[communications] [Tina's hotel room - everyone loves a period miniseries]

[rn_chapel]

She'd had a nice outing, and was feeling less overwhelmingly giddy, so Tina came back to her rooms, took a quick shower, and sat down to compose some messages. To her parents, first, she sent a quick video message letting them know about her reassignment. Then she wrote a short note that she sent to most of her friends. Impersonal, but time-

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[rn_chapel]

That was enough to take her mind off the shape of his lips, at least. She paused the movie - not that they'd been actively watching for a while, anyway - and turned to face him fully.

"How are you doing with that? Did you fulfill your sentence?"

[gold_ambition]

He didn't know what she was talking about, at first--he hadn't really been thinking, though his willingness to be treated unfairly by her was surely a factor. The mood had shifted, sadly.

"She wants me to come back," he said. "I guess I will--she's cuter than most of the Vulcans guards, anyway."

[rn_chapel]

"A very important trait in a therapist," Tina said. She only rolled her eyes a little. "Did you get anything out of it?"

[gold_ambition]

"She told me a bunch of stuff I already know," he said. "I have to change to fit in, plan to stay here, and make no plans to stay here."

He shrugged.

"I didn't really see the point."

[rn_chapel]

Which was pretty much the big difficulty to begin with.

"I'm sorry. I'd hoped it would help more."

[gold_ambition]

James hadn't expected it to help at all--which was pretty much that difficulty.

"I'm getting along," he said. "Beyond that--this is what I told her--I have the choice of becoming someone I don't respect, who won't fit into the world I'm from. Would you choose that, Tina?"

[rn_chapel]

"No." Tina didn't want to elaborate, and embarrass them both. "But I also wouldn't choose to persistently court someone who belongs to that world. Particularly while making it clear to her that I don't respect her universe."

Okay, maybe she did.

[gold_ambition]

"I..."

That brought James up short. He had a choice. He could stay and probably make things worse. He could go, and... probably make things worse. The choices here sucked. Thinking about this shit sucked. Feeling bad for how he treated people sucked.

"I should go," he said, rising. Too many questions, too many thoughts, too many things that just didn't feel like him. "I'm sorry."

[rn_chapel]

Tina sighed. "No, I'm sorry. I keep complicating what should just be fun. I'm just confused about what you want, and I know I must be confusing you."

She sighed again. "I have fun with you. Hell, to be honest, I want to have more fun with you. But none of this makes sense."

[gold_ambition]

"I don't know what I want," James said, his frustration evident but contained. Or directed inward. "I guess if I was a decent man I'd go away until I did, but I'm not. Is that what you're asking? Some kind of... decision?"

[rn_chapel]

Tina smiled wryly. "That would be nice. But no. This must be impossible for you as it is, without me tossing out ultimatums I have no right to give in the first place. Just... Promise me that you'll tell me what you decide, when you do? About any of this. It would be easier for me if I knew your plans."

She looked away from him, her eyes passing over the pizza on the table, the characters frozen on the screen. "Do you want to sit back down? I'll understand if you don't."

[gold_ambition]

Now he was jittery, restless and confused and not sure he could sit still, next to her, with all this in his head.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he said, a muscle in his jaw working. "I'll start taking, and say something stupid, and I don't think either of us is very interested in the movie right now."

He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Tina. I'm sorry it can't be easy. If I know something... you'll be the first I tell."

[rn_chapel]

"Okay," Tina said. "I trust you."

To tell her, she meant. But also in general, though she knew she shouldn't.

She pushed herself up off the couch, so she could at least walk him to the door. He looked so unhappy. Confused, upset, angry. She wanted to soothe that away. She wanted...

"Okay," she said again. Like saying it would make it true.

[gold_ambition]

She was walking him to the door, and he thought surely that was wrong, that she was vulnerable and he should stay. But she didn't understand what she was offering, with that trust. People back home knew better. Anything that happened, they'd signed up for. Was it fair? Could she, really, know what that meant?

Since when did he care what was fair, as long as he got what he wanted? Maybe since he had stopped knowing what that was.

"Did you wonder, when you found out, whether you should keep her? The baby," he said suddenly, at the door. "You hadn't planned it, didn't expect it. Did you know why you wanted her, when you decided you did?"

[rn_chapel]

Tina shook her head. "I knew that I shouldn't keep her. That it was a bad move in every way. I really tried to convince myself to terminate the pregnancy, but it just seemed... Like maybe it was right, even with all the wrongness. And I couldn't let go of that idea, no matter how I tried to reason my way through it."

She touched her stomach. "It only gets harder from here. But I'm happy with my decision."

[gold_ambition]

James was silent for a moment, deep in thought.

"Okay," he said finally. "Thank you. I'll... I'll see you soon."

He hesitated briefly, shot her a sheepish smile, and was gone. He hoped this didn't count as fleeing; it was a tactical retreat.