Angst and shit.
Why is it that these days you can't actually get into a job market that you WANT to work in until you're like 25 at the earliest?
I've been wanting to get into realestate for a LONG time. Flipping houses. It is my future. I'll be my own boss, I'll have my own company, and I'll be doing work with my hands, which is preferable.
But no.
You have to establish 4-5 years of good credit before you can get a loan on a house.
So work in realestate?
Need a bachelors to do anything that would even remotely hold my intrest.
My life is going to have no meaning, and be pretty god damn miserable as long as I'm working nowhere jobs. Even if this bank job I'm trying to get pans out, that's a career. A career in something I want nothing to do with. It's good money, they'll pay for my certs and my schooling and what not... but at the end of the day I'm working at a god damn bank. That isn't realestate, and it ensures that I'll be working until I reach retirement.
All I want to do is start flipping houses. I'm damn good with realestate, as I've been around it my whole life, and it satisfies everything I want out of a job. Best part of that dream? Turning my flipping business into either (A) a development business ala DMB but on a smaller scale, or (B) starting to flip condos and apartments on a large scale, raking in a ton of dough, getting more people working for me, and taking away my day to day hassle. Why would I want that shit off my shoulders? MUSIC. Music is my dream, it's what I want to do, and there's no real way to do it successfully while still being able to feed yourself. I want to throw jazz festivals in the phoenix area, or open up a blues/jazz club or soemthing. In all honesty I just want to have enough money that I can escape off to montreux every year. That's all I want out of life. Jazz festivals. It's pathetic, but it's my dream.
That dream is virtually unattainable without years and years of constant labor. I understand that that's how the world works and all that, but come on! Once I have my license, my business proposal written up, and I'm ready to start flipping I'm still going to be 3-4 years off from being able to start because the god damn bank thinks it's risky to loan money to a kid.
What can I do here? All I want to do is give my life a god damned purpose and the FASTEST way to do that is another 5 years of working the shittiest jobs on this planet, trying DESPERATELY to afford acouple classes every semester, and eating ramen.
I've got no problem being poor if I've got something in my life worth being poor for, but my music isn't going to make me any money at all because it's MY music. What I write I write for me. It's not mainstream, it's jazz. It's fusion. It isn't marketable.
I accept that I can't pursue an art as my profession... I'm a realist. It's just that if I don't find some kind of purpose for my life soon I'm just going to give up, get to a point where I can get social welfare, and live on it as long as possible. At the end of that assuming I'm still alive i'll join the army or something. I see no point waking up every day to go to a shit job that I hate only so I can come home and be miserable. What's the point of living if you hate everything about your life?
I just wish there were more free handouts. After this last year or two I could really use a friggin break.