(no subject)
i dont know what to do.
I feel this pressure coming down on me. Just like the last time this happened. I told myself i would never get into this again, and i wouldnt never allow someone to be in control. I collapsed under pressure like i always do. Or you could say, just let myself have control. Life should be under control even though it's not. If it wasn't I'd be somehwere else, doing something different. So would you, and we would just be two distant people who don't even know of the name. We'd be in love, but not with each other. Disgusting thought yes.[..] no i wouldn't be in love. Since it was meant to be, i wouldn't have been lead to it. You'd be drinking, late nights with the girls, and the boys. I don't know what I'd be doing. I'm telling you though, it wouldn't be perfection. I would have all my clothes and all my things. I wouldnt be producing this for everyone to read. But i am, i am doing all these things, im doing them for love, for heartache, for you. And for these reasons are why im alive right now. this why i get up and drink my frappuccino's. Why i have to have my chair facing me when i sleep. This is why i do things i probably wouldnt if i was sober. It's the same reasons why people drink to get drunk, why they take drags of cigarettes to get light headed, why they smoke so much herb they can't move their lips because they are fucking numb to the bone. I do it for the feeling i get then you tell me that you love me, the feeling i get when i say it back and mean it more than anything i've ever said in my life. it's what puts meaning into my existance. Your the only person that takes away the pressure from me. You don't add to it like the average Joe. Your different, your beautiful. your you. and that's what makes me so crazy about you, it's why i get the way i get sometimes with you. just understand what you are to me. and who you are to me.
I feel this pressure coming down on me. Just like the last time this happened. I told myself i would never get into this again, and i wouldnt never allow someone to be in control. I collapsed under pressure like i always do. Or you could say, just let myself have control. Life should be under control even though it's not. If it wasn't I'd be somehwere else, doing something different. So would you, and we would just be two distant people who don't even know of the name. We'd be in love, but not with each other. Disgusting thought yes.[..] no i wouldn't be in love. Since it was meant to be, i wouldn't have been lead to it. You'd be drinking, late nights with the girls, and the boys. I don't know what I'd be doing. I'm telling you though, it wouldn't be perfection. I would have all my clothes and all my things. I wouldnt be producing this for everyone to read. But i am, i am doing all these things, im doing them for love, for heartache, for you. And for these reasons are why im alive right now. this why i get up and drink my frappuccino's. Why i have to have my chair facing me when i sleep. This is why i do things i probably wouldnt if i was sober. It's the same reasons why people drink to get drunk, why they take drags of cigarettes to get light headed, why they smoke so much herb they can't move their lips because they are fucking numb to the bone. I do it for the feeling i get then you tell me that you love me, the feeling i get when i say it back and mean it more than anything i've ever said in my life. it's what puts meaning into my existance. Your the only person that takes away the pressure from me. You don't add to it like the average Joe. Your different, your beautiful. your you. and that's what makes me so crazy about you, it's why i get the way i get sometimes with you. just understand what you are to me. and who you are to me.