Answers On A Postcard Please
This is a bit of an over-caffienated epic ramble but I feel like it's all required in order to sit and give myself some perspective on the situation. Or something. Umm. I could probably do with some advice or opinions, I don't gauge social interaction well.
When I first moved to the north east it was because it was the one place where I had a large cluster of geeky friends all still living in County Durham, 'the Bishy Crew'. Going out together as one big nerdy/punky tribe filled me with joy every time I came as a visitor, whether we were huddled around a tiny campfire in the middle of rainy-sheep-filled-nowhere trying to toast marshmallows or splashing out at restaurants that had to put together row after row of tables to fit us all in.
Just before I moved up for good in 2007 there was some sort of major aggro - I asked everyone involved but no one seems to remember what it was about specifically or who started it, but these stubborn northerners I love all insisted on holding onto their grudges against each other for dear life, like life rubber rings on the Titanic. A few of the herd fell out of touch and it set a precedent for future fallings out.
Just before I moved, my friend Annie-Bear, who I originally moved into the 'Lost Angles' house in Durham city with, had asked out 'DB', a guy who was a latecomer to the group but well liked by all remaining. DB was a notorious former rocker/stoner/drinker/mischief maker who'd managed to clean himself up a few months before the Bishy crew adopted him. Me and him had very similar backstories and vices, to the point where we were nicknamed the 'bad kids' because our backcatalog of anecdotes made some of the others' toes curl. Even now conversations with him over cigarettes and coffee can feel a bit like veterans talking about a really weird war.
Now Kam, Annie-Bear's little brother, was not in a good mental place at the time of his sister and DB getting together. Having your eye-socket fractured by your semi-estranged father will likely do that to a guy. At first he adopted DB as his new father/older-brother figure and did not like how much more attention his sister got. This annoyed DB, mainly because DB wasn't interested in fucking Kam and very interested in fucking Annie-Bear. 'Lost Angles' where Annie-Bear & I moved to became the crew hub, when formerly it had been Annie & Kam's mother's house (all my friends were living with/had moved back with their parents until I turned up - I feel bad for breaking some kind of equilibrium in that respect).
Kam's compulsive lying went into overdrive to try and keep attention focused on him and he told a series of horrendous fibs that spiraled out of control. For example, I was outraged when I found out he'd been telling everyone that during the period when I'd been sleeping on his mum's livingroom floor for 6 months while looking for a job, I used to barge into his room at all hours of the night, when he had work the next day, and boot up his computer - the one internet access point. Not even remotely true. I always had to leave the house and walk to the town library to get online because he was so precious about his desktop.
His mum started to take a dislike to several of our number based on these wild lies, declared DB was a grimy alcoholic unfit for her daughter and the reason I wasn't getting showered with job offers was because I was a lazy slacker who just needed to dye my hair a nice shade of brown and try harder (no one really knew about the spectacular economic crash we were slipping into at that point). Annie-Bear started to believe all the bad-mouthing too and even got angry in defense of her family when she discovered several of the Bishy crew including me and DB had sat down to cross reference Kam's mountain of lies and vent over the unjustified slating we'd all gotten. Annie started avoiding DB and flat-out told me I wasn't welcome in her Mum's house when I offered to come round and help put Crimbo decorations up. I got genuinely upset as a few months before I'd gotten a birthday card from Annie & Kam's mum signed "Mum 2" and had thought of her as an Aunty for years. DB was so angry he practically burst into flames while I melted into a pool of self-destruction that Hawkes had to come and peel off the kitchen floor of Lost Angles by the time I was done.
Eventually we had a big proper intervention for Kam. I spent the whole time uncharacteristically silent and curled against Elmo while Hawkes and DB yelled a lot, Kam squirmed and sobbed and Annie-Bear got slapped with a few home truths. Everyone else just seemed rather astounded. Afterwards Kam got himself put on the waiting list for therapy, Annie and DB got back together, everything seemed OK but it was clear everyone but Kam still felt wronged by the fact that Annie & Kam's mother refused to apologize for any of the awful things she'd said about us ("I'm sorry you feel that way" = not apologizing + boiling everyone's piss some more). She refused to acknowledge her son was even capable of lying, despite the fact that he was seeking professional help over the issue and continued to do her utmost to undermine her daughter's seven year friendship with me and her fast-progressing relationship with DB.
Feeling the need for a breather, DB took up a job offer up in Eliburn (just outside of Edinburgh) and moved away with the intention of making enough money to help Annie start up a career in animation (sod's law he eventually got made redundant for nigh on two years instead). Annie-Bear and DB went through a really rocky patch trying to stay together on a long distance arrangement but thanks to the constant slating DB was still getting in the family home she eventually had to leave Lost Angles and move in with him. I gave her my blessing and sent her off halfway through our tenancy agreement... in hindsight I maybe should've protested since paying for a five-bed house with gas heating and no insulation when winter hit my stretched overdraft, then forgotten council tax and TV license bills turned up and totally scuppered me (I had to get a lone out that grabbed me by the short and curlies for a five year stretch that I'll only finally be done with in August this year!)
While Annie & DB were up in Scotland the crew did a few merry road trips by car and bike and there was a little of the old-style fun to be had. But then it emerged that back in the day Kam had told a series of Machiavellian whoppers during the early stage of their relationship making each think that the other preferred to go out with the group rather than see each other 1-on-1, keeping them from getting serious earlier on and making them both doubt each others' feelings for quite a while. Given the kind of things I've gone She-Hulk over, I wouldn't say it was an unforgivable crime but DB hit the roof and declared Kam was dead to him. Annie eventually declared that she was sick of her little brother's need to be the center of attention all the time, dredged up this whole damning history of slights and wrong doings committed since he was born, and washed her hands of him too. When the pair got engaged, Annie's mother was the first to get a phone call but decided to skip the congratulations and spent a solid hour pissing all over the happy occasion by moaning about how harsh they were being on Kam and turned happy tears into unhappy tears in a record amount of time. She had a bit of a point but absolutely no sense of timing. So... Annie-Bear just decided she wasn't talking to her mother anymore either!
Cut to now, a few years on - There's been so many subsequent falling outs among mah peeps (over what seem like trivial things to me) that I really can't see any of my friends in groups bigger than three or four without drama ensuing. And the worst of it is that Kam's lying is pretty much under control now, but Annie still won't speak to him. He tries to apologize, she says he's only saying it because he doesn't want to be excluded from a wedding their quite likely to never have. She and DB are now due to become parents in about four weeks but her own mother and brother have no idea Annie was even pregnant.
Me and Elmo went round to see the nursery in their flat yesterday (an awesome "How to Train Your Dragon" mural that makes me yearn for the days when everyone thought Annie-Bear was going to move to America and work for Pixar). I put my hand on a squirmy pregnant belly for the first time (weird in an "ew ew ew" way that made me grin all the same), but in the back of my head was the thought that Kam was missing out. He and Hawkes are planning to move to Edinburgh or possibly Glasgow in a few years, and it seems unfair that he's being allowed to make that decision without the knowledge that he has a niece/nephew living ten minutes down the road from his current abode that he'll have even less chance of establishing a connection with if he crosses the border. Every time Kam asks me what's new I have the urge to scream "Your sister's having a baby!!!!" at him. But I can't.
Annie-Bear made everyone in the know swear on everything they hold dear not to say a gorram word to her family because she needed to tell them herself. But then she keeps not telling them! I think DB is deliberately putting her off because he prefers things how they are - never having to deal with the mad in-laws anymore, but I feel sad for Annie (and her unborn Squishy by extension) because her mother, father and brother all live just down the road but the only blood family she's really got left is an Aunt and Cousin up in Scotland who've got an idea of the real goings on. The rest of the aunts, uncles and cousins disowned her on her own mother's say-so.
I know this whole situation is going to end up biting me in the backside once Kam realizes. Doing nothing feels very wrong. But I can't break my promise because it should be Annie-Bear who breaks the news. If I say something to her mother like "If you don't want to die alone and full of regret you might want to shove your pride up your arse and muster up an apology even if you don't feel like you've done anything wrong." but then she might guess that there's news I'm setting her up for. I could nag Annie about owning up but I don't want to stress her out, or get DB pissed off for wanting to say something when he's not there (she and DB are attached at the hip outside of their jobs) but... gah, I don't know! I just feel like I need to try something! It's like a multiple choice test where the question seems reasonable but none of the answers listed underneath seem right.
In other news - Happy Valentines/Steak & Blowjob Night to all! *scatters metaphysical paper heart confetti over all and sundry.* I swear the happier January post is more me in general!
When I first moved to the north east it was because it was the one place where I had a large cluster of geeky friends all still living in County Durham, 'the Bishy Crew'. Going out together as one big nerdy/punky tribe filled me with joy every time I came as a visitor, whether we were huddled around a tiny campfire in the middle of rainy-sheep-filled-nowhere trying to toast marshmallows or splashing out at restaurants that had to put together row after row of tables to fit us all in.
Just before I moved up for good in 2007 there was some sort of major aggro - I asked everyone involved but no one seems to remember what it was about specifically or who started it, but these stubborn northerners I love all insisted on holding onto their grudges against each other for dear life, like life rubber rings on the Titanic. A few of the herd fell out of touch and it set a precedent for future fallings out.
Just before I moved, my friend Annie-Bear, who I originally moved into the 'Lost Angles' house in Durham city with, had asked out 'DB', a guy who was a latecomer to the group but well liked by all remaining. DB was a notorious former rocker/stoner/drinker/mischief maker who'd managed to clean himself up a few months before the Bishy crew adopted him. Me and him had very similar backstories and vices, to the point where we were nicknamed the 'bad kids' because our backcatalog of anecdotes made some of the others' toes curl. Even now conversations with him over cigarettes and coffee can feel a bit like veterans talking about a really weird war.
Now Kam, Annie-Bear's little brother, was not in a good mental place at the time of his sister and DB getting together. Having your eye-socket fractured by your semi-estranged father will likely do that to a guy. At first he adopted DB as his new father/older-brother figure and did not like how much more attention his sister got. This annoyed DB, mainly because DB wasn't interested in fucking Kam and very interested in fucking Annie-Bear. 'Lost Angles' where Annie-Bear & I moved to became the crew hub, when formerly it had been Annie & Kam's mother's house (all my friends were living with/had moved back with their parents until I turned up - I feel bad for breaking some kind of equilibrium in that respect).
Kam's compulsive lying went into overdrive to try and keep attention focused on him and he told a series of horrendous fibs that spiraled out of control. For example, I was outraged when I found out he'd been telling everyone that during the period when I'd been sleeping on his mum's livingroom floor for 6 months while looking for a job, I used to barge into his room at all hours of the night, when he had work the next day, and boot up his computer - the one internet access point. Not even remotely true. I always had to leave the house and walk to the town library to get online because he was so precious about his desktop.
His mum started to take a dislike to several of our number based on these wild lies, declared DB was a grimy alcoholic unfit for her daughter and the reason I wasn't getting showered with job offers was because I was a lazy slacker who just needed to dye my hair a nice shade of brown and try harder (no one really knew about the spectacular economic crash we were slipping into at that point). Annie-Bear started to believe all the bad-mouthing too and even got angry in defense of her family when she discovered several of the Bishy crew including me and DB had sat down to cross reference Kam's mountain of lies and vent over the unjustified slating we'd all gotten. Annie started avoiding DB and flat-out told me I wasn't welcome in her Mum's house when I offered to come round and help put Crimbo decorations up. I got genuinely upset as a few months before I'd gotten a birthday card from Annie & Kam's mum signed "Mum 2" and had thought of her as an Aunty for years. DB was so angry he practically burst into flames while I melted into a pool of self-destruction that Hawkes had to come and peel off the kitchen floor of Lost Angles by the time I was done.
Eventually we had a big proper intervention for Kam. I spent the whole time uncharacteristically silent and curled against Elmo while Hawkes and DB yelled a lot, Kam squirmed and sobbed and Annie-Bear got slapped with a few home truths. Everyone else just seemed rather astounded. Afterwards Kam got himself put on the waiting list for therapy, Annie and DB got back together, everything seemed OK but it was clear everyone but Kam still felt wronged by the fact that Annie & Kam's mother refused to apologize for any of the awful things she'd said about us ("I'm sorry you feel that way" = not apologizing + boiling everyone's piss some more). She refused to acknowledge her son was even capable of lying, despite the fact that he was seeking professional help over the issue and continued to do her utmost to undermine her daughter's seven year friendship with me and her fast-progressing relationship with DB.
Feeling the need for a breather, DB took up a job offer up in Eliburn (just outside of Edinburgh) and moved away with the intention of making enough money to help Annie start up a career in animation (sod's law he eventually got made redundant for nigh on two years instead). Annie-Bear and DB went through a really rocky patch trying to stay together on a long distance arrangement but thanks to the constant slating DB was still getting in the family home she eventually had to leave Lost Angles and move in with him. I gave her my blessing and sent her off halfway through our tenancy agreement... in hindsight I maybe should've protested since paying for a five-bed house with gas heating and no insulation when winter hit my stretched overdraft, then forgotten council tax and TV license bills turned up and totally scuppered me (I had to get a lone out that grabbed me by the short and curlies for a five year stretch that I'll only finally be done with in August this year!)
While Annie & DB were up in Scotland the crew did a few merry road trips by car and bike and there was a little of the old-style fun to be had. But then it emerged that back in the day Kam had told a series of Machiavellian whoppers during the early stage of their relationship making each think that the other preferred to go out with the group rather than see each other 1-on-1, keeping them from getting serious earlier on and making them both doubt each others' feelings for quite a while. Given the kind of things I've gone She-Hulk over, I wouldn't say it was an unforgivable crime but DB hit the roof and declared Kam was dead to him. Annie eventually declared that she was sick of her little brother's need to be the center of attention all the time, dredged up this whole damning history of slights and wrong doings committed since he was born, and washed her hands of him too. When the pair got engaged, Annie's mother was the first to get a phone call but decided to skip the congratulations and spent a solid hour pissing all over the happy occasion by moaning about how harsh they were being on Kam and turned happy tears into unhappy tears in a record amount of time. She had a bit of a point but absolutely no sense of timing. So... Annie-Bear just decided she wasn't talking to her mother anymore either!
Cut to now, a few years on - There's been so many subsequent falling outs among mah peeps (over what seem like trivial things to me) that I really can't see any of my friends in groups bigger than three or four without drama ensuing. And the worst of it is that Kam's lying is pretty much under control now, but Annie still won't speak to him. He tries to apologize, she says he's only saying it because he doesn't want to be excluded from a wedding their quite likely to never have. She and DB are now due to become parents in about four weeks but her own mother and brother have no idea Annie was even pregnant.
Me and Elmo went round to see the nursery in their flat yesterday (an awesome "How to Train Your Dragon" mural that makes me yearn for the days when everyone thought Annie-Bear was going to move to America and work for Pixar). I put my hand on a squirmy pregnant belly for the first time (weird in an "ew ew ew" way that made me grin all the same), but in the back of my head was the thought that Kam was missing out. He and Hawkes are planning to move to Edinburgh or possibly Glasgow in a few years, and it seems unfair that he's being allowed to make that decision without the knowledge that he has a niece/nephew living ten minutes down the road from his current abode that he'll have even less chance of establishing a connection with if he crosses the border. Every time Kam asks me what's new I have the urge to scream "Your sister's having a baby!!!!" at him. But I can't.
Annie-Bear made everyone in the know swear on everything they hold dear not to say a gorram word to her family because she needed to tell them herself. But then she keeps not telling them! I think DB is deliberately putting her off because he prefers things how they are - never having to deal with the mad in-laws anymore, but I feel sad for Annie (and her unborn Squishy by extension) because her mother, father and brother all live just down the road but the only blood family she's really got left is an Aunt and Cousin up in Scotland who've got an idea of the real goings on. The rest of the aunts, uncles and cousins disowned her on her own mother's say-so.
I know this whole situation is going to end up biting me in the backside once Kam realizes. Doing nothing feels very wrong. But I can't break my promise because it should be Annie-Bear who breaks the news. If I say something to her mother like "If you don't want to die alone and full of regret you might want to shove your pride up your arse and muster up an apology even if you don't feel like you've done anything wrong." but then she might guess that there's news I'm setting her up for. I could nag Annie about owning up but I don't want to stress her out, or get DB pissed off for wanting to say something when he's not there (she and DB are attached at the hip outside of their jobs) but... gah, I don't know! I just feel like I need to try something! It's like a multiple choice test where the question seems reasonable but none of the answers listed underneath seem right.
In other news - Happy Valentines/Steak & Blowjob Night to all! *scatters metaphysical paper heart confetti over all and sundry.* I swear the happier January post is more me in general!