Introspective on School/Life
Do you think it's weird to be 23, just a year away from entering into the big bad world of real people with real careers, and still feel like you really don't know yourself at all?
I'm only just now starting to figure out what I want. When I came to Western three years ago, I KNEW that I wanted to teach Japanese and Art at a University level. When I realized that the studio art program and being a teacher wasn't what I wanted, I changed to being a design major. I found out a year later that I definitely wanted to be an illustrator. I wanted it SO badly, I was really quite crushed when I realized that I have no talent or skill for drawing, or for illustration. That when I matched up to people that were actually well suited for it, I fell devastatingly short. So I put all my efforts into New Media last year. I was SO SURE it was exactly what I wanted. When I finally went through web design...I realized that I wasn't any good at new media either. My website was just AWFUL. I saw what other people were doing and I felt SO worthless. Even as I was writing my letter to be in New Media, I had no faith in myself at all.
The truth is, I'm not good enough to be a designer. And the more time I spent trying to be a designer, the more I realized I DON'T LIKE DESIGN. I'm not like the other people in my major. I don't hope to one day be in or open an awesome design firm making things for people to see. I don't care what other designers are doing, I have no desire to visit firms, meet people in the field, read design blogs, or sit around and do random design projects on my own.
I've spent all summer thinking about this, and it bothers me that it has taken me this long to realize any of this. I wanted to make the best of the situation this late in the game, so I started REALLY thinking about what it is I like, and what it is I want. I realized a few more things.
I'm a HUGE follower. In the sense that I would MUCH rather be told what to do (with some leeway) than decide for myself what's going on. In short, I WANT TO BE A MINION. I started getting a little excited, because I wondered if that meant being in production was a good thing. I've always had an affinity for making something that someone else designed. Hence, my draw to being an illustrator. I just wanted someone to tell me what to draw. If I did have to be a designer, I would be much happier sitting in an office doing grunt work for projects led by someone else. When I was doing web design, the funnest thing in the whole class was a test on html/css, where she gave us a page and had us make it. I was the first person done in the class, because the thing I had to do was already there, I just had to do it.
I know that this is why I love cosplay so much. It isn't because of the attention, because I'm in love with the character, because I love acting IC and dorky with everyone, because I adore photoshoots. Those are just bonuses. Really, it's the physical creation of the costume and props from someone else's design. I love sewing. I seriously love it and thus far I think I'm pretty good at it for someone who's never had a day of instruction in their life, via classes or relatives that could sew. Only what I figured out on my own or picked up from my more experienced friends.
So at this point, what am I really thinking for the future? I want to focus my senior year on really learning about printing and pre-press. I want my senior project to involve sewing somehow, and when I graduate, I want to go back to school at Seattle Central U, in their two year apparel design program. I don't want to be a fashion designer, but I would die happy if I could make someone else's designs forever.
Summary:
I don't like design and I'm bad at it.
I want to be a minion.
I want to focus on print and pre-press this year.
I want my senior project(s) to involve sewing.
I want to go back to school at SCU for Apparel Design.
I want to be the Shiki to your Eri.
I'm only just now starting to figure out what I want. When I came to Western three years ago, I KNEW that I wanted to teach Japanese and Art at a University level. When I realized that the studio art program and being a teacher wasn't what I wanted, I changed to being a design major. I found out a year later that I definitely wanted to be an illustrator. I wanted it SO badly, I was really quite crushed when I realized that I have no talent or skill for drawing, or for illustration. That when I matched up to people that were actually well suited for it, I fell devastatingly short. So I put all my efforts into New Media last year. I was SO SURE it was exactly what I wanted. When I finally went through web design...I realized that I wasn't any good at new media either. My website was just AWFUL. I saw what other people were doing and I felt SO worthless. Even as I was writing my letter to be in New Media, I had no faith in myself at all.
The truth is, I'm not good enough to be a designer. And the more time I spent trying to be a designer, the more I realized I DON'T LIKE DESIGN. I'm not like the other people in my major. I don't hope to one day be in or open an awesome design firm making things for people to see. I don't care what other designers are doing, I have no desire to visit firms, meet people in the field, read design blogs, or sit around and do random design projects on my own.
I've spent all summer thinking about this, and it bothers me that it has taken me this long to realize any of this. I wanted to make the best of the situation this late in the game, so I started REALLY thinking about what it is I like, and what it is I want. I realized a few more things.
I'm a HUGE follower. In the sense that I would MUCH rather be told what to do (with some leeway) than decide for myself what's going on. In short, I WANT TO BE A MINION. I started getting a little excited, because I wondered if that meant being in production was a good thing. I've always had an affinity for making something that someone else designed. Hence, my draw to being an illustrator. I just wanted someone to tell me what to draw. If I did have to be a designer, I would be much happier sitting in an office doing grunt work for projects led by someone else. When I was doing web design, the funnest thing in the whole class was a test on html/css, where she gave us a page and had us make it. I was the first person done in the class, because the thing I had to do was already there, I just had to do it.
I know that this is why I love cosplay so much. It isn't because of the attention, because I'm in love with the character, because I love acting IC and dorky with everyone, because I adore photoshoots. Those are just bonuses. Really, it's the physical creation of the costume and props from someone else's design. I love sewing. I seriously love it and thus far I think I'm pretty good at it for someone who's never had a day of instruction in their life, via classes or relatives that could sew. Only what I figured out on my own or picked up from my more experienced friends.
So at this point, what am I really thinking for the future? I want to focus my senior year on really learning about printing and pre-press. I want my senior project to involve sewing somehow, and when I graduate, I want to go back to school at Seattle Central U, in their two year apparel design program. I don't want to be a fashion designer, but I would die happy if I could make someone else's designs forever.
Summary:
I don't like design and I'm bad at it.
I want to be a minion.
I want to focus on print and pre-press this year.
I want my senior project(s) to involve sewing.
I want to go back to school at SCU for Apparel Design.
I want to be the Shiki to your Eri.