'when it hits you, you feel no pain'

[rielw3rdtoyomum]

So it seems as if my dad is using crack again. He has relapsed and its back to him being a fuckin baby. He ignores everthing that I have to say, he's mean, moody and he pushes me away. Like this morning. He couldn't even look me in the eyes

Comments

[teanut]

fuck riel, that's so harsh. what needs to happen for you to be able to get the fuck out of there? i mean, like physically and financially what will make it possible? you don't deserve that treatment lady. yer awesome and you are there for the sole purpose of supporting people who are important to you and they sound like they are just putting it all on you and covering you with guilt and not taking any responsibility. that fucking sucks. tell me if i can do anything. i'm sorry yer dad is using again. it's not your fault. at all. you are the motherfucking shit. i've dealt with this in my family so much and it's not someone who is as close to me as your dad is to you, but i've seen it and it's so shitty when you feel so helpless. but that's the thing. it's totally not up to you. you can only be responsible for yourself mama. anyway, i love you and am around if you wanna chat.

[rielw3rdtoyomum]

thanks bitchface. it means a lot to me. real honesty and you always help me out. You Tina, are the shit. I maybe drunk right now but now but I mean every word and you know that baby. Geezus I miss watching you dress up from naked. heh heh.
I don't know what I'm doing right now but once I stop getting drunk I'll let you kow for sure this time. I really will.
I'm just being dramatic like the heteros. Mostly I sit around and they make me laugh so hard. ANd I'm even competive when I drink, I just found out. Like I have to drink more and faster than anyone else. ANd there's tough muthafuckas up here who compete back. If I had to call you something in Carrier, I would call you 'tabasla'. The translation is over doing it like if someone pumped too much iron and they actually could bench press you, I'd say 'whoa! tabasla, tina.' I'll get back to you soon. xoxo

[_creeper]

ooohhhh riel. u have had soooo much to deal with, it just doesnt stop. i know u can 'handle' it but when u ' feel no pain' it hurts the worse... and getting it on either end like that. please take care of urself, instead of everyone else for a change... u are soo amazing to do as much as u have. will u be around tomorrow?

[rielw3rdtoyomum]

creeper! I'm sorry I haven't called you back. I forgot to get the phone number off of Lauretta and I lost my purse and I may have a problem with weed cause my short term memory is shot. Only forward I'm going and not really looking back. When I look back I'm reminded of shit I forgot to do. I like going forward with style. you know that and you know what its like to drink everyday. so, I know that something dramatic is going to happen and I'll be sent home or I'll get damanded home by my parents. (geez, if they only knew how hard it is to stay away from the drugs I want to do but don't cause of them. fuck.)
Either way, I'll be home and sober enough to call you up. I need to hear your sweet delicate voice. Plus I have so many weed stories that will make you laugh.

[_creeper]

its cool, we will talk... we will find the time, between both our sloppy selves... even if we do it in style. fuck i miss u soo much. what i wouldnt do for a night of sitting and chatting face to face. but hey i will take what i can get... sooo. stay strong. eat a healthy breakfast... more soon sweets...

[ungame]

shit riel, that sucks. im sorry about your dad using again. and how laurettas blaming it on you. its totally not your fault. and you shouldnt listen to her, even tho im sure its hard not too. if money is what you need to get out of there i can give you some. im making lots right now and could totally throw you a couple hundred so you can leave if thats what you wanna do. take care of YOURself doll.

ps. if yer still around and wanting visitors im thinking of coming just after chris and kell are there, before i go to toronto. let me know. think about it.

lovefance

[rielw3rdtoyomum]

and you too fancy. It makes me happy to hear you. I don't know what to do yet myself so that means I wouldn't know what to ask for. If I find that I need any favors. But I'm in good hands and I just need to find the balls to tell my dad what I need to tell him. I've been lazy and drunk. I'm such a mess, something is bound to happen and I'll come to my senses. I always do.