(no subject)
I... I have a Plurk. I finally succumbed. SIGH. http://www.plurk.com/buttadventure Add me, bitches. :|
This really, really isn't my home anymore. I love dad and Ruth, I love them a lot, but I don't like staying here. I don't fit into dad's life anymore as a live-in presence. I'll always look up to him more than any other person I've ever met or, hell, even just heard of, he's my absolute hero and I couldn't love him more. But there's a reason I moved to mom's house, while she still lived in Portland. I just don't fit here.
You can't go home again, right?
Ruth complained (not to my face) that my clothes are all over the ground in my room, and I set my computer up on the coffee table in the living room and turn it into a desk, and... I'm sorry to invade her home and displease her, but what else should I do? They got rid of my room. There's not even a dresser in here anymore, much less a dirty clothes hamper, so where else do I put my clothes? And of course the desk is long gone, and my setting up at the coffee table was an attempt to spend time around dad and Ruth in the living room, rather than cooping up at the table in the dining room. I asked her where else I should put my computer, and she just sort of shrugged. I wanted to tell her that she just had to put up with me for three more days, but I didn't say anything.
I faxed my loan stuff into the bank today, and I really hope there's enough time to take care of it. The government still hasn't gotten back to me on my Pell grant stuff, and I'm a little worried about that. That means I have less scholarships than I did last year without that, and the bank's saying they're going to loan me $5000 less because of how much he's already cosigned for me, which, coincidentally, is exactly what I'm already missing from the lack of a Pell grant... ugh. The possibility of not going to SCAD again made me appreciate how much I love it.
But that aside, if I stop going to school for a year, I'm going to have to start paying the $20,000 from the first year back. n-no wait, I'm not ready to start life this early. D: Can't I hold it at bay for just two years more?
I've also got to call Best Buy and be sure that the guy that bought my car can take it in to have them swap the stereo out, because he decided that he doesn't want it. Or more specifically, doesn't want the speakers, because they're "not very good". Fuck you, guy. :< I loved those speakers. And I'm pretty sure dad didn't grab my Superman and Kamina decals like I asked him to. That was the only thing I asked him to do when it came to selling my car. I got those at Sakuracon.
It'll get better, it always does.
And at least I had an awesome day at the beach with Nyx. Tillamook cheese tastes better than I remember, and the Pacific was strangely not-cold. Lots of people in Oregon stare at you when you walk around without pants. I'd have snarked at that 12-or-something-year-old if his mom wasn't right there.
I could live anywhere when I'm done with college, and that feels like way too many choices. I don't think I want to come back to Portland, though.
This really, really isn't my home anymore. I love dad and Ruth, I love them a lot, but I don't like staying here. I don't fit into dad's life anymore as a live-in presence. I'll always look up to him more than any other person I've ever met or, hell, even just heard of, he's my absolute hero and I couldn't love him more. But there's a reason I moved to mom's house, while she still lived in Portland. I just don't fit here.
You can't go home again, right?
Ruth complained (not to my face) that my clothes are all over the ground in my room, and I set my computer up on the coffee table in the living room and turn it into a desk, and... I'm sorry to invade her home and displease her, but what else should I do? They got rid of my room. There's not even a dresser in here anymore, much less a dirty clothes hamper, so where else do I put my clothes? And of course the desk is long gone, and my setting up at the coffee table was an attempt to spend time around dad and Ruth in the living room, rather than cooping up at the table in the dining room. I asked her where else I should put my computer, and she just sort of shrugged. I wanted to tell her that she just had to put up with me for three more days, but I didn't say anything.
I faxed my loan stuff into the bank today, and I really hope there's enough time to take care of it. The government still hasn't gotten back to me on my Pell grant stuff, and I'm a little worried about that. That means I have less scholarships than I did last year without that, and the bank's saying they're going to loan me $5000 less because of how much he's already cosigned for me, which, coincidentally, is exactly what I'm already missing from the lack of a Pell grant... ugh. The possibility of not going to SCAD again made me appreciate how much I love it.
But that aside, if I stop going to school for a year, I'm going to have to start paying the $20,000 from the first year back. n-no wait, I'm not ready to start life this early. D: Can't I hold it at bay for just two years more?
I've also got to call Best Buy and be sure that the guy that bought my car can take it in to have them swap the stereo out, because he decided that he doesn't want it. Or more specifically, doesn't want the speakers, because they're "not very good". Fuck you, guy. :< I loved those speakers. And I'm pretty sure dad didn't grab my Superman and Kamina decals like I asked him to. That was the only thing I asked him to do when it came to selling my car. I got those at Sakuracon.
It'll get better, it always does.
And at least I had an awesome day at the beach with Nyx. Tillamook cheese tastes better than I remember, and the Pacific was strangely not-cold. Lots of people in Oregon stare at you when you walk around without pants. I'd have snarked at that 12-or-something-year-old if his mom wasn't right there.
I could live anywhere when I'm done with college, and that feels like way too many choices. I don't think I want to come back to Portland, though.