(no subject)
[The crowd starts chanting "Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!"]
Jerry: Tonight on "The Jerry Springer Show" we have a particularly interesting episode! Rin is here to finally confess something to a long-time friend, Miss Hawkeye. So everyone, please put your hands together for Rin!
[The crowd whoops and hollers]
Jerry: Okay, now Rin you're here to talk about someone aren't you?
You: Yes.
Jerry: And what is this other person's name?
You: Mokuba.
[The crowd squeals with delight]
Jerry: Okay, okay, well Mokuba, is actually here tonight ...
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: But first we have a surprise for you Rin, because as it happens there is someone else here to see you! So let's bring out ... Miss Yuuko Lady!
You: What the HELL!!!
[Out of nowhere you pull out a Sword. Miss Yuuko Lady reaches for the Bed. Out of the shadows Lord Sesshoumaru appears]
Lord Sesshoumaru: Wait everybody, wait!
Jerry: Yes, everybody let's just calm down for a moment here. First, tell us why you're here Miss Yuuko Lady.
Miss Yuuko Lady: Because I saw Rin and Lord Sesshoumaru making out at Miss Yuuko Lady's Store!
[The crowd goes absolutely insane]
Lord Sesshoumaru: That's a lie! I was home watching Teen Titans!
Jerry: [raising his hands] Hold on, hold on, I'm missing the problem here ... what exactly is the problem Miss Yuuko Lady?
Miss Yuuko Lady: Because I've recently been taking part in a sexual relationship with Miss Hawkeye who has recently become engaged to Lord Sesshoumaru.
[The crowd hollers, screams and whoops in an orchestra of orgasmic excitement]
Jerry: Okay, okay. Well why don't we bring Miss Hawkeye out here because Rin had something that they needed to tell them anyway about ... Mokuba that's right!
Miss Hawkeye: [enters onto stage and saunters over towards you] What's the deal? I saw you outside getting it on with Mokuba! You know how I feel about Mokuba!
Lord Sesshoumaru: [screams] What? Why the hell did you ask me to marry you if you're in love with Mokuba!
Miss Hawkeye: Because I knew that I could never have Mokuba. But Rin promised me that they'd never hook up out of respect for my feelings!
Lord Sesshoumaru: What about respect for my feelings!
[Miss Yuuko Lady walks suddenly across the stage, embracing Miss Hawkeye]
Miss Yuuko Lady: Don't worry baby, you don't need any of them now that you have me.
[Again the crowd squeals]
Lord Sesshoumaru: Oh my God! Are you sick!?
[Lord Sesshoumaru runs across the room and wraps their arms around you tightly]
Lord Sesshoumaru: Rin take me away from all of this!
You: You see? That's the thing ... I'm ... well, I'm married ...
[The crowd does its bit]
Lord Sesshoumaru: Married?
[You nod]
Lord Sesshoumaru: Who the hell are you married to? When ... when did this happen? I don't understand!
You: The other day. In Vegas. I'm married to Mokuba.
Miss Hawkeye: [screaming] WHAT!!!
Jerry: [grinning widely, makes an enquiry] So ... did you have a nice wedding night?
Mokuba: [stepping back out onto center stage] Well we had sex 3 times if that's what you mean.
[The crowd squeals]
Jerry: Okay, okay. So let me get this all straight ... Rin is married to Mokuba who Miss Hawkeye has secretly been in love with for years and years. Now Miss Hawkeye has recently become engaged to Lord Sesshoumaru who was recently spotted kissing Rin in Miss Yuuko Lady's Store. Now on top of this, Miss Yuuko Lady has just admitted to being in a sexual relationship with Miss Hawkeye.
Mokuba: That's right Jerry.
Jerry: [looking sternly into the camera] It's times like these that one has to wonder whether or not these people are aware that they are quite clinically insane. Perhaps we should be spending more on psychiatric health funds in this country, perhaps we should just ban Vegas to cut down on impulse marriages. Perhaps I should get a new job. Thanks for watching folks - it's been great - but for now, take care of yourselves ... and each other.
[Cue cheesy background music and fade to black]
...EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! SEX IS GROSS!!!