love something like that?
Once upon a time though he had not been a monster, he'd been loved by a Mother, Father, and the most amazing Brother ever but something had gone wrong, something had made him wrong and now he was just a misbegotten relic. He was nothing now and even if he wanted to run back to Thor (No never! Stupid hurtful oaf!) he could not because now he finally understood. He was Loki and he was (Broken wrong nasty kill it!) never meant for the greatness that his Brother had been willing to share with him (Monster!).
But he would make Thor keep looking at him because he may be a (Piece of filth!) stolen child but he was still (Evil sick wrong!) going to fight for what should have been his. (Look at me. Look at me! Look at me, look at me, lookatme, lookatme, lookatmelookatmelookatme!)
Emotions were not something Thor was good with, or at least not deep running profound emotions. The flight of fancy feelings of rage or sorrow were fairly easy to grasp and react on but the deep ache that made his heart clench whenever he laid eyes on his now villainous brother was something new all together. And the ache wasn't only present when he saw Loki, oh no, the ache was there when he laughed at the rest of the Avenger's antics and thought out of reflex how his brother would also be amused. It wretched at his heart when Tony began on his long tirades about science that perhaps Loki would have liked to hear or maybe even understood, Odin knows Thor didn't.
He imagined some days that the ache was a good feeling, one of freedom now that his brother who was barely able to keep up was no longer in his shadow stealing away attention at crucial moments. Of course though Thor was not a very good liar and even after almost five years without Loki tucked away in his shadow he still turned his head to ask the more clever prince a question or double check the he was safely within arm's reach. It was wretched to crave the contact of someone so obviously mad, so blindly dedicated to destruction of an entire people and it was made all the worse by the false hope that someday his brother Loki would come back to rule at his side like they had been meant to.
And oh was that a thought that stirred a whole flurry of emotions in the golden prince. Once it had been his dream to rule with his brother at his side, tucked away in shadow so no one would see or harm him but always close enough to be pulled close for a hug or sloppy kiss on the cheek that Thor knew he despised. Sometimes late at night or early in the morning he'd let his mind go back to that dream and dwell on how wonderful things would be if they all went back to how they were supposed to be, Thor and Loki, brothers of the realm, kings together!
But it can never be. Loki is mad, his anger and hurt having broken his mind and Thor knows that even if his brother Loki came back he could never stand next to the throne without being struck down by someone he'd wronged. It was a horrible truth, but a truth Thor had come to accept.
_ _ _
Loki watched the stars above glitter and glint in the night sky, his mind filling with images of snuffing out the small lights and destroying the lives they surely held. He thought about how Thor would weep if their home was no more to him the same way it was no more to Loki himself. He had no home, not enough of any one things to fit in anywhere, not even at the side of the brother he had once loved so dearly. But those times were long past, he was a monster and who could ever love something like that?
Once upon a time though he had not been a monster, he'd been loved by a Mother, Father, and the most amazing Brother ever but something had gone wrong, something had made him wrong and now he was just a misbegotten relic. He was nothing now and even if he wanted to run back to Thor (No never! Stupid hurtful oaf!) he could not because now he finally understood. He was Loki and he was (Broken wrong nasty kill it!) never meant for the greatness that his Brother had been willing to share with him (Monster!).
But he would make Thor keep looking at him because he may be a (Piece of filth!) stolen child but he was still (Evil sick wrong!) going to fight for what should have been his. (Look at me. Look at me! Look at me, look at me, lookatme, lookatme, lookatmelookatmelookatme!)