Fic: Eye Of Storm
Title: Eye Of Storm
Pairing(s): Hinted Ohmiya
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 3,219
Disclaimer: Do. Not. Own. Unfortunately.
Summary: The infamous night in 2002 where Arashi started becoming the Arashi we know and love today, but what really happened that night?
Author's Notes: For Eufry <3
*
Go on foot, walking
On the road to look
At anything that way
If you come to a dead end
Yes, first to the wall
There is no way back
No way, today.
*
Nino hears the dull roar of the fans as he wanders backstage. He wipes the sweat off his face and smiles tiredly at Aiba, who wobbles around on one foot, trying to get his costume off. Even after hours of preparations and the concert itself, Aiba is still energetic.
Sho is talking with Jun, both still clad in the pants from their costumes, both of them holding the matching shirts in their hands. They look tired, but not overly so.
Nino muses, perhaps it’s only him feeling like life gets sucked out of him by these concerts, slowly but surely draining him completely.
By chance, he sees Ohno, by now dressed in the black pants and orange hoodie they all tend to wear before and after concerts. Ohno looks like he usually does - kind of dazed, moving his feet somewhat sluggishly. His hair is wet, Nino knows he has just taken a quick shower to get rid of all the sweat and remnants of adrenaline rush.
Nino thinks he’s kind of pretty, but he doesn’t know yet what that means, so he won’t say it.
Sho waves Nino over, saying, “We’ll meet up in Ohno-kun’s room when we get back to the hotel, okay?”
Nino shrugs. “Okay.”
He watches Ohno shuffle into the greenroom.
*
Ohno looks more asleep than awake when Nino gets to the hotel room. Sho is already seated on the floor, clad in pyjamas and his toes peeking out from underneath the long pants.
Ohno opens the door completely and looks out, grunting when he spots Aiba and Jun coming towards him. He leaves the door and walks past Nino, settling down on the bed and tucking his feet underneath his legs. He looks at Nino briefly before wrinkling his nose and Nino grins.
“We’re heeeeere~!” Aiba announces as Jun closes the door behind both of them.
Sho rolls his eyes in a good-naturedly way, because even though he should be completely worn out, what the hell, it’s Aiba.
“Did you get the tape?” He asks Jun, who immediately sits down by the television.
Not looking at Sho, Jun waves the tape and tries to figure the video and the television out.
Aiba sighs exaggeratedly but beams as he plops down next to Sho and he hugs a pillow to his chest.
Nino sits down next to Ohno on the bed, leaning against the headboard and crossing his arms. He doesn’t like watching the concerts and watching himself on stage. He still thinks that he looks weird on a stage, hell, they all do. All their flailing limbs all over the place, ridiculous costumes and songs they don’t feel from the heart.
But Sho and Jun insist, and after a glance at Ohno, Nino settles and watches as Jun presses play.
They watch in silence for a good ten minutes before Jun presses the pause button and points at the screen. “I think we should practice more so we’re more in sync.”
He proceeds to point out how two fifths aren’t enough in sync and that he’s sure they can do better if they really want to. Nino wants to roll his eyes when Jun looks at him and Ohno for a while longer before pressing play again.
They manage to get through the first half of the concert, with Jun’s, and occasionally Sho’s, remarks. Aiba doesn’t offer much, he just agrees and Ohno shrugs. Nino just doesn’t care much for this, but honestly, why is he the only one thinking that it’s embarrassing to watch their concerts?
“See?” Jun points. “We did that again. We should stop doing that.”
Sho nods solemnly.
“Break,” Nino announces just before Jun presses play again.
When they start again, they’re armed with the beer Ohno brought for them, and they’re ready for the second half of the concert.
The MC starts.
And it’s painful. Nino doesn’t think that the fans can tell, but it’s glaringly obvious to the entire band that they’re really not as tight-knit as they could be and as they want to appear. And Nino cringes. They all do, collectively. Even Ohno, who hasn’t appeared too interested until now. He has been watching with due interest, but nothing out of the extraordinary.
No one really expects them to be best friends. They’ve all been thrown into this band without prior warning, and Nino thinks that they’re doing a really good job at reading each other, giving each other space and still be friends. They appear as if they’re each others’ best friends, but Nino knows that it only works because they all appreciate their privacies so much that they know when to give and when to take.
But they can all see that they don’t talk to each other naturally when others are watching and the camera is on.
That they could be better. So much better.
Jun pauses. “This…”
“We suck,” Aiba says with emphasis and looks down to the floor.
“I wouldn’t say that,” Sho amends, shooting Jun a look. “That’s harsh.”
Jun looks frustrated. “We can do so much better than this, we are better than this.”
No one says anything to that - not agreeing or denying. Nino draws his knees up to his chest, folding his arms around them. He glances at Ohno, who frowns. Ohno looks over and their eyes meet for a few seconds, before Nino looks away. Not now, Nino thinks, now it’s not the time to wonder.
Sho sighs deeply. “What can we do? What should we talk about?”
Aiba seems tired all of a sudden. “I don’t think that’s the question.”
Ohno looks up, eyes timid, softly speaking; “Perhaps we should ask who we are. And what we want. And how we get there.”
Nino feels something swirl in his chest. It’s so like Ohno to cut straight to the core.
Jun throws his hands out. “I’ve been trying to ask you that for years!”
“That’s not fair,” Sho admonishes, “we all care, but all of us has had different reasons for wanting to be here.”
“And ‘here’ is what, exactly?” Jun snaps. “You didn’t want to be here! Nino and Ohno-kun didn’t either!”
Sho’s lips tighten. “We didn’t, I know, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t want it now.”
Aiba’s eyes are wide. “Can we just stop talking about this?”
Jun and Sho glare at each other for a moment.
“But we’re here now,” Ohno says softly. “None of us have left. Doesn’t that mean anything?”
“I want all of us to work for this,” Jun says, looking at each of them in turn. Aiba looks hurt. “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who wants it. Us. Arashi.”
“Not all of us dreamt of singing and dancing for the rest of our lives,” Nino adds, “you can’t blame us for needing time to try to fit in.”
Aiba’s long and gangly legs are all drawn up to his chest, and he sighs as someone who has seen too much of the world would do. The sound grates on something in Nino; it might just be his heart.
For all of Jun’s passion, for all his enthusiasm that isn’t forced and for all his well meant but often nagging attempts to get all five of them to click; all of that doesn’t stop Jun from looking utterly defeated in that instant.
“Jun-kun, what do you want from this and from us?” Sho asks carefully.
Jun shrugs, lowering his eyes. “Does it matter?”
Nino shifts uncomfortably, unconsciously drifting closer to Ohno.
“Of course it matters,” Sho frowns, “of course it does. All of us are here now, still.”
Jun exhales heavily. “I want us to be the best,” he says quietly, seemingly trying to disappear into his shirt. “I want us all to work as a team.”
Nino vaguely registers Ohno shifting next to him, perhaps leaning a bit forward to get closer to Jun.
Aiba makes a sound of agreement. “I want that, too,” he admits. “But I don’t know how we can get there.”
“We’ve already come so far,” Sho says with conviction, “and if we want to, we’ll get there, don’t you think?”
Jun’s eyes snap to Sho. “But why aren’t you all working harder, then?!”
Sho frowns again. “That’s not fair,” he says, repeating his earlier statement.
“No,” Jun says, harshly, “what’s not fair is that some people here don’t want it as much as I do and I can’t do anything to change it!”
Nino closes his eyes against the words as he feels them ringing true. It was true. He hadn’t wanted to be here, he had wanted to be somewhere else, somewhere he had even the slightest control of his own life. But he isn’t somewhere else. He’s here, and he has been put on this rollercoaster called Arashi, and he has no way of getting off or choosing how many ups and downs he’ll have to go through.
He just has to hold on tightly, cling to the others, hoping he’ll be able to hold the others when they stumble.
Ohno shifts again.
Sho looks stern. “You’re not being reasonable, Matsumoto-kun,” he says, “of course you can’t change it by yourself, that’s being arrogant.”
Jun bristles.
“I don’t want us to fight,” Aiba pleads, “can we stop talking about this?”
“No,” Jun and Sho say at the same time, not even registering the coincidence, and Sho adds, “we’re not fighting. We’re discussing.”
Aiba visibly shrinks.
“Jun-kun,” Ohno says, gently.
Jun’s eyes fall heavy on Ohno’s, but Ohno holds his gaze evenly.
“Jun-kun shouldn’t worry so much,” he says, “we’re all working in our own ways, even if we can’t see it. We’re all so different that it’s completely impossible for us to just suddenly work out. We still have a lot to learn.”
Jun looks like he wants to frown, but is restraining himself. Ohno rarely speaks up, but when he does, they all listen. It has always been like that, for some reason. Nino thinks that that is what makes Ohno their leader - that he can make them follow him if he wants to. But he just doesn’t.
“We’re young,” Ohno continues, looking down on his hands, “we can’t get to the top yet. It’d feel like cheating, you know? If we ever get there, I want to feel like we’ve worked for it and earned it.”
This time, Jun scowls a bit. “But you don’t work for it.”
Ohno looks up, and Nino thinks it’s visible how the haze lifts from around Ohno’s eyes and mind. Ohno is completely present now. This is the Ohno they see so rarely, the Ohno they somehow manage to both admire and fear, because this side of Ohno is just so intense. Nino feels scrutinized when Ohno looks at him like this and is torn between being relieved that Ohno is looking at Jun, and jealous that Ohno’s attention is on someone else.
Sho and Aiba are watching in trepidation as the youngest and the oldest clash in a power struggle.
“You don’t know that,” Ohno replies, his voice gaining edge. “What do you know of what we do when you’re not here? Arashi is not made of how many songs we can sing or how many cameras catch you. All of us appear together, it’s not only you, and even if Arashi could do without one of us, we’re all here. Not just you.”
Jun glares. “So, you’re saying that Arashi can do without one of us? Who?”
“I didn’t say that,” Ohno says firmly, “I said if. But yes, I do think that Arashi could easily do without one of us.”
Jun tilts his chin in clear challenge.
Ohno shrugs. “Me.”
Whatever Jun had been expecting, hell, whatever all of them had been expecting, that certainly wasn’t it.
Sho blinks furiously. “What? You? Why?”
Nino feels dizzy. Ohno seriously thinks that there’d be an Arashi without him? The thought makes Nino’s head spin out of control. He fights to not scoot closer and shake Ohno by the shoulders, make him see sense.
Even Jun gapes, while Aiba looks close to tears.
Ohno shrugs again. “It’s obvious, isn’t it?”
Jun’s face folds in a determined grimace. “You’re out of your mind.”
“Am I?” Ohno asks, looking at all of them in turn. “You all know how often you have to cover for me.”
“We want to help you!” Aiba says, unfolding his legs and getting on his knees, crawling closer to Ohno and the bed. “We know and we don’t care. It’s just cameras.”
“I’m not you, Aiba-chan,” Ohno reminds gently, looking at Aiba. “I’m not like you.”
He turns to look at Sho. “Sho-kun is smart and likeable. Matsujun is honest and ambitious. And Nino… Nino can do so many things I can’t, everything he wants to. You all can.”
This is wrong, Nino thinks, so wrong. Why do you say all that? It’s not true.
Jun looks floored, but the look is tinged with something Nino can’t quite define. Embarrassment? Shame?
“I used to be so envious of you,” Jun says, looking anywhere else than Ohno, “that one as talented as you didn’t even want to be here. I used to think that it wasn’t fair.”
Ohno’s face is carefully neutral as he chooses not to say anything; instead he opts for just watching as Jun tries to figure out what to say.
“I don’t feel like that now,” Jun admits, “because I can see that you work, that you train.”
“You just said that I don’t,” Ohno reminds him, but his voice is gentle.
Jun looks frustrated - the kind of frustration that shows up when you feel two different things at the same time and you can’t figure out which you should feel completely. Jun is struggling and they can all see it. The youngest member of Arashi is torn.
“It’s okay to be unsure,” Ohno says, getting to his feet and plopping down next to Jun. Nino feels cold. “All of us feel it, insecurity is a good thing.”
Aiba crawls closer to the two and he slings an arm around Ohno, his lips trembling slightly. “Leader, don’t say that about yourself.”
Ohno smiles wryly.
This is not a side they see of Ohno often. It’s rare and it’s disturbing, because Ohno isn’t supposed to be serious. They have Jun and Sho for that, Aiba and Ohno balance them out. Nino doesn’t want an Arashi without Ohno. Doesn’t want an Arashi without either of them.
Sho exchanges a look with Nino and he frowns. Nino feels as if the bottom of his stomach has fallen out, and as Sho keeps looking at him, the only thing Nino can think, even among all the thoughts that had been racing through his head at break neck speed, is he knows, he knows, he knows, oh my god, he knows.
Sho is still frowning, but he looks away from Nino and back to Aiba, Ohno and Jun.
Nino breathes out and it feels like he hasn’t breathed in ages, and when he looks at the other three, he wonders what he has missed while he was looking at Sho.
Aiba has curled himself around Ohno and Ohno has his free hand laced with Jun’s.
Sitting there, Jun looks more like the teenager he is than the confident Jun they’ve become used to seeing in front of the cameras. Without the magnifying lens of spotlight and make-up, Jun can’t hide that he’s still scrawny and not at all filled out, and this Jun is undoubtedly the one that appeals the most to Ohno. Nino can see it with how Ohno’s thumb is caressing Jun’s hand, and with how Ohno’s eyes looks so fondly at Jun, and it makes Nino’s stomach churn uncomfortably.
“We’re not going to make it to the top in a week, a month or even a few years,” Ohno says, squeezing Jun’s hand. “We’ll have to work twice as hard as everyone else. But we’ll do it. We’ll get there.”
Jun nods and looks as if he’s trying hard not to tear up.
Aiba lifts his head and his lips brushes the shell of Ohno’s ear as he whispers something, and Nino can see Ohno’s arm tighten around Aiba’s clingy frame.
Sho tenses besides him and Nino knows that Sho wants to know what will happen now. Will they continue on just like before? Is that even possible, knowing what they do now?
As if he has read Sho’s mind, Ohno speaks up again.
“This is us,” Ohno says. His voice is soft again, the tone they hear the most, and they all breathe an inward sigh of relief. Their Leader is back.
Ohno looks down when Aiba’s arms tighten around him. “But I don’t know what it means,” he admits.
Nino feels like he has to say something, and he speaks even though his voice feels raw and like sand paper. It feels rusty, maybe because he has only been listening all this time, listened to Ohno’s inner thoughts and everyone’s insecurities.
“I don’t think we’re supposed to know. Not yet.”
He slides off the bed, closer to Ohno, and he reaches out to touch whatever part of Ohno not covered by Aiba and Jun, his hand gently squeezing Ohno’s leg. Ohno shoots him a small, grateful smile.
“But you, Oh-chan,” Nino says and is proud that his voice sounds steadier than his emotions feel, “are a part of us. There’d be no Arashi without you. Leader.”
“I agree,” Sho says, sighing, but looking hopeful. He’s not looking at Ohno, though, his eyes are fastened on Jun, who is looking at Ohno.
Ohno is looking at Nino, and Nino feels compelled to straighten up, to show Ohno that he’ll step up, too. He wants Ohno to know that Ohno isn’t alone in feeling lost, like he’s replaceable and not needed. But one long look at Ohno’s dark eyes shows that Ohno just might know.
Nino smiles a bit. It’s so easy to forget that Ohno sees everything and probably knows everything.
Aiba sniffles a bit. “Jun-kun, we’re Arashi, can you see that?”
Jun lowers his head for long moment, avoiding everyone’s reluctantly hopeful eyes and expressions.
When Jun lifts his gaze to meet everyone’s in turn, his eyes are suspiciously wet and his breaths deep and slightly uneven.
He opens his mouth to speak, but he bites his bottom lip when no sound comes out, and Ohno’s hand squeezes Jun’s, and Jun settles for a nod instead, that somehow manages to look teary.
*
Years later, their hands joined and raised into the air, 70,000 people screaming their name, Arashi, Nino feels the hair on his neck rise, goosebumps make him shiver and he blinks when he feels prickling behind his eyes. He squeezes the hands he’s holding on to, and he bows low in gratitude.
Off stage, Nino watches as Jun catches Ohno’s arm and their eyes meeting in a knowing and understanding gaze.
Sho sidles up to Nino, resting a hand on his shoulder.
“Ten years,” Sho says softly, “don’t you think it’s time to tell him?”
Nino nods. It really just might be the right time. Ohno looks at him and smiles, and Nino hides a grin.
Yes, it is time.
*
/The End
AU: Hope you all enjoyed it! This is for Eufry, because she's a real sweetheart <3
*scampers off*
Pairing(s): Hinted Ohmiya
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 3,219
Disclaimer: Do. Not. Own. Unfortunately.
Summary: The infamous night in 2002 where Arashi started becoming the Arashi we know and love today, but what really happened that night?
Author's Notes: For Eufry <3
*
Go on foot, walking
On the road to look
At anything that way
If you come to a dead end
Yes, first to the wall
There is no way back
No way, today.
*
Nino hears the dull roar of the fans as he wanders backstage. He wipes the sweat off his face and smiles tiredly at Aiba, who wobbles around on one foot, trying to get his costume off. Even after hours of preparations and the concert itself, Aiba is still energetic.
Sho is talking with Jun, both still clad in the pants from their costumes, both of them holding the matching shirts in their hands. They look tired, but not overly so.
Nino muses, perhaps it’s only him feeling like life gets sucked out of him by these concerts, slowly but surely draining him completely.
By chance, he sees Ohno, by now dressed in the black pants and orange hoodie they all tend to wear before and after concerts. Ohno looks like he usually does - kind of dazed, moving his feet somewhat sluggishly. His hair is wet, Nino knows he has just taken a quick shower to get rid of all the sweat and remnants of adrenaline rush.
Nino thinks he’s kind of pretty, but he doesn’t know yet what that means, so he won’t say it.
Sho waves Nino over, saying, “We’ll meet up in Ohno-kun’s room when we get back to the hotel, okay?”
Nino shrugs. “Okay.”
He watches Ohno shuffle into the greenroom.
*
Ohno looks more asleep than awake when Nino gets to the hotel room. Sho is already seated on the floor, clad in pyjamas and his toes peeking out from underneath the long pants.
Ohno opens the door completely and looks out, grunting when he spots Aiba and Jun coming towards him. He leaves the door and walks past Nino, settling down on the bed and tucking his feet underneath his legs. He looks at Nino briefly before wrinkling his nose and Nino grins.
“We’re heeeeere~!” Aiba announces as Jun closes the door behind both of them.
Sho rolls his eyes in a good-naturedly way, because even though he should be completely worn out, what the hell, it’s Aiba.
“Did you get the tape?” He asks Jun, who immediately sits down by the television.
Not looking at Sho, Jun waves the tape and tries to figure the video and the television out.
Aiba sighs exaggeratedly but beams as he plops down next to Sho and he hugs a pillow to his chest.
Nino sits down next to Ohno on the bed, leaning against the headboard and crossing his arms. He doesn’t like watching the concerts and watching himself on stage. He still thinks that he looks weird on a stage, hell, they all do. All their flailing limbs all over the place, ridiculous costumes and songs they don’t feel from the heart.
But Sho and Jun insist, and after a glance at Ohno, Nino settles and watches as Jun presses play.
They watch in silence for a good ten minutes before Jun presses the pause button and points at the screen. “I think we should practice more so we’re more in sync.”
He proceeds to point out how two fifths aren’t enough in sync and that he’s sure they can do better if they really want to. Nino wants to roll his eyes when Jun looks at him and Ohno for a while longer before pressing play again.
They manage to get through the first half of the concert, with Jun’s, and occasionally Sho’s, remarks. Aiba doesn’t offer much, he just agrees and Ohno shrugs. Nino just doesn’t care much for this, but honestly, why is he the only one thinking that it’s embarrassing to watch their concerts?
“See?” Jun points. “We did that again. We should stop doing that.”
Sho nods solemnly.
“Break,” Nino announces just before Jun presses play again.
When they start again, they’re armed with the beer Ohno brought for them, and they’re ready for the second half of the concert.
The MC starts.
And it’s painful. Nino doesn’t think that the fans can tell, but it’s glaringly obvious to the entire band that they’re really not as tight-knit as they could be and as they want to appear. And Nino cringes. They all do, collectively. Even Ohno, who hasn’t appeared too interested until now. He has been watching with due interest, but nothing out of the extraordinary.
No one really expects them to be best friends. They’ve all been thrown into this band without prior warning, and Nino thinks that they’re doing a really good job at reading each other, giving each other space and still be friends. They appear as if they’re each others’ best friends, but Nino knows that it only works because they all appreciate their privacies so much that they know when to give and when to take.
But they can all see that they don’t talk to each other naturally when others are watching and the camera is on.
That they could be better. So much better.
Jun pauses. “This…”
“We suck,” Aiba says with emphasis and looks down to the floor.
“I wouldn’t say that,” Sho amends, shooting Jun a look. “That’s harsh.”
Jun looks frustrated. “We can do so much better than this, we are better than this.”
No one says anything to that - not agreeing or denying. Nino draws his knees up to his chest, folding his arms around them. He glances at Ohno, who frowns. Ohno looks over and their eyes meet for a few seconds, before Nino looks away. Not now, Nino thinks, now it’s not the time to wonder.
Sho sighs deeply. “What can we do? What should we talk about?”
Aiba seems tired all of a sudden. “I don’t think that’s the question.”
Ohno looks up, eyes timid, softly speaking; “Perhaps we should ask who we are. And what we want. And how we get there.”
Nino feels something swirl in his chest. It’s so like Ohno to cut straight to the core.
Jun throws his hands out. “I’ve been trying to ask you that for years!”
“That’s not fair,” Sho admonishes, “we all care, but all of us has had different reasons for wanting to be here.”
“And ‘here’ is what, exactly?” Jun snaps. “You didn’t want to be here! Nino and Ohno-kun didn’t either!”
Sho’s lips tighten. “We didn’t, I know, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t want it now.”
Aiba’s eyes are wide. “Can we just stop talking about this?”
Jun and Sho glare at each other for a moment.
“But we’re here now,” Ohno says softly. “None of us have left. Doesn’t that mean anything?”
“I want all of us to work for this,” Jun says, looking at each of them in turn. Aiba looks hurt. “Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who wants it. Us. Arashi.”
“Not all of us dreamt of singing and dancing for the rest of our lives,” Nino adds, “you can’t blame us for needing time to try to fit in.”
Aiba’s long and gangly legs are all drawn up to his chest, and he sighs as someone who has seen too much of the world would do. The sound grates on something in Nino; it might just be his heart.
For all of Jun’s passion, for all his enthusiasm that isn’t forced and for all his well meant but often nagging attempts to get all five of them to click; all of that doesn’t stop Jun from looking utterly defeated in that instant.
“Jun-kun, what do you want from this and from us?” Sho asks carefully.
Jun shrugs, lowering his eyes. “Does it matter?”
Nino shifts uncomfortably, unconsciously drifting closer to Ohno.
“Of course it matters,” Sho frowns, “of course it does. All of us are here now, still.”
Jun exhales heavily. “I want us to be the best,” he says quietly, seemingly trying to disappear into his shirt. “I want us all to work as a team.”
Nino vaguely registers Ohno shifting next to him, perhaps leaning a bit forward to get closer to Jun.
Aiba makes a sound of agreement. “I want that, too,” he admits. “But I don’t know how we can get there.”
“We’ve already come so far,” Sho says with conviction, “and if we want to, we’ll get there, don’t you think?”
Jun’s eyes snap to Sho. “But why aren’t you all working harder, then?!”
Sho frowns again. “That’s not fair,” he says, repeating his earlier statement.
“No,” Jun says, harshly, “what’s not fair is that some people here don’t want it as much as I do and I can’t do anything to change it!”
Nino closes his eyes against the words as he feels them ringing true. It was true. He hadn’t wanted to be here, he had wanted to be somewhere else, somewhere he had even the slightest control of his own life. But he isn’t somewhere else. He’s here, and he has been put on this rollercoaster called Arashi, and he has no way of getting off or choosing how many ups and downs he’ll have to go through.
He just has to hold on tightly, cling to the others, hoping he’ll be able to hold the others when they stumble.
Ohno shifts again.
Sho looks stern. “You’re not being reasonable, Matsumoto-kun,” he says, “of course you can’t change it by yourself, that’s being arrogant.”
Jun bristles.
“I don’t want us to fight,” Aiba pleads, “can we stop talking about this?”
“No,” Jun and Sho say at the same time, not even registering the coincidence, and Sho adds, “we’re not fighting. We’re discussing.”
Aiba visibly shrinks.
“Jun-kun,” Ohno says, gently.
Jun’s eyes fall heavy on Ohno’s, but Ohno holds his gaze evenly.
“Jun-kun shouldn’t worry so much,” he says, “we’re all working in our own ways, even if we can’t see it. We’re all so different that it’s completely impossible for us to just suddenly work out. We still have a lot to learn.”
Jun looks like he wants to frown, but is restraining himself. Ohno rarely speaks up, but when he does, they all listen. It has always been like that, for some reason. Nino thinks that that is what makes Ohno their leader - that he can make them follow him if he wants to. But he just doesn’t.
“We’re young,” Ohno continues, looking down on his hands, “we can’t get to the top yet. It’d feel like cheating, you know? If we ever get there, I want to feel like we’ve worked for it and earned it.”
This time, Jun scowls a bit. “But you don’t work for it.”
Ohno looks up, and Nino thinks it’s visible how the haze lifts from around Ohno’s eyes and mind. Ohno is completely present now. This is the Ohno they see so rarely, the Ohno they somehow manage to both admire and fear, because this side of Ohno is just so intense. Nino feels scrutinized when Ohno looks at him like this and is torn between being relieved that Ohno is looking at Jun, and jealous that Ohno’s attention is on someone else.
Sho and Aiba are watching in trepidation as the youngest and the oldest clash in a power struggle.
“You don’t know that,” Ohno replies, his voice gaining edge. “What do you know of what we do when you’re not here? Arashi is not made of how many songs we can sing or how many cameras catch you. All of us appear together, it’s not only you, and even if Arashi could do without one of us, we’re all here. Not just you.”
Jun glares. “So, you’re saying that Arashi can do without one of us? Who?”
“I didn’t say that,” Ohno says firmly, “I said if. But yes, I do think that Arashi could easily do without one of us.”
Jun tilts his chin in clear challenge.
Ohno shrugs. “Me.”
Whatever Jun had been expecting, hell, whatever all of them had been expecting, that certainly wasn’t it.
Sho blinks furiously. “What? You? Why?”
Nino feels dizzy. Ohno seriously thinks that there’d be an Arashi without him? The thought makes Nino’s head spin out of control. He fights to not scoot closer and shake Ohno by the shoulders, make him see sense.
Even Jun gapes, while Aiba looks close to tears.
Ohno shrugs again. “It’s obvious, isn’t it?”
Jun’s face folds in a determined grimace. “You’re out of your mind.”
“Am I?” Ohno asks, looking at all of them in turn. “You all know how often you have to cover for me.”
“We want to help you!” Aiba says, unfolding his legs and getting on his knees, crawling closer to Ohno and the bed. “We know and we don’t care. It’s just cameras.”
“I’m not you, Aiba-chan,” Ohno reminds gently, looking at Aiba. “I’m not like you.”
He turns to look at Sho. “Sho-kun is smart and likeable. Matsujun is honest and ambitious. And Nino… Nino can do so many things I can’t, everything he wants to. You all can.”
This is wrong, Nino thinks, so wrong. Why do you say all that? It’s not true.
Jun looks floored, but the look is tinged with something Nino can’t quite define. Embarrassment? Shame?
“I used to be so envious of you,” Jun says, looking anywhere else than Ohno, “that one as talented as you didn’t even want to be here. I used to think that it wasn’t fair.”
Ohno’s face is carefully neutral as he chooses not to say anything; instead he opts for just watching as Jun tries to figure out what to say.
“I don’t feel like that now,” Jun admits, “because I can see that you work, that you train.”
“You just said that I don’t,” Ohno reminds him, but his voice is gentle.
Jun looks frustrated - the kind of frustration that shows up when you feel two different things at the same time and you can’t figure out which you should feel completely. Jun is struggling and they can all see it. The youngest member of Arashi is torn.
“It’s okay to be unsure,” Ohno says, getting to his feet and plopping down next to Jun. Nino feels cold. “All of us feel it, insecurity is a good thing.”
Aiba crawls closer to the two and he slings an arm around Ohno, his lips trembling slightly. “Leader, don’t say that about yourself.”
Ohno smiles wryly.
This is not a side they see of Ohno often. It’s rare and it’s disturbing, because Ohno isn’t supposed to be serious. They have Jun and Sho for that, Aiba and Ohno balance them out. Nino doesn’t want an Arashi without Ohno. Doesn’t want an Arashi without either of them.
Sho exchanges a look with Nino and he frowns. Nino feels as if the bottom of his stomach has fallen out, and as Sho keeps looking at him, the only thing Nino can think, even among all the thoughts that had been racing through his head at break neck speed, is he knows, he knows, he knows, oh my god, he knows.
Sho is still frowning, but he looks away from Nino and back to Aiba, Ohno and Jun.
Nino breathes out and it feels like he hasn’t breathed in ages, and when he looks at the other three, he wonders what he has missed while he was looking at Sho.
Aiba has curled himself around Ohno and Ohno has his free hand laced with Jun’s.
Sitting there, Jun looks more like the teenager he is than the confident Jun they’ve become used to seeing in front of the cameras. Without the magnifying lens of spotlight and make-up, Jun can’t hide that he’s still scrawny and not at all filled out, and this Jun is undoubtedly the one that appeals the most to Ohno. Nino can see it with how Ohno’s thumb is caressing Jun’s hand, and with how Ohno’s eyes looks so fondly at Jun, and it makes Nino’s stomach churn uncomfortably.
“We’re not going to make it to the top in a week, a month or even a few years,” Ohno says, squeezing Jun’s hand. “We’ll have to work twice as hard as everyone else. But we’ll do it. We’ll get there.”
Jun nods and looks as if he’s trying hard not to tear up.
Aiba lifts his head and his lips brushes the shell of Ohno’s ear as he whispers something, and Nino can see Ohno’s arm tighten around Aiba’s clingy frame.
Sho tenses besides him and Nino knows that Sho wants to know what will happen now. Will they continue on just like before? Is that even possible, knowing what they do now?
As if he has read Sho’s mind, Ohno speaks up again.
“This is us,” Ohno says. His voice is soft again, the tone they hear the most, and they all breathe an inward sigh of relief. Their Leader is back.
Ohno looks down when Aiba’s arms tighten around him. “But I don’t know what it means,” he admits.
Nino feels like he has to say something, and he speaks even though his voice feels raw and like sand paper. It feels rusty, maybe because he has only been listening all this time, listened to Ohno’s inner thoughts and everyone’s insecurities.
“I don’t think we’re supposed to know. Not yet.”
He slides off the bed, closer to Ohno, and he reaches out to touch whatever part of Ohno not covered by Aiba and Jun, his hand gently squeezing Ohno’s leg. Ohno shoots him a small, grateful smile.
“But you, Oh-chan,” Nino says and is proud that his voice sounds steadier than his emotions feel, “are a part of us. There’d be no Arashi without you. Leader.”
“I agree,” Sho says, sighing, but looking hopeful. He’s not looking at Ohno, though, his eyes are fastened on Jun, who is looking at Ohno.
Ohno is looking at Nino, and Nino feels compelled to straighten up, to show Ohno that he’ll step up, too. He wants Ohno to know that Ohno isn’t alone in feeling lost, like he’s replaceable and not needed. But one long look at Ohno’s dark eyes shows that Ohno just might know.
Nino smiles a bit. It’s so easy to forget that Ohno sees everything and probably knows everything.
Aiba sniffles a bit. “Jun-kun, we’re Arashi, can you see that?”
Jun lowers his head for long moment, avoiding everyone’s reluctantly hopeful eyes and expressions.
When Jun lifts his gaze to meet everyone’s in turn, his eyes are suspiciously wet and his breaths deep and slightly uneven.
He opens his mouth to speak, but he bites his bottom lip when no sound comes out, and Ohno’s hand squeezes Jun’s, and Jun settles for a nod instead, that somehow manages to look teary.
*
Years later, their hands joined and raised into the air, 70,000 people screaming their name, Arashi, Nino feels the hair on his neck rise, goosebumps make him shiver and he blinks when he feels prickling behind his eyes. He squeezes the hands he’s holding on to, and he bows low in gratitude.
Off stage, Nino watches as Jun catches Ohno’s arm and their eyes meeting in a knowing and understanding gaze.
Sho sidles up to Nino, resting a hand on his shoulder.
“Ten years,” Sho says softly, “don’t you think it’s time to tell him?”
Nino nods. It really just might be the right time. Ohno looks at him and smiles, and Nino hides a grin.
Yes, it is time.
*
/The End
AU: Hope you all enjoyed it! This is for Eufry, because she's a real sweetheart <3
*scampers off*