I drink. It helps me relax so I can have a full blown 2 minute conversation without feeling like I'm boring, offending, or otherwise makeing others feel uncomfortable. After that first two minutes I have enough confidence to keep it up for a couple of hours.
Yeah, I can imagine. And to be fair, I do drink a little bit, for social lubrication purposes. I didn't drink a drop of alcohol on principle until I was 21, but now when I'm at a party and there's alcohol available I'll take a modicum of it. It helps a little, sometimes, maybe, but not enough.
I really think social competence is something you have to practice. One of those "the more times you talk to someone you don't know, the easier it gets", kind of things. I'm not really sure how true this "theory" is though. I don't have the guts to go up and talk to complete strangers on a regular basis, and so I remain a social moron.
I would say, from my experience...somewhat true. Practice helps, but without confidence, it's as good as useless. Confidence is missing ingredient I think. It's better than it was 5 years ago, but I still have a ways to go.
I think there's also some interesting cultural relativism. Example: back in America, it's the same deal with me...I tend to be really, really, ridiculously awkward at parties, I try not to cling to the 1 person I know there (ie the person who brought me or some such) but I usually end up holing up in the bathroom staring into the mirror and feeling like a total goon. However, while I've been living in Britain, it's been a whole different story. People find me *fascinating* the instant I open my mouth merely because I speak with an American accent. Building upon that gave me enough confidence, not to mention conversation material--"oooh what's America like? Is it like the OC?! Do you have a private jet?!?!" (ok, so the conversation borderlines on absurd...at least it's conversation...)--to actually meet & greet like a champ. Now everyone knows me as "the token American girl" and it's almost easy to socialize. I kind of dread going back to LA, actually, and once again being an inadequate nobody whose not pretty or witty or glamorous
( ... )
Funny you should mention that! My best social experiences in recent memory are from England! People have a different way of socializing there. They actually sort of...listen to you more. And appreciate you more. Even if I'm just imagining this, something was different, and it meant everything.
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I'm not really sure how true this "theory" is though. I don't have the guts to go up and talk to complete strangers on a regular basis, and so I remain a social moron.
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