Composure.
*sigh*
I have been having a really rough week. I don't know where i stand anymore and it's making my poor brain hurt. Every time i think i have a handle on things i get surprised, or surprise myself. I feel like everything i say is wrong, and that makes it harder for me to want to communicate.
I spent tonight alone drinking coolers and eating pizza, and feeling really sad that i didn't see Denby. It's not her fault, not at all. She had reasons, and i know she doesn't owe me anything. It's just such a challenge for me to go from feeling wanted to feeling... alone. I know it's not that simple, but i'm full of irrational type emotions right now and it's super hard for me to cope with it.
It seems like its been weeks since i had the chance to recharge. I'm very lonely, very scared. I'm afraid that i'm going to spend my life being not quite /enough/. There's this overwhelming feeling of falling just short of everyone's expectations. I hate disappointing people.
Fuck.
This is all really pointless. I want to start talking again but everything i say seems so flat and lame and hollow that i can't figure out why i'm still typing.
I think it's bedtime.
I have been having a really rough week. I don't know where i stand anymore and it's making my poor brain hurt. Every time i think i have a handle on things i get surprised, or surprise myself. I feel like everything i say is wrong, and that makes it harder for me to want to communicate.
I spent tonight alone drinking coolers and eating pizza, and feeling really sad that i didn't see Denby. It's not her fault, not at all. She had reasons, and i know she doesn't owe me anything. It's just such a challenge for me to go from feeling wanted to feeling... alone. I know it's not that simple, but i'm full of irrational type emotions right now and it's super hard for me to cope with it.
It seems like its been weeks since i had the chance to recharge. I'm very lonely, very scared. I'm afraid that i'm going to spend my life being not quite /enough/. There's this overwhelming feeling of falling just short of everyone's expectations. I hate disappointing people.
Fuck.
This is all really pointless. I want to start talking again but everything i say seems so flat and lame and hollow that i can't figure out why i'm still typing.
I think it's bedtime.