It continues
Thanks to LJ for reminding me of this page. Apparently I joined 17 years ago today. That's a total trip, man. Where does time go?
The hours seem like days, the days like hours, and the years like minutes.
Nothing crazy new to report, just a continuation of my attempts to find some motivation in life. Still surviving with a wonderful wife, amazing daughter, and awesome pets.
Still feel existential apathy though. So that's nice. Have been filling the void with alcohol which has caused some stress in my relationship with the wife. Totally, a hundred-percent, my fault. It's kind of an excuse. Actually, totally an excuse. I just don't want to feel how I feel. Alcohol seems to help. I'm most definitely an alcoholic even though I'm not waking up and chugging vodka. I'm still wanting to drink like every day. And was lying about it. Which is, as the kids say, "not cool".
Do kids say that? They prolly say something like, "No cap" or something else that is meaningless to me.
But I'm still meandering through life with the anchors of wife and daughter and dog pulling me in the right direction. But I'm listless. I find momentary occupation with something but it fades. I can't workout consistently. I can't stop drinking consistently. I can't do therapy consistently.
I just feel that there should be like an "on" switch somewhere. Something that just triggers my motivation to be better. I just can't fucking find it. Drugs don't really work. Alcohol seems to shine a flashlight but never where I want it to go.
Gah, what a terrible 17 year anniversary post.