2.14.10
Valentine's Day is coming up. Personally, I'll be 0 for 23, but I'll be working, and that makes me very happy.
The story behind it under the cut, cross-posted and edited from an old Facebook note. It's the story of why I became an EMT.
During the summer of 2005, I spent a lot of time in Manchester. My friends and I were all regulars at PCGA, the computer gaming center in the Buckland Hills mall, and squandered weekends and paychecks both on energy drinks and DDR. I met and started dating a girl from Manchester named Cassie.
She introduced me to a few of her friends, who gathered each weekend in the apartment complex across the street from the mall. Brendan, an actuary and regular fixture at most of the anime conventions in the northeast, opened his apartment every Saturday to anyone with an appreciation for video games, anime, and booze.
I met a lot of people when I would accompany Cassie to Brendan's weekend get-togethers. It was there that I met Eric Berczik.
Eric had just passed his EMT exam, and my first memory of hanging out with him was a discussion about careers. I'd been convinced I'd do as Brendan had done and become an actuary, and when someone had asked Eric why he chose his career, he had said, "You just kind of know you want to do it. It's like wanting a career in math; it's what makes sense to you."
Incidentally, those words would convince me to abandon the idea of becoming an actuary.
Many weeks later, shortly after Halloween, I'd made the mistake of mixing tequila with a certain herb. I took violently ill while over Brendan's house. Eric was the first one to come to my help, and he assisted me to the bathroom, holding my hair back (as it was still well past my shoulders at this point in time) and rubbing my back.
That winter, Cassie dumped me. The idea of going to Brendan's weekend festivities became uncomfortable, and I was rarely ever in Manchester. I'd been hurt - she had left me, saying she "couldn't handle a boyfriend right now" and claiming it was for me, so that I could do better in school. I later found out she started dating someone she'd met while dating me, someone I'd told her made me uncomfortable and tried to pick her up while we were together, less than two weeks after breaking my heart. I went back to Brendan's, just the once, when she and I had started talking again, and never made it back after that.
Shortly before she had left me, I'd promised another friend of ours, also named Eric, that I'd bring him to Planned Parenthood after an incident with his girlfriend. Having quit my job in the mall and having no means of contacting him, I'd texted Cassie, asking for his number.
She replied, and gave me Eric Berczik's number by mistake. When I asked if he still needed me to bring him to Hartford, he was confused, but cheerful. I apologized, said I'd see him around, and hung up. (The other Eric did find his way to Planned Parenthood and things worked out fine for his complication.)
Fast forward.
Valentine's Day, 2007. I'd gotten home from CCSU and whiled away the evening on the internet. I go to bed. The next day goes much the same, except I receive an Instant Message from Cassie, the first contact from her in a long time.
kuronekonokubiwa: i thought you should know.. eric died last night.
Eric had been in the hospital for some time, apparently, fighting pancreatitis. I've been told that the more it's treated, the worse you do, until eventually either something works or you lose the battle.
Eric was someone I knew, but not well. I thought I'd just feel sad for a bit and then move on. Detach. But I couldn't. I would stay up until daybreak, just thinking about it. WolfBoy Comics, which he'd worked on with Mark, another regular at Brendan's, posted a picture of him giving a thumbs-up to the camera, in black-and-white, with a big smile on his face. Across the bottom, it said "R.I.P. Eric "NinjaJanai" Berczik 2/14/07."
I set that picture as my desktop, so that I would see it every day.
I filled a page in my notebook writing "Eric died" over and over again.
Probably the best person I'd ever met had died, on Valentine's Day, at 25.
Robin came with me to the funeral on the 24th. I met Cassie at the mall with another person I'd met many times at Brendan's but could not lend a name to.
We drove downtown to a funeral home in Manchester that I must have driven by a thousand times before. The room was full of people I'd never met and people I'd seen in much happier times. At the center of a large group of people I knew was his girlfriend. ... his girlfriend.
I sat in silence throughout the service. I wanted to cry, but couldn't summon the tears. I whispered the 'Our Father' and listened to his family speak. At the end of it all, I approached his urn, and whispered, "Thank you."
I'm not really sure what I'm still doing in this place. I'm reminded of that every time an ambulance passes me on the highway, and I'm not on it. If nothing else, I should be helping people.
Take from this what you may, and warm wishes to those of you fortunate enough to have someone to share this day with.
9.28.81 - 2.14.07
I haven't read that since I wrote it, probably. But seeing where I am now, and reading those last few lines.. I feel pride.
The story behind it under the cut, cross-posted and edited from an old Facebook note. It's the story of why I became an EMT.
During the summer of 2005, I spent a lot of time in Manchester. My friends and I were all regulars at PCGA, the computer gaming center in the Buckland Hills mall, and squandered weekends and paychecks both on energy drinks and DDR. I met and started dating a girl from Manchester named Cassie.
She introduced me to a few of her friends, who gathered each weekend in the apartment complex across the street from the mall. Brendan, an actuary and regular fixture at most of the anime conventions in the northeast, opened his apartment every Saturday to anyone with an appreciation for video games, anime, and booze.
I met a lot of people when I would accompany Cassie to Brendan's weekend get-togethers. It was there that I met Eric Berczik.
Eric had just passed his EMT exam, and my first memory of hanging out with him was a discussion about careers. I'd been convinced I'd do as Brendan had done and become an actuary, and when someone had asked Eric why he chose his career, he had said, "You just kind of know you want to do it. It's like wanting a career in math; it's what makes sense to you."
Incidentally, those words would convince me to abandon the idea of becoming an actuary.
Many weeks later, shortly after Halloween, I'd made the mistake of mixing tequila with a certain herb. I took violently ill while over Brendan's house. Eric was the first one to come to my help, and he assisted me to the bathroom, holding my hair back (as it was still well past my shoulders at this point in time) and rubbing my back.
That winter, Cassie dumped me. The idea of going to Brendan's weekend festivities became uncomfortable, and I was rarely ever in Manchester. I'd been hurt - she had left me, saying she "couldn't handle a boyfriend right now" and claiming it was for me, so that I could do better in school. I later found out she started dating someone she'd met while dating me, someone I'd told her made me uncomfortable and tried to pick her up while we were together, less than two weeks after breaking my heart. I went back to Brendan's, just the once, when she and I had started talking again, and never made it back after that.
Shortly before she had left me, I'd promised another friend of ours, also named Eric, that I'd bring him to Planned Parenthood after an incident with his girlfriend. Having quit my job in the mall and having no means of contacting him, I'd texted Cassie, asking for his number.
She replied, and gave me Eric Berczik's number by mistake. When I asked if he still needed me to bring him to Hartford, he was confused, but cheerful. I apologized, said I'd see him around, and hung up. (The other Eric did find his way to Planned Parenthood and things worked out fine for his complication.)
Fast forward.
Valentine's Day, 2007. I'd gotten home from CCSU and whiled away the evening on the internet. I go to bed. The next day goes much the same, except I receive an Instant Message from Cassie, the first contact from her in a long time.
kuronekonokubiwa: i thought you should know.. eric died last night.
Eric had been in the hospital for some time, apparently, fighting pancreatitis. I've been told that the more it's treated, the worse you do, until eventually either something works or you lose the battle.
Eric was someone I knew, but not well. I thought I'd just feel sad for a bit and then move on. Detach. But I couldn't. I would stay up until daybreak, just thinking about it. WolfBoy Comics, which he'd worked on with Mark, another regular at Brendan's, posted a picture of him giving a thumbs-up to the camera, in black-and-white, with a big smile on his face. Across the bottom, it said "R.I.P. Eric "NinjaJanai" Berczik 2/14/07."
I set that picture as my desktop, so that I would see it every day.
I filled a page in my notebook writing "Eric died" over and over again.
Probably the best person I'd ever met had died, on Valentine's Day, at 25.
Robin came with me to the funeral on the 24th. I met Cassie at the mall with another person I'd met many times at Brendan's but could not lend a name to.
We drove downtown to a funeral home in Manchester that I must have driven by a thousand times before. The room was full of people I'd never met and people I'd seen in much happier times. At the center of a large group of people I knew was his girlfriend. ... his girlfriend.
I sat in silence throughout the service. I wanted to cry, but couldn't summon the tears. I whispered the 'Our Father' and listened to his family speak. At the end of it all, I approached his urn, and whispered, "Thank you."
I'm not really sure what I'm still doing in this place. I'm reminded of that every time an ambulance passes me on the highway, and I'm not on it. If nothing else, I should be helping people.
Take from this what you may, and warm wishes to those of you fortunate enough to have someone to share this day with.
9.28.81 - 2.14.07
I haven't read that since I wrote it, probably. But seeing where I am now, and reading those last few lines.. I feel pride.