Pumping Iron, Beating Iron, Whiskey Balls, and Thoughts about Undergraduatism
Worked out today and got Kat and Indy to spot me while I lifted so that I could work out. Max sled was 566 lbs. Max bench press was 145 lbs, though I suspect I could have gone higher if I hadn't worked up to it so slowly. Max curl was 90 lbs. Some inconsistencies between my last maxes and these, though these are probably more accurate. I plan on going to a slightly more rigorous workout regime, trying to build up more, drop more body fat, etc.
Hairball came through for us again on the forge front. He found us a piece of galvinized steel gutter to use for our blower pipe. It replaces some much smaller 1" round pipe. The forge now burns REALLY hot. Plenty hot for forge welding, melting lesser metals, and consuming charcoal in a hurry. I'm going to look into securing a source of coal, which should burn even hotter, and longer. I'm also thinking about buying a rheostat so that we can dial the blower up and down, save on fuel when we don't need the thing going full blast.
A few weeks ago, I applied to be a Maker's Mark Ambassador. A few days ago, I got a package in the mail postmarked Loretto, Ky. In it I found a package of three Maker's Mark golf balls. Maxfli's with the Maker's Mark emblem and a splotch of red paint that looks (kind of) like the red wax Maker's Mark uses to seal their bottles. Neat golf balls, I'll keep 'em for conversational pieces, probably never play with them. Maker's Mark is some quality stuff, and if you're in the mood to treat yourself to some smooth bourbon, it's a good one to ask for.
And now for the entry-ly rant. I've been thinking for a long time about undergraduate life. I watch television shows, I've talked to friends, I've lived it myself, but what I experienced never really lives up to what I see and hear about. I don't know if I knew what I was getting into when I came to UMR, but it's for certain that if I was looking for the popular view of college being one long party, with fun stuff grabbing you as you walk by, coed dorms, and classes you can skip or sleep through without getting thrown out of college, I made a poor decision.
I'm proud of going to UMR. As much as it feels (after the fact), that I really haven't worked that hard, and that it was all easy, it's tough not to think that it must have been difficult, or how would all of the others have flunked out? I came to UMR with something like 5 or 6 others from my high school class. I think that myself and perhaps one other person from that class have graduated UMR. Four or 5 people who didn't make it. How could it have happened? I don't think of myself as a particularly intelligent man, but either I am, or they were expecting college to be a new high school, something that can be skated through with talent and bullshit, because none of the people who came to Rolla were dumb, or even "average".
And I see it at other colleges too. I remember a comment I made amongst people here at UMR about not going to UMC because I had gotten high school right the first time. While UMC has some great degree programs, we at UMR liked to think of ourselves as hardcore. Part of our self-image was about being studious, being intelligent. A big break from high school, where smart people are generally ignored, and people who can run fast with a ball get more recognition.
We were people who wouldn't go to a "lesser" school because it would be a disgrace. And to some extent, that's true. Being who I am, I don't know how I would have reacted to going to a school like Columbia. I certainly wouldn't be the person that I am today. But at the same time, I hear about all of the people who have failed out of Columbia whenever I talk to people I used to work with or go to school with. In the case of Columbia, it's usually more about the parties than the difficulty of schoolwork, but that's just as bad.
What kind of people have so little respect for the amount of money being spent, and have so little desire to learn that they piss away 2 years of their lives getting thrown out of a degree program they chose at a public university?
I worked for about two years to buy my first car, and I'm not sure if I ever paid my parents off for it. Two years, because I spent money running around with friends, going out to eat, going to movies, and generally spending it. We had a payment schedule, that I mostly kept, but I think that it fell off sometime during my senior year when I switched jobs. I still have that car. And I never forget that what that car cost me can't even pay for one semester here at college, even when I was an undergrad.
But I digress from my original intention. A lot of us who went to UMR, who got serious early have problems. The first set are those individuals physically incapable of having fun. There is no hope for these people. The rest of us, though proud of what we have become, the friends we have made, and the time we have spent, are often wondering about what might have been. What would have happened if we had gone to a party school? More fun? More memories that we won't be able to tell our children about? Would we have failed out from partying too hard?
There's always a sneaking suspicion that we got cheated somehow. That the years of great times with friends, the doing of stupid shit and getting away with it, the good stuff that we were promised by all of our friends, and countless TV shows and movies has gotten away from us.
I've had friends since I got to UMR. I've had lots of fun. I've done stupid shit and gotten away with it. But there's still a lingering What If?
Maybe it's because this is the first time that I've left a period of my life that I really liked. Being an undergrad was a pretty special feeling. I felt connected to the campus, knowing people, running all over, being "in the know" about whatever is going on, taking naps on the couches in the library, and generally being free. I had no serious bills, no serious job except learning, and all of my free time was my own. There was even a sort of tired pride in pulling all-nighters, a veritable bedrock of college existence.
I developed a lot during my undergrad years. I mellowed out in a lot of ways, and grew to be a person that I liked a lot more than the person I was in high school. I'd like to think that more people like me this way too, and I have a suspicion that if I started counting, I'd be right.
Now I'm a grad student. I'm paying my own way, mostly with money that I don't have (loans). My parents still pay for my insurance, which is something I wish I could pay for as well. They've done so much for me, continuing to ask for stuff seems completely unfair.
Becoming a grad student was almost scary in a way. I was supposed to be an adult when I entered UMR as a freshman, but as I came back for graduate school, it really hit home that I was an adult. It's an odd feeling. I feel disconnected from campus. I have classes in two different rooms over the course of this semester. I see my office much more frequently. I don't sleep on a couch waiting for a class, I go home and nap, or more frequently, ignore being tired and work on my research in my office.
It's been weird. I enjoyed most of my trip to where I am now, and even where there were parts that weren't so much fun, I'm glad they happened.
Who knows what the future has for me? I'm not interested in settling down with anyone at any time in the near future, and I've got nothing besides my family tying me to any particular place. Hopefully they could be contented with frequent visits. I could go anywhere, and do anything once I get my M.S. Hopefully there will be some place to go.
It's really weird talking about my past as if I have one. I haven't been around for very long, but already over a quarter of my life has gone by. I don't have much to show for it but some knowledge, two pieces of paper not large enough to properly wipe my ass with, and a ton of friends. I guess the friends mean that it hasn't been an utter waste so far.