(no subject)
Title: No Longer Listening
Author: riku_aura777
Pairing: Jalex
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own them.
Summary: Four instances where Jack and Alex almost kiss and one where they finally do.
Notes: Just something new :)
I
Don’t take life too seriously. Maybe Alex was still alive because he didn’t consider life to be a joke.
It took three days for him to finally cry. Seventy-two hours of no sleep before the numbness slipped away, leaving him with no control. Tears fell from his eyes, he choked on sobs, and he could hardly breathe. And somehow, Jack was there. His presence was equally comforting and a cause of embarrassment.
Jack stood silently in the doorway, looking everywhere else except at his distraught best friend. What could he possibly say? ‘Hey, dude, sorry your brother killed himself. Oh, and sorry I skipped out on his funeral, even though I knew you needed me there.’
That wouldn’t work. He was all ready inconsiderate for not attending the funeral, Jack didn’t need to add asshole to list as well. Instead, he climbed onto the bed, seeing Alex flinch in surprise. He was lying down, head buried in a pillow, breathing heavily.
“Jack?” He questioned, voice raspy. Alex didn’t lift his head up.
He nodded, muttering a quiet, “yeah” before, hesitantly, placing a hand on Alex’s head and threading his fingers through the slightly knotted hair. It appeared to be helping to a degree, Jack realized, when he felt a pair of arms wrap around his body. Alex sat up, placing his head on Jack’s shoulder. The tears didn’t stop.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Hopefully, that would make everything… not better, because it would impossible for things to magically become better, but tolerable. That would at least make things easier to deal with. Then Jack wouldn’t feel so out of place.
Alex shook his head, lips gently making contact with Jack’s neck. It made him shudder, but he passed it off as a sob. He sat up fully, face inches away from his best friend’s. Jack slowly moved forward, but Alex pulled away, throwing himself back onto the bed. Don’t take life too seriously. He just lost his brother, he couldn’t Jack as well.
II
The tears eventually stopped, but the pain lingered. Writing wasn’t helping, even though Alex needed it to. He needed it to, because talking about it didn’t. He couldn’t talk to his parents because they were suffering as well and he didn’t want to cause them anymore pain.
Frustrated, Alex tore the paper from the notebook, crumpling it and tossing it aside. It joined the scattered assortment of discarded paper a few feet away. Words were failing to portray how he felt. They were bland, boring. Generic. What kind of songwriter could he be if his songs were generic?
As if it was his own room, Jack entered without knocking, tilting his head in confusion once he noticed Alex sitting on the floor. Rather than question it, he lowered himself down, leaning against the bed. Reaching over Alex’s legs, he picked up one of the many scraps of paper.
“Don’t read it,” Alex weakly protested.
“I’m sure it’s fine,” Jack insisted, releasing it anyway.
Sighing, he pulled back. Putting his arm around Alex, Jack gave him a side hug. “Really, Alex, I bet it’s great.”
Alex turned his head, facing Jack wordlessly. Now… maybe now would be the best time, perhaps Jack would be okay with it, wouldn’t do anything to stop him.
“I should go,” Jack said, almost like he could read his mind.
Nodding, Alex waved at Jack once he was standing, watching him walk out of the room. Alone, he gazed at the next blank page of his notebook.
Jack believed in him. Maybe now he could write something great. Maybe now he could write a song for himself and for his brother.
III
“Why am I doing this?”
“Because your dick’s crooked,” Jack reasoned, voice sounding like a mix of a slur and a moan. In Alex’s equally drunk mind, it was an attractive sound. “Makes it harder.”
“Nice pun.” Seeing Jack’s confused face, Alex shook his head, continuing to attempt to unbutton his pants. “And hey! It’s not crooked, it… it just sits to the left.”
Jack bit his lip, stifling a groan. “Fuck,” he exhaled when he felt Alex take off his jeans.
Suddenly, the sharp ringing from the phone pierced the quiet air of the secluded room they were in. Alex flinched back in surprise, rising to his feet. Jack’s eyes flew open, mirroring his own. Someone downstairs must’ve answered the phone, because the room was silent again after a few seconds.
“I… I…” Alex failed to explain, fully realizing what was going on; what had almost just occurred.
Managing to get his jeans back on, Jack stumbled over to his best friend. Saying his name, he knew he had Alex’s attention. “It’s okay,” he said quietly. Jack didn’t know why he said that, didn’t know what was okay, but it seemed like an appropriate response.
Receiving no reply, he moved closer. “Alex?” Jack questioned again, now standing directly in front of him, able to smell his alcohol stained breath. Closing his eyes, he leaned in, ready to press his lips against Alex’s.
However, before he had the chance, Alex stormed past him, closing the door as he exited the room. “Fuck,” Jack repeated, sitting back down on the bed.
Neither mentioned the event the following morning.
IV
It started out as an accident. Laziness also could be an excuse. Jack crawled into Alex’s bunk one night, simply because it was closer than his own. The space was small, cramped, and there was barely a couple inches of space between them. Alex, however, remained asleep as Jack attempted to get comfortable. Somehow, their legs tangled together, and he knew he couldn’t get up without him and Alex falling out. An accident, attributed to laziness and being trapped. That’s why he slept in Alex’s bunk.
Surprisingly, Alex didn’t question why he and Jack were spooning the following morning. He managed to turn onto his other side so he could face Jack without waking him up. Alex couldn’t back away due to the wall and he couldn’t try to climb over him-well, he could’ve, but the idea of Jack waking up while he was unintentionally straddling him was a deterrent-so he sighed and waited.
Watching him sleep made Alex feel like a stalker, but there was nothing else he could do. It was strange though, observing Jack like this, seeing him so motionless and idle. Not laughing, not smiling, just a peaceful blank expression coupled with messy hair.
He shuffled closer and Jack was still undisturbed. Alex almost wished that he would wake up. Then Jack could stop him from doing this. That urge was still there, the same urge he had felt since he was fifteen, and Alex was finally going to give in to it.
“Alex?”
Of course, Jack had to listen to him for once. Damn it. He was blinking sleepily, like he could fall asleep again with ease, and Alex was tempted to make a joke out of the situation. He could think of several, but he didn’t say any of them, opting to whisper, “Hey.”
Jack said nothing, he only continued to blink. He started noticing that his arm was resting over Alex’s waist and how close they were to each other.
“I, uh, can you move, Jack?”
Shaken out of his reverie, he nodded and hurriedly climbed out. Jack watched Alex walk quickly away, trailing after him after minutes later. He continued to accidently sleep with Alex for the next week.
V
“So, where are we going?” Jack asked, watching the deserted road. Alex had called him an hour ago, asking if he wanted to drive around. He accepted the invitation, but he hadn’t been expecting them to simply drive around aimlessly.
Alex shrugged mutely, leaving Jack more curious. He chuckled quietly when he saw Jack cross his arms out of the corner of his eyes. “Maybe I just want to spend some time with you. Is that so wrong?”
“Well, we’re not doing anything, so… you’re not gonna kill me, are you?” Jack joked, smiling. “If you do, don’t dump my body the ocean, okay?”
“Fuck, Jack, how’d you figure out my plan?” Alex asked, pulling over onto the side of the road.
“Um, Alex, I was just kidding.” Alex laughed, causing Jack to laugh as well. “Seriously, dude, what are you doing?”
Shrugging again, he answered, “I don’t know.”
“Is everything okay?” Jack asked, feeling concerned about how indirect Alex was being.
Reclining his seat back, Alex nodded sincerely. His reply to Jack had been honest; he just wanted to spend some time with him.
“You tired? I can drive if you-”
“No, Jack, that’s okay.” Seeing Jack’s face, a cross between a frown and a pout, Alex grinned. “Just be quiet and relax, okay?”
Silently, he put his seat back also, stopping when he was face-to-face with Alex. The radio played quietly-some song that Jack recognized but didn’t feel like recalling the name-and neither of them were singing. There was no sound, besides for radio and the occasional car speeding by. The atmosphere was tranquil, relaxed, and Jack felt himself beginning to doze off.
The car suddenly became illuminated, causing Jack to cringe. Alex was sitting up, biting his lip. Looking over at the clock, he noticed that a half hour had passed. Maybe he had fallen asleep after all.
Alex looked nervous now. Jack brought his seat back to its upright position and stared questioningly at him.
“Jack?”
He only nodded, letting Alex know that he was listening, waiting patiently.
Don’t take life too seriously. The words echoed in Alex’s head. Don’t do it. And he almost listened, like he had been for the past six years.
Turning off the lights, he muttered an inaudible, “Fuck it” before grabbing the back of Jack’s head and pulling him into a kiss. It wasn’t like a quick peck on the lips or cheek, like it would’ve been if they were on stage. No, this one lasted longer and, in Alex’s mind, worth the six year wait.
Pulling away, the anxiousness returned. What if he had just ruined their friendship? Before he could begin to panic, Jack smiled at him. Surprised, possibly even a little dazed, but it was a content smile, one that Alex immediately reciprocated.
Putting the car in drive, Alex turned the car around, ready to go back home. He managed to cut off someone, but he didn’t care that much. The person in the other vehicle honked their horn, the irritating sound slicing through the calm air.
Neither of them flinched.