Don't Stop Me Now - Gossip Girl (Blair/Dan)
Title: Don't Stop Me Now
Author: rogue_fangirl
Rating: Hard R or Soft NC-17
Pairing: Blair/Dan
Word Count 1,367
Spoilers: Up unitl 4.11
Summary: Dan woke up on the first day of 2011 in Blair's bed.
Author's Notes: I might write a sequel to this, but it is 5:30 in the morning and I need to be there for my mom's birthday, so this is all you get for now. You might not get a joke if you know nothing about Queen.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
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Dan woke up on the first day of 2011 in Blair's bed. She was still asleep, but sometime between now and when Dan drifted off she must have washed the makeup off her face. He would have liked to think that she didn't want him to see her with her eyeliner smeared across her face, but figured it has more to do with clogged pores and wrinkle prevention.
His hangover was a lot milder than he expected, but his headache alerted him to his dehydration nearly instantly. He wanted to get a glass of water, but knew that if Blair woke up to find that Dan Humphrey of all people left her after a one night stand-after all, Blair wouldn't let this happen twice-she would probably die instantly of shame.
Even as he lied there in her insanely soft sheets it was hard for him to believe the events of the night before. Blair had looked wistful all night, even as she played the role of dutiful hostess the way only Blair Waldorf could. She had said something about feeling sorry for him when she made the invitations-which were those nice embossed kind people use for weddings-but when the ball dropped Blair was suddenly standing in front of him, appearing glassy-eyed and unsure of herself.
He'd like to say she she initiated the kiss, but he knew that Blair would tell anyone who asked differently-and his New Year's resolution was to quit lying to himself when it came to girls.
When they parted he searched the room for Chuck, figuring that the kiss was some ploy to make the jackass jealous, but only saw bewildered socialites staring back. When he turned back to her, she had disappeared.
Dan was already a bit tipsy at this point in the evening, but he began tossing back Blair's expensive champagne like soda. He recalled one time in high school when he kissed a girl he really liked only to find that his feelings for her left as soon as their lips met. He thought, with pang sharper than he expected, that perhaps something like this happened with Blair, or simply that he had read her completely wrong and had kissed an unwilling woman.
But if she was unwilling, why did she kiss back?
It turned out Blair was entertaining everyone else at the party, as long as they were on opposite ends of the apartment as him, which was as much as he could expect from her. He was wasted when the guests began to leave, but he stayed until everyone had left, hoping to be able to demand answers from Blair re: the meaning of their kiss.
“Shall I call you a cab?” Blair held up her cellphone, and spoke slowly as if he weren't only drunk, but unintelligent.
“What did the kiss mean? I thought you wanted me to kiss you, but then you ignored me all night after that. I mean, I'm sorry if you didn't want me to kiss you, it's just I made this New Year's resolution to-“
“Humphrey.”
“Blair.”
“You're an idiot.”
“Fair enough. Call me a cab.”
She rolled her eyes (he mimicked her unconsciously) and dialed 411. He could faintly hear the ring from the little speaker of the phone and instantly realized he only had until an operator picked up to change his (or her) mind.
So he kissed her. She made a slight squeak of surprised but returned the kiss, shutting the phone closed with one hand. Before he knew it he had her up against a wall, her hand running through his hair making him recall a time earlier that week when she insulted his haircut. He was shamelessly aroused-for which he blamed on the champagne, breaking his New Year's resolution only hours into the new year-yet when pulled away Blair's eye's were lit with the same fire he knew his held. She took his hand, and led him up her stairs while he thanked himself for finding nothing stupid to say for once in his life.
He swallowed long and hard when she opened her bedroom door to reveal her immaculate room. Blair paused as well, perhaps sensing that this was the point of no return.
“Ladies first.”
He held his breath, more than half expecting her to enter the room and close the door in his face, some twisted scheme accomplished, but instead she walked in and removed her shoes before turning around, gesturing at the top of her dress. He woodenly walked over to her and pulled the zipper down, marveling at exposure of her milky white shoulders, the bordeaux corset and the top some matching panties which appeared to be unlined and lacy. Still facing away from him, she stepped out of her dress and placed laid it over a chair.
Oh god, they are unlined, he thought to himself. She turned, smiling devilishly when she caught the look on his face as she strode toward him. She reached for his tie, undoing the knot without taking her eyes off his.
“I have to admit, slim ties look good on you, Humphrey.”
“Mm,” was all he managed to say.
He placed his hands on her tiny waist as she began undoing the buttons of his dress shirt. He chuckled inwardly when she tossed the shirt on the floor, not bothering to give it the same treatment as her couture dress.
“A wife beater, Humphrey?”
“I prefer the term 'tank top'.”
“Can't say I disagree there.”
She pushed him unto her bed, kneeling between his legs to undo his belt buckle and remove his pants. Once they were removed she straddled him, undoing her corset one eyelet at a time, as he laid there, helpless to do anything but watch. When the last eyelet was undone her porcelain breasts burst out of their confines, causing Dan to buck his hips involuntarily.
“You're so beautiful,” he tried not to stutter when he said it, but was not very successful, but she didn't seem to find.
“You're not so bad.” She rolled her eyes while she said it, but he knew she was sincere.
He reached for her chin and brought her face to his, probing her mouth with his tongue while she grinded him.
“Oh god.”
Dan broke out of his reverie into the present. Blair was awake and staring at him in horror.
“I am naked in a bed with Dan Humphrey and his morning wood.”
Dan covered the tent that his nether region was forming in the sheets with his hands, blushing.
“Shit, I should've known this was a bad idea. I'll-I'll find my clothes and try to leave without Darota seeing. And don't worry, I won't tell anyone.”
He got out of the bed quickly, figuring it was a little late for modesty, and collected his clothes as quick as possible before escaping into the adjoining bathroom. He made look as composed as he could in yesterday's outfit and the signature Humphrey bedhead before emerging to find Blair still in bed, a huge smirk on her face.
“I'm sorry for...whatever this was.”
He made for the door but Blair burst into laughter, making him stop, despite his better judgment.
“What?” he felt himself getting angry. “Was this the punchline to some joke I haven't heard?”
“You adore me.”
“Excuse me?”
“Last night really meant something to you, didn't it? Don't deny it; I've seen you look at Serena like that a million times.”
“Ookay, I'm going to leave, if that's all right. This morning's been humiliating enough, thank you.”
“I'll have Darota make an extra quiche for you, Humphrey.”
“I suppose my walk of shame could wait a bit.”
“Please, we both know you'll be high-fiving random strangers all the way back to Brooklyn whist humming 'We are the Champions' by Queen.”
Dan chuckled. “I was planning on singing 'Don't Stop Me Now' in the cab, but your scenario seems just as plausible.”
Dan ducked just in time to avoid being hit by a down pillow.
Not long after Dan followed Blair down her staircase, quickly noting that all evidence of the party was erased by Darota's thorough cleaning. Sitting on a table in the entry room was suspicious looking flower arrangement that screamed 'apology flowers,' even to Dan's untrained eye. When Blair spotted the vase, she froze mid-step.
“Darota!” she called sharply. The maid appeared quickly, Anastasia bouncing on a hip. “What are these?” she demanded.
Darota looked back and fourth between Blair and Dan before reluctantly answering. “Mister Chuck sends his apologies for missing your party.”
Everything was suddenly clear to Dan. The misty eyed kiss at the onset of the new year, the one night stand, they were responses to an ultimatum that Blair must have put fourth and Chuck obviously ignored. The only part he didn't get was why she had chosen him of all people. Sure, they had admitted that they had more in common than they originally believed, and they both had a great time seeing Nénette, even getting coffee afterword like it was a real date that was going well, but Blair once claimed to that she wouldn't sleep with him if they were the last people on earth, and Dan believed her.
Blair stormed over to the arrangement and snatched the adjoining card. Dan held his breath while she read it, fearing both a epiphany of renewed love for Chuck or a more telling rage, proving passionate love or infatuation. Instead, she read the card to herself, and placed the card down on the table, smirking.
“Well, that's the proof I needed. It's always business first for Chuck.”
“I'm sorry, Blair,” Dan said awkwardly.
“Don't be. I'm free now. That man has given me hell for the past three years, and what do I have to show for it? An already wilting flower arrangement and a mountain of regrets? He's not worth it.”
Dan squeezed her had, unsure if the speech was just Blair's signature denial, but if she was lying to herself, at least she was telling herself the right kind of lies.
“Darota, could you please quit staring at us?” The maid immediately preoccupied herself with the baby, in what passes for nonchalant with Darota. Blair continued, “I'm going to freshen up, but Dan and I would like some quiche when I'm done.”
She turned on her heel and walked back up the stairs. Darota eyed Dan suspiciously, causing Dan to feel much like he did around Lily before she married his dad.
“Here, let me take Anastasia while you cook,” Dan finally said. “It gives me a back ache just thinking about you carrying her around all day while you do Blair's bidding.”
Darota passed her daughter over to him, softening her expression. “Thank you Mister Humphrey. Do you like bacon in your quiche?”
Dan leaned the baby against his shoulder. “How does Blair have hers?”
“Spinach, cottage cheese, zucchini. No bacon.”
“That's fine, then, thanks.”
Dan paced the entry room, his hangover replaced with a burst of nervous energy. What am I even doing here? What will our friends say? Can I expect retribution of some kind from Chuck?
The elevator dinged, startling Dan out of his thoughts. He turned as the door opened fearing the arrival of Eleanor, or worse, one of Blair's three dads.
“Surprise! Happy New Year, Blair!” Serena called, bouncing out of the elevator. She stopped dead when she saw Dan and the baby. “Dan! You're here...wearing the same thing you wore last night.”
“Nice to see you too. Wait, how do you know that I wore this last night?”
At that moment Blair came down the stairs, gently squeezing her wet hair with a towel. She froze when she saw Serena.
“Wow, when I saw the Gossip Girl blast of you two kissing at midnight I just assumed you were drunk and lonely, but I didn't expect this.” The hurt was evident in Serena's voice, giving Dan a jolt of guilt.
“Dan slept over because he was too drunk to take the metro home but didn't have the money for a cab. And funny that nobody sent pictures to Gossip Girl of me slapping Dan after that disgusting kiss.”
Dan rolled his eyes. “Okay Blair, that was ridiculous, even for you. And yes, Serena, Blair and I slept together. But when I saw your latest Gossip Girl blast with Ben's tongue down your throat I made a resolution to stop lying to myself about girls.” He turned to Blair. “I guess I still need to work on that.”
He walked past Serena to the elevator and pushed the call button.
“Wait, Dan,” Serena sighed, the self-righteousness gone from her voice. “Ben was a mistake. He's not the same guy who taught me about imagery and metaphors and said no to me so that he wouldn't hurt me. Maybe it was prison, maybe it was the betrayal but now he's just like all the other men who’ve come into my life and took advantage of me. He's just like everyone but you.”
Dan looked from Serena's earnest, hopeful, face, the face of a girl he once adored to the point of worship, to the stoney countenance of a girl who he reviled, who stood for everything he hated, but who he had come to understand.
“Blair? Did you have anything to say to me or Serena?”
“There's no way I could apologize enough, Serena,” there was a ring of falseness to Blair's words, but Dan got the sense that she wanted to mean them. Then, her tone soured. “Get out of my house, Humphrey.”
The elevator doors opened at that moment. Without looking at either woman, Dan stepped into the elevator and pushed the button for the lobby. As the elevator doors slid shut he had the overwhelming feeling that he was turning the final page of a chapter in the book of his life.
Author: rogue_fangirl
Rating: Hard R or Soft NC-17
Pairing: Blair/Dan
Word Count 1,367
Spoilers: Up unitl 4.11
Summary: Dan woke up on the first day of 2011 in Blair's bed.
Author's Notes: I might write a sequel to this, but it is 5:30 in the morning and I need to be there for my mom's birthday, so this is all you get for now. You might not get a joke if you know nothing about Queen.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
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Dan woke up on the first day of 2011 in Blair's bed. She was still asleep, but sometime between now and when Dan drifted off she must have washed the makeup off her face. He would have liked to think that she didn't want him to see her with her eyeliner smeared across her face, but figured it has more to do with clogged pores and wrinkle prevention.
His hangover was a lot milder than he expected, but his headache alerted him to his dehydration nearly instantly. He wanted to get a glass of water, but knew that if Blair woke up to find that Dan Humphrey of all people left her after a one night stand-after all, Blair wouldn't let this happen twice-she would probably die instantly of shame.
Even as he lied there in her insanely soft sheets it was hard for him to believe the events of the night before. Blair had looked wistful all night, even as she played the role of dutiful hostess the way only Blair Waldorf could. She had said something about feeling sorry for him when she made the invitations-which were those nice embossed kind people use for weddings-but when the ball dropped Blair was suddenly standing in front of him, appearing glassy-eyed and unsure of herself.
He'd like to say she she initiated the kiss, but he knew that Blair would tell anyone who asked differently-and his New Year's resolution was to quit lying to himself when it came to girls.
When they parted he searched the room for Chuck, figuring that the kiss was some ploy to make the jackass jealous, but only saw bewildered socialites staring back. When he turned back to her, she had disappeared.
Dan was already a bit tipsy at this point in the evening, but he began tossing back Blair's expensive champagne like soda. He recalled one time in high school when he kissed a girl he really liked only to find that his feelings for her left as soon as their lips met. He thought, with pang sharper than he expected, that perhaps something like this happened with Blair, or simply that he had read her completely wrong and had kissed an unwilling woman.
But if she was unwilling, why did she kiss back?
It turned out Blair was entertaining everyone else at the party, as long as they were on opposite ends of the apartment as him, which was as much as he could expect from her. He was wasted when the guests began to leave, but he stayed until everyone had left, hoping to be able to demand answers from Blair re: the meaning of their kiss.
“Shall I call you a cab?” Blair held up her cellphone, and spoke slowly as if he weren't only drunk, but unintelligent.
“What did the kiss mean? I thought you wanted me to kiss you, but then you ignored me all night after that. I mean, I'm sorry if you didn't want me to kiss you, it's just I made this New Year's resolution to-“
“Humphrey.”
“Blair.”
“You're an idiot.”
“Fair enough. Call me a cab.”
She rolled her eyes (he mimicked her unconsciously) and dialed 411. He could faintly hear the ring from the little speaker of the phone and instantly realized he only had until an operator picked up to change his (or her) mind.
So he kissed her. She made a slight squeak of surprised but returned the kiss, shutting the phone closed with one hand. Before he knew it he had her up against a wall, her hand running through his hair making him recall a time earlier that week when she insulted his haircut. He was shamelessly aroused-for which he blamed on the champagne, breaking his New Year's resolution only hours into the new year-yet when pulled away Blair's eye's were lit with the same fire he knew his held. She took his hand, and led him up her stairs while he thanked himself for finding nothing stupid to say for once in his life.
He swallowed long and hard when she opened her bedroom door to reveal her immaculate room. Blair paused as well, perhaps sensing that this was the point of no return.
“Ladies first.”
He held his breath, more than half expecting her to enter the room and close the door in his face, some twisted scheme accomplished, but instead she walked in and removed her shoes before turning around, gesturing at the top of her dress. He woodenly walked over to her and pulled the zipper down, marveling at exposure of her milky white shoulders, the bordeaux corset and the top some matching panties which appeared to be unlined and lacy. Still facing away from him, she stepped out of her dress and placed laid it over a chair.
Oh god, they are unlined, he thought to himself. She turned, smiling devilishly when she caught the look on his face as she strode toward him. She reached for his tie, undoing the knot without taking her eyes off his.
“I have to admit, slim ties look good on you, Humphrey.”
“Mm,” was all he managed to say.
He placed his hands on her tiny waist as she began undoing the buttons of his dress shirt. He chuckled inwardly when she tossed the shirt on the floor, not bothering to give it the same treatment as her couture dress.
“A wife beater, Humphrey?”
“I prefer the term 'tank top'.”
“Can't say I disagree there.”
She pushed him unto her bed, kneeling between his legs to undo his belt buckle and remove his pants. Once they were removed she straddled him, undoing her corset one eyelet at a time, as he laid there, helpless to do anything but watch. When the last eyelet was undone her porcelain breasts burst out of their confines, causing Dan to buck his hips involuntarily.
“You're so beautiful,” he tried not to stutter when he said it, but was not very successful, but she didn't seem to find.
“You're not so bad.” She rolled her eyes while she said it, but he knew she was sincere.
He reached for her chin and brought her face to his, probing her mouth with his tongue while she grinded him.
“Oh god.”
Dan broke out of his reverie into the present. Blair was awake and staring at him in horror.
“I am naked in a bed with Dan Humphrey and his morning wood.”
Dan covered the tent that his nether region was forming in the sheets with his hands, blushing.
“Shit, I should've known this was a bad idea. I'll-I'll find my clothes and try to leave without Darota seeing. And don't worry, I won't tell anyone.”
He got out of the bed quickly, figuring it was a little late for modesty, and collected his clothes as quick as possible before escaping into the adjoining bathroom. He made look as composed as he could in yesterday's outfit and the signature Humphrey bedhead before emerging to find Blair still in bed, a huge smirk on her face.
“I'm sorry for...whatever this was.”
He made for the door but Blair burst into laughter, making him stop, despite his better judgment.
“What?” he felt himself getting angry. “Was this the punchline to some joke I haven't heard?”
“You adore me.”
“Excuse me?”
“Last night really meant something to you, didn't it? Don't deny it; I've seen you look at Serena like that a million times.”
“Ookay, I'm going to leave, if that's all right. This morning's been humiliating enough, thank you.”
“I'll have Darota make an extra quiche for you, Humphrey.”
“I suppose my walk of shame could wait a bit.”
“Please, we both know you'll be high-fiving random strangers all the way back to Brooklyn whist humming 'We are the Champions' by Queen.”
Dan chuckled. “I was planning on singing 'Don't Stop Me Now' in the cab, but your scenario seems just as plausible.”
Dan ducked just in time to avoid being hit by a down pillow.
Not long after Dan followed Blair down her staircase, quickly noting that all evidence of the party was erased by Darota's thorough cleaning. Sitting on a table in the entry room was suspicious looking flower arrangement that screamed 'apology flowers,' even to Dan's untrained eye. When Blair spotted the vase, she froze mid-step.
“Darota!” she called sharply. The maid appeared quickly, Anastasia bouncing on a hip. “What are these?” she demanded.
Darota looked back and fourth between Blair and Dan before reluctantly answering. “Mister Chuck sends his apologies for missing your party.”
Everything was suddenly clear to Dan. The misty eyed kiss at the onset of the new year, the one night stand, they were responses to an ultimatum that Blair must have put fourth and Chuck obviously ignored. The only part he didn't get was why she had chosen him of all people. Sure, they had admitted that they had more in common than they originally believed, and they both had a great time seeing Nénette, even getting coffee afterword like it was a real date that was going well, but Blair once claimed to that she wouldn't sleep with him if they were the last people on earth, and Dan believed her.
Blair stormed over to the arrangement and snatched the adjoining card. Dan held his breath while she read it, fearing both a epiphany of renewed love for Chuck or a more telling rage, proving passionate love or infatuation. Instead, she read the card to herself, and placed the card down on the table, smirking.
“Well, that's the proof I needed. It's always business first for Chuck.”
“I'm sorry, Blair,” Dan said awkwardly.
“Don't be. I'm free now. That man has given me hell for the past three years, and what do I have to show for it? An already wilting flower arrangement and a mountain of regrets? He's not worth it.”
Dan squeezed her had, unsure if the speech was just Blair's signature denial, but if she was lying to herself, at least she was telling herself the right kind of lies.
“Darota, could you please quit staring at us?” The maid immediately preoccupied herself with the baby, in what passes for nonchalant with Darota. Blair continued, “I'm going to freshen up, but Dan and I would like some quiche when I'm done.”
She turned on her heel and walked back up the stairs. Darota eyed Dan suspiciously, causing Dan to feel much like he did around Lily before she married his dad.
“Here, let me take Anastasia while you cook,” Dan finally said. “It gives me a back ache just thinking about you carrying her around all day while you do Blair's bidding.”
Darota passed her daughter over to him, softening her expression. “Thank you Mister Humphrey. Do you like bacon in your quiche?”
Dan leaned the baby against his shoulder. “How does Blair have hers?”
“Spinach, cottage cheese, zucchini. No bacon.”
“That's fine, then, thanks.”
Dan paced the entry room, his hangover replaced with a burst of nervous energy. What am I even doing here? What will our friends say? Can I expect retribution of some kind from Chuck?
The elevator dinged, startling Dan out of his thoughts. He turned as the door opened fearing the arrival of Eleanor, or worse, one of Blair's three dads.
“Surprise! Happy New Year, Blair!” Serena called, bouncing out of the elevator. She stopped dead when she saw Dan and the baby. “Dan! You're here...wearing the same thing you wore last night.”
“Nice to see you too. Wait, how do you know that I wore this last night?”
At that moment Blair came down the stairs, gently squeezing her wet hair with a towel. She froze when she saw Serena.
“Wow, when I saw the Gossip Girl blast of you two kissing at midnight I just assumed you were drunk and lonely, but I didn't expect this.” The hurt was evident in Serena's voice, giving Dan a jolt of guilt.
“Dan slept over because he was too drunk to take the metro home but didn't have the money for a cab. And funny that nobody sent pictures to Gossip Girl of me slapping Dan after that disgusting kiss.”
Dan rolled his eyes. “Okay Blair, that was ridiculous, even for you. And yes, Serena, Blair and I slept together. But when I saw your latest Gossip Girl blast with Ben's tongue down your throat I made a resolution to stop lying to myself about girls.” He turned to Blair. “I guess I still need to work on that.”
He walked past Serena to the elevator and pushed the call button.
“Wait, Dan,” Serena sighed, the self-righteousness gone from her voice. “Ben was a mistake. He's not the same guy who taught me about imagery and metaphors and said no to me so that he wouldn't hurt me. Maybe it was prison, maybe it was the betrayal but now he's just like all the other men who’ve come into my life and took advantage of me. He's just like everyone but you.”
Dan looked from Serena's earnest, hopeful, face, the face of a girl he once adored to the point of worship, to the stoney countenance of a girl who he reviled, who stood for everything he hated, but who he had come to understand.
“Blair? Did you have anything to say to me or Serena?”
“There's no way I could apologize enough, Serena,” there was a ring of falseness to Blair's words, but Dan got the sense that she wanted to mean them. Then, her tone soured. “Get out of my house, Humphrey.”
The elevator doors opened at that moment. Without looking at either woman, Dan stepped into the elevator and pushed the button for the lobby. As the elevator doors slid shut he had the overwhelming feeling that he was turning the final page of a chapter in the book of his life.