(no subject)
Friday - Costume Party with Brian, Spalding, Rachel and David. I was bubble gum stuck to a shoe, Brian was trailor trash, Spalding was a french maid, rachel was a pirate and david was a ski bum. It was lots of fun, 3 story apartment all joined in, live band, lots of dancing...then the fire alarm goes off and lots of cops and fireman come. we left and went and met with some girl, rachel, and that little party didn't last long and we went to Rachels apartment for a little bit. Then brian and I went back to his and split from the rest. I love hanging out with his friends but still feel a little out of place with them, since they all have been friends for awhile now. Eh, whateverrrrr.
Saturday - got up and did NOTHING. he had to go to work so I ran back to my place for a bit then we met up for lunch, went to salvation army, and then met up with his friend Eric at his frat at Cornell Phi Delta Theta; played some 'ruit then got a game of SceneIt going with 6 of us. good times good times :) Around 1130 Brian and I went to Wegmans to do some grocery shopping for his work, it took us nearly 2 hours to find all the shit on the shopping list. Then we went back to his place and watch History of the World (i think) and both pretty much instantly fell asleep. We both sort of woke up around 6 and we put on Mean girls... haha.
Sunday - we got up and he went to work so I went back to my apatment for the day, but fell asleep on the couch for a few hours. Then i went back over and we went to dinner at The Nines. good shit. picked up spalding and went to the liquor store then went to rachels and played SceneIt again, and some Smash Brothers - I watch, i hate the game. I think I'm bitter towards it for some reason?
I started writing in class today... and this is what happened::
Everyday my heads falls lower towards the ground, my self-esteem falls, it breaks bit by bit. Why does it I can't figutre out. Day after day I hear a man's notion of what kind of girl they want, no particular man, men. This everyday reminder of my imperfections and my reoccuring thoughts at what perfection is; thoughts formed through peers, family and mainly the media, are giving a constant downgrade on esteem, my head drops lower.
Every night I lay in bed, no matter if I'm alone or with someone, I begin to think. Thoughts of who I am and why I'm here, seems a pointless question to ask, really. I am me, is there anything else I need to know? I am a daughter and a sister who believes in good family values. I am a student who believes in academic honesty and knoows the value of a good education. I am a friend who believes in the power of long-lasting friendships and the values of trust, sincerity and love. I am a girlfriend who believes in dedication, care, respect and who values the affection behind 'poking fun' at another. Isn't that all enough? No. As a society-this is not enough, because 'the first impression is the most important.' We see people in Gucci and other name brands and they become tagged as 'snob.' We see young boys and teenagers in baggy jeans and loose shirts and immediatly we stereotype them as 'thug.' What do I get seen as? I'm not rich enoguh to be a snob. My clothes aren't proper for a thug. I could not possibly be a prep... or a jock... or a nerd. I'm sort of in the middle of all of that, so maybe I'm nothing. Nothing is worse than anything else though. Might as well be invisible.
This idea of perfection boggles me because it is so blantantly obvious that nobody is, but we still strive for it and are still told we MUST strive for it. When talking about finding "the one" people always say they are waiting for the perfect guy[or girl]. I once did this little survey about the PERFECT GUY for you.... Here. Now, this is great and all, but I read that now and much of it is not true for my current relationship, and I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm starting to find out that the best part of relationships is realizing that they are not perfect... because on that first date we all always try to be. It's the realization and happy acceptance of their imperfections that make the relationship stronger, it's not solely falling for their good qualities but falling for all of it, the imperfections included. They make the person who they are as much as their perfections do.
[so that was written in a 50-minute time span, I wish I had time to write more then... because i'm off the thought now]
I know she's not perfect,
but she tries so hard for me.
And I thank God that she isn't,
Cause how boring would that be?
It's the little imperfections,
it's the sudden change in plans
When she misreads the directions
and we're lost but holding hands
Yeah I live for little moments like that
- Mr. Bradford Paisley.