[super junior] butterfly graveyard
Butterfly Graveyard
Hyukjae, Donghae
1547 words
Summary: All they ever seem to do is say goodbye.
Author’s Notes: A series of random vignettes. Inspired by a lot of videos, but especially the one where Sungmin says Donghae crawls into bed to sleep with Eunhyuk. (if you can find me this clip, I will be very, very grateful) Summary line from John Mayer. There isn’t much point to this, except that… Eunhae is much love?
happy new year, everyone. 2010 will be better.
Even if I can't see you
I'm always right here
Every time when I think of you
I'm sitting beside you
- Butterfly Graveyard / Take (aheeyah.com)
Hyukjae doesn't remember a time when he did not want to be a dancer.
"No, remember that time you told me you wanted to be a arab shiek with concubines..." Junsu started when Hyukjae commented about it, and was promptly kicked in the shin.
But dancing had always included Junsu- Junsu who sat in front of the television with him and watched the slick dance moves of H.O.T.- Junsu who told him about the auditions- Junsu who pased the audition first and told him to work harder so they would be able to dance together.
Boys must be strong, his father once said and that was what he remembered when the company took Junsu away from him and debuted him with the rest of DBSK. Boys shouldn't shed tears.
One night, he's sitting in the dorm common room and Donghae- he remembered Donghae as the silly one who always hung around Yunho (now DBSK, Junsu's bandmate, Junsu's leader). Donghae paused in the living room, and walked over to squeeze himself on the couch next to him.
"... What?" Hyukjae asked.
"It's okay, you know," Donghae said, still with that big smile on his face. "It's okay to feel upset."
"I'm not. I'm..." Hyukjae had to take a deep breath- a deep, shuddering breath, and before he knew it he had pressed the heels of his hands over his eyes, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to overflow.
"It's okay," Donghae said, his shoulder bumping into Hyukjae's as he drew his knees up to his chest, feet up on the couch. "I won't tell anyone," he whispered.
And Hyukjae let his tears fall.
* * *
"Is this crazy or what," Hyukjae muttered, apologising as he got out of the way of yet another staff member. His tone of voice was light, but Donghae could see that Hyukjae's hands were trembling.
"Kind of," Donghae said, and he reached over and grabbed Hyukjae's right hand, squeezing it tight. From the corner of his eye he could see Hangeng talking to Heechul, fingering the mask in his hand.
Hyukjae grinned and squeezed his hand back.
* * *
Hyukjae remembers a time when he and Junsu would gang up against Donghae- gullible Donghae from the countryside, telling him ridiculous stories and laughing, as he believed everything.
Now Junsu was far away, and Hyukjae found himself freezing on a winter night next to the almost frozen Han River, wondering when, exactly when did the tables turn?
"Donghae," Hyukjae called out. "I'm cold. Let's go..."
"No, no wait, wait," Donghae ran over, wrapped in three scarves because he was recovering from a cold and he really shouldn't be out here, and Hyukjae knew Eeteuk was going to have his ass for this. Nobody seemed to want to blame Donghae for anything- except when it came to broken laptops and PSPs. "Look."
Hyukjae frowned and followed Donghae's line of vision. "It's a river. Han River."
"No it isn't, it's the Milky Way," Donghae laughed. "Look!"
Hyukjae turned to look out at the river, and the lights of the city reflected on it did look somewhat like...
"You're delusional," Hyukjae called out, as Donghae laughed.
* * *
Donghae knows how fiercely Hyukjae loves Super Junior. The only person who probably knows it more is Eeteuk. So when the company decided to split the group into two (in time, maybe more than two, most of them thought), Donghae wasn't surprised to find Hyukjae sitting out in the balcony in the cold chilly night, away from the rest of the band tucked in the warm heat of the house.
"Hey," he said, climbing out. He sat next to Hyukjae and let out a squeal at the cold. "It's freezing out here."
Hyukjae just looked up and smiled.
"Hey," Donghae tried again. "Look..."
"It's okay," Hyukjae shook his head.
It isn't. Donghae knows it isn't.
"There're just too many of us," Donghae laughed awkwardly. "It's like they can't afford to keep us together, you know."
Hyukjae laughed as well. "Yeah, I know. Think of how much peace and quiet we'll have, once you guys are..." he trailed off, looking out at the night scene, hands clasped tight.
"I'll call," Donghae promised. "All the time, I will."
"Yeah," Hyukjae nodded.
That was what Junsu had promised too.
The cold was too much for Donghae- he got up, ready to walk back when a small voice called him back.
"I don't want us to break up."
And Donghae's crying too.
* * *
He's asleep- he knew he was asleep, but then someone started crawling next to him, and Hyukjae's eyes opened, squinting in the dark.
"mmfffhhh... 'Hae?" he muttered. "When.. didyou geffback?"
"Just," Donghae whispered.
"Ow," Hyukjae doesn't have the strength to yelp like he should when Donghae accidentally kicked his ribs. Donghae's feet were cold and he smelled like stale airplane air. Hyukjae settled for whining.
"Sorry, sorry," Donghae said, before finally settling down, curled up behind Hyukjae, his arms wrapping around Hyukjae's waist, "Go to sleep."
"I was asleep... mfhhh," Hyukjae's eyes started to flutter close.
"Good," Donghae breathed against his ear.
When he woke up in the morning, alone, Hyukjae wondered if he had dreamt it all.
* * *
"Your cyworld," Junsu's voice came scratchy over the phone- where was he, Japan? Probably, they were always in Japan nowadays. "Is downright gloomy. I felt like I was reading Jungsu-hyung's entries."
Hyukjae snorted. "Your sense of dramatics nowadays... I don't understand it."
Junsu laughed, heartily, his voice strong and robust over the telephone line. Hyukjae’s felt a pang of longing for his best friend so sharp he winced and tried to quash it away. "Hey, Hyukjae," he said, and Hyukjae stopped in his task of shoving the last corner of the sheet under the mattress. "It's okay for you to miss him, you know."
Hyukjae sighed and let himself fall on the bed, curling up tight.
“Really?” Hyukjae whispered. “Like I miss you?”
There’s a long pause over the line, and Junsu finally spoke, his voice sounding resigned, “Yea... Yea.”
* * *
They let Donghae drive in Jeju, and immediately regretted it. Hyukjae's wondered to himself if Eeteuk's driving skills were marginally better than Donghae's when the car screeched to a stop and Donghae dragged him out, laughing all the way.
Eeteuk grinned as he watched his dongsaengs make a mad dash for the sea, not caring that it was colder than usual.
"Hyung!" Hyukjae called, and Eeteuk discarded his socks and shoes before joining them.
"Hyung," Hyukjae said that night, when Donghae was asleep in the tiny room they had rented in the guesthouse. "Days like this are the best, aren't they?"
"They are," Eeteuk agreed.
Later, Eeteuk was still awake, on the phone with Kangin as Donghae and Hyukjae curled up next to each other and slept.
* * *
"Stop flirting with every girl you see," Hyukjae said, once he picked up the phone as he stepped out of the KBS radio studios. Eeteuk gestured for him to hurry up, into the van.
"Am not!" came the indignant reply.
Hyukjae grinned. Phones were great inventions, he thought to himself. If he knew Alexander Graham Bell personally, he would give the man a medal. Or had he gotten one already? "Oh please. All the Chinese you know are pick up lines."
"At least I know those," Donghae's laughter came loud and clear over the line- like he was just next to Hyukjae. "Wo hao xiang ni, qin ai de bao bei."
Hyukjae made a face. "What's that again?"
Donghae just laughed.
Later, much, much later, Hyukjae watched a video on the Internet and realised what the line means.
* * *
Donghae made a mad dash for Hyukjae's room and started pounding on the door. A sleepy-eyed Sungmin opened the door and sidestepped Donghae easily as the younger boy ran in and pulled all of the covers off Hyukjae.
"Donghae!" Hyukjae moaned, curling up against the cold.
"I'm leaving in five minutes!" Donghae jumped. "Hankyung-hyung's going to kill me if I don't get down to the lobby, and seriously I'm not ready to be murdered to..."
He's cut off when Hyukjae blearily got off the bed and threw himself on him, and slowly his arms came to wrap around his waist.
"I came... to say goodbye," Donghae whispered.
Hyukjae buried his head in Donghae's shirt. "It feels like all we ever do is say goodbye," he muttered.
"Let's not do that then," Donghae whispered, hugging Hyukjae back tight. "Wo hui xiang ni de."
Hyukjae looked up, a sleepy grin on his face, and ignored Donghae's look of surprise when he replied with a, "Yea, I'll miss you too, idiot."
Three minutes later, Donghae was gone; on the way to a plane to China, and Hyukjae’s wide awake, sitting up on his bed.
It never gets any easier.
* * *
Donghae’s like a butterfly. He moves from person to person, his affections open and honest and true. He's beautiful and he loves everyone, and everyone loves him in return.
Hyukjae remembered old science lessons and a foray out into the country to catch bugs for an experiment. He had caught a butterfly, bright and beautiful, but the teacher had warned him-
This butterfly is poisonous. The predators know not to catch it, because if they eat it, they will die.
Hyukjae had let the butterfly go.
Hyukjae, Donghae
1547 words
Summary: All they ever seem to do is say goodbye.
Author’s Notes: A series of random vignettes. Inspired by a lot of videos, but especially the one where Sungmin says Donghae crawls into bed to sleep with Eunhyuk. (if you can find me this clip, I will be very, very grateful) Summary line from John Mayer. There isn’t much point to this, except that… Eunhae is much love?
happy new year, everyone. 2010 will be better.
Even if I can't see you
I'm always right here
Every time when I think of you
I'm sitting beside you
- Butterfly Graveyard / Take (aheeyah.com)
Hyukjae doesn't remember a time when he did not want to be a dancer.
"No, remember that time you told me you wanted to be a arab shiek with concubines..." Junsu started when Hyukjae commented about it, and was promptly kicked in the shin.
But dancing had always included Junsu- Junsu who sat in front of the television with him and watched the slick dance moves of H.O.T.- Junsu who told him about the auditions- Junsu who pased the audition first and told him to work harder so they would be able to dance together.
Boys must be strong, his father once said and that was what he remembered when the company took Junsu away from him and debuted him with the rest of DBSK. Boys shouldn't shed tears.
One night, he's sitting in the dorm common room and Donghae- he remembered Donghae as the silly one who always hung around Yunho (now DBSK, Junsu's bandmate, Junsu's leader). Donghae paused in the living room, and walked over to squeeze himself on the couch next to him.
"... What?" Hyukjae asked.
"It's okay, you know," Donghae said, still with that big smile on his face. "It's okay to feel upset."
"I'm not. I'm..." Hyukjae had to take a deep breath- a deep, shuddering breath, and before he knew it he had pressed the heels of his hands over his eyes, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to overflow.
"It's okay," Donghae said, his shoulder bumping into Hyukjae's as he drew his knees up to his chest, feet up on the couch. "I won't tell anyone," he whispered.
And Hyukjae let his tears fall.
* * *
"Is this crazy or what," Hyukjae muttered, apologising as he got out of the way of yet another staff member. His tone of voice was light, but Donghae could see that Hyukjae's hands were trembling.
"Kind of," Donghae said, and he reached over and grabbed Hyukjae's right hand, squeezing it tight. From the corner of his eye he could see Hangeng talking to Heechul, fingering the mask in his hand.
Hyukjae grinned and squeezed his hand back.
* * *
Hyukjae remembers a time when he and Junsu would gang up against Donghae- gullible Donghae from the countryside, telling him ridiculous stories and laughing, as he believed everything.
Now Junsu was far away, and Hyukjae found himself freezing on a winter night next to the almost frozen Han River, wondering when, exactly when did the tables turn?
"Donghae," Hyukjae called out. "I'm cold. Let's go..."
"No, no wait, wait," Donghae ran over, wrapped in three scarves because he was recovering from a cold and he really shouldn't be out here, and Hyukjae knew Eeteuk was going to have his ass for this. Nobody seemed to want to blame Donghae for anything- except when it came to broken laptops and PSPs. "Look."
Hyukjae frowned and followed Donghae's line of vision. "It's a river. Han River."
"No it isn't, it's the Milky Way," Donghae laughed. "Look!"
Hyukjae turned to look out at the river, and the lights of the city reflected on it did look somewhat like...
"You're delusional," Hyukjae called out, as Donghae laughed.
* * *
Donghae knows how fiercely Hyukjae loves Super Junior. The only person who probably knows it more is Eeteuk. So when the company decided to split the group into two (in time, maybe more than two, most of them thought), Donghae wasn't surprised to find Hyukjae sitting out in the balcony in the cold chilly night, away from the rest of the band tucked in the warm heat of the house.
"Hey," he said, climbing out. He sat next to Hyukjae and let out a squeal at the cold. "It's freezing out here."
Hyukjae just looked up and smiled.
"Hey," Donghae tried again. "Look..."
"It's okay," Hyukjae shook his head.
It isn't. Donghae knows it isn't.
"There're just too many of us," Donghae laughed awkwardly. "It's like they can't afford to keep us together, you know."
Hyukjae laughed as well. "Yeah, I know. Think of how much peace and quiet we'll have, once you guys are..." he trailed off, looking out at the night scene, hands clasped tight.
"I'll call," Donghae promised. "All the time, I will."
"Yeah," Hyukjae nodded.
That was what Junsu had promised too.
The cold was too much for Donghae- he got up, ready to walk back when a small voice called him back.
"I don't want us to break up."
And Donghae's crying too.
* * *
He's asleep- he knew he was asleep, but then someone started crawling next to him, and Hyukjae's eyes opened, squinting in the dark.
"mmfffhhh... 'Hae?" he muttered. "When.. didyou geffback?"
"Just," Donghae whispered.
"Ow," Hyukjae doesn't have the strength to yelp like he should when Donghae accidentally kicked his ribs. Donghae's feet were cold and he smelled like stale airplane air. Hyukjae settled for whining.
"Sorry, sorry," Donghae said, before finally settling down, curled up behind Hyukjae, his arms wrapping around Hyukjae's waist, "Go to sleep."
"I was asleep... mfhhh," Hyukjae's eyes started to flutter close.
"Good," Donghae breathed against his ear.
When he woke up in the morning, alone, Hyukjae wondered if he had dreamt it all.
* * *
"Your cyworld," Junsu's voice came scratchy over the phone- where was he, Japan? Probably, they were always in Japan nowadays. "Is downright gloomy. I felt like I was reading Jungsu-hyung's entries."
Hyukjae snorted. "Your sense of dramatics nowadays... I don't understand it."
Junsu laughed, heartily, his voice strong and robust over the telephone line. Hyukjae’s felt a pang of longing for his best friend so sharp he winced and tried to quash it away. "Hey, Hyukjae," he said, and Hyukjae stopped in his task of shoving the last corner of the sheet under the mattress. "It's okay for you to miss him, you know."
Hyukjae sighed and let himself fall on the bed, curling up tight.
“Really?” Hyukjae whispered. “Like I miss you?”
There’s a long pause over the line, and Junsu finally spoke, his voice sounding resigned, “Yea... Yea.”
* * *
They let Donghae drive in Jeju, and immediately regretted it. Hyukjae's wondered to himself if Eeteuk's driving skills were marginally better than Donghae's when the car screeched to a stop and Donghae dragged him out, laughing all the way.
Eeteuk grinned as he watched his dongsaengs make a mad dash for the sea, not caring that it was colder than usual.
"Hyung!" Hyukjae called, and Eeteuk discarded his socks and shoes before joining them.
"Hyung," Hyukjae said that night, when Donghae was asleep in the tiny room they had rented in the guesthouse. "Days like this are the best, aren't they?"
"They are," Eeteuk agreed.
Later, Eeteuk was still awake, on the phone with Kangin as Donghae and Hyukjae curled up next to each other and slept.
* * *
"Stop flirting with every girl you see," Hyukjae said, once he picked up the phone as he stepped out of the KBS radio studios. Eeteuk gestured for him to hurry up, into the van.
"Am not!" came the indignant reply.
Hyukjae grinned. Phones were great inventions, he thought to himself. If he knew Alexander Graham Bell personally, he would give the man a medal. Or had he gotten one already? "Oh please. All the Chinese you know are pick up lines."
"At least I know those," Donghae's laughter came loud and clear over the line- like he was just next to Hyukjae. "Wo hao xiang ni, qin ai de bao bei."
Hyukjae made a face. "What's that again?"
Donghae just laughed.
Later, much, much later, Hyukjae watched a video on the Internet and realised what the line means.
* * *
Donghae made a mad dash for Hyukjae's room and started pounding on the door. A sleepy-eyed Sungmin opened the door and sidestepped Donghae easily as the younger boy ran in and pulled all of the covers off Hyukjae.
"Donghae!" Hyukjae moaned, curling up against the cold.
"I'm leaving in five minutes!" Donghae jumped. "Hankyung-hyung's going to kill me if I don't get down to the lobby, and seriously I'm not ready to be murdered to..."
He's cut off when Hyukjae blearily got off the bed and threw himself on him, and slowly his arms came to wrap around his waist.
"I came... to say goodbye," Donghae whispered.
Hyukjae buried his head in Donghae's shirt. "It feels like all we ever do is say goodbye," he muttered.
"Let's not do that then," Donghae whispered, hugging Hyukjae back tight. "Wo hui xiang ni de."
Hyukjae looked up, a sleepy grin on his face, and ignored Donghae's look of surprise when he replied with a, "Yea, I'll miss you too, idiot."
Three minutes later, Donghae was gone; on the way to a plane to China, and Hyukjae’s wide awake, sitting up on his bed.
It never gets any easier.
* * *
Donghae’s like a butterfly. He moves from person to person, his affections open and honest and true. He's beautiful and he loves everyone, and everyone loves him in return.
Hyukjae remembered old science lessons and a foray out into the country to catch bugs for an experiment. He had caught a butterfly, bright and beautiful, but the teacher had warned him-
This butterfly is poisonous. The predators know not to catch it, because if they eat it, they will die.
Hyukjae had let the butterfly go.