i'm home (waiting for you) [fic]
pairing: kaisoo {+sebaek}
rating: pg-13
genre: romance/drama
length: 3831
summary: promises are made to be broken, then put back together.
originally written for 3daysofkaisoo fic exchange for sengen35.
Playful screams are heard from across the courtyard, thundering footsteps that sounded like a herd of baby elephants, the quiet spring of April cast over like a blanket. The picturesque view surrounds Little Angels Orphanage, greets passers-by with a calming and peaceful scene. Indeed for these children, despite the everlasting anticipation of finding a real home, their days spent at the large residential home were memories that could never be rivaled.
Below by the ridge was a small pond filled with little creatures. A few children played happily in the sun,
“Hey,Jongin, let’s go play in the sandbox now!” one of the young boys exclaimed. Kim Jongin looked reluctantly at his friend before glancing over at another figure, Do Kyungsoo, who was contentedly drawing figures in the dirt.
“Ummm, maybe later. I want to stay here,” he said.
“But it’s boring here,” the same boy said. “All you can even do is count fish or play with Kyungsoo.” Jongin narrowed his eyes at the last statement.
“Well, I want to stay here, so you guys just go without me.” The other kids stared at Jongin, but shrugged their shoulders and went along anyway.
Jongin looked back at Kyungsoo and approached him,
“Whatcha doing?”
Kyungsoo barely offered him a glance, “Making pictures.”
Jongin looked at the drawings and saw Kyungsoo had drawn stick figures, “Who are these supposed to be?”
With the stick he was using, Kyungsoo pointed at each figure, “This one is me, of course. This one is my future mommy, this one is my future daddy,” he explained, his wide eyes alive, a giant grin donning his face. “And this is my future puppy, because puppies are gonna be part of my family, too.” He gave a proud smile at his masterpiece; Jongin couldn’t help but stare at him.
Kyungsoo met his eyes for a brief moment, before Jongin quickly looked away. He snatched the stick out of his tiny grasp and pointed at the picture.
“What if your family isn’t like that?” he asked in a loud, semi-derisive tone. Kyungsoo looked at him, wide eyes shining in confusion. “W-what do you mean?” his voice shook. Jongin froze and quickly tried to amend his previous remark, “I-I mean...what if...your mom is prettier than that?”
Kyungsoo sniffed and pondered that; Jongin continued, “Your dad could be more manly than that, and the dog could be cuter, too.” He avoided Kyungsoo’s softening face, whose bottom lip was in between his teeth. Jongin sniffed in seeming disinterest, as Kyungsoo re-examined his work and smiled. His own mouth was beginning to betray him.
Somewhere off in the distance, the supper bell rang. Jongin offered his hand to Kyungsoo without looking. Said boy regarded the hand in confusion. Jongin sighed, “You’re always playing and eating alone.” Kyungsoo continued to stare. He tries again, “You should try making friends. At least, I will be your friend.”
With a face of incredulity, Kyungsoo stared at the brown-eyed boy. His tan skin shone in the afternoon sun like caramel, his figure lean with promise of strength in the future. Kyungsoo looked at the proffered hand once again. He grinned and let out a soft giggle. Clutching Jongin’s sweaty hand, they joined the other children in running into the house. Unbeknownst to the two little hearts, an unbreakable bond had formed that fateful day.
~//~
All the children rushed to plaster their faces against the window. The rain caused streaks on the glass, yet the scene occurring outside was still visible. It was Adoption Day, and Oh Sehun had found a family. He gently waved to all the children, before climbing into a black car. Jongin sighed in dismay and turned away from the window first. Kyungsoo was the first to notice and immediately followed him.
“You okay?” Kyungsoo asked him with concern in his eyes.
“Yeah, just a little upset.”
“Sehun was a good friend, huh?”
“Not just that, but also a little... jealous,” Jongin shamefully admitted.
Kyungsoo wrapped an arm around his shoulder in comfort. “Don’t worry, you’ll find a home soon.”
Jongin looked up at him,
“I hope we both do.”
Kyungsoo gave a reserved smile at that comment. He moved to sit next to Jongin on the floor. They sat in silence together, listening to the sound of rain pattering against the roof of the building.
“Hyung, do you really think there’ll be some family out there that would want us?” Jongin suddenly asked.
The latter thought about a proper response, “Of course, who wouldn’t want you, Jongin? You would make the most obedient and loving son," Kyungsoo drew circles on Jongin's wrist absentmindedly. "Anyone would be lucky to have you."
I'm lucky to have you, the words hang on the tip of his tongue.
Without saying another word, Jongin held up his left pinky.
“Hyung, let’s make a promise,” he said. “If either one of us gets adopted, then we have to make sure to come back for one another. No matter what. We can’t forget.”
Kyungsoo smiled and hooked his pinky finger around Jongin’s, “I promise. How could I not come back for you?”
They remained clasped together, a heavy promise weighing in their hearts.
~//~
It was only a few weeks later.
A woman with kind eyes and a man with soft wrinkles came to Little Angels Orphanage and approached Jongin first. Apparently they were good friends of the same people who adopted Sehun. The woman spoke gently with Jongin and he immediately knew this woman could be a mother. His mother. But hesitant thoughts kept him from an immediate response. After all, the orphanage had been his home for the past twelve years. Kyungsoo had been his home.
The latter reassured him that he would be alright, and it was the chance of a lifetime. Of course, Jongin knew that, but he was still reluctant to grasp the woman’s warm hand. With another gentle nudge from Kyungsoo, Jongin gave him a smile as if to say, “Don’t worry, I won’t be gone long.”
Instead of looking outside the large window, Kyungsoo stood at the doorway of the orphanage building. Tears threatening his wide eyes as he watched the black car take Jongin away to leave with a new family.
Promise to come back for you resonated in his mind. Clutching his chest, he silently wished for that day to come soon.
~//~
The biting wind nipped at Jongin’s exposed cheeks as he huddled closer within his jacket to shield himself from the cold. January was perhaps the most brutal month of the year, despite being Jongin’s “birth” month.
He laughed bitterly at that thought. Orphans never knew their real birthday, so they go by the date they were brought into the orphanage, or adopted. January 14 has always been Jongin’s birth date. His adopted parents tried changing it to the March date they took him in, but that day will always be associated with the rain that blurred Jongin’s sight as he drove away from his one and only home.
He sighed. That was six years ago. Now, he has a family who cares for him and dotes on him. He goes to school and is in his final year. He even reunited with Sehun, who remains as one of his only friends.
Except that it’s not what he dreams of.
Visions of large, wide eyes and soft pink lips bubbling with laughter bombarded his memory. Immediately, guilt began to sink within Jongin. Every moment of every day, he is reminded of the promise he made with Kyungsoo. He tried to go back to the orphanage, but his parents hadn’t allowed him, making the excuse that it’s too far for them to travel and he was already preoccupied with extracurricular activities.
One day, he was finally able to call the orphanage so he could at least talk to Kyungsoo. However, he was given the worst news.
“I’m sorry Jongin,” the housekeeper said. “Kyungsoo isn’t here anymore.”
He felt his heart break into tiny shards, “What do you mean? Was he adopted?”
“Ah...no...he simply was not in his quarters one day. It’s believed he must have run away.”
“Run...run away? How long ago?” Jongin asked with a tone of incredulity.
“It must have been about two years after you left.”
He had hung up the phone with feelings of shame. Kyungsoo must have given up on him. He had no idea where he could have run off to, or if he was even still...alive.
Jongin came to a stop light and waited for the light to turn. Suddenly, he looks to his right and sees a familiar figure. Brown hair strands sticking up out of random places, a stature coming up right below his head, and petite frame bundled in a sweater. Jongin felt his heart quicken.
“H-hyung?” he said to himself, then lightly touched the figure’s arm. The person turned around, but immediately Jongin knew it wasn’t him. He quickly apologized and moved on. He sighed again. It wasn’t uncommon for Jongin to mistake other people for Kyungsoo. But he wouldn’t give up.
He promised all those years ago that he would come back for Kyungsoo. And he never went back on his word.
~//~
Jongin thought he should be excited. Starting university is a new step for him, although, being an economics major, it might just end up being boring. Sehun walked beside him as they go towards their respective buildings. Jongin was glad that he at least had Sehun to accompany him in university, even though the latter only came to the school so he could be with his boyfriend, Baekhyun.
“Well, here’s your stop,” Sehun said when they approach the liberal arts school.
“Have fun in ochem,” Jongin teased. Sehun pretended to barf, but waved goodbye anyway. Stepping into his Econ 101 class, Jongin scanned the room for a seat.
He did a double take.
Sitting in the second row, neatly arranging his notebooks and pens, with the same large eyes that he’d once spent evenings trying to memorize, was Kyungsoo.
His heart stopped, his breath hitched, and his mind spun. He can’t even form words right now. He cannot fathom that Kyungsoo, the one he has been looking for, is sitting right there in front of his eyes.
Just as he moved to walk towards him, the professor walked in and asked for everyone to take their seats. Eyes stuck on the boy's petite frame, Jongin found himself paying no attention to the lecture.
He still looked the same, naturally more mature, but nothing's changed otherwise. His brown, wide eyes still look as if he were curious about the whole world, while his pink lips pouted in concentration at the professor's words. Jongin couldn't help but crack a smile.
The professor finally called out "class dismissed" and Jongin barely had time to blink before Kyungsoo gathered his things and was the first to leave. He barreled after him, trying to get close enough. He called out, “H-hyung!” No response. “Hyung!” Kyungsoo was getting farther away. Jongin was confused. “K-kyungsoo!”
The latter finally turned around, puzzled as to who’s calling him. Breathless, Jongin approacheed him. They stare at each other for a few heartbeats before Jongin clutched Kyungsoo’s hand,
“Hyung,” his voice broke. “I found you, Hyung.” He’s close to breaking down. He stepped closer and grabbed onto Kyungsoo’s other hand, the elder still staring at Jongin. The former kept repeating I found you like a mantra to keep himself sane.
Suddenly, Kyungsoo snatched his hands back, as if he’d been burned. His wide eyes took on an emotion that Jongin had never seen before.
Fear.
Furrowing his eyebrows, Jongin tried again. “Hyung, it’s me. It’s Jongin.” Kyungsoo is now positively shaking, and Jongin paniced. “I know, I’ve grown up a lot. It’s been a long while, but hyung, it’s me.” He’s desperate to erase the timorous look on Kyungsoo’s face. He moved to grab hold of the latter’s hands again, but Kyungsoo took a step back. He lowered his head,
“I’m sorry, I don’t know who you are. Please. It’d be better for you to leave me alone,” his petite shoulders shook violently. He briskly turned around and nearly ran off, leaving Jongin trembling in his wake, a million thoughts ran through his mind, knees threatened to give way, and tears burned in his eyes.
Kyungsoo had forgotten Jongin.
All because Jongin broke his promise.
~//~
Jongin spent the next few days wading through blank stares, his body rigid, as if it’s lost the will to live. Sehun was usually with him, trying to get him to come to his senses, but Jongin continuously blamed himself.
Sehun brought over his boyfriend, Baekhyun to see if he could help Jongin’s problem.
"I'm a psych major, I can fix you."
"I don't need to be fixed, I just want Kyungsoo back."
Baekhyun’s face lit up at the name.
“Kyungsoo? As in, Do Kyungsoo?”
“Wait, you know him?” Jongin’s head shots up.
“Yeah, we’ve been friends since freshman year. I didn't think he knew many people." Baekhyun laughed,"To be honest, we're not real friends, more like I bother him him a lot and he puts up with me."
“Ah, yes,” Jongin said shyly.
“Maybe if I go with you, he’ll be more willing to talk to you?” Baekyhun suggested. Jongin felt unsure, but he knew this was his best chance.
Jongin agreed to go with Baekhyun later that day to meet Kyungsoo at a nearby restaurant, before the latter waved goodbye with Sehun in tow.
~//~
Moments before approaching the hole-in-the-wall restaurant, Jongin could not calm his nerves. The entire walk from campus had him jittery, both from excitement and nervousness. What if Kyungsoo reacted the same way as their first encounter? Or tried to leave as soon as they arrive? All his doubts were cast aside as soon as they entered the building.
Baekhyun told Jongin to stand behind him, before going up to Kyungsoo who sat in the far corner.
“Kyungsoo!” Baekyhun called out. Kyungsoo looked up, his soft features transformed into a forced smile. Jongin felt his heart contract like a thousand needles were pricking.
Once they approached his table, Kyungsoo turned his attention to Jongin and immediately froze up, eyes widened in recognition. Baekhyun seemed not to notice and slid in the opposite seat, motioning for Jongin to do the same. "This is Jongin, he's Sehun’s friend," Baekhyun gestured.
"Ah...I see," Kyungsoo spoke hesitantly.
There was a moment of awkward silence until Jongin cleared his throat,
"I-I apologize for scaring you the other day."
"Oh...it's okay. I was just taken by surprise," he said softly.
"You just look like someone who I've been looking for," Jongin forced out, the lie bitter on his tongue.
"I see. I've been told I look familiar," the latter said with a gentle smile.
There’s no one like you at all, Jongin thought.
"I brought him with me since I know you don't have many friends," Baekhyun said in a loud voice. Kyungsoo’s cheeks reddened, "I have friends..."
"I meant more than just me," Baekhyun winked. The latter gave a short laugh. He glanced over and saw Jongin staring at him, and his cheeks brightened more.
Catching on to the obvious share of interest, Baekhyun made a show of checking the time on his phone. “Oh! I just remembered. I have to meet Chanyeol to study for our test; Jongin you’ll keep Kyungsoo company right?”
“I, uh.”
“Great! See you later!” The older left the restaurant quickly, leaving them both to stew in an awkward silence. Just as Jongin made to start talking, Kyungsoo spoke up in a hushed tone,
“How do you know me?”
Jongin cleared his throat for the nth time, “I’ve known you for a while, actually…but we haven’t met in a long time.” Kyungsoo gave a pained look. “We made a promise, that I was supposed to come back for you...but I broke it. And I guess you’ve completely moved on from my memory.” The last statement came out as a whisper.
Kyungsoo’s face contorted into a wince, “I-I’m sorry. I don’t know how to say this but...I really don’t know who you are.” Jongin closed his eyes to keep the tears from falling. “And it’s not because of some promise or whatever, because I don’t know about that either.” Jongin looked up at him, confusion written all over his face.
“Wait, what?”
Kyungsoo wrung his hands under the table, and with a shaky breath said, “You see...I’ve lost all my memories.”
Jongin’s mind spun, his heart stopped, and he’s pretty sure he’s gaping like a fish. “You’ve...what?”
“I had an accident a few years ago and hit my head. Because of brain trauma, I’ve lost all memories from before the accident. The earliest thing I can remember is watching a black car drive away from a large building.” Kyungsoo stated, his eyes downcast at his hands.
Jongin started to see spots in his vision. He could not believe what he was hearing.
“So, your family...are they your real parents?”
“No, I was adopted. They were the ones who found me after the accident and apparently they helped pay the hospital expenses and stayed with me. Afterwards, they decided to just take me in, and I really had no other place to go.”
Jongin remembered back to the phone conversation with the orphanage housekeeper and how they told him Kyungsoo had run away. But in reality, he was in an accident and adopted. Why did they lie to him about that?
“I-I’m sorry, it’s a little hard to talk about my life like this…I’ve just been struggling a lot because it’s so frustrating losing an entire six years worth of my life to amnesia. I want to find some way to bring them back.” Kyungsoo finally looked up at the younger, those notorious eyes filled with hope.
Jongin finally managed to crack a smile, he brought a hand forward and gently touched Kyungsoo’s arm. “I’ve been searching for you for so long, and now you’re finally in front of me. Just because you don’t remember who I am doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten who you are. New last name or not, you’re still Kyungsoo, the one who used to draw stick figures in the dirt, dreamed of owning a dog and the only person who I could truly call home.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes shone with tears and Jongin had a sudden urge to caress his cheek, “I’ve honestly never felt I could trust a stranger so much. But your words pull something inside me, as if my heart remembers something my mind does not.”
“Then let’s pull the rest of those hidden emotions out, because from now on, I won’t ever let you go.”
And for the first time since Jongin reunited with Kyungsoo, he smiled.
~//~
Sunlight streams through a window, the sound of birds chirping an alarm for ones still asleep.
Unless you’re Kim Jongin.
Kyungsoo looks at his boyfriend with both fondness and annoyance; however, after ten minutes of Jongin continuously snoring when he should obviously know what day it is, Kyungsoo’s patience runs thin. Grabbing a pillow, he smacks his head with it,
“Get up, Jongin! Do you even know what today is?!”
“Ah! What?!” He props himself up on his elbow.
“What is today, Jongin?”
“Sunday? The day I usually the entirety of.” He moves to fix his pillows again, but not before Kyungsoo snatches them from underneath.
“NO JONGIN, it’s January 13!”
“Oh, okay, so tomorrow’s my birthday, big whoop. And yours already passed, so what is the big deal?”
“Honestly, are you the one with amnesia or me? First get up so you can think properly,” Kyungsoo says with his arms folded.
Groaning, Jongin finally gets up off the bed. He’s suddenly attacked with soft, velvet lips on his mouth and all four limbs getting pushed to the wall. He pulls away to look at his dear lover’s face, “Not that I’m complaining, but why the sudden makeout session?”
Kyungsoo sighs loudly while running his fingers through Jongin’s chocolate brown locks, “I suppose I’ll forgive you this once,” he pulls Jongin’s face closer to him, “Happy anniversary, love.”
Jongin’s widen in recognition but are cut off by Kyungsoo kissing him once again, but this time, Jongin wraps his arms around the smaller’s waist, kissing back with the same fervent passion. His tongue flicks against the latter’s thick lips which immediately part to allow it inside his mouth.
His heart feels so full and warm, with Kyungsoo in his arms like this. Just like he’s dreamed of. Pulling away once again, he rubs his thumb against the redness of Kyungsoo’s lips, pulled in a pout.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t forget, it was just a momentary loss of memory. But I didn’t forget.”
Kyungsoo is unsatisfied, “Well then, how are you going to make up for this?”
Jongin smiles down at him, “Close your eyes…” Kyungsoo obeys and waits expectantly. The younger places a small package in Kyungsoo’s open palms.
“Open it,” he says. Carefully untying the ribbon, Kyungsoo takes the package out of the wrapping. His breath hitches, “Jongin, is this…” He looks up at his boyfriend, but finds him on the floor instead. On one knee.
“Kyungsoo, I really don’t have much else to say except that I love you. I’ve loved you for more than ten years. You are my first and only home.” He reaches for the box in Kyungsoo’s hand to reveal a silver band that he slips through Kyungsoo’s finger. The elder is positively sobbing now.
“I’m sorry, Jongin. I’m sorry that I had to forget you, but in the short time that you found me, you’ve managed to light a fire in me that can’t be burned. I just hope that one day...I can love the way you love me.”
“I’ll spend the rest of eternity helping you to figure it out. If you agree to marry me,” Jongin stands, clutching the other’s hand.
“Yes, I will. I promise I won’t let us be separated again.”
“Pinky promise?” Jongin says teasingly, Kyungsoo laughs, the sound rich as reverberates through the room.
“Pinky promise.”
Lowering his head to meet Kyungsoo, Jongin kisses him, soft, languid motions, mimicking his bursting emotions. Kyungsoo kisses back, sucking on the taller’s bottom lip and smiling when he hears a low moan from the back of his throat. Sliding their mouths against one another, Jongin suddenly opened his mouth wider, so that Kyungsoo could lick his way into it. Another moan is heard, this time from the latter’s throat.
Clutching tighter onto the other, breaths mingling with one another, the two lovers shift their bodies so that they fall onto the bed together, limbs tangling just like their hearts had the first day they met.
And just like one promise was made then broken, it was put back together to complete a whole.
rating: pg-13
genre: romance/drama
length: 3831
summary: promises are made to be broken, then put back together.
originally written for 3daysofkaisoo fic exchange for sengen35.
Playful screams are heard from across the courtyard, thundering footsteps that sounded like a herd of baby elephants, the quiet spring of April cast over like a blanket. The picturesque view surrounds Little Angels Orphanage, greets passers-by with a calming and peaceful scene. Indeed for these children, despite the everlasting anticipation of finding a real home, their days spent at the large residential home were memories that could never be rivaled.
Below by the ridge was a small pond filled with little creatures. A few children played happily in the sun,
“Hey,Jongin, let’s go play in the sandbox now!” one of the young boys exclaimed. Kim Jongin looked reluctantly at his friend before glancing over at another figure, Do Kyungsoo, who was contentedly drawing figures in the dirt.
“Ummm, maybe later. I want to stay here,” he said.
“But it’s boring here,” the same boy said. “All you can even do is count fish or play with Kyungsoo.” Jongin narrowed his eyes at the last statement.
“Well, I want to stay here, so you guys just go without me.” The other kids stared at Jongin, but shrugged their shoulders and went along anyway.
Jongin looked back at Kyungsoo and approached him,
“Whatcha doing?”
Kyungsoo barely offered him a glance, “Making pictures.”
Jongin looked at the drawings and saw Kyungsoo had drawn stick figures, “Who are these supposed to be?”
With the stick he was using, Kyungsoo pointed at each figure, “This one is me, of course. This one is my future mommy, this one is my future daddy,” he explained, his wide eyes alive, a giant grin donning his face. “And this is my future puppy, because puppies are gonna be part of my family, too.” He gave a proud smile at his masterpiece; Jongin couldn’t help but stare at him.
Kyungsoo met his eyes for a brief moment, before Jongin quickly looked away. He snatched the stick out of his tiny grasp and pointed at the picture.
“What if your family isn’t like that?” he asked in a loud, semi-derisive tone. Kyungsoo looked at him, wide eyes shining in confusion. “W-what do you mean?” his voice shook. Jongin froze and quickly tried to amend his previous remark, “I-I mean...what if...your mom is prettier than that?”
Kyungsoo sniffed and pondered that; Jongin continued, “Your dad could be more manly than that, and the dog could be cuter, too.” He avoided Kyungsoo’s softening face, whose bottom lip was in between his teeth. Jongin sniffed in seeming disinterest, as Kyungsoo re-examined his work and smiled. His own mouth was beginning to betray him.
Somewhere off in the distance, the supper bell rang. Jongin offered his hand to Kyungsoo without looking. Said boy regarded the hand in confusion. Jongin sighed, “You’re always playing and eating alone.” Kyungsoo continued to stare. He tries again, “You should try making friends. At least, I will be your friend.”
With a face of incredulity, Kyungsoo stared at the brown-eyed boy. His tan skin shone in the afternoon sun like caramel, his figure lean with promise of strength in the future. Kyungsoo looked at the proffered hand once again. He grinned and let out a soft giggle. Clutching Jongin’s sweaty hand, they joined the other children in running into the house. Unbeknownst to the two little hearts, an unbreakable bond had formed that fateful day.
~//~
All the children rushed to plaster their faces against the window. The rain caused streaks on the glass, yet the scene occurring outside was still visible. It was Adoption Day, and Oh Sehun had found a family. He gently waved to all the children, before climbing into a black car. Jongin sighed in dismay and turned away from the window first. Kyungsoo was the first to notice and immediately followed him.
“You okay?” Kyungsoo asked him with concern in his eyes.
“Yeah, just a little upset.”
“Sehun was a good friend, huh?”
“Not just that, but also a little... jealous,” Jongin shamefully admitted.
Kyungsoo wrapped an arm around his shoulder in comfort. “Don’t worry, you’ll find a home soon.”
Jongin looked up at him,
“I hope we both do.”
Kyungsoo gave a reserved smile at that comment. He moved to sit next to Jongin on the floor. They sat in silence together, listening to the sound of rain pattering against the roof of the building.
“Hyung, do you really think there’ll be some family out there that would want us?” Jongin suddenly asked.
The latter thought about a proper response, “Of course, who wouldn’t want you, Jongin? You would make the most obedient and loving son," Kyungsoo drew circles on Jongin's wrist absentmindedly. "Anyone would be lucky to have you."
I'm lucky to have you, the words hang on the tip of his tongue.
Without saying another word, Jongin held up his left pinky.
“Hyung, let’s make a promise,” he said. “If either one of us gets adopted, then we have to make sure to come back for one another. No matter what. We can’t forget.”
Kyungsoo smiled and hooked his pinky finger around Jongin’s, “I promise. How could I not come back for you?”
They remained clasped together, a heavy promise weighing in their hearts.
~//~
It was only a few weeks later.
A woman with kind eyes and a man with soft wrinkles came to Little Angels Orphanage and approached Jongin first. Apparently they were good friends of the same people who adopted Sehun. The woman spoke gently with Jongin and he immediately knew this woman could be a mother. His mother. But hesitant thoughts kept him from an immediate response. After all, the orphanage had been his home for the past twelve years. Kyungsoo had been his home.
The latter reassured him that he would be alright, and it was the chance of a lifetime. Of course, Jongin knew that, but he was still reluctant to grasp the woman’s warm hand. With another gentle nudge from Kyungsoo, Jongin gave him a smile as if to say, “Don’t worry, I won’t be gone long.”
Instead of looking outside the large window, Kyungsoo stood at the doorway of the orphanage building. Tears threatening his wide eyes as he watched the black car take Jongin away to leave with a new family.
Promise to come back for you resonated in his mind. Clutching his chest, he silently wished for that day to come soon.
~//~
The biting wind nipped at Jongin’s exposed cheeks as he huddled closer within his jacket to shield himself from the cold. January was perhaps the most brutal month of the year, despite being Jongin’s “birth” month.
He laughed bitterly at that thought. Orphans never knew their real birthday, so they go by the date they were brought into the orphanage, or adopted. January 14 has always been Jongin’s birth date. His adopted parents tried changing it to the March date they took him in, but that day will always be associated with the rain that blurred Jongin’s sight as he drove away from his one and only home.
He sighed. That was six years ago. Now, he has a family who cares for him and dotes on him. He goes to school and is in his final year. He even reunited with Sehun, who remains as one of his only friends.
Except that it’s not what he dreams of.
Visions of large, wide eyes and soft pink lips bubbling with laughter bombarded his memory. Immediately, guilt began to sink within Jongin. Every moment of every day, he is reminded of the promise he made with Kyungsoo. He tried to go back to the orphanage, but his parents hadn’t allowed him, making the excuse that it’s too far for them to travel and he was already preoccupied with extracurricular activities.
One day, he was finally able to call the orphanage so he could at least talk to Kyungsoo. However, he was given the worst news.
“I’m sorry Jongin,” the housekeeper said. “Kyungsoo isn’t here anymore.”
He felt his heart break into tiny shards, “What do you mean? Was he adopted?”
“Ah...no...he simply was not in his quarters one day. It’s believed he must have run away.”
“Run...run away? How long ago?” Jongin asked with a tone of incredulity.
“It must have been about two years after you left.”
He had hung up the phone with feelings of shame. Kyungsoo must have given up on him. He had no idea where he could have run off to, or if he was even still...alive.
Jongin came to a stop light and waited for the light to turn. Suddenly, he looks to his right and sees a familiar figure. Brown hair strands sticking up out of random places, a stature coming up right below his head, and petite frame bundled in a sweater. Jongin felt his heart quicken.
“H-hyung?” he said to himself, then lightly touched the figure’s arm. The person turned around, but immediately Jongin knew it wasn’t him. He quickly apologized and moved on. He sighed again. It wasn’t uncommon for Jongin to mistake other people for Kyungsoo. But he wouldn’t give up.
He promised all those years ago that he would come back for Kyungsoo. And he never went back on his word.
~//~
Jongin thought he should be excited. Starting university is a new step for him, although, being an economics major, it might just end up being boring. Sehun walked beside him as they go towards their respective buildings. Jongin was glad that he at least had Sehun to accompany him in university, even though the latter only came to the school so he could be with his boyfriend, Baekhyun.
“Well, here’s your stop,” Sehun said when they approach the liberal arts school.
“Have fun in ochem,” Jongin teased. Sehun pretended to barf, but waved goodbye anyway. Stepping into his Econ 101 class, Jongin scanned the room for a seat.
He did a double take.
Sitting in the second row, neatly arranging his notebooks and pens, with the same large eyes that he’d once spent evenings trying to memorize, was Kyungsoo.
His heart stopped, his breath hitched, and his mind spun. He can’t even form words right now. He cannot fathom that Kyungsoo, the one he has been looking for, is sitting right there in front of his eyes.
Just as he moved to walk towards him, the professor walked in and asked for everyone to take their seats. Eyes stuck on the boy's petite frame, Jongin found himself paying no attention to the lecture.
He still looked the same, naturally more mature, but nothing's changed otherwise. His brown, wide eyes still look as if he were curious about the whole world, while his pink lips pouted in concentration at the professor's words. Jongin couldn't help but crack a smile.
The professor finally called out "class dismissed" and Jongin barely had time to blink before Kyungsoo gathered his things and was the first to leave. He barreled after him, trying to get close enough. He called out, “H-hyung!” No response. “Hyung!” Kyungsoo was getting farther away. Jongin was confused. “K-kyungsoo!”
The latter finally turned around, puzzled as to who’s calling him. Breathless, Jongin approacheed him. They stare at each other for a few heartbeats before Jongin clutched Kyungsoo’s hand,
“Hyung,” his voice broke. “I found you, Hyung.” He’s close to breaking down. He stepped closer and grabbed onto Kyungsoo’s other hand, the elder still staring at Jongin. The former kept repeating I found you like a mantra to keep himself sane.
Suddenly, Kyungsoo snatched his hands back, as if he’d been burned. His wide eyes took on an emotion that Jongin had never seen before.
Fear.
Furrowing his eyebrows, Jongin tried again. “Hyung, it’s me. It’s Jongin.” Kyungsoo is now positively shaking, and Jongin paniced. “I know, I’ve grown up a lot. It’s been a long while, but hyung, it’s me.” He’s desperate to erase the timorous look on Kyungsoo’s face. He moved to grab hold of the latter’s hands again, but Kyungsoo took a step back. He lowered his head,
“I’m sorry, I don’t know who you are. Please. It’d be better for you to leave me alone,” his petite shoulders shook violently. He briskly turned around and nearly ran off, leaving Jongin trembling in his wake, a million thoughts ran through his mind, knees threatened to give way, and tears burned in his eyes.
Kyungsoo had forgotten Jongin.
All because Jongin broke his promise.
~//~
Jongin spent the next few days wading through blank stares, his body rigid, as if it’s lost the will to live. Sehun was usually with him, trying to get him to come to his senses, but Jongin continuously blamed himself.
Sehun brought over his boyfriend, Baekhyun to see if he could help Jongin’s problem.
"I'm a psych major, I can fix you."
"I don't need to be fixed, I just want Kyungsoo back."
Baekhyun’s face lit up at the name.
“Kyungsoo? As in, Do Kyungsoo?”
“Wait, you know him?” Jongin’s head shots up.
“Yeah, we’ve been friends since freshman year. I didn't think he knew many people." Baekhyun laughed,"To be honest, we're not real friends, more like I bother him him a lot and he puts up with me."
“Ah, yes,” Jongin said shyly.
“Maybe if I go with you, he’ll be more willing to talk to you?” Baekyhun suggested. Jongin felt unsure, but he knew this was his best chance.
Jongin agreed to go with Baekhyun later that day to meet Kyungsoo at a nearby restaurant, before the latter waved goodbye with Sehun in tow.
~//~
Moments before approaching the hole-in-the-wall restaurant, Jongin could not calm his nerves. The entire walk from campus had him jittery, both from excitement and nervousness. What if Kyungsoo reacted the same way as their first encounter? Or tried to leave as soon as they arrive? All his doubts were cast aside as soon as they entered the building.
Baekhyun told Jongin to stand behind him, before going up to Kyungsoo who sat in the far corner.
“Kyungsoo!” Baekyhun called out. Kyungsoo looked up, his soft features transformed into a forced smile. Jongin felt his heart contract like a thousand needles were pricking.
Once they approached his table, Kyungsoo turned his attention to Jongin and immediately froze up, eyes widened in recognition. Baekhyun seemed not to notice and slid in the opposite seat, motioning for Jongin to do the same. "This is Jongin, he's Sehun’s friend," Baekhyun gestured.
"Ah...I see," Kyungsoo spoke hesitantly.
There was a moment of awkward silence until Jongin cleared his throat,
"I-I apologize for scaring you the other day."
"Oh...it's okay. I was just taken by surprise," he said softly.
"You just look like someone who I've been looking for," Jongin forced out, the lie bitter on his tongue.
"I see. I've been told I look familiar," the latter said with a gentle smile.
There’s no one like you at all, Jongin thought.
"I brought him with me since I know you don't have many friends," Baekhyun said in a loud voice. Kyungsoo’s cheeks reddened, "I have friends..."
"I meant more than just me," Baekhyun winked. The latter gave a short laugh. He glanced over and saw Jongin staring at him, and his cheeks brightened more.
Catching on to the obvious share of interest, Baekhyun made a show of checking the time on his phone. “Oh! I just remembered. I have to meet Chanyeol to study for our test; Jongin you’ll keep Kyungsoo company right?”
“I, uh.”
“Great! See you later!” The older left the restaurant quickly, leaving them both to stew in an awkward silence. Just as Jongin made to start talking, Kyungsoo spoke up in a hushed tone,
“How do you know me?”
Jongin cleared his throat for the nth time, “I’ve known you for a while, actually…but we haven’t met in a long time.” Kyungsoo gave a pained look. “We made a promise, that I was supposed to come back for you...but I broke it. And I guess you’ve completely moved on from my memory.” The last statement came out as a whisper.
Kyungsoo’s face contorted into a wince, “I-I’m sorry. I don’t know how to say this but...I really don’t know who you are.” Jongin closed his eyes to keep the tears from falling. “And it’s not because of some promise or whatever, because I don’t know about that either.” Jongin looked up at him, confusion written all over his face.
“Wait, what?”
Kyungsoo wrung his hands under the table, and with a shaky breath said, “You see...I’ve lost all my memories.”
Jongin’s mind spun, his heart stopped, and he’s pretty sure he’s gaping like a fish. “You’ve...what?”
“I had an accident a few years ago and hit my head. Because of brain trauma, I’ve lost all memories from before the accident. The earliest thing I can remember is watching a black car drive away from a large building.” Kyungsoo stated, his eyes downcast at his hands.
Jongin started to see spots in his vision. He could not believe what he was hearing.
“So, your family...are they your real parents?”
“No, I was adopted. They were the ones who found me after the accident and apparently they helped pay the hospital expenses and stayed with me. Afterwards, they decided to just take me in, and I really had no other place to go.”
Jongin remembered back to the phone conversation with the orphanage housekeeper and how they told him Kyungsoo had run away. But in reality, he was in an accident and adopted. Why did they lie to him about that?
“I-I’m sorry, it’s a little hard to talk about my life like this…I’ve just been struggling a lot because it’s so frustrating losing an entire six years worth of my life to amnesia. I want to find some way to bring them back.” Kyungsoo finally looked up at the younger, those notorious eyes filled with hope.
Jongin finally managed to crack a smile, he brought a hand forward and gently touched Kyungsoo’s arm. “I’ve been searching for you for so long, and now you’re finally in front of me. Just because you don’t remember who I am doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten who you are. New last name or not, you’re still Kyungsoo, the one who used to draw stick figures in the dirt, dreamed of owning a dog and the only person who I could truly call home.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes shone with tears and Jongin had a sudden urge to caress his cheek, “I’ve honestly never felt I could trust a stranger so much. But your words pull something inside me, as if my heart remembers something my mind does not.”
“Then let’s pull the rest of those hidden emotions out, because from now on, I won’t ever let you go.”
And for the first time since Jongin reunited with Kyungsoo, he smiled.
~//~
Sunlight streams through a window, the sound of birds chirping an alarm for ones still asleep.
Unless you’re Kim Jongin.
Kyungsoo looks at his boyfriend with both fondness and annoyance; however, after ten minutes of Jongin continuously snoring when he should obviously know what day it is, Kyungsoo’s patience runs thin. Grabbing a pillow, he smacks his head with it,
“Get up, Jongin! Do you even know what today is?!”
“Ah! What?!” He props himself up on his elbow.
“What is today, Jongin?”
“Sunday? The day I usually the entirety of.” He moves to fix his pillows again, but not before Kyungsoo snatches them from underneath.
“NO JONGIN, it’s January 13!”
“Oh, okay, so tomorrow’s my birthday, big whoop. And yours already passed, so what is the big deal?”
“Honestly, are you the one with amnesia or me? First get up so you can think properly,” Kyungsoo says with his arms folded.
Groaning, Jongin finally gets up off the bed. He’s suddenly attacked with soft, velvet lips on his mouth and all four limbs getting pushed to the wall. He pulls away to look at his dear lover’s face, “Not that I’m complaining, but why the sudden makeout session?”
Kyungsoo sighs loudly while running his fingers through Jongin’s chocolate brown locks, “I suppose I’ll forgive you this once,” he pulls Jongin’s face closer to him, “Happy anniversary, love.”
Jongin’s widen in recognition but are cut off by Kyungsoo kissing him once again, but this time, Jongin wraps his arms around the smaller’s waist, kissing back with the same fervent passion. His tongue flicks against the latter’s thick lips which immediately part to allow it inside his mouth.
His heart feels so full and warm, with Kyungsoo in his arms like this. Just like he’s dreamed of. Pulling away once again, he rubs his thumb against the redness of Kyungsoo’s lips, pulled in a pout.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t forget, it was just a momentary loss of memory. But I didn’t forget.”
Kyungsoo is unsatisfied, “Well then, how are you going to make up for this?”
Jongin smiles down at him, “Close your eyes…” Kyungsoo obeys and waits expectantly. The younger places a small package in Kyungsoo’s open palms.
“Open it,” he says. Carefully untying the ribbon, Kyungsoo takes the package out of the wrapping. His breath hitches, “Jongin, is this…” He looks up at his boyfriend, but finds him on the floor instead. On one knee.
“Kyungsoo, I really don’t have much else to say except that I love you. I’ve loved you for more than ten years. You are my first and only home.” He reaches for the box in Kyungsoo’s hand to reveal a silver band that he slips through Kyungsoo’s finger. The elder is positively sobbing now.
“I’m sorry, Jongin. I’m sorry that I had to forget you, but in the short time that you found me, you’ve managed to light a fire in me that can’t be burned. I just hope that one day...I can love the way you love me.”
“I’ll spend the rest of eternity helping you to figure it out. If you agree to marry me,” Jongin stands, clutching the other’s hand.
“Yes, I will. I promise I won’t let us be separated again.”
“Pinky promise?” Jongin says teasingly, Kyungsoo laughs, the sound rich as reverberates through the room.
“Pinky promise.”
Lowering his head to meet Kyungsoo, Jongin kisses him, soft, languid motions, mimicking his bursting emotions. Kyungsoo kisses back, sucking on the taller’s bottom lip and smiling when he hears a low moan from the back of his throat. Sliding their mouths against one another, Jongin suddenly opened his mouth wider, so that Kyungsoo could lick his way into it. Another moan is heard, this time from the latter’s throat.
Clutching tighter onto the other, breaths mingling with one another, the two lovers shift their bodies so that they fall onto the bed together, limbs tangling just like their hearts had the first day they met.
And just like one promise was made then broken, it was put back together to complete a whole.