FAA "Humor"
as most of you know, i work at the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA). For the uninitiated, the FAA regulates airplanes, airports, and the like. Here's a sample of the kinds of emails i get at work each day... makes me *so* proud to work here...
Just For Fun: Flight Attendants Say the Darndest Things...
After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelts insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelts and if you don't know how to operate one you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure margarine cups will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child . . . pick your favorite."
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you and remember nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault . . . It was the asphalt!"
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry . . . Unfortunately none of them are on this flight!"
"As you exit the plane make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. After an extremely hard landing the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix the flight attendant came on with "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
wonderful stuff, i tell ya...
Just For Fun: Flight Attendants Say the Darndest Things...
After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelts insert the metal tab into the buckle and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelts and if you don't know how to operate one you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure margarine cups will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child . . . pick your favorite."
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you and remember nobody loves you or your money more than Southwest Airlines."
"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and in the event of an emergency water landing please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault . . . It was the asphalt!"
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry . . . Unfortunately none of them are on this flight!"
"As you exit the plane make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. After an extremely hard landing the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix the flight attendant came on with "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube we hope you'll think of us here at US Airways."
wonderful stuff, i tell ya...