Flashback!
I remember my parents getting their first computer...it was all awesome like....it
came with Windows Oldy Mouldy edition which was the trendy windows at the
time.....
If you clicked here> you can play solitaire or ...click here> you can calculate
stuff WITH. THE. CALCULATOR!...and if you clicked all the things over here...the
computer would make beeping noises and I'd be running to the horizon...to avoid an
arse kicking. It was grand...my favourite was PAINTBRUSH - you could draw pictures
using the mouse and they'd come out looking like a retard had drawn them.
"Granpa look at what I've drawn on the puter!"
"Oh my! thats the greatest looking red thing I've ever seen!"
"ITS NO' A RED THING!...ITS T-REX AND HES EATING THE HEAD OF ANOTHER FRIGGIN
DINOSAUR!!!"
A year or 5 later this trendy new thing arrived - !the Internet! - more trendier
than your Sunday hat! From what I heard...you could visit other countries in a
matter of minutes, without leaving your house. When I heard this, I immediately
pictured myself in Mexico eating a sandwich.
Well, we got the internet..and as soon as we got it I ran to the computer to test
it out. It goes through the phoneline?!? how Awesomrific! I dialled up and
immediately thought it was killing itself or something-
~brrrrt CRRRK FRRRT KUH PLOP KUHPLORRRP!!! BUH-FING! ECCH-VOOSSHHHKKKKKRRRKKK!~
BING! A chime sound...then "Your IP is caught in your zipper, there is an error in
Winsock.dll, try contacting someone who knows what this means" ...a message
similar to that popped up. winsock.dll?!?! I looked down at my socks and realised
how awesome they were. "hmmm and crap" I thought. I clicked the 'OK' button,
looking foward to my visits to Mexico. BING! the exact same message
appeared...clicking 'OK' the...BING! 'OK' BING! 'OK' BING! 'OK' BING!
'OK'OK'OK'OK'OK'OK'K'K'K'K'K'K''''''
I went to lay down and dream about hurling bricks at this winsock.dll thing, each
dream followed with me wearing awesome socks.
After that computer blew up, we purchased a newer one..but not until a decade
later. It was a wizzbang new one...newer than anyone elses in the entire solar
system..but the new-ness only lasted an hour. It came with Windows 98 Smelly
Bum edition It certainly was 'Dandy Fries!'(that was the trendy saying at the
time) It was way awesomer than the first one we had because it just smelled of
awesome - plus I could play wicked ass educational games like Math Squad! way
extreme edition in cinema quality sound! "Fudgewalla!"(another trendy saying
used at the time) the fun thing about Windows 98 Smelly Bum edition is that
it has these huge colored screens that pop up every 5 minutes:
The internet worked on this computer, it used internet
explorer "Hell Yeh" says Bill Gates, "I can make money whilst being a
wank". The browser has caused me nothing but frustration, hunger and death (twice)
It's filled with nasties, gremlins and all things Barbara Striesand-like. It and
my computer were ONE from the day I installed Windows XsplodingPants edition
It shoved all kinds of adverts in my face "Tony Robbin's fifty-sixth hundreth best
seller!", "Get Pregnant Now", "Enjoy Cheese Flavoured Bunions" and all other kinds
of shite I just don't want!..
It even gave me little tricky bastards "Hey You've Got Spyware, We've just
noticed, click here to get rid of it"...when in actual fact it meant something
like "Havn't got enough spyware?!?!? well then, click here! YOU'LL HAVE THE
BASTARDS FLYING OUTA YOUR ARSE!!!"
If you use Internet Explorer - you've got spyware. I've finally killed the damned prick! It took power,
intelligenceness and also science, but I've killed it...it's gone. I don't care if
kids make fun of me for being a murderer it had to be done. Here's to you Bill
Gates, you silly prick!:
(Me showing Bill Gates how much I love him & his 'Internet EXplorer')
bastard. bastard. bastard.
*note The red lines indicate pain.
"Where do you want to go today?"
came with Windows Oldy Mouldy edition which was the trendy windows at the
time.....
If you clicked here> you can play solitaire or ...click here> you can calculate
stuff WITH. THE. CALCULATOR!...and if you clicked all the things over here...the
computer would make beeping noises and I'd be running to the horizon...to avoid an
arse kicking. It was grand...my favourite was PAINTBRUSH - you could draw pictures
using the mouse and they'd come out looking like a retard had drawn them.
"Granpa look at what I've drawn on the puter!"
"Oh my! thats the greatest looking red thing I've ever seen!"
"ITS NO' A RED THING!...ITS T-REX AND HES EATING THE HEAD OF ANOTHER FRIGGIN
DINOSAUR!!!"
A year or 5 later this trendy new thing arrived - !the Internet! - more trendier
than your Sunday hat! From what I heard...you could visit other countries in a
matter of minutes, without leaving your house. When I heard this, I immediately
pictured myself in Mexico eating a sandwich.
Well, we got the internet..and as soon as we got it I ran to the computer to test
it out. It goes through the phoneline?!? how Awesomrific! I dialled up and
immediately thought it was killing itself or something-
~brrrrt CRRRK FRRRT KUH PLOP KUHPLORRRP!!! BUH-FING! ECCH-VOOSSHHHKKKKKRRRKKK!~
BING! A chime sound...then "Your IP is caught in your zipper, there is an error in
Winsock.dll, try contacting someone who knows what this means" ...a message
similar to that popped up. winsock.dll?!?! I looked down at my socks and realised
how awesome they were. "hmmm and crap" I thought. I clicked the 'OK' button,
looking foward to my visits to Mexico. BING! the exact same message
appeared...clicking 'OK' the...BING! 'OK' BING! 'OK' BING! 'OK' BING!
'OK'OK'OK'OK'OK'OK'K'K'K'K'K'K''''''
I went to lay down and dream about hurling bricks at this winsock.dll thing, each
dream followed with me wearing awesome socks.
After that computer blew up, we purchased a newer one..but not until a decade
later. It was a wizzbang new one...newer than anyone elses in the entire solar
system..but the new-ness only lasted an hour. It came with Windows 98 Smelly
Bum edition It certainly was 'Dandy Fries!'(that was the trendy saying at the
time) It was way awesomer than the first one we had because it just smelled of
awesome - plus I could play wicked ass educational games like Math Squad! way
extreme edition in cinema quality sound! "Fudgewalla!"(another trendy saying
used at the time) the fun thing about Windows 98 Smelly Bum edition is that
it has these huge colored screens that pop up every 5 minutes:
The internet worked on this computer, it used internet
explorer "Hell Yeh" says Bill Gates, "I can make money whilst being a
wank". The browser has caused me nothing but frustration, hunger and death (twice)
It's filled with nasties, gremlins and all things Barbara Striesand-like. It and
my computer were ONE from the day I installed Windows XsplodingPants edition
It shoved all kinds of adverts in my face "Tony Robbin's fifty-sixth hundreth best
seller!", "Get Pregnant Now", "Enjoy Cheese Flavoured Bunions" and all other kinds
of shite I just don't want!..
It even gave me little tricky bastards "Hey You've Got Spyware, We've just
noticed, click here to get rid of it"...when in actual fact it meant something
like "Havn't got enough spyware?!?!? well then, click here! YOU'LL HAVE THE
BASTARDS FLYING OUTA YOUR ARSE!!!"
If you use Internet Explorer - you've got spyware. I've finally killed the damned prick! It took power,
intelligenceness and also science, but I've killed it...it's gone. I don't care if
kids make fun of me for being a murderer it had to be done. Here's to you Bill
Gates, you silly prick!:
(Me showing Bill Gates how much I love him & his 'Internet EXplorer')
bastard. bastard. bastard.
*note The red lines indicate pain.
"Where do you want to go today?"