Veronica's Brownies
Title: The World's Best Brownies
Author: Veronica Mars
Rating: PG-13
A/N: I didn't have time to add pictures ... and it's unbeta'd.
A couple of months ago, I let you guys in on my super-secret recipe for snicker doodles, my best friend Wallace’s favorite cookie. Today I’m going to reveal my recipe for -- Ta Da! -- the World’s Best Brownies, and the directions for the killer mocha icing I like to put on top. I know, I know, everyone thinks I’m a badass P.I. who gets arrested from time to time and likes to hang with the leader of the local motorcycle gang, but the thing is, in order to be a really good detective, you have to be a chameleon. In other words, sometimes you have to be able to stretch, go outside your comfort zone and mingle with people whose interests are, shall we say, different than yours. This is where the brownies come into play.
Take, for example, my friend Mac. Mac is a computer genius; she’s probably a true genius, but for sure she’s a computer whiz. Give her enough time and the girl can hack into anything, including, probably, the FBI’s database. Mac likes to wear flannel and dye neon streaks in her hair, and she’s a vegan. So if I need to ask Mac for a favor, I have know what to offer. Or my goofy friend Corny. Corny likes to make pottery and spark up a few, if you know what I mean. He’s completely non-threatening and, with the proper motivation, would do almost anything for me.
Okay, okay. I know what you’re thinking. Veronica, what does any of this have to do with making brownies? That, my friend, is the beauty of brownies. Everyone loves brownies! They’re chocolatey, gooey, yummy, and, if you make them properly, hardly anyone can refuse them. If you need to brown-nose a teacher because, let’s say, you missed first bell because you were in the girls room, making out with your no-good, 09er boyfriend, bring her a plate of brownies. Or, say you want one of the local deputy sheriffs to do you a favor, like trace an unlisted telephone number, just drop by the station with a batch of them, wrapped in foil so no one else will know, and you’ve got your unknown caller’s name.
In my experience, brownies are especially effective with men, because, well, because to most men, sex and food are virtually indistinguishable, and chocolate food is the closest food of all to sex. Whoever said it was a man’s world didn’t know how easy it is to tempt them with baked goods. So, anyway, my recipe.
First, you’ll need 4 eggs at room temperature, so get them out of the frig before doing anything else. Melt 4 ounces of unsweetened chocolate and ½ a cup of butter in the top of a double boiler. Make sure you use low heat because you don’t want the chocolate to burn, and remember to cool the mixture before adding it to the eggs. While the chocolate’s cooling, beat the 4 eggs along with a ¼ teaspoon of salt, until the eggs are light-colored and frothy. Continue beating and gradually add 2 cups of sugar and 1 teaspoon of vanilla.
Once everything’s well mixed, take the beaters out of the bowl and get a spoon. The rest of the mixing will be done by hand. Combine the cooled chocolate-butter mixture with the eggs and sugar mix - do it quickly with only a few strokes and don’t worry if it’s not evenly mixed together. Fold in 1 cup of sifted, all-purpose flour. Again, don’t worry about mixing it well. Finally, if you want, stir in 1 cup of pecan pieces. Guys like nuts - of course they do - so if you’re making this for a male friend, add ‘em in. Pour the mix into a pre-greased, 9 x 13 inch pan, and bake in a 350 ° oven for about 25 minutes. You’ll know they’re done when the brownies start to pull away from the edge of the pan or when a toothpick stuck into the center comes out clean. Let them cool before cutting.
I like to top them with mocha flavored icing because they’re so rich that chocolate frosting would be redundant. If your target loves chocolate, however, by all means, go wild - whoohoo! - and put chocolate on top. My recipe for mocha icing is almost fool-proof, although I think I know a fool or two who probably couldn’t mange it (like, maybe, Logan Echolls). You need 1 & ⅔ cups of powdered sugar, mixed with 2 tablespoons of cocoa. Cream ⅓ of a cup of butter and gradually add the now-chocolate powdered sugar. Add a pinch of salt and 3 tablespoons of strong, hot coffee. Beat the mixture for about 2 minutes, and, once the icing is cool, add a teaspoon of vanilla. Let it stand for about 5 minutes, slap it on the brownies, and you’ve got yourself a tried-and-true bribe to grease the skids of officialdom, a peace-offering for a friend who you’ve neglected or insulted, or an interrogation technique. The point is, my brownies will get you almost anything you want, including ass-slaps and high fives.