Outburst ...
hi there
this is just.. another random post.
since i have no other place to vent out my inner frustration. bcz seems like recently IRL friends have been flocking at my twitter and blogger...
which giving me option to do another twitter acc or blogger, use different name and keep it in low key or.. utilize the remaining anonymous channels, herpderp i still have tumblr and lj. D: and there's no way a lazy sloth like me will consider the first option
(liess. actually i did consider that but anyway it's mendokusai isn't? new email new username. nope)
(but still, i have couple of IRL friends at here.. but they are different kind of IRL friends, herpderp i trust you guys mkay)
i'm quite lucky. i guess eh? alhamdulillah recently I've been offered with two postgraduate studies chances , which coincidentally challenge the same subject; microbiology, using a same type of bacteria, well maybe with slightly different output. after a series of brain damaging thinking about this and that, i finally decided to choose yupiem serdang, for many reasons.
making decision about your own life is hard
as i thought the shit will finally coming to the end, i end up with a super busy supervisor who forgot my existence as his new postgraduate student. yes. i try every possible channels to reach him, but end up with zero. NAI D: i have no idea what is the title of my research, what kind of bacteria that i'll torture for the next two years, where is my table where is my lab where is my apparatus blablabla of course you may said eh, but i thought you did your proposal. YES. and it's up to professor eventually to decide what kind of project you will handle. the proposal is just for the sake of giving impression that you are dekiru no otoko. D: GADDAMIT ASK ME BEFORE YOU SPEAK K.. (but i didn't blame him anyway. he's a... dean. LOL)
and it's normal to .. to become anxious, depressed and well, sad. i'm a human isn't?
so i decided to do what a healthy person should do. when you depressed, let it out, tell your parent, tell your best friends or anybody that you trust, with the hope that they'll listen. =w= what a beautiful world.
LIESSSSS
there are several people that i trust end up making me disappointed more that i expected. i decided to tell you guys the whole problem and what the fuck with the replies that i received back eventually?
"PLEASE BE PATIENT."
"I KNOW YOU SAD"
"PLEASE BE PATIENT"
"THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ANYWAY.."
"PRAY... JUST CONTINUOUS PRAY"
Come on la. just directly tell me, you guys tak nak dengar kan? you guys don't even bother about the whole problems that i face right now kan?
I have to be honest. "Please be patient" and "I know you sad" are the most pretentious and hypocrite statements i ever heard in my life.
It just like a simple remarks to comfort person in front of you without even care to feel empathy about the whole problems. I'm sad.
If you telling me that I'm impatient human being then what did I do for the rest of these three months? You do no justice to me ;~~~~; I shouldn't act that I'm superior like I'm the most problematic and diuji person in this earth, no, But I'm human and just in case you forget, I have my limits too.
I'm sad when i realized everyone is abandoning me. At least this is what i see now. K. Sorry if I sound a bit harsh here.
I have no outlet to burst everything. Thanks to certain people, who reject me, who refused to hear me.
I was there. When you guys were sad.
I hear everything, rambles, disappointment about laifu, inner turmoil, family problems etc etc,
I gave my feelings
I asked how about this and that.
I ... I believe that if people told me their problems, literally meaning that they trust me and i have certain obligation to ask about the progress and help them to fix it, slowly, maybe.
Why don't you guys do the same for me when I'm in this condition?
I'm sad. TTwTT
Well people. This is maybe the other side of me that you rarely encounter herpderp
(p/s i don't intent to turn this lj into my emotional punch bag.*switch back to baka self again and regain back my fangirl consciousness*. jya ne)