Surrender
Title: Surrender
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Word count: 1.355
Rating: R
Beta: sarahsezlove
Warnings: Male/male sex
Disclaimer: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy and the entire Harry Potter universe belong to J. K. Rowling and various others that have the right. No money is being made from this story.
Additional Disclaimer: This fiction contains R material and is intended for ADULTS. Please read and abide by the posted ratings, warnings, and age of consent laws in your area.
Note: This is a translation of my story (Arrendersi) from Italian to English. The original version can be find on the Italian web site “Nocturne Alley Fanfic”
Summary: It’s the morning after the night before. Can Harry persuade Draco that their night together is the start of a lifetime of love, or will Draco allow his dark past to interfere with their future before it’s even begun?
Surrender
It seems so strange to have him so close, naked and asleep in his bed, but incredibly perfect.
He can feel his chest against his back, his left shoulder leans on his hip, his breath against his neck. The kind of breath that is slow and deep and means that he is still sleeping. Harry slowly turns, careful not to wake him, just wanting to see his face. He is so beautiful, it takes his breath away, with his tousled hair fanned out across the pillow, a serene expression on his face and a small smile on his reddened lips.
Part of him is still so incredulous: he lost his virginity to Draco Malfoy. The pictures of the previous night spent with the Slytherin are carved into his mind, every single sensation they shared together remembered in perfect detail.
He was tender and careful, ardent and without restraint. The desire, so intense as to be almost painful, coupled with the fear that he would not measure up and the emotions that cried out to belong deeply to someone, to feel himself complete for the first time on his life.
He reaches out his right hand to his lover’s face, touching lightly so as not wake him, stroking his profile, moving to his neck, continuing on across the left shoulder and slowly brushing down his arms. He stops to caress the dark mark, so stark on snow-white skin, drawing the outline with his forefinger, lost in his thoughts. Suddenly, Draco turns, showing his back to him, evading his caress and hiding the dark mark under the other arm.
Harry knows! The moment when they have to face their past, when truth can no longer be hidden, has arrived. Harry tries to move closer to the Slytherin again, but Draco lifts the blankets, preparing to leave. The Gryffindor is faster, using his right arm to pull them together, embracing him from behind and clasping him round the waist. He whispers,
“Talk to me.”
“About what?” Draco’s tone is proud, the usual sneer evident in his voice.
“You know what.”
“There’s nothing to say.” The reply is cold, even as he tries to struggle from Harry’s grip. Suddenly, he stops, as the fight disappears and he sags into Harry’s embrace.
“Okay! We can talk.”
Harry, at this point, slackens his clasp on Draco’s waist, as he turns with a scornful look, saying,
“There’s nothing to say - it’s just a mark. Voldemort wanted me to have it and I accepted. He promised my father’s freedom in exchange for Dumbledore’s life. What did you expect me to do? I took the chance… just like I did tonight. You wanted me, right? I pleased you? Well, you’re a desirable person, and deflowering the hero of the magical world had a certain charm.”
For a moment, Harry can’t breathe, so wounded by Draco’s words. Did what they’d shared count for nothing? However, the memories of the night before come back to him; Draco preparing him with such tenderness, opening him without hurry, ignoring his own need to be satisfied as he concentrated on Harry’s pleasure. And the way he entered him, slowly, stopping every time, showing with just a look that he understood Harry’s need to take things slowly. Caressing his face, whispering words of tenderness, and the look in Draco’s stormy grey eyes that said more than a thousand words.
With these memories still on his mind, Harry comes back to the present, suddenly aware that Draco is purposely hurting him, trying to force him away rather than face the pain he feels inside at Harry’s impending rejection. But Harry can’t allow that.
“Am I supposed to believe you, Draco? I was there that day on the astronomy tower. I saw that you had lowered your wand, I know that is wasn’t for Bellatrix and the other Death Eaters that you accepted Dumbledore’s proposal. Like I know that tonight wasn’t just sex.”
“You’re always the same, Potter, assuming that you know me so perfectly.” Haughtiness drips from Draco’s voice, but his trembling hands curl into fists and belie his tone.
“Yes Draco, I think I do know you well. I know every damn shortcoming that you have. I know how good you are with words, and I know that’s what you’re doing now, pushing me away for fear of revealing yourself.”
“I have nothing to fear.”
“Really? So show me. Talk to me.” Harry challenges him with a look.
“And what the fuck do I have to say? What do you want to hear? That Voldemort gave me this as a gift for my sixteen birthday?” He turns his arm, showing the mark. “That looking at it reminds me that in the attempt to kill Dumbledore I almost killed Katie and your precious Ron? That I feel like shit for that, and that I don’t believe that...” and suddenly he stops himself, understanding what he was going to say and lowering his eyes.
“What don’t you believe, Draco?“ asks Harry, as he tenderly raises Draco’s chin and challenges him to meet his gaze.
“Please stop, Harry.” The sadness in Draco’s voice is unmistakable. “I can’t change the past, neither can I delete this mark. It’s a symbol of all my mistakes, of how much wrong I have done and…” He sighs and lowers his eyes “…and of how much I don’t deserve you.”
In reply, Harry takes hold of the arm, bringing his lips down to the dark mark and gently kissing it. Amazed, Draco looks at him, holding his gaze as Harry begins to speak.
“Do you know what this says to me?” He glances quickly down to the arm he still holds. “It tells me how hard it was for you; how the love for your family was so deep that you would do anything to save them. It tells me of the hell that you lived through because you had no other choice, obliged to do things that went against your conscience in order to survive.” Harry stops and takes a deep breath before continuing, his eyes remaining locked on Draco’s.
“More than anything, it reminds me of how blind I was, how obsessed I became, following you everywhere and watching your every move. I let my feelings of hatred and scorn take over, never once stopping to consider what you might be going through. Even when I found you crying with Moaning Myrtle…” he swallows, visibly trying to control his emotions as he closes his eyes briefly before continuing. “It reminds me that I almost killed you, and when I think about how close I came to losing you, how close we came to losing this…” Harry reaches forward, gently caressing Draco’s face, the simple contact bringing tears to his eyes.
“I’m not perfect, Draco, and I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. I’m damn sure that you’re going to drive me crazy and I know that we’re going to fight furiously more often than not. Believe me, I’m aware that you’re not perfect either,” Harry’s thumb grazes lightly across Draco’s bottom lip as green eyes look deeply into grey, “But you’re perfect for me,”1 he whispers, as he brings their lips together in a kiss filled with tenderness and promise. Moments, maybe eons, later they part, foreheads touching, eyes locked on eyes, and Draco finally breaks his silence.
“Thank you for never giving up on me, “ he whispers, and it is all Harry needs to hear. He smiles, suddenly mischievous,
“Well, I’m pretty stubborn, you know? Besides, when I found out the size of your dowry, there was never any chance of me letting you go.” He starts to laugh as his finger slides sensuously down Draco’s chest.
“Oh, sweet Merlin! I think I’ve created a monster, “ groans Draco, as he winds his fingers into Harry’s hair and draws his head down toward him. “But you’re my monster. I love you, Harry.”
“I love you, Draco,” and then they’re as close as two people can get, clasped together and sure for that moment that they will never be alone again.
The End
1 This phrase is inspired by this quote of the Movie “Will Hunting” where Robin Williams says to Matt Damon “You're not perfect, sport, and let me save you the suspense: this girl you've met, she's not perfect either. But the question is whether or not you're perfect for each other”.