a question for the masses

[richenza]

Why is it that whenever we talk about "gender neutral" toys, clothes, etc. it is only "girly things" that are off the table? I ask, because I like girly things like lace dresses, tea sets and flowered hats

Comments

[rufinia]

THat is a question I have wondered about for a long time. And I haven't found an answer to it yet.

[robdamnit]

It has long been put forth by female activists and academics that our society sees the feminine as weak and subservient, and traditional feminine trappings as frivolous and impractical. It was perhaps for this reason that earlier generations of feminists abandoned cosmetics, cut their hair short, donned pants and eschewed heels. Personally I think little girls should play with trucks and tools if they wish, I also think little boys should play with dolls and tea sets if that is what they desire. Our society is gender and gender expression crazed. There is no chance that any child born in this country is not going to be exposed to the constant barrage of messages telling it who or what or how it should be based solely on the happenstance of having an xx or xy chromosomal pair. Yes, boys and girls are different, but more importantly people are different and all people deserve what little help they can get in figuring out who they are instead of what society tells them to be. If your child shows a propensity for pretty things and

[richenza]

If only to save Jack the hours in the basement trying to get grass stains out of French lace cuffs.

Well... if he's already washing his own garb...

The thing that gets me is that, even in your well-thought response here, there is an implication that the choice is one or the other: "pretty and clean (girlish)" or "mud lover (boyish)".

Personally, as a child I was both a tadpole collector and an aspiring pretty-pretty princess.

It's kind of annoying that the general assumption is that if a person likes one thing that conforms to gender stereotype, then he/she likes all things that conform to the stereotype and dislikes all things that run against type... but that is a different rant.

My assumption is that most parents buy their kids the things they themselves would have enjoyed as children. Why are half of the things I liked unacceptable?

[robdamnit]

Do not take it too seriously. You yourself have already pointed out that when it comes to childrearing half of anything you do or plan to do is unacceptable to somebody. I'm sure there are many people who would say it is exactly the other half of everything that is unacceptable. You will have no end of advice and your child will receive a vast array of gifts. You will decide what is appropriate. They say it takes a village, but as the parent you are the mayor.

And for the record, when it comes to liking unacceptable things... I was, and still am, bitter that I was deemed too old for stuffed animals much earlier than my sister and I that I never got to wear anything pretty. ;^)

[richenza]

I'll help you find something pretty. :) I hear there's a lamé dress in your closet somewhere - slightly worn.

[sichling]

It is frustrating - of course, I don't have a lot of sympathy for many of the "girly toys" like shopping games and fashion/cosmetics stuff. Try taking a look at the toy aisles sometime.

But the cute dresses, dolls, and tea sets and so on are different.

[richenza]

fashion/cosmetics

I loved this as a kid. I had a huge suitcase full of dress-up stuff and a bag of my babysitter's old makeup.

How is it different?

[sichling]

Ah - the difference between playing dress-up and getting brainwashed about what beauty is...

The dress-up stuff is fine - the promoting being rail-thin and so on is not so much.

[chaiya]

I used to play dress-up with my kid brother, where I'd put him in my babysitter's skirt, and I'd wear my father's overalls ... :)

Re: The penis has been threatened.

[robdamnit]

Wow! I don't think I've ever seen it laid out so plainly, but damn it's accurate.

rambing and way too long.

[selkiechick]

Why is there no outrage? Because the social penalty for boys who step out of gender roles is still much much higher that it is for girls