the 4th of July

[rockawilly]

My Mom started a tradition years ago of going to a local lake and having a picnic. It's yet another year that the tradition will not continue. I am missing you today Mom. Things haven't gotten much better since you've been gone but I knew it wouldn't be easy. I wonder how much more I can change? I've completely lost everything I ever was.

Comments

[redheadwithwhip]

:( *hugs*

[unknownpoet78]

Why not have a graveside picnic and talk to your Mom about how things have been going for you? (Very Dias de la Muerte!)

Or, invite some friends to the lakeside picnic.

I know it's really hard for you, but it might be time to re-create yourself, and become something you really want to be.

[rockawilly]

I couldn't bury Mom...complicated story. I still have her ashes. So it wouldn't be graveside...and I don't know anyone that would even want to attend such a thing.

But yes...I keep thinking of Steve Austin...not the wrestler...the 6,000,000 dollar man. We can rebuild him. I keep thinking that...but what should I be? What if the new me is worse than the old one? What if the new me is a hardened asshole?

[unknownpoet78]

Okay, then you could just continue the lakeside picnic tradition, just bring Mom along. Tell her the beautiful things you're seeing.

Sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and dive in. Honestly. I'm not trying to demean the difficulty involved in it, I dove into festival. I was still quiet, shy, and felt like a bloated cow stuffed into clothes that were too small. I hid alot. And then I realized that I could say anything to people... and I started to. Even though... no, ESPECIALLY because I sounded like an idiot.

So, what if the new you is worse (in what way?) than the old one. Decide you don't like something and change again. Life and Change are Constant. And somehow, I doubt you could ever be a hardened asshole.