The Official Cafe Address // July
Sirius: Do... do you really have to do that?
Remus: Has someone nicked my shirt?
James: ... ME!
Remus: ... R-Really?
James: Nah.
Sirius: I repeat... do you have to do that?
Peter: What's he doing, Padfoot?
Sirius: Being so naked while I'm trying to, y'know, breathe and think and stuff. S'very distracting.
Remus: I'M NOT NAKED!
James: HAHAHA. Oh, prudish Moony.
Remus: I... I'm NOT, though!
Peter: Not that I'm looking too closely or anything, but... you are kind of naked.
Sirius: You're naked enough to make my brain go fuzzy. And I can't bloody do anything about it.
Remus: B-But...
Sirius: Just saying.
Peter: So, this isn't awkward in any way...
Remus: I... But... I...
James: Have you stolen his shirt, Pads?
Sirius: No! I mean, not this time. I have before, but I'm completely innocent in this one.
Peter: Maybe the elves picked it up for cleaning?
Remus: I... But...
James: Remus, your face is like a beetroot!
Sirius: James, isn't there somewhere you can take Peter? Like... anywhere but here?
Peter: Oi, what did we do?!
Remus: I NEED MY SHIRT! WILL YOU ALL STOP IT? SIRIUS, BEHAVE! JAMES STOP LAUGHING! PETER... Peter... Never mind. Sirius, I'm borrowing a t-shirt.
Peter: ... Merlin, Moony, maybe you need a cuppa.
Sirius: What shirt? Don't touch my Sex Pistols shirt!
Remus: I'll rip it up if you don't help me be less naked in the next five seconds!
James: Hahaha! I love naked Moony.
Peter: ... uh, what?
Sirius: REMUS, I SWEAR IF YOU- What was that, Prongs?
Remus: ..... *blink*
James: I MEANT BECAUSE HE GETS ALL FLUSTERED. NOT... Shurrup.
Sirius: Right. Kicking your arse later. Anyway, here! Take this shirt, Remus.
Remus: THANK YOU. Thank you. See? S'why I love you. Seriously, thank you.
Sirius: I do believe that's the first time I've actually helped you get less naked.
Peter: You feeling ill, Padfoot?
Sirius: Shut up, Wormy.
James: Definitely a change for the better there.
Sirius: The only reason is because of you two wankers!
Remus: Well, I must say I feel much better. Thanks, Pads. Mmm... yeah.
James: Must you snog over EVERYTHING?! 'Here's your tea, Moony! Mmmmm...' 'Here's your hanky, Sirius... OHHH YEAH.'
Sirius: Mmmmf...
Peter: Oh, Merlin...
Remus: Pads! Pads... Mmm, right! Gerroff! Mmmm...
Sirius: Bloody tease! S'your own fault for tasting so damn good.
Peter: ... weren't we meant to be doing an address or something? It always comes back to obscenity with you two.
Remus: It's... it's not obscene! I... We love each other and...
James: You're such a GIRL!
Sirius: We do love each other, of course, but... well, Moony, it does get a bit obscene sometimes. You're so very difficult to rein in.
Peter: Address? Rockstar Cafe? Lovely Muggles who watch what we do here? Anyone?
Remus: WHY must they watch? Seriously, THAT is what makes it obscene, right there.
James: Exhibitionism. I fully agree.
Sirius: It's not their fault we're so bloody irresistible, is it?
Peter: I give up.
Remus: I'm not... I'm not... It's you with your crazy fetishist attitude! With your constant NEED to...
James: You both sicken me.
Sirius: Actually, I believe that's jealousy you're feeling.
Peter: You all worry me, frankly.
James: Me?! What have I done?
Remus: You LOVE me naked?
James: NO! That's not what I said!
Peter: It's pretty much verbatim, Prongs. Sorry.
James: You know the word 'verbatim'?
Peter: I... Sirius, you said something about arse kicking? I'd like to offer my services.
Sirius: Cheers, good man! You hold him down, I'll kick him!
James: Ha. You women don't frighten me! Don't make me set Moony on you, Padfoot...
Sirius: Would you, please?
Remus: ... down, Sirius.
Sirius: S'not what you said last night...
Remus: ....
James: HAHA! See? Beetroot!
Peter: ... oi.
Remus: ... I want to cry. I don't cry. But you pull me close.
James: Well, Sirius does...
Remus: FOR GOD'S SAKE, EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT SEX!
Sirius: But it should be.
Peter: Can someone stop this ride? I think I'd quite like to get off now...
Sirius: I'd like to get off right now too. Moony?
Remus: ... You didn't pay for your ticket, shut up.
James: Too small for this ride, Padfoot.
Remus: Haha! Good one.
Sirius: I wasn't actually talking about the same getting off as Peter... hey, wait!
Peter: ... see? Obscene.
Remus: Neither was I. But I'm not a prostitute. Obviously. Oh, shut up.
James: You ARE a prostitute.
Sirius: I have never once paid for sex, thank you very much!
Peter: SERIOUSLY, CAN WE FOCUS JUST ONCE?
Remus: Peter, I've never been so glad you're our friend as right now. Well... and that incident with the cheese grater.
James: HAHAHA. Oh, Wormtail.
Peter: I... thought we agreed never to speak of that again.
Sirius: Alright, alright. Peter is quite right. We've a duty here, mates. Let us inform our beloved public about the goings on here at Rockstar Cafe.
Remus: Sirius is a pervert. James is after Lily. Peter is giving up on life. All is as usual, right?
James: And you're naked?
Peter: ... sounds about right to me.
Sirius: And we salute James, who is about to die.
Remus: Has someone nicked my shirt?
James: ... ME!
Remus: ... R-Really?
James: Nah.
Sirius: I repeat... do you have to do that?
Peter: What's he doing, Padfoot?
Sirius: Being so naked while I'm trying to, y'know, breathe and think and stuff. S'very distracting.
Remus: I'M NOT NAKED!
James: HAHAHA. Oh, prudish Moony.
Remus: I... I'm NOT, though!
Peter: Not that I'm looking too closely or anything, but... you are kind of naked.
Sirius: You're naked enough to make my brain go fuzzy. And I can't bloody do anything about it.
Remus: B-But...
Sirius: Just saying.
Peter: So, this isn't awkward in any way...
Remus: I... But... I...
James: Have you stolen his shirt, Pads?
Sirius: No! I mean, not this time. I have before, but I'm completely innocent in this one.
Peter: Maybe the elves picked it up for cleaning?
Remus: I... But...
James: Remus, your face is like a beetroot!
Sirius: James, isn't there somewhere you can take Peter? Like... anywhere but here?
Peter: Oi, what did we do?!
Remus: I NEED MY SHIRT! WILL YOU ALL STOP IT? SIRIUS, BEHAVE! JAMES STOP LAUGHING! PETER... Peter... Never mind. Sirius, I'm borrowing a t-shirt.
Peter: ... Merlin, Moony, maybe you need a cuppa.
Sirius: What shirt? Don't touch my Sex Pistols shirt!
Remus: I'll rip it up if you don't help me be less naked in the next five seconds!
James: Hahaha! I love naked Moony.
Peter: ... uh, what?
Sirius: REMUS, I SWEAR IF YOU- What was that, Prongs?
Remus: ..... *blink*
James: I MEANT BECAUSE HE GETS ALL FLUSTERED. NOT... Shurrup.
Sirius: Right. Kicking your arse later. Anyway, here! Take this shirt, Remus.
Remus: THANK YOU. Thank you. See? S'why I love you. Seriously, thank you.
Sirius: I do believe that's the first time I've actually helped you get less naked.
Peter: You feeling ill, Padfoot?
Sirius: Shut up, Wormy.
James: Definitely a change for the better there.
Sirius: The only reason is because of you two wankers!
Remus: Well, I must say I feel much better. Thanks, Pads. Mmm... yeah.
James: Must you snog over EVERYTHING?! 'Here's your tea, Moony! Mmmmm...' 'Here's your hanky, Sirius... OHHH YEAH.'
Sirius: Mmmmf...
Peter: Oh, Merlin...
Remus: Pads! Pads... Mmm, right! Gerroff! Mmmm...
Sirius: Bloody tease! S'your own fault for tasting so damn good.
Peter: ... weren't we meant to be doing an address or something? It always comes back to obscenity with you two.
Remus: It's... it's not obscene! I... We love each other and...
James: You're such a GIRL!
Sirius: We do love each other, of course, but... well, Moony, it does get a bit obscene sometimes. You're so very difficult to rein in.
Peter: Address? Rockstar Cafe? Lovely Muggles who watch what we do here? Anyone?
Remus: WHY must they watch? Seriously, THAT is what makes it obscene, right there.
James: Exhibitionism. I fully agree.
Sirius: It's not their fault we're so bloody irresistible, is it?
Peter: I give up.
Remus: I'm not... I'm not... It's you with your crazy fetishist attitude! With your constant NEED to...
James: You both sicken me.
Sirius: Actually, I believe that's jealousy you're feeling.
Peter: You all worry me, frankly.
James: Me?! What have I done?
Remus: You LOVE me naked?
James: NO! That's not what I said!
Peter: It's pretty much verbatim, Prongs. Sorry.
James: You know the word 'verbatim'?
Peter: I... Sirius, you said something about arse kicking? I'd like to offer my services.
Sirius: Cheers, good man! You hold him down, I'll kick him!
James: Ha. You women don't frighten me! Don't make me set Moony on you, Padfoot...
Sirius: Would you, please?
Remus: ... down, Sirius.
Sirius: S'not what you said last night...
Remus: ....
James: HAHA! See? Beetroot!
Peter: ... oi.
Remus: ... I want to cry. I don't cry. But you pull me close.
James: Well, Sirius does...
Remus: FOR GOD'S SAKE, EVERYTHING IS NOT ABOUT SEX!
Sirius: But it should be.
Peter: Can someone stop this ride? I think I'd quite like to get off now...
Sirius: I'd like to get off right now too. Moony?
Remus: ... You didn't pay for your ticket, shut up.
James: Too small for this ride, Padfoot.
Remus: Haha! Good one.
Sirius: I wasn't actually talking about the same getting off as Peter... hey, wait!
Peter: ... see? Obscene.
Remus: Neither was I. But I'm not a prostitute. Obviously. Oh, shut up.
James: You ARE a prostitute.
Sirius: I have never once paid for sex, thank you very much!
Peter: SERIOUSLY, CAN WE FOCUS JUST ONCE?
Remus: Peter, I've never been so glad you're our friend as right now. Well... and that incident with the cheese grater.
James: HAHAHA. Oh, Wormtail.
Peter: I... thought we agreed never to speak of that again.
Sirius: Alright, alright. Peter is quite right. We've a duty here, mates. Let us inform our beloved public about the goings on here at Rockstar Cafe.
Remus: Sirius is a pervert. James is after Lily. Peter is giving up on life. All is as usual, right?
James: And you're naked?
Peter: ... sounds about right to me.
Sirius: And we salute James, who is about to die.