miserable
i guess i'm just in a low place right now. nothing is exceptionally bad but nothing is exceptionally great. max&erma's has a month until i put in my two weeks because i am so sure that they're not going to train me to be a server. ah but it's so frustrating because i make a satisfying hourly wage + tips + great people to work with (most of the time). wow, that really sounds like a good idea for me to quit, HUH? fuck. BUT YOU SEE i am so good at my job and last night 2 things got messed up, little things, and my mgr has say, "that's two tonight, emily." go fuck yourself? it would be a lot more than two if i quit so, UGH. i'm really just wanting to stay in my bed for the whole week-end with wine and movies, but i am doubling today, and tomorrow. everything is blooming outside, my mum's garden is huge and green and blossoming and pretty. however, as soon as i go outside i start sneezing and getting congested. damn allergies. i'm really excited for my mum's poppy garden to grow, there are so many buds! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. also, i feel skeptical about my relationship lately. it might just be me and i maybe don't want to bring it up in case there is something, whatever. whyyyy am i not 21? why can't i go to the places he goes? THAT'S a big ass bummer right there, all the fucking time. and if i was having trouble quitting smoking before, i'm really having trouble quitting right now. why is it so damn hard? i understand scientifically why it's hard with my brain and the impulses and what nicotine does, i completely understand. SO WHY CAN'T I DO IT. and i have a paper to write and also a speech. i would like to bury my head in the ground like an ostrich. CIAO.