As Promised!
For my (Yes, my. Remus and Sirius are just figureheads. You're here for me, no point denying it.) faithful and diligent harem watchers. ALL 200 OF YOU!
Okay! I want you to all smack your hands down on your desks and make a drumroll...
I'll just imagine I can hear it.
You want to see why Sirius and Remus are girls?
What kind of teenage boy fills in a love quiz from a girl's magazine? It can't just be me who thinks it.
Absolute. Girls.
Now, I warn you: they can't bloody shut up about each other so it gets a bit long. But it's so worth it. Why? Because then you can join me with the pointing and laughing! You know you want to.
The Love and Sex Quiz
Brought to you by The Mindy Magical Love Potion Company.
Fill in the answers to this simple questionnaire, tap the finished paper three times and say as clearly as possible ‘lucculus.’ After a few moments, your results will appear in the space provided at the bottom.
Are you on the path to true love? Or is your broomstick about to hit a tree? Is it all just waving wands or does the sex mean more? Do you need a bit of spice in your life?
All will be revealed in The Love and Sex Quiz!
1. Do you think there’s a major difference between love and lust? Love is more of an emotional thing, I think, and lust is physical. And you don't need one to feel the other.
2. Describe what lust feels like. For me, when I see Remus let's say, it's just this overwhelming need to touch him, kiss him, be next to him. It's almost like a sort of desperation, a longing for him.
3. How many times do you think that, on average, you and your boyfriend/girlfriend have sex in a week? Do you think this is too little or too much? On average, maybe we have sex about six times a week. Of course, Remus will say something ridiculous like twenty times and he'll paint me out to be this huge nymphomaniac. Which I might be. A little. I think it's too... oh god, if I say too little then I will prove Remus right. I decline to answer that last bit.
4. What is the most amount of times that you’ve had sex in one day? I think it was the Day of Six Times. Three of those times being back to back to back, impressively enough. I don't know how either of us managed to get it up ever again after that, let alone all those times in one day. Ah, youth.
5. Have you ever had sex while your parents or their parents were in the house? Yes. Well, his parents and James parents. Who may as well be my parents now. So, yes.
6. Have you ever had sex in a public place? All the time, actually. In the stands around the pitch, Prefect's bathroom, other random bathrooms... do handjobs count? Because then this list could get very long. In fact, it might be easier if I list the places we haven't done it.
7. Where is the place that you have sex most often? In Remus' bed. He says mine smells too much of dog. (It doesn't. Most of the time.)
8. Has anyone ever walked in on you and your boyfriend/girlfriend during sex? And, if so, how do you feel about this? Ha. Haha! James 'Needs to Learn How To Knock' Potter has walked in on Remus and I. I don't so much mind it because I'm usually too engrossed to care but it kills the mood utterly for Remus. So then it kills the mood for me because sex isn't as fun when your boyfriend decides to stop.
9. Do you feel comfortable enough to walk around naked when with your boyfriend/girlfriend? I feel comfortable enough to walk around naked with anyone. So, yes.
10. Have you ever tried having sex to music? Or tried bringing food into your love life? Ooh, good idea with the music! I'll have to try that. But, oh, there has been food. Well... more like dessert, really. Whipped cream, chocolate sauce, etc.
11. Do either of you have any kind of fetishes? Uh, see above? The food thing is a fetish, I suppose. And we both like to tie each other up on occasion. Does it count as a fetish if I really like it when he bites my lip when he kisses me? Because there's that, then, too.
12. If you couldn’t have sex for two weeks how would you feel? DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT. I'D DIE. DIE.
13. Have you ever had sex when your boyfriend/girlfriend was drunk? We were both drunk, actually.
14. When you’re alone, do things naturally lead to sex? They do, yeah. Remus says I'm an addict. I maintain I am a healthy, teenaged boy.
15. How attractive do you think you boyfriend/girlfriend is on a scale of one to ten? To me, he's a fifty.
16. If they weren’t going out with you, on a scale of one to ten how good is their body? I'd say a nine. It would be a ten but he doesn't show it off nearly enough so I docked a point. Because I can.
17. What is your favourite body part on your boyfriend/girlfriend? (Aside from the obvious.) Remus' belly is a thing of astounding beauty. Seriously.
18. Do they have any kind of distingiushing mark? (i.e. Birthmarks, tattoos, etc.) And if so, how do you feel about this? Remus has some scars. How do I feel about them? Just another part of him to love, really. But he hates them.
19. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend’s arse in three words. So. Fucking. Perfect.
20. Where is your favourite place to kiss them and why? Belly. Like I said before, thing of astounding beauty. Plus, it makes him squirm a bit and that's just cute.
21. Where do you like to be kissed most and why? My neck. Because Remus has this little thing where he seems completely unable to kiss my neck without biting it. And I like that. A lot.
22. Would you ever have sex with someone who was really good-looking but wasn’t your boyfriend/girlfriend? Not if I was with Remus at the time! Otherwise, yes.
23. Have you ever been with, or been close to having sex with another person when drunk? No, not since I've been in a steady relationship.
24. Is there any situation where you would consider cheating on your girlfriend/boyfriend? FUCK NO.
25. If forced to pick only one answer would you say that your girlfriend/boyfriend is hot, cute, sexy or lovely? Sexy. Oh so sexy. Though he'd disagree.
26. Do you often scream each other’s names during sex? Yes. Ask our dormmates. (We sometimes forget silencing spells, okay?)
27. Have you ever said anyone else’s name during sex? No! Haha, I don't think I would be here right now if I did.
28. Do you think there are better looking people than your boyfriend/girlfriend? And, if so, can you name someone? Maybe to some, but not to me. That's sort of the point of being hopelessly and stupidly in love, no? I can't see anyone else but Remus. Don't want to, really.
29. How would you dress your boyfriend/girlfriend if you could? In much, much tighter trousers. And a lot less grandfather-ly jumpers. Which only he can pull off without looking like a complete twat.
30. How do they look completely naked? Incredibly sexy.
31. Who usually inniatates things? You or him/her? Oh, definitely me. He's a bit of a librarian, my little Moony.
32. How good would you say the sex you have with your boyfreind/girlfriend is? On a scale of 1-10? It's off the bloody charts. So amazing.
33. What is the first thing that you and your girlfriend/boyfriend do after sex? Recover. And then... oh god, we're such fucking girls. We sort of cuddle. Well, Remus sleeps and I cuddle him.
34. Do you ever feel uncomfortable being undressed around your boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, why do you think this is the case? No, not at all. Why should I?
35. Is either of you shy about sex or have difficulty discussing it? Oh god, yes. Remus is terribly shy about sex AND about discussing it. He goes all red and it's sor of cute but a bit frustrating at times.
36. If yes, how do you deal with this? I try to be patient with him, I really do. But sometimes I sort of fail at that and end up pouting until he gives in. I find that actions speak louder than words with Remus when it comes to sex.
37. Do you think your boyfriend/girlfriend needs to put on/lose weight? We're all scrawny gits, aren't we? But I think Remus is perfect just the way he is.
38. If you had to change one thing about their body what would you chose? I'd make it so that he'd show it off to me more. Does that count as a proper answer? Oh well. It's mine.
39. At what time of day do you most often have sex? Is there any particular reason for this? I'd reckon night. Just because we're both in the same bed and nearly naked (or just plain naked, in my case) and why not. But we have sex whenever the notion strikes us... okay, whenever the notion strikes me.
40. Describe sex in 5 words. (Stay clean, folks.) The most amazing thing ever.
The Love and Sex Quiz
Brought to you by The Mindy Magical Love Potion Company.
Fill in the answers to this simple questionnaire, tap the finished paper three times and say as clearly as possible ‘lucculus.’ After a few moments, your results will appear in the space provided at the bottom.
Are you on the path to true love? Or is your broomstick about to hit a tree? Is it all just waving wands or does the sex mean more? Do you need a bit of spice in your life?
All will be revealed in The Love and Sex Quiz!
1. Do you think there’s a major difference between love and lust? Yes! Definitely, completely, 100%. Love is nice and calm and all about smiling while lust is all about feeling as though you’re going to do stupid things and being molested. So, they’re different.
2. Describe what lust feels like. Lust, as I mentioned above, is like feeling you’ve rather lost control of your own body. Particularly over body parts. Lust is itchy, or something. I don’t know.
3. How many times do you think that, on average, you and your boyfriend/girlfriend have sex in a week? Do you think this is too little or too much? Well, it depends, doesn’t it? It always depends on mood and stuff. Everyday really. Which is too much really, isn’t it?
4. What is the most amount of times that you’ve had sex in one day? I don’t want to answer that. I’m not sure I could actually. Probably about six. It was starting to hurt eventually, actually.
5. Have you ever had sex while your parents or their parents were in the house? Well, we have with the Potters. I don’t know. I think that counts. And with my parents downstairs. But it was the holidays and it had been a long time. Oh god, I’m a disgrace.
6. Have you ever had sex in a public place? Yes. No comment.
7. Where is the place that you have sex most often? In my bed. Well, in a bed. Does it have to be that specific? It probably is in my bed though as Sirius’ is messy and smells like dog.
8. Has anyone ever walked in on you and your boyfriend/girlfriend during sex? And, if so, how do you feel about this? YES! James. Oh god, I don’t like to think about it. It’s not fair, some things just should not happen. I’m just glad Sirius was on top. At least he only saw Sirius’ arse. But then, he would have known that Sirius was insi doing stuff.
9. Do you feel comfortable enough to walk around naked when with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Really. I mean, I try hard to be and sometimes I don’t mind but. No, I mind. I really mind.
10. Have you ever tried having sex to music? Or tried bringing food into your love life? Not music. Food? Yeah, chocolate and strawberries and whipped cream and that sort of thing. Sirius likes licking to try things.
11. Do either of you have any kind of fetishes? I quite like being No. This is too weird. tied up. I mean, I know that’s a bit sick but it’s true. Sirius likes it too so it must count.
12. If you couldn’t have sex for two weeks how would you feel? Well, I don’t know. It wouldn’t exactly be fantastic but I’d live. I mean, you can’t actually die from not having sex, no matter what Sirius thinks. I would probably feel all tense though. That’s a bit weird. But there you go.
13. Have you ever had sex when your boyfriend/girlfriend was drunk? Well, Sirius really likes getting drunk. I mean, he’s a teenage boy and it’s a Marauderish thing to do. And yeah, Sirius and I have had sex when I’ve been drunk (though it’s not an easy state to get to) and it was pretty good.
14. When you’re alone, do things naturally lead to sex? Yes, they tend to. I know that’s not a good way to be but he is really, really sexy. It’s hard not to want to touch him and stuff.
15. How attractive do you think you boyfriend/girlfriend is on a scale of one to ten? I’m not going to do that cliché thing of writing a ridiculously large number. But Sirius is a definite ten. There’s just no argument in it.
16. If they weren’t going out with you, on a scale of one to ten how good is their body? Why does it matter that I’m going out with him? Mind you, I suppose brains kind of do get addled by love and things. But his body is a ten. Ask any girl he’s ever met. (How depressing.)
17. What is your favourite body part on your boyfriend/girlfriend? (Aside from the obvious.) Well, the obvious is lovely. Does his arse count as obvious? Because that’s rather stunning. How about his back and shoulders? God, he’s just got a rather perfect body. This is a stupid answer so I should shut up but it’s true. He has a perfect body.
18. Do they have any kind of distinguishing marks? (i.e. Birthmarks, tattoos, etc.) And if so, how do you feel about this? He doesn’t. As I said, he is almost irritatingly perfect.
19. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend’s arse in three words. Firm, perfect, delicious.
20. Where is your favourite place to kiss them and why? Okay, I know saying his lips is a bit girly so I’m not going to say that. (Though they are delicious to kiss.) Maybe his stomach? I like the way it shivers when I kiss it and the way you can see all the muscles tense.
21. Where do you like to be kissed most and why? On the neck. God, it makes me react like a pathetic little girl. But it feels so good, especially when it’s done really slowly. With teeth.
22. Would you ever have sex with someone who was really good-looking but wasn’t your boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Never have before so I doubt I would. I’d be too nervous. And I’m in love with him so that would be ridiculous.
23. Have you ever been with, or been close to having sex with another person when drunk? No. I’m not like that. I mean, I’m a bit more flirty when drunk but only with Sirius. And that’s alright, isn’t it?
24. Is there any situation where you would consider cheating on your girlfriend/boyfriend? No. Not a single one. He’s the love of my life. And he’s too good for me anyway. I wouldn’t want to give him an excuse to leave me, would I?
25. If forced to pick only one answer would you say that your girlfriend/boyfriend is hot, cute, sexy or lovely? Hot. Though he is all of those. Sexy is quite a close second too. But he is ridiculously hot. You know, the leather wearing, black sunglasses type. (God, he is delicious.)
26. Do you often scream each other’s names during sex? Wow, this quiz is really personal. I mean, it’s a little too... Yes. We do. Every time. Even when trying to be quiet I can’t help but whisper it. I don’t know why. Merlin, this is not funny.
27. Have you ever said anyone else’s name during sex? Like who? No. There is no-one else.
28. Do you think there are better looking people than your boyfriend/girlfriend? And, if so, can you name someone? I don’t honestly think there is. I mean, there are probably better looking girls but for a boy he’s the hottest person I’ve actually ever met. I bet a thousand other people would agree. He should be illegal. It’s not right.
29. How would you dress your boyfriend/girlfriend if you could? I don’t know really. I mean, he dresses rather sexily already so I couldn’t really ask for much more. Naked? I like him without clothes. He looks... nice.
30. How do they look completely naked? This quiz is almost predictive. Ha. Okay, he looks to die for. It’s not right. It makes me want to do rude, disgraceful things that would shame my parents. Honestly.
31. Who usually initiates things? You or him/her? Well, him. I have a shyness problem and I can’t really help it. I like trying to do things but I get a bit uncomfortable and then I act ridiculous and things go all wrong. Sirius is just better suited to that sort of thing. Full stop.
32. How good would you say the sex you have with your boyfriend/girlfriend is? On a scale of 1-10? Okay, cliché be damned. 928485959393485559. And more.
33. What is the first thing that you and your girlfriend/boyfriend do after sex? Well, I usually get all sleepy. I’m a bit pathetic really. Sex takes it out of me and I like to... God, I’m a girl. I like to cuddle. He does too. Isn’t that sad?
34. Do you ever feel uncomfortable being undressed around your boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, why do you think this is the case? A little bit. I can’t really help it. I don’t really look very good naked at all so I find it difficult to be really open about showing off my body. And I don’t want him to be put off by it either.
35. Is either of you shy about sex or have difficulty discussing it? YES. Merlin, yes. I am so shy about talking about and doing anything to do with sex. It’s pathetic but it’s just so embarrassing. Honestly, Sirius just doesn’t get it but sex is... well, sex.
36. If yes, how do you deal with this? By trying and failing rather spectacularly to get over it? Generally, we deal with it by Sirius just taking control of the whole thing and just forcing me not to be shy. It’s good that he’s like that. I mean, for us both.
37. Do you think your boyfriend/girlfriend needs to put on/lose weight? No. Not at all. I know I sound like a broken record but his body is perfect. I’m not even kidding. It is perfection.
38. If you had to change one thing about their body what would you chose? Nothing. I mean, saying I’d change it to make it a little less perfect is a bit silly. I mean, sometimes it makes me feel inadequate but most of the time it makes me incoherent so it’s worth it really.
39. At what time of day do you most often have sex? Is there any particular reason for this? At night? Or early in the morning? It’s not really for a reason, it’s just because it’s convenient in a way. And because we’re in bed. It’s hard to lie in bed with someone that you fancy that much and not want to have sex with them. My body betrays me anyway, whether I want to or not.
40. Describe sex in 5 words. (Stay clean, folks.) Breathtaking, scary, sweaty, sweet, love.
Say it with me: GIRLS.
Okay! I want you to all smack your hands down on your desks and make a drumroll...
I'll just imagine I can hear it.
You want to see why Sirius and Remus are girls?
What kind of teenage boy fills in a love quiz from a girl's magazine? It can't just be me who thinks it.
Absolute. Girls.
Now, I warn you: they can't bloody shut up about each other so it gets a bit long. But it's so worth it. Why? Because then you can join me with the pointing and laughing! You know you want to.
The Love and Sex Quiz
Brought to you by The Mindy Magical Love Potion Company.
Fill in the answers to this simple questionnaire, tap the finished paper three times and say as clearly as possible ‘lucculus.’ After a few moments, your results will appear in the space provided at the bottom.
Are you on the path to true love? Or is your broomstick about to hit a tree? Is it all just waving wands or does the sex mean more? Do you need a bit of spice in your life?
All will be revealed in The Love and Sex Quiz!
1. Do you think there’s a major difference between love and lust? Love is more of an emotional thing, I think, and lust is physical. And you don't need one to feel the other.
2. Describe what lust feels like. For me, when I see Remus let's say, it's just this overwhelming need to touch him, kiss him, be next to him. It's almost like a sort of desperation, a longing for him.
3. How many times do you think that, on average, you and your boyfriend/girlfriend have sex in a week? Do you think this is too little or too much? On average, maybe we have sex about six times a week. Of course, Remus will say something ridiculous like twenty times and he'll paint me out to be this huge nymphomaniac. Which I might be. A little. I think it's too... oh god, if I say too little then I will prove Remus right. I decline to answer that last bit.
4. What is the most amount of times that you’ve had sex in one day? I think it was the Day of Six Times. Three of those times being back to back to back, impressively enough. I don't know how either of us managed to get it up ever again after that, let alone all those times in one day. Ah, youth.
5. Have you ever had sex while your parents or their parents were in the house? Yes. Well, his parents and James parents. Who may as well be my parents now. So, yes.
6. Have you ever had sex in a public place? All the time, actually. In the stands around the pitch, Prefect's bathroom, other random bathrooms... do handjobs count? Because then this list could get very long. In fact, it might be easier if I list the places we haven't done it.
7. Where is the place that you have sex most often? In Remus' bed. He says mine smells too much of dog. (It doesn't. Most of the time.)
8. Has anyone ever walked in on you and your boyfriend/girlfriend during sex? And, if so, how do you feel about this? Ha. Haha! James 'Needs to Learn How To Knock' Potter has walked in on Remus and I. I don't so much mind it because I'm usually too engrossed to care but it kills the mood utterly for Remus. So then it kills the mood for me because sex isn't as fun when your boyfriend decides to stop.
9. Do you feel comfortable enough to walk around naked when with your boyfriend/girlfriend? I feel comfortable enough to walk around naked with anyone. So, yes.
10. Have you ever tried having sex to music? Or tried bringing food into your love life? Ooh, good idea with the music! I'll have to try that. But, oh, there has been food. Well... more like dessert, really. Whipped cream, chocolate sauce, etc.
11. Do either of you have any kind of fetishes? Uh, see above? The food thing is a fetish, I suppose. And we both like to tie each other up on occasion. Does it count as a fetish if I really like it when he bites my lip when he kisses me? Because there's that, then, too.
12. If you couldn’t have sex for two weeks how would you feel? DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT. I'D DIE. DIE.
13. Have you ever had sex when your boyfriend/girlfriend was drunk? We were both drunk, actually.
14. When you’re alone, do things naturally lead to sex? They do, yeah. Remus says I'm an addict. I maintain I am a healthy, teenaged boy.
15. How attractive do you think you boyfriend/girlfriend is on a scale of one to ten? To me, he's a fifty.
16. If they weren’t going out with you, on a scale of one to ten how good is their body? I'd say a nine. It would be a ten but he doesn't show it off nearly enough so I docked a point. Because I can.
17. What is your favourite body part on your boyfriend/girlfriend? (Aside from the obvious.) Remus' belly is a thing of astounding beauty. Seriously.
18. Do they have any kind of distingiushing mark? (i.e. Birthmarks, tattoos, etc.) And if so, how do you feel about this? Remus has some scars. How do I feel about them? Just another part of him to love, really. But he hates them.
19. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend’s arse in three words. So. Fucking. Perfect.
20. Where is your favourite place to kiss them and why? Belly. Like I said before, thing of astounding beauty. Plus, it makes him squirm a bit and that's just cute.
21. Where do you like to be kissed most and why? My neck. Because Remus has this little thing where he seems completely unable to kiss my neck without biting it. And I like that. A lot.
22. Would you ever have sex with someone who was really good-looking but wasn’t your boyfriend/girlfriend? Not if I was with Remus at the time! Otherwise, yes.
23. Have you ever been with, or been close to having sex with another person when drunk? No, not since I've been in a steady relationship.
24. Is there any situation where you would consider cheating on your girlfriend/boyfriend? FUCK NO.
25. If forced to pick only one answer would you say that your girlfriend/boyfriend is hot, cute, sexy or lovely? Sexy. Oh so sexy. Though he'd disagree.
26. Do you often scream each other’s names during sex? Yes. Ask our dormmates. (We sometimes forget silencing spells, okay?)
27. Have you ever said anyone else’s name during sex? No! Haha, I don't think I would be here right now if I did.
28. Do you think there are better looking people than your boyfriend/girlfriend? And, if so, can you name someone? Maybe to some, but not to me. That's sort of the point of being hopelessly and stupidly in love, no? I can't see anyone else but Remus. Don't want to, really.
29. How would you dress your boyfriend/girlfriend if you could? In much, much tighter trousers. And a lot less grandfather-ly jumpers. Which only he can pull off without looking like a complete twat.
30. How do they look completely naked? Incredibly sexy.
31. Who usually inniatates things? You or him/her? Oh, definitely me. He's a bit of a librarian, my little Moony.
32. How good would you say the sex you have with your boyfreind/girlfriend is? On a scale of 1-10? It's off the bloody charts. So amazing.
33. What is the first thing that you and your girlfriend/boyfriend do after sex? Recover. And then... oh god, we're such fucking girls. We sort of cuddle. Well, Remus sleeps and I cuddle him.
34. Do you ever feel uncomfortable being undressed around your boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, why do you think this is the case? No, not at all. Why should I?
35. Is either of you shy about sex or have difficulty discussing it? Oh god, yes. Remus is terribly shy about sex AND about discussing it. He goes all red and it's sor of cute but a bit frustrating at times.
36. If yes, how do you deal with this? I try to be patient with him, I really do. But sometimes I sort of fail at that and end up pouting until he gives in. I find that actions speak louder than words with Remus when it comes to sex.
37. Do you think your boyfriend/girlfriend needs to put on/lose weight? We're all scrawny gits, aren't we? But I think Remus is perfect just the way he is.
38. If you had to change one thing about their body what would you chose? I'd make it so that he'd show it off to me more. Does that count as a proper answer? Oh well. It's mine.
39. At what time of day do you most often have sex? Is there any particular reason for this? I'd reckon night. Just because we're both in the same bed and nearly naked (or just plain naked, in my case) and why not. But we have sex whenever the notion strikes us... okay, whenever the notion strikes me.
40. Describe sex in 5 words. (Stay clean, folks.) The most amazing thing ever.
The Love and Sex Quiz
Brought to you by The Mindy Magical Love Potion Company.
Fill in the answers to this simple questionnaire, tap the finished paper three times and say as clearly as possible ‘lucculus.’ After a few moments, your results will appear in the space provided at the bottom.
Are you on the path to true love? Or is your broomstick about to hit a tree? Is it all just waving wands or does the sex mean more? Do you need a bit of spice in your life?
All will be revealed in The Love and Sex Quiz!
1. Do you think there’s a major difference between love and lust? Yes! Definitely, completely, 100%. Love is nice and calm and all about smiling while lust is all about feeling as though you’re going to do stupid things and being molested. So, they’re different.
2. Describe what lust feels like. Lust, as I mentioned above, is like feeling you’ve rather lost control of your own body. Particularly over body parts. Lust is itchy, or something. I don’t know.
3. How many times do you think that, on average, you and your boyfriend/girlfriend have sex in a week? Do you think this is too little or too much? Well, it depends, doesn’t it? It always depends on mood and stuff. Everyday really. Which is too much really, isn’t it?
4. What is the most amount of times that you’ve had sex in one day? I don’t want to answer that. I’m not sure I could actually. Probably about six. It was starting to hurt eventually, actually.
5. Have you ever had sex while your parents or their parents were in the house? Well, we have with the Potters. I don’t know. I think that counts. And with my parents downstairs. But it was the holidays and it had been a long time. Oh god, I’m a disgrace.
6. Have you ever had sex in a public place? Yes. No comment.
7. Where is the place that you have sex most often? In my bed. Well, in a bed. Does it have to be that specific? It probably is in my bed though as Sirius’ is messy and smells like dog.
8. Has anyone ever walked in on you and your boyfriend/girlfriend during sex? And, if so, how do you feel about this? YES! James. Oh god, I don’t like to think about it. It’s not fair, some things just should not happen. I’m just glad Sirius was on top. At least he only saw Sirius’ arse. But then, he would have known that Sirius was insi doing stuff.
9. Do you feel comfortable enough to walk around naked when with your boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Really. I mean, I try hard to be and sometimes I don’t mind but. No, I mind. I really mind.
10. Have you ever tried having sex to music? Or tried bringing food into your love life? Not music. Food? Yeah, chocolate and strawberries and whipped cream and that sort of thing. Sirius likes licking to try things.
11. Do either of you have any kind of fetishes? I quite like being No. This is too weird. tied up. I mean, I know that’s a bit sick but it’s true. Sirius likes it too so it must count.
12. If you couldn’t have sex for two weeks how would you feel? Well, I don’t know. It wouldn’t exactly be fantastic but I’d live. I mean, you can’t actually die from not having sex, no matter what Sirius thinks. I would probably feel all tense though. That’s a bit weird. But there you go.
13. Have you ever had sex when your boyfriend/girlfriend was drunk? Well, Sirius really likes getting drunk. I mean, he’s a teenage boy and it’s a Marauderish thing to do. And yeah, Sirius and I have had sex when I’ve been drunk (though it’s not an easy state to get to) and it was pretty good.
14. When you’re alone, do things naturally lead to sex? Yes, they tend to. I know that’s not a good way to be but he is really, really sexy. It’s hard not to want to touch him and stuff.
15. How attractive do you think you boyfriend/girlfriend is on a scale of one to ten? I’m not going to do that cliché thing of writing a ridiculously large number. But Sirius is a definite ten. There’s just no argument in it.
16. If they weren’t going out with you, on a scale of one to ten how good is their body? Why does it matter that I’m going out with him? Mind you, I suppose brains kind of do get addled by love and things. But his body is a ten. Ask any girl he’s ever met. (How depressing.)
17. What is your favourite body part on your boyfriend/girlfriend? (Aside from the obvious.) Well, the obvious is lovely. Does his arse count as obvious? Because that’s rather stunning. How about his back and shoulders? God, he’s just got a rather perfect body. This is a stupid answer so I should shut up but it’s true. He has a perfect body.
18. Do they have any kind of distinguishing marks? (i.e. Birthmarks, tattoos, etc.) And if so, how do you feel about this? He doesn’t. As I said, he is almost irritatingly perfect.
19. Describe your girlfriend/boyfriend’s arse in three words. Firm, perfect, delicious.
20. Where is your favourite place to kiss them and why? Okay, I know saying his lips is a bit girly so I’m not going to say that. (Though they are delicious to kiss.) Maybe his stomach? I like the way it shivers when I kiss it and the way you can see all the muscles tense.
21. Where do you like to be kissed most and why? On the neck. God, it makes me react like a pathetic little girl. But it feels so good, especially when it’s done really slowly. With teeth.
22. Would you ever have sex with someone who was really good-looking but wasn’t your boyfriend/girlfriend? No. Never have before so I doubt I would. I’d be too nervous. And I’m in love with him so that would be ridiculous.
23. Have you ever been with, or been close to having sex with another person when drunk? No. I’m not like that. I mean, I’m a bit more flirty when drunk but only with Sirius. And that’s alright, isn’t it?
24. Is there any situation where you would consider cheating on your girlfriend/boyfriend? No. Not a single one. He’s the love of my life. And he’s too good for me anyway. I wouldn’t want to give him an excuse to leave me, would I?
25. If forced to pick only one answer would you say that your girlfriend/boyfriend is hot, cute, sexy or lovely? Hot. Though he is all of those. Sexy is quite a close second too. But he is ridiculously hot. You know, the leather wearing, black sunglasses type. (God, he is delicious.)
26. Do you often scream each other’s names during sex? Wow, this quiz is really personal. I mean, it’s a little too... Yes. We do. Every time. Even when trying to be quiet I can’t help but whisper it. I don’t know why. Merlin, this is not funny.
27. Have you ever said anyone else’s name during sex? Like who? No. There is no-one else.
28. Do you think there are better looking people than your boyfriend/girlfriend? And, if so, can you name someone? I don’t honestly think there is. I mean, there are probably better looking girls but for a boy he’s the hottest person I’ve actually ever met. I bet a thousand other people would agree. He should be illegal. It’s not right.
29. How would you dress your boyfriend/girlfriend if you could? I don’t know really. I mean, he dresses rather sexily already so I couldn’t really ask for much more. Naked? I like him without clothes. He looks... nice.
30. How do they look completely naked? This quiz is almost predictive. Ha. Okay, he looks to die for. It’s not right. It makes me want to do rude, disgraceful things that would shame my parents. Honestly.
31. Who usually initiates things? You or him/her? Well, him. I have a shyness problem and I can’t really help it. I like trying to do things but I get a bit uncomfortable and then I act ridiculous and things go all wrong. Sirius is just better suited to that sort of thing. Full stop.
32. How good would you say the sex you have with your boyfriend/girlfriend is? On a scale of 1-10? Okay, cliché be damned. 928485959393485559. And more.
33. What is the first thing that you and your girlfriend/boyfriend do after sex? Well, I usually get all sleepy. I’m a bit pathetic really. Sex takes it out of me and I like to... God, I’m a girl. I like to cuddle. He does too. Isn’t that sad?
34. Do you ever feel uncomfortable being undressed around your boyfriend/girlfriend? If so, why do you think this is the case? A little bit. I can’t really help it. I don’t really look very good naked at all so I find it difficult to be really open about showing off my body. And I don’t want him to be put off by it either.
35. Is either of you shy about sex or have difficulty discussing it? YES. Merlin, yes. I am so shy about talking about and doing anything to do with sex. It’s pathetic but it’s just so embarrassing. Honestly, Sirius just doesn’t get it but sex is... well, sex.
36. If yes, how do you deal with this? By trying and failing rather spectacularly to get over it? Generally, we deal with it by Sirius just taking control of the whole thing and just forcing me not to be shy. It’s good that he’s like that. I mean, for us both.
37. Do you think your boyfriend/girlfriend needs to put on/lose weight? No. Not at all. I know I sound like a broken record but his body is perfect. I’m not even kidding. It is perfection.
38. If you had to change one thing about their body what would you chose? Nothing. I mean, saying I’d change it to make it a little less perfect is a bit silly. I mean, sometimes it makes me feel inadequate but most of the time it makes me incoherent so it’s worth it really.
39. At what time of day do you most often have sex? Is there any particular reason for this? At night? Or early in the morning? It’s not really for a reason, it’s just because it’s convenient in a way. And because we’re in bed. It’s hard to lie in bed with someone that you fancy that much and not want to have sex with them. My body betrays me anyway, whether I want to or not.
40. Describe sex in 5 words. (Stay clean, folks.) Breathtaking, scary, sweaty, sweet, love.
Say it with me: GIRLS.