I post these every 6 months.
Some of you are new here, and some of these rules are new...
read at your own risk
The McWhyte Rules of Crown Tourney
Heralds may not Herald Crown Tournament while inhaling helium.
.. or in Swedish Chef.
.. or while *Meep*ing like Beeker
.. or while speaking like Animal.
.. or in Elvish
.. or in Orcish
.. or in the dark language of Mordor, which I shall not utter here
.. or in Klingon
.. or in Na'Vi
.. or in sloppy drunken slurring.
.. or in LOLcat
.. or in 13375p34k
.. or in Binary or Hexadecimal ASCII.
FRENCH, however, is totally acceptable if Marhsalling a tournament in Tir Mara.
May not shout “yaaaaay” and do the Kermit wave when a successor is finally chosen.
The Proper Term is “Pay honor to the crown of the East.” And salute the thrones if you cannot readily locate their Majesties. It is NOT “Pay honor to the… Oh Christ! Where *are* the Damn Royals? Someone tie a bell on them or something".
Heralds may NOT affix Bicycle flags to the royalty for ease of location… EVER!
The Proper final instruction a herald gives to the combatants is “Pay heed to the marshals.” NOT “Lok’tar Ogar!”
.. Nor is it “It is a good day to die.”
.. Nor is it "For the Horde!" (unless the combatant is IN the SCA Horde.)
.. Nor is it "King Varian Wrynn is a Wuss!"
.. Nor is it "Stop! Hammertime"
.. Nor is it "Miller time."
.. Nor is it "transform, and roll out!"
.. Nor is it. "Decepticons! Attack!"
.. Nor is it, "I just wanted to let you two know, good luck - we're all counting on you."
.. Nor is it "Let's get ready to rummmbllllleeee!"
.. Nor is it, "Gentlemen, start your engines...."
.. Nor is it, "This message will self destruct in 10 seconds"
Thou shalt not end each sentence with "Make it so, Number One" or begin the tourney with "Engage."
Crown Tournament may not be decided by a lengthy game of Calvinball.
.. The Heralds should NOT Advise the King of the East that it can.
The Phrase “on deck” is actually a mystical spell which translates to roughly “Summon Adhemar.”
.. Do NOT summon Adhemar.
The term is “noble combatants.” Not “hey you guys with the sticks.”
Inflatable Sumo suits are NOT LIST LEGAL!
.. Even if the Personas of the King and Queen Are Oriental.
The crown does not ask you to report to the list, they invite you to present yourselves before the crown.
The Heralds are not allowed to form any peasant militia to overthrow the crown.
Nor are they allowed to JOIN any Peasant militias who are plotting to overthrow the crown.
The heralds are not allowed to chew gum in the lists, even if they brought enough for everybody.
Nobody may have flashbacks to previous crown tourneys.
Heralds do not have super powers (they're just exceptional powers.)
Heralds are not allowed to Fire Royalty
.. Especially out of cannons
.. nor may they utter : "I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get Duke Darius *into* the trebuchet?"
"GO JOE!" is not an acceptable battle cry.
Neither is "COOOOOBRAAAAA!"
The term is "the King's word is law." not "Submit that in triplicate to the House and Senate and we'll see if it will pass."
Heralds may not herald tournaments while wearing Jedi Robes
.. I don't give a damn if you have documentation saying that it is period.
"You don't need to see my identification" while waving your hand in front of the Mistress of the List does NOT work.
.. Even IF those actually aren't the droids we are looking for.
Holy symbols do not ward off Royal Peers.
Inflatable sheep have NO PLACE inside a list field.
The "people's elbow", "Stone Cold Stunner" and "FU" are not recognized or legal forms of combat.
Combatants may not adorn their armor with commercial advertisements.
Organizing the combatants and their consorts in the opening procession into a conga line, or any form of line dancing, is right out.
Electrified and barbed wire is not to be run around the edge of the lists, nor are rounds to be referred to as "cage matches".
Thou shalt not use ventriloquist skills while heralding the lists, even to herald the lists around you.
List marshals may not mark their marshallate staves as "You must be this tall to enter this ride".
When the tournament gets slow marshal's poles are not to be used as limbo poles.
Singing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" while you fight is poor taste.
Two marshals talking trash about one combatant should really look behind them before speaking.
"You die, she dies, everybody dies" is not how to decide a double kill.
Thou shalt not replace the combatants’ rattan swords with balloon critters.
.. Or super soakers.
.. Or paintball guns.
"Big Hair" does not count as list-legal, except perhaps in New Jersey during the 1980s and 90s, where it might put your eye out.
It's "Your Majesty", not "Your Dudejesty" (or "Your Dudeness" for the Prince).
Thou shalt not bring an arming pavilion shaped like The Tardis or a Phone Booth.
Combatants may not pause to see if they have rolled a 1.
Nor may they call "critical hit!" or "FINISH HIM!" or "GET OVER HERE!"
Contrary to popular belief, Hazzard is not a Duchy in the SCA.
Thou shalt not paint thine horse bright orange, and attempt to leap it over the marshals.
No capes!
"Chicken fighting" is also not a recognized or legal form of list combat...
Substituting the Prince and Princess' crowns (or TRMs) for Burger King hats is bad, mmkay?
Crown Tourney shall not be held in "American Gladiator Arena".
Equipment failures may, however, be deemed as "wardrobe malfunctions"
"Sparkly" is not a heraldic color or charge. Neither is Shiny.
Whispering the word "gerbil" in the King's ear as he takes a drink is a bad idea.
There are some things you cannot make a hat, a brooch, or a pterodactyl from - failed equipment should not be one of those.
Combatants may not pray to ceiling cat or basement cat before a fight.
Streaking across the list fields is dangerous (especially during Fall Crown Tourney).
During the final round, you may not call "Peers are asked to keep their arms and legs inside the tourney field at all times, enjoy the ride."
The hokey-pokey is not a suitable combat maneuver. Nor are moves from The Matrix. Nor is the Time Warp.
Combattants wearing closed-visor helms are not to be referred to as "frakking toasters".
Tai Kwan Leep is not a recognized or legal form of SCA combat.
.. neither is Tai Kwan Doberman.
Thou shalt not substitute the herald's 'cheat sheets' with the Necronomicon.
NOR shall the combatant raise their sword in the air and yell "THIS IS MY BOOM STICK!"
It is unwise to dump gatorade, milk, or champagne on the Prince upon his winning the tourney.
Thou shalt not fix thine hair in the reflection of the combatants' armor.
Nor shall the rounds be limited to 8 seconds, with a clown sitting in the corner of the list.
"God Wills It!" is not to follow each command on the list. ;)
Water polo and Synchronized Swimming are also not recognized combat forms at Crown Tourney, even if spectators are climbing aboard an Ark during a rainstorm.
Handing the King's mug to the Queen when she asks for water and not ensuring that the clear liquid therein actually IS water is a Bad Idea.
Contrary to popular belief, the move that wins Crown Tourneys is not 'up up, down down, left right left right, B, A, B, A, Select, Start'
Naming your consort as "She Ra, Princess of Power" for the duration of the reign is also unwise.
Pea Shooters and Spitballs at 20 paces are not recognized as legal forms of combat.
The Prince may not start his reign by shouting "Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up!"
.. nor"Now that all you bitches work for me"
.. nor "Let my reign of terror begin".
A combattant may not, when fighting a Duke, say "I have just one thing to ask, Your Majesty, do you want this man crippled or dead?"
"Crow bars to the knee" are not legal or safe weapons forms in Crown Tourney. ;)
While any round may involve the ancient game of Scissors, Paper and Stone, it is best done during the first round of the bout instead of the final round (or the "tie-breaker"). The populace likes a big finish.
If things start to go south, Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
Heralds are not to impersonate Joe Peshi at any time during the tournament.
.. Or James T. Kirk.
The Blue Herald does not need food badly.
Heralds may not ask royalty to validate their parking before during or after the tournament.
Heralds may not sneak "Kill Philip, Sorry Phillip." into instructions for the list.
Look at your Herald. Now look at me. Now back to him. Now back to me. Sadly he isn't me, but he could sound like me if he used Old Spice body wash. What's that in your hand. Back at me. It's a Site token for that event you wanted to go to. Look again, the token is now Diamonds. Anything is possible when you fight to become King of the East. I'm on a horse.
Combatants may not cut the line for the procession.
No, i will not address you as McHammer... I don't care if you can document it! NO!
Clown shoes are not list legal.
When choosing weapons for the finals Combatants may not choose the weapon their opponent is currently wielding.
read at your own risk
The McWhyte Rules of Crown Tourney
Heralds may not Herald Crown Tournament while inhaling helium.
.. or in Swedish Chef.
.. or while *Meep*ing like Beeker
.. or while speaking like Animal.
.. or in Elvish
.. or in Orcish
.. or in the dark language of Mordor, which I shall not utter here
.. or in Klingon
.. or in Na'Vi
.. or in sloppy drunken slurring.
.. or in LOLcat
.. or in 13375p34k
.. or in Binary or Hexadecimal ASCII.
FRENCH, however, is totally acceptable if Marhsalling a tournament in Tir Mara.
May not shout “yaaaaay” and do the Kermit wave when a successor is finally chosen.
The Proper Term is “Pay honor to the crown of the East.” And salute the thrones if you cannot readily locate their Majesties. It is NOT “Pay honor to the… Oh Christ! Where *are* the Damn Royals? Someone tie a bell on them or something".
Heralds may NOT affix Bicycle flags to the royalty for ease of location… EVER!
The Proper final instruction a herald gives to the combatants is “Pay heed to the marshals.” NOT “Lok’tar Ogar!”
.. Nor is it “It is a good day to die.”
.. Nor is it "For the Horde!" (unless the combatant is IN the SCA Horde.)
.. Nor is it "King Varian Wrynn is a Wuss!"
.. Nor is it "Stop! Hammertime"
.. Nor is it "Miller time."
.. Nor is it "transform, and roll out!"
.. Nor is it. "Decepticons! Attack!"
.. Nor is it, "I just wanted to let you two know, good luck - we're all counting on you."
.. Nor is it "Let's get ready to rummmbllllleeee!"
.. Nor is it, "Gentlemen, start your engines...."
.. Nor is it, "This message will self destruct in 10 seconds"
Thou shalt not end each sentence with "Make it so, Number One" or begin the tourney with "Engage."
Crown Tournament may not be decided by a lengthy game of Calvinball.
.. The Heralds should NOT Advise the King of the East that it can.
The Phrase “on deck” is actually a mystical spell which translates to roughly “Summon Adhemar.”
.. Do NOT summon Adhemar.
The term is “noble combatants.” Not “hey you guys with the sticks.”
Inflatable Sumo suits are NOT LIST LEGAL!
.. Even if the Personas of the King and Queen Are Oriental.
The crown does not ask you to report to the list, they invite you to present yourselves before the crown.
The Heralds are not allowed to form any peasant militia to overthrow the crown.
Nor are they allowed to JOIN any Peasant militias who are plotting to overthrow the crown.
The heralds are not allowed to chew gum in the lists, even if they brought enough for everybody.
Nobody may have flashbacks to previous crown tourneys.
Heralds do not have super powers (they're just exceptional powers.)
Heralds are not allowed to Fire Royalty
.. Especially out of cannons
.. nor may they utter : "I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get Duke Darius *into* the trebuchet?"
"GO JOE!" is not an acceptable battle cry.
Neither is "COOOOOBRAAAAA!"
The term is "the King's word is law." not "Submit that in triplicate to the House and Senate and we'll see if it will pass."
Heralds may not herald tournaments while wearing Jedi Robes
.. I don't give a damn if you have documentation saying that it is period.
"You don't need to see my identification" while waving your hand in front of the Mistress of the List does NOT work.
.. Even IF those actually aren't the droids we are looking for.
Holy symbols do not ward off Royal Peers.
Inflatable sheep have NO PLACE inside a list field.
The "people's elbow", "Stone Cold Stunner" and "FU" are not recognized or legal forms of combat.
Combatants may not adorn their armor with commercial advertisements.
Organizing the combatants and their consorts in the opening procession into a conga line, or any form of line dancing, is right out.
Electrified and barbed wire is not to be run around the edge of the lists, nor are rounds to be referred to as "cage matches".
Thou shalt not use ventriloquist skills while heralding the lists, even to herald the lists around you.
List marshals may not mark their marshallate staves as "You must be this tall to enter this ride".
When the tournament gets slow marshal's poles are not to be used as limbo poles.
Singing "Don't Worry, Be Happy" while you fight is poor taste.
Two marshals talking trash about one combatant should really look behind them before speaking.
"You die, she dies, everybody dies" is not how to decide a double kill.
Thou shalt not replace the combatants’ rattan swords with balloon critters.
.. Or super soakers.
.. Or paintball guns.
"Big Hair" does not count as list-legal, except perhaps in New Jersey during the 1980s and 90s, where it might put your eye out.
It's "Your Majesty", not "Your Dudejesty" (or "Your Dudeness" for the Prince).
Thou shalt not bring an arming pavilion shaped like The Tardis or a Phone Booth.
Combatants may not pause to see if they have rolled a 1.
Nor may they call "critical hit!" or "FINISH HIM!" or "GET OVER HERE!"
Contrary to popular belief, Hazzard is not a Duchy in the SCA.
Thou shalt not paint thine horse bright orange, and attempt to leap it over the marshals.
No capes!
"Chicken fighting" is also not a recognized or legal form of list combat...
Substituting the Prince and Princess' crowns (or TRMs) for Burger King hats is bad, mmkay?
Crown Tourney shall not be held in "American Gladiator Arena".
Equipment failures may, however, be deemed as "wardrobe malfunctions"
"Sparkly" is not a heraldic color or charge. Neither is Shiny.
Whispering the word "gerbil" in the King's ear as he takes a drink is a bad idea.
There are some things you cannot make a hat, a brooch, or a pterodactyl from - failed equipment should not be one of those.
Combatants may not pray to ceiling cat or basement cat before a fight.
Streaking across the list fields is dangerous (especially during Fall Crown Tourney).
During the final round, you may not call "Peers are asked to keep their arms and legs inside the tourney field at all times, enjoy the ride."
The hokey-pokey is not a suitable combat maneuver. Nor are moves from The Matrix. Nor is the Time Warp.
Combattants wearing closed-visor helms are not to be referred to as "frakking toasters".
Tai Kwan Leep is not a recognized or legal form of SCA combat.
.. neither is Tai Kwan Doberman.
Thou shalt not substitute the herald's 'cheat sheets' with the Necronomicon.
NOR shall the combatant raise their sword in the air and yell "THIS IS MY BOOM STICK!"
It is unwise to dump gatorade, milk, or champagne on the Prince upon his winning the tourney.
Thou shalt not fix thine hair in the reflection of the combatants' armor.
Nor shall the rounds be limited to 8 seconds, with a clown sitting in the corner of the list.
"God Wills It!" is not to follow each command on the list. ;)
Water polo and Synchronized Swimming are also not recognized combat forms at Crown Tourney, even if spectators are climbing aboard an Ark during a rainstorm.
Handing the King's mug to the Queen when she asks for water and not ensuring that the clear liquid therein actually IS water is a Bad Idea.
Contrary to popular belief, the move that wins Crown Tourneys is not 'up up, down down, left right left right, B, A, B, A, Select, Start'
Naming your consort as "She Ra, Princess of Power" for the duration of the reign is also unwise.
Pea Shooters and Spitballs at 20 paces are not recognized as legal forms of combat.
The Prince may not start his reign by shouting "Alright you Primitive Screwheads, listen up!"
.. nor"Now that all you bitches work for me"
.. nor "Let my reign of terror begin".
A combattant may not, when fighting a Duke, say "I have just one thing to ask, Your Majesty, do you want this man crippled or dead?"
"Crow bars to the knee" are not legal or safe weapons forms in Crown Tourney. ;)
While any round may involve the ancient game of Scissors, Paper and Stone, it is best done during the first round of the bout instead of the final round (or the "tie-breaker"). The populace likes a big finish.
If things start to go south, Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
Heralds are not to impersonate Joe Peshi at any time during the tournament.
.. Or James T. Kirk.
The Blue Herald does not need food badly.
Heralds may not ask royalty to validate their parking before during or after the tournament.
Heralds may not sneak "Kill Philip, Sorry Phillip." into instructions for the list.
Look at your Herald. Now look at me. Now back to him. Now back to me. Sadly he isn't me, but he could sound like me if he used Old Spice body wash. What's that in your hand. Back at me. It's a Site token for that event you wanted to go to. Look again, the token is now Diamonds. Anything is possible when you fight to become King of the East. I'm on a horse.
Combatants may not cut the line for the procession.
No, i will not address you as McHammer... I don't care if you can document it! NO!
Clown shoes are not list legal.
When choosing weapons for the finals Combatants may not choose the weapon their opponent is currently wielding.