change is comin'
So the major change that's about to occur is that the manager at my school is just about to change after this week-long vacation. She's being replaced by a brand new to GEOS girl who's actually pretty nice, cute and good enough at english to communicate basic stuff which is lucky for us. I got a chance to talk to her on the way to play games tonight and she's not bad. I'm ready for when Arabori manager has to leave, I won't be happy to see her go, but I'm glad that her replacement isn't bad either.
Beyond that, in just a few months time, Adam the other native teacher is leaving to go home and he'll be replaced by some unknown newbie. Basically I'm going to take head honcho-ness once these two people are gone and have to keep things fun and interesting 'round the office I suppose.
I had a mixed day of classes, some good, some bad. one of my kids classes had a influx of new students come in from the other teacher which had me worried since my class went from 3 students to 7. One of whom has remained completely silent for the duration of her work with GEOS until the day she came to my class. That made me feel pretty good about myself.
I actually had a few thoughts on my head. It seems that this season, this year (as well as a few examples around this time in the past few years) is just death for relationships. I've heard about more and experienced more heartbreak in this "season of love" than the name is given credit for. I won't list who or what's happened but i've been seeing a lot of relationships come to rocky ground right around this time many times. What i thought about is just how valid the idea of having a quote unquote normal relationship is. People profess to that magical chemistry existing out there and it just makes sense when it happens and that everything i, probably you, and most of our friends have experienced as just us on the wrong path towards that goal of the normal interaction between two people.
My thoughts on the subject is that there is no normal relationship. Coming into a dating scenario shouldn't have this bullshit idea that this is the one that's going to work and prove all my predisposed worries wrong and it'll be okay this time. If anything, i've learned that approaching a possible partner should hold not only the attraction and happiness and all that but the realization that somewhere along the way this person is going to fuck up part of your life. it seems impossible to me that people are capable of anything but fucking up someone else's mentality, living scenario or whatever level you allow them into your life. Most certainly they're capable of fucking up your heart and your capability to love.
The flipside to this is yet again, self loathing and guilt. If women are so capable of such atrocities then I'm equally skilled and able to fuck up peoples' lives and fuck up something about someone else. Perhaps i'm the only sensitive one who actually really gets it in the end. Of course my ex girlfriends are probably loathe to tell me (and in some cases just aching to tell me) how much i fucked up their life or mentality but are too stubborn to show it. I'm not sure where this thinking is going to take me tonight, it's been a while since i was depressed before going to bed and it looks like this is going to lead to that. With that I'll stop where I am and save myself the headache of being down on myself.
I'll leave you with my favorite lyric from a gym class heroes song i was listening to tonight on the way home.
"But you have to admit, on a scale from 1 to awesome, i'm the shit."