Comfort
Fandom : torchwood
Characters : Owen Tosh (friendship fic)
Rating : all
Summary: Owen has trouble sleeping, he visits Tosh.
Tosh woke from the sound of someone knocking on her door. She glanced at her clock, 1 AM.
Nobody came by her flat at 1AM. Hell, nobody came by, period.
She got out of bed, tried to make herself look a bit more decent and little less sleepy and made her way to the front door.
The Owen she saw, when she opened the door, was ragged and looked emotionally worn down and she felt a wave of sadness go through her. She'd told him she would be there for him and apparently he hadn't forgotten.
“evening Tosh, were you sleeping?” he knew very well she'd been asleep, he hadn't seen any lights on but he desperately needed company and since his sudden death, Tosh had been the one that was most honest in her concern.
“Come in” Tosh said, leading the way to the living room. Owen followed her silently closing the door behind him. They both sat down on the couch. Tosh still trying to shake of the last remnants of sleep and Owen a bit nervous and ashamed of barging in on her like this.
It was an ungodly hour after all.
“How bad is it.” Tosh asked after a brief moment of silence.
“Bad” was the only answer she got and for now it would do. She'd never been a big talker and she knew Owen would explain, eventually.
“There's an old movie on tonight. We could watch it?” Tosh make herself comfortable on the couch. “It would take your mind of things. How long has it been since you slept anyway? You look exhausted.”
“I slept for a few hours, two nights ago. Good old times. I'm scared again Tosh, I'm scared of not waking up. I did fine for a while but it's getting worse again.”
Owen could see Tosh's hand move to hold his, he could see her squeezing softly. But he couldn't feel anything. Maybe that's what made everything so surreal. He felt like a ghost trapped in a cold vessel. In many ways he was.
“You know what hit me today Tosh, I've been an ass.” he could see Tosh smiling next to him, she didn't even try to convince him he hadn't been. “The thing is, I'm an ass and I only realised it after I died. How ironic is that. You know, I died thinking I was a great guy, well more or less. Then I come back and I realise I've been an ass for ages.”
Tosh just looked at him, she gave him the time to work through his thoughts. Maybe he would have wanted a big speech, about how he really wasn't an ass before and how he helped people and was a great doctor, but Owen had been an ass more often than not, and Tosh didn't do lies. Maybe that's why he came to her in the first place.
“I've always been a selfish pig haven't I, I've never been nice to anyone, unless I could get something out of it. No matter what happened to me in the past, I was the one who decided to be an ass in stead of being the better man.”
He could see Tosh's hand move to the back of his neck.
“I”m sorry for every time I hurt you Tosh” Owen said genuinely “and I'm going to apologise to everyone I've been an ass to, which will be a hell of a list to go through. I think that's why I can't sleep, because I'm supposed to make amends. At night, I keep going through everything I've done. I screwed so many people over, maybe there's no time for me to make everything better. I don't know Tosh. Maybe I have too much time to think.”
They looked at each other for a little while, then Tosh kissed him on his cheek. She knew that nothing she'd say would make him feel better but she would be here for him, like she promised. She will hold his hand and make sure he didn't feel alone and scared and she will get him to sleep tonight.
She switched on the television, they found an old black an white movie and made themselves more comfortable. Tosh leaning against him . His arm draped around her, her head resting on his shoulder. Halfway through the movie Owen pulled a sleeping Tosh down, to rest on his lap.
His hand stroking her black hair, even if he couldn't feel her, he hoped it would comfort her in her sleep. Owen Harper performing a selfless act of kindness.
Maybe Tosh and him could ... no that would be selfish again. It was too late for that.
She deserved more, someone who could feel, someone who would think only of her. Someone as good as she was.
He made himself as comfortable as possible, without waking Tosh and closed his eyes. He'd sleep tonight, he knew as much. He also knew that her presence would keep the darkness at bay.