In Which I Come Out Against The Anti-Sugar Brigade
I could begin with my philosophical arguments and generalisms, but let's not bury the lead: please stop giving my children a heap of Oriental Trading-esque junk in the name of good health.
That's it, really. It's ultimately selfish of me. I don't need more garbage toys cluttering up my house. I mean seriously, what do YOU do with all that crap they bring home from school parties now that bringing in birthday cupcakes isn't allowed? Do your children keep all their junk toys neatly in brightly labeled containers on shelves in their rooms? If so, please, share your secret! Or do you just pitch it periodically, because they're just crappy dollar store toys? If so, aren't you concerned about the environmental factors in making and shipping and disposing of all that, or aren't you concerned about the humanitarian factors of the low-wage workers exploited to make them? I mean, you're awfully concerned about junk food.
But let's bring it back to the philosophizing. Junk food's bad for you, right? That's why they call it junk food. But I'm of the everything-in-moderation camp (and yes, not EVERYTHING, don't be pedantic). There's a big difference between eating fast food every day and eating cake at a birthday party. When doctors talk about poor dietary choices they're not talking about an occasional splurge, they're talking about daily habits. And if a kid can't have candy on Halloween, when CAN they have it?
I've heard say that dentists recommend special occasion splurges over, say, eating one piece of candy a day, because you can brush your teeth just once, carefully, after a splurge, and all that horrible sugar is gone! Right, and you trade clean teeth for a bellyache, but I'm just saying.
I like sweets. Sure, maybe that's a vice of mine. But it's a much more controllable vice when I allow myself to have them on special occasions, and can say, "No, you don't need that" the rest of the time. Okay maybe I'm not actually that good about it. But in theory, I believe that's right. You don't turn down a dang piece of cake at a birthday party because you're "trying to watch your figure." Just don't be eating cake after every meal for no REASON. Birthday parties are FOR CAKE! EAT THE DANG CAKE! Unless you don't like cake, then, fine, don't.
The school has this policy of no treats. Combination of being "healthy!" and avoiding allergy issues. Okay then. I can deal with that. I just won't send in treats for holidays and birthdays. But other kids' parents have taken to sending in goody bags of nonedibles instead. For every kid. For every occasion. And not only does it make ME look like the crappy parent because I DON'T, but HOW MANY TINY ERASERS AND CHINTZY STAMPERS DOES ANY HOUSEHOLD REALLY NEED?
I'd prefer it, if people want to be HEALTHY! about their trick-or-treating gifts, if they gave out apples. Apples, the traditional lousy non-candy giveaway! But apples get USED. CONSUMED. And MY kids certainly like them enough. Curse that stupid razor-blade scare of the 1980s! Apples are SO much better than those pencils that don't sharpen properly!
But let's be honest. It's Halloween. It's one time of year-- one of two times if your Easter baskets take this pattern*-- when you're ALLOWED to amass a horde of candy. SO DO IT. FOR HALLOWEEN. LONG LIVE ANNUAL SUGAR OVERLOADS!
And that's all I have to say about that.
*Surprise, ours do.
That's it, really. It's ultimately selfish of me. I don't need more garbage toys cluttering up my house. I mean seriously, what do YOU do with all that crap they bring home from school parties now that bringing in birthday cupcakes isn't allowed? Do your children keep all their junk toys neatly in brightly labeled containers on shelves in their rooms? If so, please, share your secret! Or do you just pitch it periodically, because they're just crappy dollar store toys? If so, aren't you concerned about the environmental factors in making and shipping and disposing of all that, or aren't you concerned about the humanitarian factors of the low-wage workers exploited to make them? I mean, you're awfully concerned about junk food.
But let's bring it back to the philosophizing. Junk food's bad for you, right? That's why they call it junk food. But I'm of the everything-in-moderation camp (and yes, not EVERYTHING, don't be pedantic). There's a big difference between eating fast food every day and eating cake at a birthday party. When doctors talk about poor dietary choices they're not talking about an occasional splurge, they're talking about daily habits. And if a kid can't have candy on Halloween, when CAN they have it?
I've heard say that dentists recommend special occasion splurges over, say, eating one piece of candy a day, because you can brush your teeth just once, carefully, after a splurge, and all that horrible sugar is gone! Right, and you trade clean teeth for a bellyache, but I'm just saying.
I like sweets. Sure, maybe that's a vice of mine. But it's a much more controllable vice when I allow myself to have them on special occasions, and can say, "No, you don't need that" the rest of the time. Okay maybe I'm not actually that good about it. But in theory, I believe that's right. You don't turn down a dang piece of cake at a birthday party because you're "trying to watch your figure." Just don't be eating cake after every meal for no REASON. Birthday parties are FOR CAKE! EAT THE DANG CAKE! Unless you don't like cake, then, fine, don't.
The school has this policy of no treats. Combination of being "healthy!" and avoiding allergy issues. Okay then. I can deal with that. I just won't send in treats for holidays and birthdays. But other kids' parents have taken to sending in goody bags of nonedibles instead. For every kid. For every occasion. And not only does it make ME look like the crappy parent because I DON'T, but HOW MANY TINY ERASERS AND CHINTZY STAMPERS DOES ANY HOUSEHOLD REALLY NEED?
I'd prefer it, if people want to be HEALTHY! about their trick-or-treating gifts, if they gave out apples. Apples, the traditional lousy non-candy giveaway! But apples get USED. CONSUMED. And MY kids certainly like them enough. Curse that stupid razor-blade scare of the 1980s! Apples are SO much better than those pencils that don't sharpen properly!
But let's be honest. It's Halloween. It's one time of year-- one of two times if your Easter baskets take this pattern*-- when you're ALLOWED to amass a horde of candy. SO DO IT. FOR HALLOWEEN. LONG LIVE ANNUAL SUGAR OVERLOADS!
And that's all I have to say about that.
*Surprise, ours do.