Speaking of donkeys...
Alright. So, we have alot to write. Jasmine and I are going to write this one together because it is going to be really long and we are lazy asses. She also wants to point out that she is proofreading this. So I really hope she misses some. On the way to the Grand Canyon we stopped in Flagstaff for dinner. There was a really annoying guy with a guitar in the cafe we ate at, playing Staind songs. You can imagine how ecstatic we were and our waitress forgot the green chiles and the tomatoes for our burgers. For some reason Jasmine thinks that is important to note. It was okay. The town was pretty hippiefied and we were ready to bootscoot. We drove to Williams because we were told that it was the closest place to stay before the Grand Canyon. We ended up paying 100 friggin dollars to some freaky-deaky(?) assholes that packed up the Cont breakfast early so we didn't get our share of fattening pastries and OJ. Melis got into a fight with the owner and I (Jon) got to witness it and help a little. It was awesome. Needless to say we didn't win the argument and ended up leaving there with a bad taste in our mouths (or rather no taste because we didn't get to eat our cont. bfast!!!!). Made the trip to the Grand Canyon and well it was pretty much grand! Quite breathtaking and everything you would expect from a big, giant hole in the ground. It was hot and we hiked into it. Much to the dismay of Jasmine because she's a fatty, who doesn't like to exercise, but she was glad she did in the end. After the hot trek into the core of the earth, we decided to eat food. It was rainy, and we wanted to find something cheap, which was impossible. I mean impossible. If you ever go there, pack a sack lunch, for god’s sake, or get some KFC, like the family that saw Jasmine fall out of the car, in the pebbles and hurt herself and she still has a bruise, and it hurts and there’s a sunburn on top of it now. More on that later. Okay, so we ended up eating some bunk-ass pizza from Spaghetti Western which was overpriced and we had to eat it outside and it tasted like frozen pizza. Then we left that hole for what we thought to be much grander places: Las Vegas. Oh yeah, we were supposed to camp in the GC, but there was a forecast for T-storms and well, camping in the rain sucks. When we were there it was actually really nice outside but before we left it started storming, so we think we made the right decision. Back to Vegas. We drove on the Hoover Dam towards Vegas and it was big too. We got to Vegas at night and it was bright. Super bright. Blow-your-freaking-eyes-out-until-they-catch-on-fire-and-roll-down-the-highway-and-cause-an-accident bright. Yeah, that bright. So then we wanted to do the Vegas experience so we stayed in the Tropicana for what we thought was only going to be one night in a hotel, because we had a person lined up from couchsurfing who was going to host us the next night. We had verified everything on the phone that day and she said to call her around 4pm the next day. Whoopeee. Tropicana was cool and we played some slots and naturally Melis won $550 on the first one she played. I won a pocket watch and Jaz won some gaudy Vegas jewels (which you see in the picture below). We had some Margaritas and played some nickel slots. Jaz and I both came out ahead, but not as much as Melis. We fell the fuck asleep. Woke up with great aspirations about the upcoming day, mainly because we were going to finally get to swim. We laid out long enough to get sun burnt at the sweet-ass pool. I tried to play a dance video game and it stole my dollar. The lame-ass attendant told me I had to walk all the way to the front of the casino to get it back. That was a very long walk. When I got there the lady happily gave me my TOKENS back. I walked away annoyed because I was hoping to get the dollar back. I then turned around and asked if I could just get the dollar back. She happily told me that the games are “play at your own risk.” I accepted her deal and then asked if they were going to put any sign up to warn people to stop playing it. She then happily told me that they would. I then informed her that I never told her which game. She then seemed slightly annoyed and asked which one it was. I told her and she wrote it on a post-it note. Something tells me that was thrown in the garbage the second I was out of sight. ARG. Anywayz. I won two free tickets to Xtreme Magic with Dirk Arthur. Even though it was free, I knew I would not be able to sit through it, so I gave them to the girls. They never went. We walked the strip in the sweltering heat and caught on fire and SDR (stop, drop, and roll for all of you who aren’t in the know). It was terrible. We walked a ridiculous distance to the Bellagio hotel for the buffet because Anna from Denton had told us it was great. Well, I’m sure it was, but it was also $27 each!!!!!! Then we did something that will forever stay in Vegas. Sorry guys and dolls. Okay. Then we called Crystal, our couchsurfing host, to no avail. Then we drove a lot looking for things to do and wi-fi and calling Crystal throughout the day. By 10 we decided she had truly screwed us over. THANKS CRYSTAL! Go eat some dirt. With rotten eggs. So instead of booking another night at Tropicana we had to find a new hotel soon. So after searching forever for wi-fi we found another deal at the Sahara. It was too late to get the deal but we were desperate and we booked a room anyway. It was fine, we slept, woke up, and checked out. That was awesome to not even spend 12 hours at the hotel and have to leave. But, we are used to that by now. We still didn’t have definite plans for our next stop, LA, so we needed to find wi-fi to figure that out. We’ve decided people in the west are pretty damn unreliable, and are now hoping for someone to prove us wrong. We ended up calling Melissa’s mom’s best friend, Moira, who lives in Mission Viejo, CA which is apparently an hour or so away from LA. She said we could stay with her for 2 nights. Before leaving Loser Vegas, we had to eat. We did. Where? That stays in Vegas. You know what else stays in Vegas? Fat asses and their fat ass money that they work hard at McD’s to make. Everyone just thinks they are going to strike it rich on those quarter slots, but they soon find out that they have very little money left to gamble after eating at all the fancy shmancy buffets. Yeah, everyone’s gluttonous and decadent. City of greed. I (this is Jasmine now) was glad to get the shit out of that place. So yeah, we headed off to Cali. We went through the Mojave Desert. Shit was hot. (“and neato” -Jon) As we were entering Cal-i-for-ni-a, the song “California” by Phantom Planet started playing. Jonny says he almost puked, but he didn’t seem like he was, so whatever. We have decided the ipod is a mindreader. There wasn’t even a sign that said “welcome to California”. What a gyp. So we’re driving along and we saw a sign that said “Calico ghost town, exit so and so.” WTF!! We totally have to go there. I was psyched. We pulled up and it was totally deserted. Turns out it was just closed, but we went up the stairs to the town on the hill anyways. Ends up, it was a silver mining town in 1881 til 1896. It was rehabbed in 1951 by some dude. We took an hour walking around the place. They have this building called the Mystery Shack or the Krazee House. Look it up on google. I’ve read about it before, and it’s pretty interesting. We didn’t get to go in though, since it was closed for the day, unfortunately! We also didn’t get to go to the cemetery, and I’m still pretty upset about that. Crying in my sleep, for reals. So then we drove the rest of the way to our destination. Moira and family welcomed us warmly and we pretty much immediately went to bed. The next day, we woke up to go to the beach. The closest ones to here are Huntington and Laguna Beaches. We opted for Laguna because it was the closest and also because it has a totally tubular and awesome show about it on the ol’ MTV about hip young rich kids who live there and are seriously cute and we care about their lives soooo much. Unfortunately we didn’t get to see any of their totally awesome lives in person. Bitches. We sunbathed and got sand in our hair and nether-regions, and Jonny jumped in waves all day while Melis and I sat around going, “what an idiot.” It was great. And don’t worry, we used lots of sunscreen. We had enough of that sandskrit, so we took the free trammy back to our parking spot (which cost 5 buckies) and went back to Moira’s to eat a delicious, home-cooked meal, but not before we got stuck in traffic for the lifetime of a lizard because a traffic light was broken and people in cali don’t know how a 4 way stop works. We made it back just at 6pm. Dipped in the amazing pool they have here and filled our tummies with pasta and goodness. Now we are doing laundry and typing this long and absurd journal entry for your enjoyment and/or displeasure. You ungrateful bastardos. Tomorrow we are supposed to be meeting up with yet another lovely couchsurfer named Scott. He called us yesterday to say he could accommodate our sleeping on his floor. He is a busy man, so he probably can’t show us around, but that’s okay because we have Jill and Ivory from Myspace lined up for hangtime and interviews. Scott sounds pretty sweet on the phone though, and he’s got good references. The guy that started CS, Casey, was Scott’s first surfed couch. Scott also said he guarantees not to screw us over like Crystal and Dan did. So we’re pretty set. Personally, I’m already a little intimidated by LA, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m hoping for a Vince Vaughn sighting myself. Wish me luck. Jonny also wants you to wish him and Melissa luck, but I dunno what the hell for, because Vince and I are the ones who need the cosmic stars to align in order for us to meet and get married. (sorry for Jon, but I guess he can have Jennifer Aniston in my place, even though he says he doesn’t want her, but I’m sure he wouldn’t kick her out of bed).
Goodnight you knights of Windsor and you maidens of Loserville, population you.
-Jaz and Jon