I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It sounds as if you needed to tell him those things for the sake of the friendship; better to have it out-- especially because he asked, so he noticed something was wrong, at least-- than to let it fester and rot away at the friendship. I hope that he recognizes this and takes a look at his own behavior, and that he values your friendship as much as you do his.
I saw it!!! SQUEEEE!!!!! He said it! Just what you said!! And I thought I was the only sad fangirl. Didn't you remember that line? It's wonderful, and so very, very slashy. I don't think I'm the kind of person who sees slash where there is none to be seen (I didn't think PotC was slashy, for example), but my God, that series is dripping with it. I'm glad you liked the present, and thank *you* for the link. What a great story. I do like evil!Duncan, and a Methos who knows that Duncan's evil is nothing in comparison. Yum
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I don't know why he asked; it's very uncharacteristic of him to be that aware of others, and I wish he hadn't. I'm not a great believer in speaking my mind, telling home truths and all that crap -- in my experience, good things rarely come from that and people just get resentful. I'd rather have an unsatisfactory friendship in which I'm aware of the other person's shortcomings, than suddenly dazzle them with the truth about what they're really like. I'm not much interested in playing God, or Judge, or whatever. Does that sound pathetic? It probably is. The thing is, he's also changed a bit in the time I've known him (obviously) and his views have become (to me) intolerantly right-wing, to the extent that I try to avoid discussing anything like that with him. As I said to you, I don't do friendships with right wingers; we just don't breathe the same air. Fuck, it's all so unsatisfactory
( ... )
I'd rather have an unsatisfactory friendship in which I'm aware of the other person's shortcomings, than suddenly dazzle them with the truth about what they're really like. I'm not much interested in playing God, or Judge, or whatever. Does that sound pathetic? It probably is.
It doesn't sound pathetic at all; I'm the same way. But he did ask, so it's up to him to deal with hearing the answer. I hope his "something to tell you about himself" didn't lead to the inevitable guilt trip, but it does sound like that's where that one is heading. I'm sorry.
Another sad fangirl note: I've just ordered the season 4 DVDs so I can have slashy goodness whenever I want. With actors' commentary! Squee, as we say.
Oh, the promised email arrived today and my first guess, about the monstrous ego, turned out to be the right one. Basically I was told that after his health scare of last year, the only person he's bothering about is himself; he's fed up living his life for other people. (When this altruism began, I'm not quite sure... I'm sorry I missed it.) So he concluded, if he's letting people down, well fuck them. This has really been a long time coming, so its inevitable arrival doesn't really make me feel much at all. I must have been reconciled to it ages ago.
But!!!! I'm so jealous!! PW's commentary on (several, I think) of those episodes is meant to be wonderful. I don't know if I could sit through so much Richie and Amanda; but then that's what the fast-forward button's for. Now you're obliged to work out how to do screencaps so you can keep me supplied with pretty Methos and slashy Methos-n-Duncan pictures. Squeeee indeed!
I'm sorry to hear about your friend, too. Not that I'm one to give out great advice or anything, but maybe it all comes down to whether or not you're willing to let the things that get to you slide or not. And, also, whether or not he's willing to do anything about what you said and not let the ego get in the way. (What IS it with male egos, anyway? It's incredible just how massive they can get! It doesn't even matter if there's a reason for it or not - they just expand and you have to try and deal with it. The only man that I know who isn't like that is my father...) In any case, good luck, and I wish you all the best in this. Losing friends is a horrible feeling, especially when it sort of jumps out at you
( ... )
As I said to Minx, I'd be happier if he'd just gone on being oblivious in his usual way. I don't know why he suddenly noticed that I was being very quiet. J thinks he's utterly self-obsessed, and of course he's right. My dad isn't like that either, nor is J and a couple of other men who are my friends; but most men do seem to have it to a greater or lesser degree. That combination of self-obsession and over-inflated ego is quite something, and it's a mystery where they get it from. It can't just be the testosterone, otherwise they'd all have it. Hmm.
Your dream sounds wonderful! It made me laugh out loud, and cheered me up no end. I wouldn't mind being taller, but 6 feet is a bit much. And it sounds like your subconscious is teasing you about your height!
I was hoping you'd write for the fest, too. Your story's too special to submit to such a passing thing, but I'm hoping inspiration will strike you for one of the other challenges.
I'm not sure what makes men the way they are, but I've noticed this phenomenon occurs a lot in academia. Nothing makes men (or women, for that matter) want to prove themselves more than a good intellectual wank to see whose is bigger. Whose 'what', however, remains to be determined. Brain? Ego? Cock? All of it combined in an unorthodox position? It's academia! They'll try anything once. *g* In any case, I do hope this thing resolves itself well, or at least moderately so. Though watching out for guilt-trips is a good idea. I know I always fall for those
( ... )
I think that's a very good reason for not getting involved in academia (sorry, Minx; but I'm sure you know what Liz is talking about).
What an amazing dream! It sounds like a fairy tale. Your subconscious is pretty lively. And I should know by the end of the month whether Boston is a goer or not, so I promise I'll let you know as soon as I do.
And everyone's chosen a challenge but me! Wah. I'll have to get on with it.
I half-suspected I wouldn't hear from him again but amazingly, he got back in touch. I just got another text from him promising to email me in the next day or two to tell me something about himself, 'since we're being honest'. This will be one of the following: he has a serious disease (or two); he has a terminal disease; he's gay; he's clinically depressed; he's been shagging sheep for years and this is why he keeps cancelling on me. Whichever one it is, I sense a massive attempt to guilt-trip me being brewed up.
And how could I resist such batting eyelashes? Not to mention the promise of an illustration... wow! Now I'll have to come up with something really good...
You never know, 'since you're being honest' he might be about to confess about how he has always harboured a deep and undying love for you. Surely you can see that it's the pain of unrequited love that makes him keep cancelling on you....
I had a friend pull that shit on my once. As far as guilt-trips go nothing quite compares to the good ol' unrequited love guilt-trip.
It is insecurity, and when you know the men who do it are (theoretically, at least) intelligent enough to be aware of it... well, it's baffling. What's the point? Who wants to live their life in such an inauthentic way? The only people they're kidding are themselves... and other men who also behave like that. Images of gorillas keep popping into my head... It's just so fucking boring and repetitive.
Thank you for saying such nice things! I really do want to take part in the FQF; it's just getting the interest back again. Maybe I'll look over all those part-finished ones I have and see if I can't adapt at least part of one for one of the challenges.
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I saw it!!! SQUEEEE!!!!! He said it! Just what you said!! And I thought I was the only sad fangirl. Didn't you remember that line? It's wonderful, and so very, very slashy. I don't think I'm the kind of person who sees slash where there is none to be seen (I didn't think PotC was slashy, for example), but my God, that series is dripping with it. I'm glad you liked the present, and thank *you* for the link. What a great story. I do like evil!Duncan, and a Methos who knows that Duncan's evil is nothing in comparison. Yum ( ... )
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It doesn't sound pathetic at all; I'm the same way. But he did ask, so it's up to him to deal with hearing the answer. I hope his "something to tell you about himself" didn't lead to the inevitable guilt trip, but it does sound like that's where that one is heading. I'm sorry.
Another sad fangirl note: I've just ordered the season 4 DVDs so I can have slashy goodness whenever I want. With actors' commentary! Squee, as we say.
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But!!!! I'm so jealous!! PW's commentary on (several, I think) of those episodes is meant to be wonderful. I don't know if I could sit through so much Richie and Amanda; but then that's what the fast-forward button's for. Now you're obliged to work out how to do screencaps so you can keep me supplied with pretty Methos and slashy Methos-n-Duncan pictures. Squeeee indeed!
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Your dream sounds wonderful! It made me laugh out loud, and cheered me up no end. I wouldn't mind being taller, but 6 feet is a bit much. And it sounds like your subconscious is teasing you about your height!
I was hoping you'd write for the fest, too. Your story's too special to submit to such a passing thing, but I'm hoping inspiration will strike you for one of the other challenges.
Love you too! MWAHHHH!!
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What an amazing dream! It sounds like a fairy tale. Your subconscious is pretty lively. And I should know by the end of the month whether Boston is a goer or not, so I promise I'll let you know as soon as I do.
And everyone's chosen a challenge but me! Wah. I'll have to get on with it.
MWAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! (I win!)
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If you write a story for the FQF I'll illustrate it for you, if you want. *bats eyelashes* You know you want to write us a story.
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And how could I resist such batting eyelashes? Not to mention the promise of an illustration... wow! Now I'll have to come up with something really good...
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I had a friend pull that shit on my once. As far as guilt-trips go nothing quite compares to the good ol' unrequited love guilt-trip.
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Thank you for saying such nice things! I really do want to take part in the FQF; it's just getting the interest back again. Maybe I'll look over all those part-finished ones I have and see if I can't adapt at least part of one for one of the challenges.
*HUGS*
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