Dear Boys...
Saturday night, at Bridge and Tunnel, Jan from Yo-Yo was running a distro and I picked up two Latterman LPs dirt cheap (finally!). Checking out the lyrics for songs on No Matter Where We Go...! and read this for the song "Dear Boys"(formatted for easier reading):
"Patriarchy - a set of institutions that reproduces male control over women's labor, sexuality and childbearing capacity. (i.e. religion, government, school, relationships, etc.) Misogyny - hatred of women and what they symbolise, commonly displayed through abuse or disgust brought about by fear.
*** This song is a message to boys and is relevant to all men or male-identified people, including the people in this band. ***
Sexism exists in all communities, punk rock being no exception. Because we all grew up in a patriarchal society, these fucked up ideas have been socialized and ingrained in us. Refusing to admit or believe they exist do[es] nothing but perpetuate the problem. If we as boys are serious about dealing with sexism, misogyny and sexual violence, we must challenge ourselves, our friends and confront the patriarchal systems that perpetuate this oppressive behaviour.
The socialized idea that boys must be dominating, violent and emotionally detached must be rejected and then redefined. Oppressive language that we often hear being used is inherent in out society, rarely questioned and ultimately reinforces a culture of violence against women. More importantly, it is imperative that we go beyond language and fully confront sexism and misogyny in our daily lives and experiences, acted out through coercion, manipulation, fear and intimidation. Relationships that we have seen and experienced first hand often revolve around the needs of men, rather than the mutual needs of both partners.
Punk rock shows have so often and continue to be male-dominated spaces; essentially dudes watching other dudes yell about their own dude problems. In acknowledging this problem, we must work with and in support of our women friends in order to make these spaces inclusive and safe, while adequately addressing the sexist behaviours that permit and facilitate the very oppression we should be fighting against.
We understand how difficult it can be to admit that you or your friends have fucked up or are still fucking up. As men, we have been working to create community-based responses along with groups to actively confront issues of patriarchy and male-dominance. In trying to deal with this, we ourselves have been confronted with criticism and concerns from women within our scene. Though we can't personally relate to their experiences, it is of utmost importance that we offer unconditional support and continue to help create dialogue while working cooperatively to smas the cycles of violence and patriarchy that are inherent in our lives. [I]t's important to find support from other boys in our communities and seek out information from outside resources. Ask your women friends about their viewpoints and expereinces and FUCKING LISTEN! Remember... It's not women's job to educate us, we must educate ourselves. We have to extend ourselves past our comfort levels to address our actions and places within the structure of power and the four of us are no exception. By not openly confronting and challenging these issues, we are perpetuating cycles of abuse. We need to recognise our male privilege and continue to find ways to reject our own shitty behaviour. Let's help build something better...
DISCLAIMER: Apologies are extended to queer folks, as this rant is especially hetero-centric. This is not meant to be exclusive, but to specifically address the fucked up patterns in heterosexual relationships that are put forth and perpetuated by patriarchy. We would like to acknowledge our use of the gender binary, which sucks. However, we found it easier to write this way because of our specific personal experiences A special thanks to the authors of 'Sexual Assault in Activist Communities: a special issues of the peak - volume 36.1' This extremely comprehensive zine was a huge help to us and it is totally recommended..."
Woah. Just... Woah. This is why I love(d) this band, this is why I love the scene (sometimes). This. This. THIS! Sometimes, it can be hard. Sometimes, it's people asking "are you with the band?" or boys punching, hitting, hair-pulling, strangling, generally being boorish, or how about those times where I used to go out and no one would talk? Those times where I was the sole (unaccompanied) woman in the room and just hung out on the fringes of the crowd?
There needs to be more boys who think like this. I'm lucky, I know a few. I know a good few. I love those few. Those few are my friends. They see me, a loud-mouthed, kinda crass, slightly awkward, stuttering record geek; and they love me too (at least I hope they do...).
Girls, lets make a pact - no more settling for second best. No more settling for being on the fringes, or putting up with stupid boys and their stupid actions. Let's call them out on it. Let's do it and let's do it right.
I can be active with the activists or sleep in with the sleepers...
I know what I want. And it isn't a goddamn boys club.
"Patriarchy - a set of institutions that reproduces male control over women's labor, sexuality and childbearing capacity. (i.e. religion, government, school, relationships, etc.) Misogyny - hatred of women and what they symbolise, commonly displayed through abuse or disgust brought about by fear.
*** This song is a message to boys and is relevant to all men or male-identified people, including the people in this band. ***
Sexism exists in all communities, punk rock being no exception. Because we all grew up in a patriarchal society, these fucked up ideas have been socialized and ingrained in us. Refusing to admit or believe they exist do[es] nothing but perpetuate the problem. If we as boys are serious about dealing with sexism, misogyny and sexual violence, we must challenge ourselves, our friends and confront the patriarchal systems that perpetuate this oppressive behaviour.
The socialized idea that boys must be dominating, violent and emotionally detached must be rejected and then redefined. Oppressive language that we often hear being used is inherent in out society, rarely questioned and ultimately reinforces a culture of violence against women. More importantly, it is imperative that we go beyond language and fully confront sexism and misogyny in our daily lives and experiences, acted out through coercion, manipulation, fear and intimidation. Relationships that we have seen and experienced first hand often revolve around the needs of men, rather than the mutual needs of both partners.
Punk rock shows have so often and continue to be male-dominated spaces; essentially dudes watching other dudes yell about their own dude problems. In acknowledging this problem, we must work with and in support of our women friends in order to make these spaces inclusive and safe, while adequately addressing the sexist behaviours that permit and facilitate the very oppression we should be fighting against.
We understand how difficult it can be to admit that you or your friends have fucked up or are still fucking up. As men, we have been working to create community-based responses along with groups to actively confront issues of patriarchy and male-dominance. In trying to deal with this, we ourselves have been confronted with criticism and concerns from women within our scene. Though we can't personally relate to their experiences, it is of utmost importance that we offer unconditional support and continue to help create dialogue while working cooperatively to smas the cycles of violence and patriarchy that are inherent in our lives. [I]t's important to find support from other boys in our communities and seek out information from outside resources. Ask your women friends about their viewpoints and expereinces and FUCKING LISTEN! Remember... It's not women's job to educate us, we must educate ourselves. We have to extend ourselves past our comfort levels to address our actions and places within the structure of power and the four of us are no exception. By not openly confronting and challenging these issues, we are perpetuating cycles of abuse. We need to recognise our male privilege and continue to find ways to reject our own shitty behaviour. Let's help build something better...
DISCLAIMER: Apologies are extended to queer folks, as this rant is especially hetero-centric. This is not meant to be exclusive, but to specifically address the fucked up patterns in heterosexual relationships that are put forth and perpetuated by patriarchy. We would like to acknowledge our use of the gender binary, which sucks. However, we found it easier to write this way because of our specific personal experiences A special thanks to the authors of 'Sexual Assault in Activist Communities: a special issues of the peak - volume 36.1' This extremely comprehensive zine was a huge help to us and it is totally recommended..."
Woah. Just... Woah. This is why I love(d) this band, this is why I love the scene (sometimes). This. This. THIS! Sometimes, it can be hard. Sometimes, it's people asking "are you with the band?" or boys punching, hitting, hair-pulling, strangling, generally being boorish, or how about those times where I used to go out and no one would talk? Those times where I was the sole (unaccompanied) woman in the room and just hung out on the fringes of the crowd?
There needs to be more boys who think like this. I'm lucky, I know a few. I know a good few. I love those few. Those few are my friends. They see me, a loud-mouthed, kinda crass, slightly awkward, stuttering record geek; and they love me too (at least I hope they do...).
Girls, lets make a pact - no more settling for second best. No more settling for being on the fringes, or putting up with stupid boys and their stupid actions. Let's call them out on it. Let's do it and let's do it right.
I can be active with the activists or sleep in with the sleepers...
I know what I want. And it isn't a goddamn boys club.