My conversation with Kerry.
I feel better.
harden on 40: Thanks for breakfast.
headhunter3405: Sure, Rich. Anytime. Are you okay now?
harden on 40: I think so. For now.
headhunter3405: You do know what I mean, right? Mark isn't going to stop loving you, kitten.
harden on 40: *blush* Yeah, I guess so. I'm just...Kerry, I'm scared. I really am. Because he will put you first. You can't tell me he won't.
headhunter3405: I'm not going to lie to you, Rich. He probably will. But only at first, I think. Because this is new. It's allowed. Can you tell me that you won't put Bobby first?
harden on 40: Not like what he's going to do. I know he's going to put you first. In everything. For a long, long time.
headhunter3405: *shakes head* Rich. You need to have more faith in him. A lot more. Richie, he loves you.
harden on 40: He loves you too.
headhunter3405: I know. But you're his. He belongs to you, you belong to him. He may love me. He may be in love with me. But he fell in love with you first.
harden on 40: What if he's always loved you? What if this is just some giant elaborate joke on me?
headhunter3405: Oh, for fuck's sake, Richie. Don't be stupid.
harden on 40: *sighs* I know, I know. It's just...my biggest fear.
headhunter3405: Well, it's a stupid fear that you don't need.
harden on 40: If we're all together, Mark's going to love you more and more. He won't need me anymore.
headhunter3405: Dammit, Rich, we just went over this. Rich. That's not going to happen. It's not.
harden on 40: Yeah, sure, you're secure. You know you have forever with Bobby. I don't know if I have it with Mark, okay?
headhunter3405: Then you need to talk to him.
harden on 40: I can't, not about this! Are you kidding? He's never once promised me anything more than what we've got now. I'm starting to think I just...need more. Need to know more that it's...for real.
headhunter3405: *sighs* I really, really don't know what to tell you on this one. Mark probably wouldn't promise anyone more than right now. He's not like that, you know that.
harden on 40: Yes, I know that. *quiet* You're better for him.
headhunter3405: Oh, dammit, Rich. Shut the fuck up, now you're getting ridiculous.
harden on 40: IT'S TRUE. It's goddamn fucking true and you know it, don't you?
headhunter3405: Now you're getting hysterical again, so calm the fuck down.
harden on 40: *crying* I can't fucking help it, okay?
headhunter3405: You're gonna have to. I won't tolerate your freaking out on me. You need to calm down. How come you aren't listening to anything I've been saying? Do my promises mean nothing to you?
headhunter3405: Rich?
harden on 40: What?
headhunter3405: I asked you a question, kitten. *soft*
harden on 40: Your promises mean a lot. 'Cause I know you can...split your time? Is that what I mean? You can...make time for Bobby and Mark both. 'Cause you're you.
headhunter3405: Rich, you're forgetting about yourself again. I can make time for you. I want to make time for you. If we all are seriously going to do this, that means that you're mine too. I take care of what's mine.
headhunter3405: And my Robert loves you, Rich. We all care a lot about you. You aren't going to be forgotten--you're part of a fourth. An equal, evenly-split fourth. I admit, I'm probably going to devote more time to Mark--for now. But I would never take him from you. I couldn't.
harden on 40: You promise?
headhunter3405: I do.
harden on 40: So if I wanted Mark all to myself for a while....
headhunter3405: Then you've got him all to yourself.
harden on 40: ...And if I wanted Bobby all to myself for a while?
headhunter3405: *smiles* Then you and him can go off and mosh or do whatever it is you dorky rookies do.
harden on 40: *sniffles* Okay.
headhunter3405: Is he awake?
harden on 40: I don't know where he is. I think he might be out on the beach. He had a hangover.
headhunter3405: You wanna come over here with me and Robert for a while?
harden on 40: I'm good here. But thanks.
headhunter3405: How about you and I go on a date tonight?
harden on 40: *startled* You and me? Like, just you and me?
headhunter3405: *nods* Just you and me. Robert and Mark can fend for themselves. I want to take you out on a date.
harden on 40: I...I guess so. Um, but...Mark probably wants to go out with you first.
headhunter3405: He can wait. Are you coming with us to Chicago?
harden on 40: I...can't. I promised I'd visit Mike, I'm leaving tomorrow to see him. *scared*
headhunter3405: Quit, kitten. Don't think those thoughts. I promise you. We won't do anything without you, won't start anything without you. Kissing is the limit.
harden on 40: Mark wants more.
headhunter3405: He's not going to get more, not without the four of us together. Even. I told you, Rich, it's an even split. You're a fourth, I'm a fourth, Robert's a fourth, Mark's a fourth.
headhunter3405: Rich?
harden on 40: I'm here. I'm just thinking.
headhunter3405: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
harden on 40: Me thinking?
headhunter3405: Yeah.
harden on 40: I don't know. I'm feeling better about this.
headhunter3405: That's good.
harden on 40: And you know, you never kissed me.
headhunter3405: *raises eyebrow* Huh?
harden on 40: Well, I kissed Bobby, you kissed Mark. Mark kissed Bobby. You never kissed me. You got somethin' against Canadians, eh?
headhunter3405: *laughs* Crazy Canucks.
harden on 40: *grins*
headhunter3405: *soft* There we go, kitten. Cheer up. This is only going to be as complicated as you make it. Let's just go with the flow, see what happens. Don't think so much on it. This is new to all of us, not just you.
harden on 40: Yeah, I know. I know. *sighs*
headhunter3405: Smile for me. Really, Richie, just cheer up.
harden on 40: *small smile* Thanks, Kerry. I really like you.
headhunter3405: *slightly surprised* I like you too.
harden on 40: No, I mean. I really like you. *small blush*
headhunter3405: ...Oh. That's right, the crush, right?
harden on 40: *small nod*
headhunter3405: *smiles* How would you react if I said that I probably have a little crush on you?
harden on 40: *blushes more*
headhunter3405: *laughs* That's an answer. Thanks, Richie.
harden on 40: Thank you.
headhunter3405: For what?
harden on 40: You're very sweet when you want to be.
headhunter3405: *blushes* Don't tell nobody.
harden on 40: *laughs* I won't, I promise.
headhunter3405: You've a very, very sweet guy, Rich. I'm going to take good care of you. I won't let you get left out. *half-smile* Not even if you want to be left out.
harden on 40: *small nod* Is Bobby awake?
headhunter3405: He's being lazy, he's napping.
headhunter3405: You want to come over here? You and I can watch a movie.
harden on 40: *nods* Yeah, okay. I'll leave a note for Mark, telling him where I am.
headhunter3405: 's good. We're in room 129.
harden on 40: Thanks. I'll be there in a bit.
headhunter3405: Sure.
Yeah...I feel better.
harden on 40: Thanks for breakfast.
headhunter3405: Sure, Rich. Anytime. Are you okay now?
harden on 40: I think so. For now.
headhunter3405: You do know what I mean, right? Mark isn't going to stop loving you, kitten.
harden on 40: *blush* Yeah, I guess so. I'm just...Kerry, I'm scared. I really am. Because he will put you first. You can't tell me he won't.
headhunter3405: I'm not going to lie to you, Rich. He probably will. But only at first, I think. Because this is new. It's allowed. Can you tell me that you won't put Bobby first?
harden on 40: Not like what he's going to do. I know he's going to put you first. In everything. For a long, long time.
headhunter3405: *shakes head* Rich. You need to have more faith in him. A lot more. Richie, he loves you.
harden on 40: He loves you too.
headhunter3405: I know. But you're his. He belongs to you, you belong to him. He may love me. He may be in love with me. But he fell in love with you first.
harden on 40: What if he's always loved you? What if this is just some giant elaborate joke on me?
headhunter3405: Oh, for fuck's sake, Richie. Don't be stupid.
harden on 40: *sighs* I know, I know. It's just...my biggest fear.
headhunter3405: Well, it's a stupid fear that you don't need.
harden on 40: If we're all together, Mark's going to love you more and more. He won't need me anymore.
headhunter3405: Dammit, Rich, we just went over this. Rich. That's not going to happen. It's not.
harden on 40: Yeah, sure, you're secure. You know you have forever with Bobby. I don't know if I have it with Mark, okay?
headhunter3405: Then you need to talk to him.
harden on 40: I can't, not about this! Are you kidding? He's never once promised me anything more than what we've got now. I'm starting to think I just...need more. Need to know more that it's...for real.
headhunter3405: *sighs* I really, really don't know what to tell you on this one. Mark probably wouldn't promise anyone more than right now. He's not like that, you know that.
harden on 40: Yes, I know that. *quiet* You're better for him.
headhunter3405: Oh, dammit, Rich. Shut the fuck up, now you're getting ridiculous.
harden on 40: IT'S TRUE. It's goddamn fucking true and you know it, don't you?
headhunter3405: Now you're getting hysterical again, so calm the fuck down.
harden on 40: *crying* I can't fucking help it, okay?
headhunter3405: You're gonna have to. I won't tolerate your freaking out on me. You need to calm down. How come you aren't listening to anything I've been saying? Do my promises mean nothing to you?
headhunter3405: Rich?
harden on 40: What?
headhunter3405: I asked you a question, kitten. *soft*
harden on 40: Your promises mean a lot. 'Cause I know you can...split your time? Is that what I mean? You can...make time for Bobby and Mark both. 'Cause you're you.
headhunter3405: Rich, you're forgetting about yourself again. I can make time for you. I want to make time for you. If we all are seriously going to do this, that means that you're mine too. I take care of what's mine.
headhunter3405: And my Robert loves you, Rich. We all care a lot about you. You aren't going to be forgotten--you're part of a fourth. An equal, evenly-split fourth. I admit, I'm probably going to devote more time to Mark--for now. But I would never take him from you. I couldn't.
harden on 40: You promise?
headhunter3405: I do.
harden on 40: So if I wanted Mark all to myself for a while....
headhunter3405: Then you've got him all to yourself.
harden on 40: ...And if I wanted Bobby all to myself for a while?
headhunter3405: *smiles* Then you and him can go off and mosh or do whatever it is you dorky rookies do.
harden on 40: *sniffles* Okay.
headhunter3405: Is he awake?
harden on 40: I don't know where he is. I think he might be out on the beach. He had a hangover.
headhunter3405: You wanna come over here with me and Robert for a while?
harden on 40: I'm good here. But thanks.
headhunter3405: How about you and I go on a date tonight?
harden on 40: *startled* You and me? Like, just you and me?
headhunter3405: *nods* Just you and me. Robert and Mark can fend for themselves. I want to take you out on a date.
harden on 40: I...I guess so. Um, but...Mark probably wants to go out with you first.
headhunter3405: He can wait. Are you coming with us to Chicago?
harden on 40: I...can't. I promised I'd visit Mike, I'm leaving tomorrow to see him. *scared*
headhunter3405: Quit, kitten. Don't think those thoughts. I promise you. We won't do anything without you, won't start anything without you. Kissing is the limit.
harden on 40: Mark wants more.
headhunter3405: He's not going to get more, not without the four of us together. Even. I told you, Rich, it's an even split. You're a fourth, I'm a fourth, Robert's a fourth, Mark's a fourth.
headhunter3405: Rich?
harden on 40: I'm here. I'm just thinking.
headhunter3405: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
harden on 40: Me thinking?
headhunter3405: Yeah.
harden on 40: I don't know. I'm feeling better about this.
headhunter3405: That's good.
harden on 40: And you know, you never kissed me.
headhunter3405: *raises eyebrow* Huh?
harden on 40: Well, I kissed Bobby, you kissed Mark. Mark kissed Bobby. You never kissed me. You got somethin' against Canadians, eh?
headhunter3405: *laughs* Crazy Canucks.
harden on 40: *grins*
headhunter3405: *soft* There we go, kitten. Cheer up. This is only going to be as complicated as you make it. Let's just go with the flow, see what happens. Don't think so much on it. This is new to all of us, not just you.
harden on 40: Yeah, I know. I know. *sighs*
headhunter3405: Smile for me. Really, Richie, just cheer up.
harden on 40: *small smile* Thanks, Kerry. I really like you.
headhunter3405: *slightly surprised* I like you too.
harden on 40: No, I mean. I really like you. *small blush*
headhunter3405: ...Oh. That's right, the crush, right?
harden on 40: *small nod*
headhunter3405: *smiles* How would you react if I said that I probably have a little crush on you?
harden on 40: *blushes more*
headhunter3405: *laughs* That's an answer. Thanks, Richie.
harden on 40: Thank you.
headhunter3405: For what?
harden on 40: You're very sweet when you want to be.
headhunter3405: *blushes* Don't tell nobody.
harden on 40: *laughs* I won't, I promise.
headhunter3405: You've a very, very sweet guy, Rich. I'm going to take good care of you. I won't let you get left out. *half-smile* Not even if you want to be left out.
harden on 40: *small nod* Is Bobby awake?
headhunter3405: He's being lazy, he's napping.
headhunter3405: You want to come over here? You and I can watch a movie.
harden on 40: *nods* Yeah, okay. I'll leave a note for Mark, telling him where I am.
headhunter3405: 's good. We're in room 129.
harden on 40: Thanks. I'll be there in a bit.
headhunter3405: Sure.
Yeah...I feel better.