the real update i promised
so, yeah. tattoo happened this weekend. went to two parties the night preceding and had some good fun eating yakiniku, explaining my tattoos to random japanese people from another GEOS school where melissa worked whom were attending her going away party. after that, a few beers (which i wasn't supposed to be drinking cause of the tattoo the following afternoon) and some feeble attempts by me to include everyone in a drinking game even if their english wasn't good enough to have conversations with us.
Apparently this move by me was subject to criticism and refute cause people didn't want to play a work-like game on a weekend. Similar to my facebook status a few days ago, I guess being myself just doesn't win any points. I'm supposed to be a cool and whatever like our little inbred group in Chubu region. So we moved to karaoke which was fun. Got to sing a few aggressive songs, possibly get some of my post-andrea stresses out, but I think i just like singing them. brings me back to the days where i actually did have angst and emotional things.
I said last time that looking through my old entries helped me put my current frustrations about the end of an era with andrea in perspective and it really is true. at each point in my life when i was with a woman, they were the center of my world. i loved each and every one of them with everything i had which is sad to say because every single one of them in turn just didn't return nearly as much love as i had for them. It speaks to bitterness about women as a species being unable to do so for a man based on ideas of selfishness and the inability to actually care for another person more than themselves. I've had my nights where i've given into that train of thought and it's pretty convincing to say the least.
I got to witness a symbolically similar event happen at karaoke to my own experience. Melissa whom i had had a thing with for a week or two and cooled down during her last week in Japan professed to me earlier in the day/evening that she wanted to kiss/cuddle with me her last night and then proceeded to do that exact thing with another man in front of me. At this point i'm becoming so emotionally void to transgressions against myself that i'm probably going to apathetically be controlled by the next woman who decides to step in and "pick up my pieces" and i'll simply accept that I can't get fairness and equality in a relationship but to save myself the heartache of it all simply give what i get and if the relationship doesn't work because of it then they'll see just how much their effort in the relationship helped keep it together. Oy, i was hoping that i wouldn't get all moody and down in my livejournal and rather keep that for my not very live journal.
anyway, i'm wrapping this up and going to bed. I didn't get much sleep and I have to be up at 10. my final note which probably contains more bitterness than i want to allow myself to have is a quote that came up when talking with pete:
A(ditzy secretary): "How do you write women so well?"
B(Jack Nicholson): "I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability."
k. I'll try to update again asap.