Fic: Adrift - Part 1
Title: Adrift (Part 1 of 2)
Pairings: House/Cuddy, House/Wilson
Rating: ~ PG
Summary: House works on making things better between himself and Cuddy only to have the fragility of their relationship tested by the one person who now stands to lose everything.
Notes: Post ep. fic. for 7x13 'Two Stories' which is now as AU as you can get.
He leaves Cuddy’s office, relieved that he hasn’t messed things up completely and that she seems to have forgiven him. Even though he hadn’t been able to get Rachel into Cuddy’s preferred pre-school, she at least could see that he had tried.
But it was about more than that. He told her he could do better, and it’s likely that she’ll take his words as a promise. A promise he doesn’t know if he can keep. After all, he had to ask her for another chance. How many more times could he do that before she refused to give them to him? Before she finally has enough, and for real this time? And that will be the end of that, unless he can come up with another way to make her stay. And she should know that he will go to whatever lengths are necessary to make that happen, because she’s right: he needs her. She gave him the chance he needed when she’d found him sitting on his bathroom floor on the brink of relapse. She was his first chance... and his last.
He places his new toothbrush back inside his jacket and takes the elevator up to the fourth floor, thinking back to that night, and that morning.
He doesn’t glance towards his office, knowing his team will call him when they have their patient’s test results. Instead he heads to the adjacent office where he makes his way to the couch and sits down, looking over after a moment to see Wilson staring at him.
“What’s the matter? Didn't you work things out with Cuddy?”
House lets this sink in for a moment, wondering how Wilson could have drawn that conclusion.
“I’m having dinner at her place.”
Wilson inclines his head with a cautious raise of his brow. “That’s good.”
House turns his attention to the table in front of him where he puts his feet up. After a moment, Wilson prompts him, “Right?”
He stretches his arms out along the back of the couch, looks back to his friend, and grins. “Absolutely.”
Wilson does not smile back, instead he watches him with that disapproving expression he’s perfected over the years.
“What?” House snaps.
“You just don’t look very...” Wilson doesn’t finish voicing his line of thought and places his pen down. “So why was she mad at you?”
The sudden urge to tell him it’s none of his damn business is a strong one, but he knows he can’t do that now. He’s made his entire relationship with Cuddy Wilson’s business, so his questions on the topic shouldn’t annoy him.
“Domestic issues.”
Finally Wilson smiles at that, shaking his head. “Haven’t been doing the dishes?”
“Something like that,” House says, not liking the fact that Wilson was seeing the humour in this situation. He thought it was a joke. Not surprising. It sounded like a joke.
Thankfully his phone rings, giving him an excuse to ignore Wilson’s look of incomprehension.
When he hangs up, he pays special attention to his inside pocket as he puts his phone away. “I would have just won a hundred dollars, if anyone had bet against me.” He picks himself up and moves to the door, avoiding the impulse to look to his right on the way out.
*
The evening is far from perfect. Their recent falling out is still in the back of their minds, but they don’t acknowledge it.
Still, it's an improvement from the past few days.
He makes love to her and everything is forgotten.
*
He meets her for lunch in the days that follow and things are a lot better for them both. That is until the day when her mood has plummeted again, and House is on edge, trying to think what it could be this time. She gives nothing away, but House knows it’s coming. He won’t be leaving her office today without her voluntary explanation.
He watches her closely as she finishes her lunch, has a drink, tidies her desk, and leans back in her chair; all to build up her nerve to say what’s really on her mind. She doesn’t look him in the eye as she speaks.
“You spend a lot of your time talking to Wilson about us.”
Is that all it is?
“Wilson and I talk, just like he talks with you.”
“Yes he does.” She looks up at him now and as House remains quiet, she goes on. “He came to see me. Said you were unhappy. I think if you’re unhappy, I should hear it from you, not him.”
“I never said I wasn’t happy,” House says, surprised by this.
“Wilson seems to think so.”
“Okay. Well, he can think it if he likes but I never said it.”
“So he just made an assumption and felt like he should come and tell me about it?”
House thinks back to his brief talk with Wilson and realises his mistake: he'd worried him, and now he'd just made things worse.
Cuddy brushes it off. “Anyway, I’m just letting you know.”
*
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Wilson looks behind him into the entrance of his apartment.
“I was having dinner.”
House moves past him and lets himself in, seeing the half eaten meal on the table. “You talked to Cuddy,” he says. He spins around and sees Wilson’s eyes quickly flick up to his face and then away.
Wilson tries to act indifferent as he walks to the table. “So?”
“So? So you talked to her about our meaningless conversation, which was meaningless by the way, and then told her I was unhappy. Now she thinks I’m telling you things that I’m not telling her, which is sometimes true, but she’s not supposed to know about it. We were getting better and you’ve come in and messed it all up again.”
“I can honestly say I didn’t mean to,” Wilson says, sounding too casual. He continues eating his food, and ignoring him. House sits in front of him and leans in slightly.
“You’re not embarrassed or ashamed about any of this? Not feeling guilty for putting me in this position? That means you’re completely fine interfering in my relationship.”
Wilson smiles around his wine glass. “Cuddy told you her theory did she?”
“No, she didn’t.” House leans back, studying him. “What do you two talk about when you have your girl time?”
“You, mostly. I’m surprised your ears aren’t constantly burning.” Wilson flashes him a smile and House is not quick enough to respond before Wilson continues. “I’m not trying to interfere in your relationship, House. Concern for a friend does not automatically translate to sabotage.”
“Not all the time, anyway,” House says.
“I’m not,” Wilson assures.
House nods and leaves it at that. “Anyway,” he says, “I’m more interested to see if you’ve kept your agreement. But I think the fact that you’re dining alone tonight gives me my answer.”
Wilson frowns, awaiting clarification.
“It’s been 10 days. Well, technically it’s been 12, but who’s really counting?”
Wilson sets his knife and fork on his plate with a loud clink and gets up. “I thought you’d forgotten about that.”
“Nope.”
In the kitchen, Wilson starts running the water and almost drowns out his next words. “I don’t need anyone.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“Sara keeps me company. And she’s doing fine, thanks for asking.”
“A cat, Wilson.”
“Why do you even want this?”
“I don’t want it. You want it.”
“No, you put up the challenge. You made it into a game. This is about you, and I’m still trying to figure out why.”
They look at each other from either side of the kitchen counter and House stands. “You’re living... with a cat.”
“Because I haven’t found anyone.”
“Because you haven’t been looking.”
“No, I haven’t.”
House straightens. He knows it won’t last, but he’s quietly relieved he isn’t seeing anyone for the time being. Knowing that he’s not even looking makes him feel even better, and it shouldn’t. Because he’s with Cuddy, so it doesn’t matter. And it shouldn’t matter. But if Wilson’s with someone, he’ll be able to tell himself that he’s off limits again, in a manner of speaking. And if Wilson is with someone in the future it won’t be easy to accept but he’ll be satisfied.
If Wilson stays in limbo like this it will only make things more sickening for him; to think that Sam was such a waste of time, that Wilson could allow her to come in and take everything away from him so easily, not least of all the secure and comfortable living arrangement he’d had since leaving Mayfield.
Now he’s with Cuddy and Wilson isn’t even trying.
“Why?” he asks.
Wilson dismisses the question with a shrug.
House doesn’t ask any further, and as much as he doesn’t want to, he leaves.
*
House is at Cuddy’s later that night, sitting next to each other and watching TV. She takes his hand and holds it, shifting more comfortably against him.
“I talked to Wilson,” he says, tilting his head to her as she looks up at him.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t you?”
“I mean about what you said to me.”
Cuddy closes her eyes tightly before opening them again. “Oh that. I hope you were... discreet about it.”
“That’s up for debate.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him not to go around saying stuff about me." He strokes her hand with his thumb. "I’d prefer to keep you guessing," he adds, playfully.
“And what did he say?”
“Not much. Just that he’s not interfering so quit being paranoid.”
“Paranoid?” Cuddy looks at him as though the thought has just occurred to her. “So how is he really? Not still hung up on Sam is he?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I gave him 10 days to hook up with someone and he didn’t so it’s out of my hands now.”
“Why did you do that?”
“Because, Cuddy, he’s living with a cat.”
“Right, and you thought giving him an ultimatum would solve all his problems.”
“I wanted to see what he’d do.”
Cuddy runs a hand over her mouth, contemplating the man she’s sitting with. “So what happens now?”
“Nothing,” House says simply.
*
The next morning House meets Cuddy in the kitchen and as she sees him she directs Rachel out.
House moves to give Cuddy a brief kiss and turns to the fridge. From behind him, she speaks quietly but clearly.
“House.”
“Mmm?” House takes out the carton of orange juice and reaches in the cabinet for a glass - a well worn practise now.
“I’ve decided that this isn’t going to work anymore.”
House turns to her. “You’ve decided,” he repeats, feeling his heart beat in alarm. Cuddy nods, pressing her lips together to suppress any emotion.
“Is this another semi break up where you need time alone...?”
“No.”
“Is there at least a reason?”
“We were both realistic about the chances of this lasting, from the very first day,” she explains. “And with our last ‘break up’ I suppose it just made me realise that we’re probably not strong enough to go on.”
She’s studying his reaction and as hurt and confused as he is, House is cool as he replies smoothly, “Fine.”
*
House keeps it to himself that day and the next, trying hard not to let it get to him until he walks into Wilson’s office at the end of the day and sinks into the chair opposite him.
“Cuddy broke up with me. Wanna go get dinner?”
***
Part 2
Pairings: House/Cuddy, House/Wilson
Rating: ~ PG
Summary: House works on making things better between himself and Cuddy only to have the fragility of their relationship tested by the one person who now stands to lose everything.
Notes: Post ep. fic. for 7x13 'Two Stories' which is now as AU as you can get.
He leaves Cuddy’s office, relieved that he hasn’t messed things up completely and that she seems to have forgiven him. Even though he hadn’t been able to get Rachel into Cuddy’s preferred pre-school, she at least could see that he had tried.
But it was about more than that. He told her he could do better, and it’s likely that she’ll take his words as a promise. A promise he doesn’t know if he can keep. After all, he had to ask her for another chance. How many more times could he do that before she refused to give them to him? Before she finally has enough, and for real this time? And that will be the end of that, unless he can come up with another way to make her stay. And she should know that he will go to whatever lengths are necessary to make that happen, because she’s right: he needs her. She gave him the chance he needed when she’d found him sitting on his bathroom floor on the brink of relapse. She was his first chance... and his last.
He places his new toothbrush back inside his jacket and takes the elevator up to the fourth floor, thinking back to that night, and that morning.
He doesn’t glance towards his office, knowing his team will call him when they have their patient’s test results. Instead he heads to the adjacent office where he makes his way to the couch and sits down, looking over after a moment to see Wilson staring at him.
“What’s the matter? Didn't you work things out with Cuddy?”
House lets this sink in for a moment, wondering how Wilson could have drawn that conclusion.
“I’m having dinner at her place.”
Wilson inclines his head with a cautious raise of his brow. “That’s good.”
House turns his attention to the table in front of him where he puts his feet up. After a moment, Wilson prompts him, “Right?”
He stretches his arms out along the back of the couch, looks back to his friend, and grins. “Absolutely.”
Wilson does not smile back, instead he watches him with that disapproving expression he’s perfected over the years.
“What?” House snaps.
“You just don’t look very...” Wilson doesn’t finish voicing his line of thought and places his pen down. “So why was she mad at you?”
The sudden urge to tell him it’s none of his damn business is a strong one, but he knows he can’t do that now. He’s made his entire relationship with Cuddy Wilson’s business, so his questions on the topic shouldn’t annoy him.
“Domestic issues.”
Finally Wilson smiles at that, shaking his head. “Haven’t been doing the dishes?”
“Something like that,” House says, not liking the fact that Wilson was seeing the humour in this situation. He thought it was a joke. Not surprising. It sounded like a joke.
Thankfully his phone rings, giving him an excuse to ignore Wilson’s look of incomprehension.
When he hangs up, he pays special attention to his inside pocket as he puts his phone away. “I would have just won a hundred dollars, if anyone had bet against me.” He picks himself up and moves to the door, avoiding the impulse to look to his right on the way out.
*
The evening is far from perfect. Their recent falling out is still in the back of their minds, but they don’t acknowledge it.
Still, it's an improvement from the past few days.
He makes love to her and everything is forgotten.
*
He meets her for lunch in the days that follow and things are a lot better for them both. That is until the day when her mood has plummeted again, and House is on edge, trying to think what it could be this time. She gives nothing away, but House knows it’s coming. He won’t be leaving her office today without her voluntary explanation.
He watches her closely as she finishes her lunch, has a drink, tidies her desk, and leans back in her chair; all to build up her nerve to say what’s really on her mind. She doesn’t look him in the eye as she speaks.
“You spend a lot of your time talking to Wilson about us.”
Is that all it is?
“Wilson and I talk, just like he talks with you.”
“Yes he does.” She looks up at him now and as House remains quiet, she goes on. “He came to see me. Said you were unhappy. I think if you’re unhappy, I should hear it from you, not him.”
“I never said I wasn’t happy,” House says, surprised by this.
“Wilson seems to think so.”
“Okay. Well, he can think it if he likes but I never said it.”
“So he just made an assumption and felt like he should come and tell me about it?”
House thinks back to his brief talk with Wilson and realises his mistake: he'd worried him, and now he'd just made things worse.
Cuddy brushes it off. “Anyway, I’m just letting you know.”
*
“What do you think you’re doing?”
Wilson looks behind him into the entrance of his apartment.
“I was having dinner.”
House moves past him and lets himself in, seeing the half eaten meal on the table. “You talked to Cuddy,” he says. He spins around and sees Wilson’s eyes quickly flick up to his face and then away.
Wilson tries to act indifferent as he walks to the table. “So?”
“So? So you talked to her about our meaningless conversation, which was meaningless by the way, and then told her I was unhappy. Now she thinks I’m telling you things that I’m not telling her, which is sometimes true, but she’s not supposed to know about it. We were getting better and you’ve come in and messed it all up again.”
“I can honestly say I didn’t mean to,” Wilson says, sounding too casual. He continues eating his food, and ignoring him. House sits in front of him and leans in slightly.
“You’re not embarrassed or ashamed about any of this? Not feeling guilty for putting me in this position? That means you’re completely fine interfering in my relationship.”
Wilson smiles around his wine glass. “Cuddy told you her theory did she?”
“No, she didn’t.” House leans back, studying him. “What do you two talk about when you have your girl time?”
“You, mostly. I’m surprised your ears aren’t constantly burning.” Wilson flashes him a smile and House is not quick enough to respond before Wilson continues. “I’m not trying to interfere in your relationship, House. Concern for a friend does not automatically translate to sabotage.”
“Not all the time, anyway,” House says.
“I’m not,” Wilson assures.
House nods and leaves it at that. “Anyway,” he says, “I’m more interested to see if you’ve kept your agreement. But I think the fact that you’re dining alone tonight gives me my answer.”
Wilson frowns, awaiting clarification.
“It’s been 10 days. Well, technically it’s been 12, but who’s really counting?”
Wilson sets his knife and fork on his plate with a loud clink and gets up. “I thought you’d forgotten about that.”
“Nope.”
In the kitchen, Wilson starts running the water and almost drowns out his next words. “I don’t need anyone.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“Sara keeps me company. And she’s doing fine, thanks for asking.”
“A cat, Wilson.”
“Why do you even want this?”
“I don’t want it. You want it.”
“No, you put up the challenge. You made it into a game. This is about you, and I’m still trying to figure out why.”
They look at each other from either side of the kitchen counter and House stands. “You’re living... with a cat.”
“Because I haven’t found anyone.”
“Because you haven’t been looking.”
“No, I haven’t.”
House straightens. He knows it won’t last, but he’s quietly relieved he isn’t seeing anyone for the time being. Knowing that he’s not even looking makes him feel even better, and it shouldn’t. Because he’s with Cuddy, so it doesn’t matter. And it shouldn’t matter. But if Wilson’s with someone, he’ll be able to tell himself that he’s off limits again, in a manner of speaking. And if Wilson is with someone in the future it won’t be easy to accept but he’ll be satisfied.
If Wilson stays in limbo like this it will only make things more sickening for him; to think that Sam was such a waste of time, that Wilson could allow her to come in and take everything away from him so easily, not least of all the secure and comfortable living arrangement he’d had since leaving Mayfield.
Now he’s with Cuddy and Wilson isn’t even trying.
“Why?” he asks.
Wilson dismisses the question with a shrug.
House doesn’t ask any further, and as much as he doesn’t want to, he leaves.
*
House is at Cuddy’s later that night, sitting next to each other and watching TV. She takes his hand and holds it, shifting more comfortably against him.
“I talked to Wilson,” he says, tilting his head to her as she looks up at him.
“Of course. Why wouldn’t you?”
“I mean about what you said to me.”
Cuddy closes her eyes tightly before opening them again. “Oh that. I hope you were... discreet about it.”
“That’s up for debate.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him not to go around saying stuff about me." He strokes her hand with his thumb. "I’d prefer to keep you guessing," he adds, playfully.
“And what did he say?”
“Not much. Just that he’s not interfering so quit being paranoid.”
“Paranoid?” Cuddy looks at him as though the thought has just occurred to her. “So how is he really? Not still hung up on Sam is he?”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I gave him 10 days to hook up with someone and he didn’t so it’s out of my hands now.”
“Why did you do that?”
“Because, Cuddy, he’s living with a cat.”
“Right, and you thought giving him an ultimatum would solve all his problems.”
“I wanted to see what he’d do.”
Cuddy runs a hand over her mouth, contemplating the man she’s sitting with. “So what happens now?”
“Nothing,” House says simply.
*
The next morning House meets Cuddy in the kitchen and as she sees him she directs Rachel out.
House moves to give Cuddy a brief kiss and turns to the fridge. From behind him, she speaks quietly but clearly.
“House.”
“Mmm?” House takes out the carton of orange juice and reaches in the cabinet for a glass - a well worn practise now.
“I’ve decided that this isn’t going to work anymore.”
House turns to her. “You’ve decided,” he repeats, feeling his heart beat in alarm. Cuddy nods, pressing her lips together to suppress any emotion.
“Is this another semi break up where you need time alone...?”
“No.”
“Is there at least a reason?”
“We were both realistic about the chances of this lasting, from the very first day,” she explains. “And with our last ‘break up’ I suppose it just made me realise that we’re probably not strong enough to go on.”
She’s studying his reaction and as hurt and confused as he is, House is cool as he replies smoothly, “Fine.”
*
House keeps it to himself that day and the next, trying hard not to let it get to him until he walks into Wilson’s office at the end of the day and sinks into the chair opposite him.
“Cuddy broke up with me. Wanna go get dinner?”
***
Part 2