Goodbye, my love.

[ripen]

I'm exhausted. I've figured out that I'm not cut out to work like a 'normal' person unless it's at something I passionately enjoy and that which fulfills me where I can be my own boss and set my own hours. I'm miserable otherwise, not regularly miserable but irritably and destructively so, though this gives me a real goal to set my mind on. Finally

Comments

[ginevra_alessa]

what kind of tea are you drinking? people seem to be drinking lots of tea lately but i never know if they mean herbal or green or white or what, because i've heard green and white are very healthy but they are also really caffeinated and that makes me twitchy sometimes. anyway, just wondering.

i long for structure and freedom too. i think i want structure but as soon as i have it i rebel against it. i seek other people's guidance, then find myself infuriated by them trying to tell me how to live my life and feel like i have to go prove my freedom/independence. it's a war inside.

[ripen]

mostly Asaam black tea. I think it's what chai is yet without the added spice, which I can do without some nights. they've always said green tea is good for you though now there are supposed health benefits of black teas as well, which I prefer. I like the kick. caffeinated or not I'm going to try and subsitute it for coffee as well because even so coffee contains more caffeine by weight, and well tea is also better for you.

Too Long, Apologies, I Had To Write Somewhere. You Can Always Close Your Eyes

[bennybunny]

And Diaries aren't in vogue anymore.

Watching a motoring magazine show Sunday, with soup on my lap. “Top Gear.” Don’t care much for cars, tried once, to bond with dad, ended up liking most of the bonds more than him in both senses of the term, but charmed by this, camp laddish self deprecation, thriving passion, sweeps aside detraction, with what must be staged cavalcades of errors [caravan holidays trundling home burnt out shells behind them from marshmallow incidents, arrests, unfortunate goat based confrontation, we’ve all been there, haven’t we, there’s so much more capacity for error in sunday roast than meets the naked eye. I wonder what my clothed eye would wear. I bet it would be saucy] leave untainted affection in their wake. More akin to open fire conversation, hot chocolate and blankets. Cosy times

Re: Too Long, Apologies, I Had To Write Somewhere. You Can Always Close Your Eyes

[bennybunny]

I still think the idea of state funding governments in preference to campaign contributions would be smart. My naivety perhaps. A few years ago, the US Government put funds into chasing tax evasion. Raised billions. Cut the scheme off again. Once you start chasing the money, you never know where the trail is going to go. That money alone would make the difference required.

[Of course we still pay their wages now, transparency is beginning over here and a lot of people are getting in trouble for rather expensive decoration and gold plated toilet seats turning up. Awkward mumblings, "it was a gift!!" "from me, to me" I got one of those for my last birthday, I'm sure you did too]. If it was any guarentee of contract or accountability.

There would still be bribes, cover ups, sure, I’m not looking for a perfect world, the system usually finds a way to survive like any animal. But no job you or I go for would we be able to say “I know fuck all about health care, make me your chief of medicine.” I would like to see semi flexible

[ninjalie]

That picture of New Orleans looks a lot like some parts of San Fran. I've been to NO before and I really hated it especially the weather, either way though I hope you find some place you can call home. I know what you mean when you say you want to move in with your grandma. Sometimes I just want someone to help me get my shit together and be a better person. I hope you'll add me on your new journal. *hugs*

[sweettessa_nj]

"I'm a rebel and a part-time degenerate yet sometimes I crave this healthy home. I long for curfews and dinnertimes. The things I missed as a wild teenager with a helpless father (as in he didn't know how to raise a teenage girl). I crave balance and yet I'm extreme. Extreme and passionate."

This sounds so much like me..I crave balance yet my actions seems to create the most extreme opposite. Nowadays my life is at its lowest point as my self demise becomes even more apparent. I hope to gather the courage to admit my shame in my journal soon..I am never happy. Its seems from reading I have alot to catch up on with you. I hope we can talk soon. Life has been chaotic to say the least which also looks to be the case with you as well. I hope to try to call you tonight if your around.