(no subject)
I miss greatly being able to go online at my convenience, without having to travel to a library or beg the use of someone's pc. I miss it almost as much as mountains, friends, and those pets which do not travel with me. I miss my blogs. I miss ebay. I miss having a sea of information, regardless of it's credibility, at my fingertips. I miss being able to surf all afternoon if that's what strikes my fancy, and I miss having MS Word, Photoshop, Adobe, and a printer at my disposal. I miss the impersonal, leisurely communications of email, and the always entertaining flamewars. *sigh*
Life in Dodge City, KS is like eating plain oatmeal for every meal, every day. I've been galloping for the Gleason camp since December. Tyrone's barn was a lot more fun than Butch's barn, but Butch, in his leading trainer kind of way, commandeered me for his own use. It was ok for awhile, then Butch's top hand took off and I kind of had to step up to the plate and start taking all the difficult horses. (I've been galloping just over a year) My progress toward race riding plateued, although I did have to develop some other skills that will make me a better horseman overall and a better jockey long-term. My frustration with the plateu and the pressure I put on myself to do right by every horse while pleasing Butch at the same time caused me to backslide. A number of the horses got pretty shitty with me, which is usually a good indicator that I need an attitude adjustment, so I took some time off to get my head right. Butch is annoyed. From 300 miles away, safely in my old room at Dad's house, I don't really care very much. I've been losing sight of the fact that I enjoy this and am on the way to living my dream, and am none too enthused about the prospect of working for Butch all summer. It would be a stupid opportunity to pass up because being seen on his horses will get me on a lot more horses, plus I kind of already agreed to do it, but it's really causing me a lot of stress because Butch is kind of an intimidating person, and beacause my conscience is bothering me about the pressure being placed on all these two-year-olds as well.
The other day I counted all the 2 and 3yo horses in Butches barn, and by my calculations based on the discrepancy in numbers, over half of the babies I've just poured my heart and soul into getting ready will not see their third year. Being a racehorse is like a death sentence, especially if you're a gelding. A good mare who declines gradually may earn a spot in the breeding shed. Geldings run until they can't run anymore and then go... I haven't looked into that. Cheap auctions, at best. Average mares do the same. Good mares who snap a leg off bypass the auction and go directly to slaughter. At this level of racing, few horses are left stallions and even fewer earn breeding rights. I don't know if I'll last long in this industry. I suppose it would be good if I did because if I can stick it out until I've payed my dues and worked my way up to high enough renown that people will listen to me, I could instill a real change to make it better for the horses. Great aspirations.
Next weekend is the start of the little bush meet at Arnett, OK. They run a few races each Sunday for three weeks, and a week or two after that we'll move to ARP (yay) So this month should pass quickly. I wonder if Beth is still wanting to disappear for awhile around her birthday? I should call her and find out. I always think of people's birthdays a week or so in advance and then space them out until two or three days after the fact. I talked to Schad tonight and now I'm kind of excited to ride at Arnett. It's a tiny, poorly-regulated meet, so I wont have to pull weight and if I ride like a pile of shit it will probably be ok. I'm not counting on being ready for ARP until next year. A disappointing setback, but really a smarter decision long-term to wait.
Schad is my new boyfriend, by the way. We got together almost immediately after I came to work (he's Tyrone's exercise rider) and have argued every other week since, but we've got something that keeps pulling us back together. I really like him. I'm scared because we got pretty deep faster than we should have, always a recipe for disaster, and I feel like there's a lot at stake here. Like this would actually be a great loss, unlike Matt or Gerardo or a fairly sickening number of others. Trying to go one day at a time. Slow down, not apply too much pressure, "let it grow," as Schad's always telling me. I miss him and I've only been home a day. In the past it's been almost a releif to get away from whoever it was at any given time, but this is one I'd really like to keep around for as long as he can stand me. I don't know if I could have borne being in Dodge for this long without his company.
Dad hasn't been drunk once since I've been home (this is my second consecutive night, which is fairly astounding to me) and has been sober on the phone three of the last four times I talked to him before coming. He's been getting things done around the house and everything. I'm just going to try not to cause a stir, because whatever this is, it needs to keep happening. Brenda left him awhile back, which prompted my last trip home. He seemed like he was going to take it hard when I talked to him over the phone, but by the time I got her he seemed almost relieved. He still talks to her often, I guess, and I'm sure there's still some disappointment, but if she convinced him to stay sober she was still the best thing that's happened to him in over 20 years.
That's about all that's new, and really, all of it's at least four months old. Someday I'll have a laptop and maybe even a wireless modem so I don't have to go to a truck stop or internet cafe to plug in.
Life in Dodge City, KS is like eating plain oatmeal for every meal, every day. I've been galloping for the Gleason camp since December. Tyrone's barn was a lot more fun than Butch's barn, but Butch, in his leading trainer kind of way, commandeered me for his own use. It was ok for awhile, then Butch's top hand took off and I kind of had to step up to the plate and start taking all the difficult horses. (I've been galloping just over a year) My progress toward race riding plateued, although I did have to develop some other skills that will make me a better horseman overall and a better jockey long-term. My frustration with the plateu and the pressure I put on myself to do right by every horse while pleasing Butch at the same time caused me to backslide. A number of the horses got pretty shitty with me, which is usually a good indicator that I need an attitude adjustment, so I took some time off to get my head right. Butch is annoyed. From 300 miles away, safely in my old room at Dad's house, I don't really care very much. I've been losing sight of the fact that I enjoy this and am on the way to living my dream, and am none too enthused about the prospect of working for Butch all summer. It would be a stupid opportunity to pass up because being seen on his horses will get me on a lot more horses, plus I kind of already agreed to do it, but it's really causing me a lot of stress because Butch is kind of an intimidating person, and beacause my conscience is bothering me about the pressure being placed on all these two-year-olds as well.
The other day I counted all the 2 and 3yo horses in Butches barn, and by my calculations based on the discrepancy in numbers, over half of the babies I've just poured my heart and soul into getting ready will not see their third year. Being a racehorse is like a death sentence, especially if you're a gelding. A good mare who declines gradually may earn a spot in the breeding shed. Geldings run until they can't run anymore and then go... I haven't looked into that. Cheap auctions, at best. Average mares do the same. Good mares who snap a leg off bypass the auction and go directly to slaughter. At this level of racing, few horses are left stallions and even fewer earn breeding rights. I don't know if I'll last long in this industry. I suppose it would be good if I did because if I can stick it out until I've payed my dues and worked my way up to high enough renown that people will listen to me, I could instill a real change to make it better for the horses. Great aspirations.
Next weekend is the start of the little bush meet at Arnett, OK. They run a few races each Sunday for three weeks, and a week or two after that we'll move to ARP (yay) So this month should pass quickly. I wonder if Beth is still wanting to disappear for awhile around her birthday? I should call her and find out. I always think of people's birthdays a week or so in advance and then space them out until two or three days after the fact. I talked to Schad tonight and now I'm kind of excited to ride at Arnett. It's a tiny, poorly-regulated meet, so I wont have to pull weight and if I ride like a pile of shit it will probably be ok. I'm not counting on being ready for ARP until next year. A disappointing setback, but really a smarter decision long-term to wait.
Schad is my new boyfriend, by the way. We got together almost immediately after I came to work (he's Tyrone's exercise rider) and have argued every other week since, but we've got something that keeps pulling us back together. I really like him. I'm scared because we got pretty deep faster than we should have, always a recipe for disaster, and I feel like there's a lot at stake here. Like this would actually be a great loss, unlike Matt or Gerardo or a fairly sickening number of others. Trying to go one day at a time. Slow down, not apply too much pressure, "let it grow," as Schad's always telling me. I miss him and I've only been home a day. In the past it's been almost a releif to get away from whoever it was at any given time, but this is one I'd really like to keep around for as long as he can stand me. I don't know if I could have borne being in Dodge for this long without his company.
Dad hasn't been drunk once since I've been home (this is my second consecutive night, which is fairly astounding to me) and has been sober on the phone three of the last four times I talked to him before coming. He's been getting things done around the house and everything. I'm just going to try not to cause a stir, because whatever this is, it needs to keep happening. Brenda left him awhile back, which prompted my last trip home. He seemed like he was going to take it hard when I talked to him over the phone, but by the time I got her he seemed almost relieved. He still talks to her often, I guess, and I'm sure there's still some disappointment, but if she convinced him to stay sober she was still the best thing that's happened to him in over 20 years.
That's about all that's new, and really, all of it's at least four months old. Someday I'll have a laptop and maybe even a wireless modem so I don't have to go to a truck stop or internet cafe to plug in.