I don't know when the last time I updated was. But I'm not dead, although I feel like it. I have NO time to myself anymore. It's all... school, sleep, & the rest of the time... I really don't know what happens to do it. It vanishes, disappears ( Read more... )

Holy shit, I miss you so damn much. And I can't believe I'm just realizing it... these few months that have passed I've thought about you, dreamed about you, heard your voice, wished for you. GOD DAMN YOU! All I wanted was to forget you, I wanted to just put you behind me, but forget that because I'm incapable of forgeting you. I smash things ( Read more... )

And Rebecca once again falls into the void of nothingness. I feel completely and uttertly heartbroken, all though I know I am far from it. Something about wanting to get better, and then being disappointed is getting very old, very fast. It's become a chore to keep on my "I'm okay" face, and I'm about to drop it. Although I trust myself more than I ( Read more... )

I completely can tell you that I miss being a child. I miss the innocence. I miss the ignorance. I never once thought about living another day when I was 7... because I didn't need to worry about it. And in the course of 6 years, my main goal is to live just 5 more minutes, and on. This has been going on for two years, and the cycle is getting old ( Read more... )

I'm noticing more and more that no matter what I think, I do care what people 'think' about me. They can say what they want. But it's the thoughts that will get to me. Silent death ( Read more... )

My last therapy session was sort've like hell. I didn't know what to do with myself so I sat there, curled up and stared at the painting on the wall. There's so much wrong. So many thoughts and emotions spinning inside of my head. I don't know how to place them where they need to go and I'm going insane because of it ( Read more... )

Does thinking about someone every day for 2 years (possibly longer) mean that you're in love? What does it mean, then? Am I just infatuated with the idea of being in love? Or wanting someone so bad; to feel their warmth: their mere presence. Longing for a muse. The romance that haunts my imagination. Will anything be fulfilled? Will I be let down, ( Read more... )

Hope. Hope is what makes us human. The gradual feeling of wishing for a better time. It's gotten to the point where I can't see that ever happening anymore. The constant torment of just wanting to be near someone. To feel needed and wanted, it's dying. I'm dying. I have no hope left. Wishing is all I have now. It's not enough and I know it. I have ( Read more... )

Last night was horrible. Erin and I went over to this one guy's apartment and he wanted to do us. He was hot, but quite the liar. Any guy that wants to fuck the second time he sees you has diseases. Thank you, but no thank you. Goodbye asshole. Anyway, his friend or cousin or whatever was looking at Erin all weird, like he was going to rape her. I ( Read more... )

I am.
I am Rebecca.
I am 14.
I am apathetic.
I am alone.
I am no one.
I am ruined.
I am anti-social.
I am ugly.
I am ignorant.
I am hated.
I am loved.
I am a poet.
I am a bitch.
I am dead.
I am decaying.
I am in bliss.
I am me.
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